Final Heaven
by Final Heaven Zero
Summary: When James Potters life turns upside down, he leaves his old life behind, including Lily Evans. Caught between her hate and curiosity of him, she can't help but care for him. Ignored, will she find a way to get back his love that radiated towards her? LJ
1. Final Heaven

**Disclaimer: I actually DO own this story, but not the things you recognize (characters, Hogwarts, HP stuff, etc.). They belong to the brilliant JK Rowling, of course. The plot and my custom-made characters are mine.**

**If you want to post this story someplace else for whatever reason, please contact me first.**

This would be the last time Lily Evans would take the train ride to Hogwarts, a place that felt like a home to her. Nothing is going to ruin this year she promised herself. She would make it one worth remembering.

Smiling, she walked off with a polished "Head Girl" badge in search of her friend's to spend the train ride with, at least until the Prefect meeting. Nothing bothered her, not Petunia, NEWTs, who the Head Boy is, or even the new Dark threat that seemed to be lurking in the shadows in the future.

Few minutes later she found what she was looking for. She sat down next to her closest friends, people she would trust her life with, girls that were sisters to her.

"Hey ladies, Kim, Rachel, Ashley!" exclaimed Lily as she opened the compartment doors and slid her way through and sat down.

"Hey how are you, Lils!"

"How was your summer?"

"What the hell is that? Doesn't look like a Prefect Bad--…HEAD GIRL!?"

With a proud laugh, Lily began explaining how she received the letter, how her parents were happy for her and how she would even get her own Dorm but would be forced to share with the Head Boy.

"Who cares, as long as it's not a Slytherin. What if he's cute? Mmmm… your so lucky, Lily!" said Kim as she ran her hands through her shoulder length brown hair, tucking strands behind her ear.

All summer, ever since she received her badge, Lily had not once even cared about who the Head Boy would be, but Lily now felt scared. What if Kim was right? What if it IS a Slytherin? Or any other horrible guy out there. Her thoughts instantly flew towards that messy haired devil. _James Potter_.

For a split second Lily's smiled transformed into a frown as she pondered this scary thought. Lily chuckled in her head at the very thought. Impossible. He didn't even get Prefect! Ha! The odds of him getting Head Boy were worse than Lily actually falling for him.

Without another thought of it, she continued her conversation with her friends.

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After what must have been a few hours of exchanging stories of summer, gossip and boy-news the lady with the food cart came in and they all bought food and helped themselves to it.

Minutes later, footsteps echoed outside their compartment door.

"I knew we couldn't stay in that compartment!" said a frustrated voice, with a hint of amusement.

"Meh, it was great while it lasted." answered back another voice.

"True." replied the first person.

"Sorry about that guys, I didn't know they wouldn't allow me to bring other students into there." said a familiar voice she knew all too well. It was calm, soothing and even mature.

That voice…

Lily knew damn well who that was, but she couldn't hide a confused look on her face.

Since when did HE become sorry for anything? But Lily was also bothered by the tone of his voice. He cared about the rules? He left the place they were forbidden willingly? Without retaliating?

Strange indeed.

"Fuck it, let's find an empty compartment. I'm sick of those damn girls' stalking us."

"Hear, hear mate. You know, one of them said to me, 'please stay in this compartment for the trip, I'll do anything!'"

"I'll suck your dick! Come on!" added another voice jokingly and laughter seemed to erupt through the hallway as doors were opened and closed.

Lily picked up another chocolate frog and it was halfway into her mouth when the compartment door flew open. And she found herself looking at none other then,

_James Potter and Co._

It didn't come as a surprise as Lily already knew those voices. She merely took a bite of her chocolate frog and instantly tasted the sweetness on her lips. But at the same time, she looked up and saw him. She inspected his features. Something is wrong. For one, he was not laughing. He did not even have a smile on his lips while his three friends were still laughing their hearts and lungs out. He seemed calm and relaxed. But his eyes betrayed him.

She could see hatred, anger and concern simultaneously swirl in his eyes. Something was definitely wrong with the cocky, arrogant, bullying James Potter. There was no curl of his lips that formed his trademark confident smirk. In fact, his hair seemed tidier than ever before, as far as she could remember.

He merely seemed bored and somewhat depressed. Lily never bothered looking him in the eye. Who can blame her, she never cared about him.

James merely peaked inside, turned his head so he could figure out who was inside.

Lily knew she would not like Potter ruin her last year here. Not now, not ever. Lily evens knew from experience that it was always better to stop him and prevent his constant questions of 'Will you go out with me' or the occasional 'Hey Lily-flower!'

Not allowing his expression or the fact that he may be having a bad day ruin _her _day, she began chewing quickly, and was about to say, "What the fuck do you want Potter?!"

But before she could even utter 'what' out of her lips, James had already slammed the door shut and walked away. The metallic door crushed the frame as it collided securely into place loudly. Their footsteps echoing farther away and the unmistakable sound of another compartment door sliding open. The Marauders were probably checking the next compartment.

Ashley was the first to speak, and she voiced Lily's exact thoughts.

"What in Merlin's Beard just happened?"

"What do you mean?" Lily lied quickly, hoping her tone of concern did not give her away. She was sick of the 'Potter Conversations' her friends always had, even though her friends did not like him or his group either.

"He didn't even say anything to you Lily, hell, he didn't say anything AT ALL!" Kim spoke up, voicing the group of females in the rooms exact thoughts. The three girls all nodded in agreement.

Lily Evans only frowned in response. They were right. They usually were, in fact they were way better with boys than Lily who only had boys as friends and never dated any. Always keeping her friends and academics one notch higher in priority then them.

Where was the question he was almost _required_ to say to her? How come his features seemed so depress? Surely, he has the perfect life? The whole school seemed to think he does. Rich. Handsome. Popular. Intelligent. What else could any hormone driven male desire more?

But the thing that bothered her most was his eyes. Though she never looked him in the eye, she would bet everything that he never looked like that.

Lily sat for over an hour pondering her thoughts as her friends ignored it and continued talking.

And for once in her life, Lily Evans became curious of James Potter.

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"Oh my, it's almost time of the Prefect meeting and I haven't even changed." Said Lily as she remembered.

"Just change here, Lils. Wait, where is your trunk?" questioned Rachel with worried blue eyes that seemed to resemble the ocean.

"Oh yeah, I left it at the Head Compartment. Well, I better get going, see you guys at the feast."

They said their goodbyes as Lily walked to the front of the train and came face to face with a door that clearly had "Head's Compartment" written on it in bright gold yellow.

She slid the door open casually, walking in and turning around to close the door but as soon as she turned around to face the interior of the room, she noticed something.

There was someone inside already. _The Head Boy._

He was well-built, just the way Lily would love in a man. He was not too muscular but then again, not too weak. His shoulders lean, his biceps well defined, flexing even as he simply reached down to the chair for his shirt which had the rest of his clothes on it along with a 'Head Boy' badge. His pants hung a few inches below his waist, revealing his baby blue boxers which hung slightly sideways, one side raised higher on his waist than the other side.

The mysterious stranger had his back to Lily. She almost gave a small gasp as she walked into here on someone without a shirt on. It was eye-candy to her, she couldn't help herself but glance at the stud up and down, absorbing in every feature. Half-wishing she walked in earlier, than maybe she could have caught him with his pants down.

Literally.

She could see herself having erotic dreams about this tonight, and maybe nights to come after.

He turned around and finally noticed her after the door rammed into the edge, unable to close itself any farther than the limit. Causing a rather small crash which sent the noise ringing through his ears.

"Hey there, Evans. How are you? Congratulations on Head Girl, by the way." a non-surprised James Potter casually said to her with a small, forced smile that Lily knew he was faking. Why was he faking it?

If Lily thought the view from the back was great, she was in for a surprise. His body seemed to be sculpted and chiseled to perfection. Worthy of a models physique. His stomach noticeably defined which gave the expression that he was able to take some hits and still fight back.

Tan and toned anyone?

"Evans? …Lily Evans?" he asked once more. Attempting to get her attention that eluded him.

And Lily instantly thought hated herself for a split second for hating a guy with a body like this. Imagining if they got along well…

At least they would be working together for the rest of the year and even share a dorm with a guy that had a body like this…

_WAIT!_

This is _James Potter!_ _The _James Potter. Mentally slapping herself and shaking her head physically for thinking of such of thing, let alone the possibility of it she began racking through her brain trying to say something to break the silence.

_'What had he said earlier? A greeting or something?'_

"My face is up here." He said with a sad frown.

"Whaa- Oh, of course, I was-. Well…just going to... Change, yeah. Almost there. And stuff." Said a perplexed Lily as she attempted to collect herself while feeling her face redden dramatically.

"Sure, just let me out so you can get ready for the Meeting." As he finally pulled that shirt that he held in his hand during that awkward silence over his head and grabbed his robes. He pocketed his badge so he could pin it to his chest later.

Lily still remain silent but gave a sigh of disappointment after he was dressed and covered, so James decided to speak up again.

"Erm, Evans, your blocking the door. Excuse me."

With a jump of surprise and shock she jumped back into the hallway so he could exit. Lily watched him leave, the robe he held, draped in his arms were swung around his shoulders, appearing almost like a cape before he pulled it on one arm then the other.

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Lily could not even get dressed without thinking about him. He was certainly being strange. She had even half-heartedly for a few seconds hoped, prayed and wished with all her might that he would ask her out. Knowing she would reject him on the spot without any further hesitation. No success though.

Now that she thought about it, he hadn't asked her out yet, sure it's only been a few hours but he had so many opportunities to. Why hasn't he? And the look in his eyes had not changed since he walked into Lily and her friend's compartment hours ago.

Sighing at her own stupid, pointless and meaningless thoughts of a silly boy, she glanced down at her watch.

_LATE!_

Lily Evans, the perfect student, late to an appointment? 10 minutes late for the Prefect Meeting! Damn, why did she have to sit there staring at his trunk as if he would appear out of it giving her answers for so long!

Dashing out through the doors and down the hallway, she flew by many younger students without pardoning herself. Simply, giving the excuse,

"Head Girl coming through!"

and

"Head Girl duties, watch out!"

When she reached her objective she stared at it for a few seconds. Late to the first duty of the Head's! Hoping they don't make a big deal out of it, Lily mustered the courage of Gryffindor in her…

Slowly, she pulled back the handles which revealed all the Prefects from every house sitting down and a raven haired boy standing up in the center of the room with a look of authority as he was giving them instructions. Walking into the meeting after the instructions

"That's all there is to it then. Remember, 4 rules I have. Stay safe, stand up for what you believe in, protect those who are in need… and always have fun." He managed to get out the last line after a short hesitation. But the look on his face didn't have a smile or that stupid arrogant grin, he most definitely wasn't even having fun himself…

After he was done everyone turned their heads to look at Lily. Some appeared bored, some seemed merely disappointed in the Head Girl for being late, and some were still amazed at how well James Potter did by himself.

But Lily could care less about what they think, she glanced over at James expression, the only thing she seemed to worry about. He wore a face that were different from everyone elses. He just merely didn't care that she was late.

The James Potter she knew would of cracked a joke about her tardiness, made everyone laugh, flash a toothy grin and then proceed to ask her out to "make up" for it.

Without a smile or acknowledging her, he continued.

"Alright, I know how you all want to be with your friends, so you're all free to go."

The Prefects quickly walked out in single file. Filtering out past the narrow doorway leaving James and Lily alone in the room for the second time in the past hour. Their relationship in the past shown that she could barely stand to be in the same room as him, but here she was, watching his every move. Even waiting for him to speak to her...

She stood inside watching his every move without a single thought.

He gracefully piled all the paperwork and items back into his bag and began to make for the door as well. Lily was too quick for him and she walked in front of him.

"Sorry-" Lily said lamely, the only way she could communicate how bad she felt, with severe disappointment in herself for allowing him to do all the work.

"No problem, it's not the end of the world." She suddenly felt the comfort rush through her body in waves, an odd fuzzy feeling tingled her, as if he was okay with it, then she would be. The words of comfort echoed through her mind for a few more seconds until she forced herself to say what had bothered her today. Maybe he wasn't such an ass anyway…or he's changed. Or both?

He began to make his way to the door and already had his back to her when she cried out,

"Wait!"

James spun his head around on the spot as he peaked over his shoulders with a confused look on his face, his eyes showed a desire of nothing but to be left alone, to find some peace by himself.

"Potter…what's wrong?"

"What makes you think that? Everything is fine." And with another one of those fake smiles he seemed to be putting on for show. He made his way down the train to be alone. Probably the Head's Compartment she thought. She had so much more she wanted to say…

Lily sat down on the chair that was meant for James in the meeting and started debating with herself. She could go to the room and confront him, but he would no doubt run away again. In the end, she decided against it and chose that it is wiser to leave him be. It's only been one day, not even half the day; he'll change back to how he was. He is probably just hungry or tired, yeah, that's it!

With some luck, he would transform back into the James she knew and hated 6 years running nonstop. Hell, maybe he would even ask her out after a good night's sleep! In which she already planned a way to reject him. Without another worrying thought swimming in her mind, she got off the train and made her way to the carriages. She found the Head carriage, half-wanting him to be inside, the other half not wanting him to be.

Lily Evans stretched her arms forward, gripped the silver handles that held the doors shut and pulled back on the mahogany wood door panels revealing…

**Harry Potter**…sike lol

Guess we'll have to wait till next chp to find out who or whats inside, if anything.

**Flames are WELCOMED, I even encourage it.**

**But any review is welcomed.**

**This will be updated in a few days when I find time as it is my last summer before graduating, and I've been spending literally every hour with friends. And with just 2 weeks left, I've decided to stay up late, wake up early to make my summer longer lol**

**If you enjoyed this so far, feel free to put this on alert and etc.**


	2. Eternal Eyes Betrayed

**_I wrote this story because:_**

**A. I was bored**

**B. I like to write**

**C. Ran out of good FFs to read**

**D. All off the above**

Empty? 'Great, just my luck…'

Knowing deep down she would have annoyed the hell out of him with questions and strange questioning looks, she considered herself somewhat lucky. It would have most definitely been uncomfortable being in there with him for the duration of the trip.

Thinking back of last year when she most recently rejected him. On the last day of term, when everyone was packing James made his way towards her in the common room and huskily whispered in her ear,

"_3 months until we see each other again Lily-flower, unless you want to be together during that time in which I will have to say y-" as he stopped abruptly as Lily with all her might and hate, slapped him hard against his cheek, leaving only redness behind in her wake. Adding insult to injury, she then began confessing her never-dying loathing of him before grabbing her things and turning her back on him and walking away… _

Luckily for him, only the Marauders were there, and even seconds after, he seemed to regain himself. He had been trained for the past 6 years in _'How to Handle Rejection from Lily Evans.' _after all.

Looking around, Lily finally noticed a trunk and book lying on top of it that did not belong to her. In a moment, she realized it must be Potter's. Having never snooped around in other people's things, she decided it was best for both of them if she did not start now.

Staring at his trunk containing his possessions for half the trip. She kept herself occupied by reading the name that was imprinted on the top, just above the handles, _"James Potter,"_ over and over again. After awhile Lily opened her mouth and feeling stupid, but confident she was alone. She whispered his name silently,

"James…"

Mesmerized with the name but knowing she was unheard, she suddenly felt a silly. Why the hell did she just say his name to _herself? _Unable to hide the way his name simply rolled off her tongues and lips. The smoothness of it, to be honest with herself, it was easier and way better to call him by his first name than his last him.

If memory served her right, she never called him James before anyway. It was always his surname that she connected to her hatred of him which now seemed to be replaced with curiosity.

Reading the same two words over and over again, especially when it was none other than your self-proclaimed nemesis is not good for your health. With that thought, she tore her gaze away from the rectangular box and glanced at the book.

"_Quidditch Through the Ages"_

Without a doubt it is James most favorite book. It was torn, ripped and just plain worn out. The cover which contained the title faded so badly only half the words were visible and Lily had to decipher the words with guesses and after opening it.

It must have been read 100s of times. Even Lily Evans, the reading addict had not read a book as often as this one in which it would be literally falling apart.

Potter could probably recite this book word for word backwards.

Letting out a small giggle, she smiled at her own joke before flipping through the pages and reading even though she never was into sports. She didn't bother watching football **(A/N soccer for us Americans lol**), basketball or anything in the muggle world, let alone the wizarding world.

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The carriage ride stopped and Lily carefully placed Potter's book back on top of his trunk, being sure she set it up so it was in the exact same way as she found it.

Leaving, she felt the need to find _him._

With only 2 goals in her mind, getting to the feast for the sorting and at least, taking glance at James Potter to make sure he was okay; she made her way down the rows of carriages that had stopped.

After a few minutes, many questions from 2nd years who never took the carriage ride before and pointing them in the direction of the entrance towards the Great Hall, she saw him exit one of the carriages that had come to an abrupt halt long ago in the front.

Though they were far from each other, she managed to make out his appearance.

He seemed untidy; it was only hours ago that she saw him dress and he seemed perfectly clothed for the Prefect Meeting. Now, his shirt's top 3 buttons were undone, his tie's tight hold around his neck slackened and loose around him, and his glasses slightly askew.

The most amusing thing Lily managed to discover was his hair, though messy as always, it was even more off-balanced, it spiked and angled in the oddest positions, sideways and diagonally. Giving the impression that many girls took to as _'let-me-run-my-hands-through-that-hair-and-play-with-it.'_

Fully expecting him to run his hands through it to make it even worse, if that was even possible.

He unsuspectingly raised both hands and stomped down on his hair, in a vain attempt to control and fix it. After 10 seconds, James gave up and began fixing his clothes to make himself more presentable when he would be greeted as Head Boy after the feast.

Lily's eyes widened in shock, what the fuck? She thought she knew him, she thought she knew how he loved his hair wild and untamable, now he was doing the exact opposite.

Thinking back of all his actions today, he did seem to be changed. No, not changed…_Opposite _of everything he was…

Then it came to her, James was with another girl in there? Yes, of course that made sense, that would explain his shirt being undone, hair and tie appearing wild. Suddenly, she gave a small frown, James never dated another girl, because he was too preoccupied chasing Lily Evans all these years, at least not any she knew of anyway. Turning her frown in a glare, she aimed it at the door, daring some slut to exit out. After a few minutes, it appeared empty after all…

He walked towards the front of the carriage and stared at where the thestrals that pulled the vehicles would be. He reached a hand over and patted the thin air. Stroking them for awhile, Lily watched him intently, mesmerized again by his actions. He was not being himself. Any other day, James would have ran towards the Great Hall, towards the succulent smell of food and his friends.

"Hey!" his voice rang out through other excited voices but she somehow managed to catch it in her ears which went unnoticed by others.

Lily looked at his face more intensely; he seemed to be getting closer. Perhaps he is looking for his friends and group of marauders.

She rotated her body halfway and glanced behind her_. No one_, there were students making their way to the hall talking but most of these were all empty carriages as they had arrived over 10 minutes ago and most students in them had left for the Great Hall hungry.

Before she could think of a response better than her usual, prepared line of _"What do you want, Potter?" _in that annoyed voice of hers with a side-order of a glare, but he was too quick for her.

"Ready to go?"

"Whaaaa-? Where?" she replied confused. If he was asking her out to a date, then he already knew the answer. Besides, where is there to go to? They just arrived at school for Merlin's sake!

"Sorting."

Of course! How could she forget all of a sudden? Without another thought she simply answered back,

"Yeah, let's go. I don't want to be late, _again._" And with that Potter gave a small chuckle. She turned her head to look at him as they continued walking.

It was a different laugh; in his eyes he revealed sadness again. Betrayed by his eyes once more. But the laugh wasn't a taunting one, not making fun of her for being late, not even slightly mad or disappointed but at the same time, not totally amused either.

She took it as a good sign. At least he was not mad at her…


	3. The Calming Hands Are Nowhere Near

**As always, any review is welcomed, Flames even! I don't care to be honest.**

**But Constructive is always my fav as it helps me write better for you guys.  
Thx to all my reviewers, I do read all reviews and if I find some time, I will reply back on all of them )**

Shoulder to shoulder, the odd pair surprisingly captured no attention. The school had always known about their relationship. One liked the other, the other hated the other. That's how it has always worked out, one-sided relationship and conversations. Both of them, never taking the view of each other, but standing for what they believed in about the other. Evans would never absorb the confessions of love and his compliments towards her while Potter never fully took in how much she despised him.

A never ending circle in full rotation of hate and love, _all day, every day._

Now they were walking side by side, not arguing, but not communicating either. Both amazed at how odd it seemed but that no one in the school stared at them as they made their way down.

Lily found a seat by her friends and sat down, though few seats away from them so she could be alone and have some free space around a few feet around her. Hoping Potter would sit down as there was no around the other nearby seats and talk to her about his problems over the meal. She wanted, no… _needed _answers to his bizarre behavior.

James Potter continued his stroll, and found a spot on the far side of the Gryffindor bench with his closest friends. Extremely far away, she hid her disappointment and reminded herself that sharing a dorm, bathroom and common room with him will give them plenty of opportunities to discuss things over.

She continued to gaze at him until he sat down and knew he was not going to come back after he just settled in comfortable. Surely, he wasn't as stupid as this? The hint was not that vague and Lily was sure even the dumbest of students would have recognized it…Sighing in defeat, she shifted down the row and sat next to her friends who watched her curiously.

"Did I just see what I thought I saw? Did _the _Lily Evans just hope James Potter would sit down next to her for dinner?" Rachel piped up in a mock dramatic voice.

Gasps escaped the girls' lips except Lily who merely glared at her friends.

"And did she just sigh when Potter walked away from her?" Kim finished for her friend.

"I don't like him! Never have, never will." Lily honestly replied but then added, "It's just that, he's been acting so weird, well, you guys saw him today. Remember when he busted into our compartment! He seems so sad." as an afterthought as her friends did not seem completely convinced with her sentence.

"Alright! Fine! Stop looking at us like that." Cried Ashley, "That glare is suppose to be reserved for Potter!"

Looking around in his direction, she found him and saw that he was not eating. He didn't have anything on his plate. Usually he would have piled a mountain as Sirius was doing at the moment. Even Remus' hunger seemed to be extended today for the feast. James sat with one hand on his chin, resting his elbows on the table; he stared down at his own, clean, empty plate. Every now and then, his friends would attempt to offer him something.

Remus even snatched a plate full of juicy and delicious Prime Ribs from a 4th year's hand before he was able to take any himself, and saw him moving his mouth saying something with desperation and lost hope on his face. Remus was always the kind one, helping people out but taking a plate from another student before they got any and throwing it in front of James face made the situation that much more desperate. Sighing in defeat, he half-tossed, half-handed the plate back to the 4th year and began devouring his own plate.

Sirius even attempted a move to get something into Jame's stomach. Sirius reached over and grabbed the pitcher of pumpkin juice and signaled to Peter to grab the meat loaf. Peter stabbed his fork into a piece and threw it on James plate while quickly grabbing his knife and cutting a piece as Sirius dumped the juice over Jame's head. Expecting James to open his mouth in protest, Peter shoved a piece into his mouth. Unfortunately, James remained motionless, even as pumpkin juice ran down his hair to his face.

In one quick, fluid motion, Potter guided his free hand towards his robes and pulled out his wand with a flick, the juice was vanished along with the meat loaf on his plate, leaving it spotless. Sirius mouthed something angrily at James but Lily could not hear what he was saying.

With an exasperated look they all shook their heads and began enjoying the feast, talking to themselves while occasionally throwing a few words at Potter, trying to get his attention.

She turned her gaze towards the Headmaster. Dumbledore, though old, was considered by many to be a living legend. He immediately felt the sensation of someone watching him and turned his head and stared at Lily with those piercing blue eyes before flashing her a quick smile and turning back to Professor McGonagall on his right in a heavy conversation.

Another thought of that raven haired boy flashed past her mind. Why did Dumbledore choose James for Head Boy, he was not even a Prefect! And considering he broke rules all day, every day, how is he going to defend and uphold those very rules he breaks? Many had labeled Dumbledore as a _'mad genius' _but surely, this is going too far? Some have even described his greatest weakness was his ability to trust those that others would not have. Though she always agreed with his decisions, this is the first time she completely was not in favor of. What does Headmaster Dumbledore see in James Potter?

All of a sudden, she was pulled back from Planet Lily by her friend's conversation as she heard that very name that was swirling in her mind.

"No doubt, Kim. I agree, he does look even cuter. I overheard these Hufflepuffs, some of his fan club bitches say he has one hell of a body!"

"How would they know?" questioned Rachel with a confused expression on her features.

"Supposedly, one of them walked into the Gryffindor locker room and saw him changing. I would love to see for myself to be completely honest. I don't know what I would do though. Most likely hug him or just tackle him to the floor."

Lily gagged and choked on her roasted turkey she was chewing on. Immediately, Kim, Ashley and Rachel all turned towards her.

"Slow down, Lils! You'll suffocate." As Lily felt a hand pat her on the back soothingly.

Murmuring a quick thanks, she began blushing heavily. Turning red scarlet, darker than her hair as she remembered that she DID see James half nude, and then began laughing after Ashley's comment about what she would do in that situation. As Lily remembered what she _had _done…_Look like a complete idiot who couldn't form a single word out of her mouth!_

"Why are you blush-… Oh Merlin, you saw him didn't you!? You too?!"

**feels like a short chp, but it shows more interactions between Lily & James, and hey, thats what we're all here for!**

**i already had it done few days ago so might as well upload for u guys as i'm too busy lately.**

**enjoy**


	4. I Was Once Like You

**Chely (Leaky Cauldron Online Interview July 30, 2007): James' Patronus is a stag and Lily's a doe. Is that a coincidence?**

**J.K. Rowling: No, the Patronus often mutates to take the image of the love of one's life (because they so often become the 'happy thought' that generates a Patronus).**

"_Why are you blush-… Oh Merlin, you saw him didn't you!? You too?!"_

After forcing her laughter to cease, she began telling about the event, with every detail from what he was wearing to how his muscles flexed so easily, to her very own reaction but careful to leave out her thoughts, especially the dirty ones. Soon, they were all laughing like Lily did earlier.

"Wow, so it is true."

"Should have taken a picture, would have lasted longer."

"It's a shame you hate him, Lils."

It took a while for her to register that last thought. A shame? Really? In a strange way Lily agreed. In late night talks with her friends in their dormitory, Lily found herself admitting her perfect man would be James Potter, but without his personality of that arrogant, cocky and bullying mentality. He wasn't so bad looking; in fact he is the most attractive guy in the school in Lily's opinion. And here she is, having the guy at her very fingertips. Always toying with him and his feelings, she had him on a leash. He would most definitely do anything she desired, except stop liking her and asking her out perhaps.

But before she could linger on that thought any longer, Dumbledore had risen from his large chair in the center of the teacher's table and began his traditional speech.

"Now that we're all full to the brink of explosion," He stole a quick glance at James Potter who still did not look up from his plate void of food before continuing, "I only have a few words to say before I allow you to get to your comfy beds and pass out for lessons tomorrow."

"Mr. Filch the Caretaker has a list of items forbidden in Hogwarts, which can be viewed in your Common Rooms, respectively. The Forbidden Forest is called that way for a reason," with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes as his eyes turned in the direction of the Marauders and gave them a proud smile.

"Now, our new Head Students, James Potter," there was shock and some mix of fright as many were scared of what this prankster would do with power and authority. James smoothly placed both of his palms on the table and pushed himself up to stand up in acknowledgement, waving a hand to thank the students. Most students were still shocked at his election with wide eyes, some clapped enthusiastically while most of the girls looked at him with dreamy expressions and some whistled at him.

Dumbledore must have noticed the surprise as the Great Hall became quieter than usual. He merely gave a chuckle of laughter before smiling and saying,

"No I am not out of my mind, and I am not crazy. He will be an excellent Head Boy, I believe in him and I would trust him with my life." He said in an attempt to sow confidence in the student population.

"Now, our Head Girl, Lily Evans, with no surprise there I'm sure." Smiling as the hall erupted in applause but Lily still remained sitting on the bench.

Still watching James curiously, her friends had to lift her by the arms and hoist her up before she realized what had happened. Smiling at everyone, she fell back down to her seat quickly, not used to the attention.

"Your free to go, but I have something I must discuss with the Head's, so if you two would mind staying back for a little bit."

As everyone left, following the Prefects towards their respective Common Rooms and House entrances, Lily watched James walk towards the teacher's table in front of Dumbledore. She began shuffling her feet in that direction but was held back by a 1st year girl.

"You're in Gryffindor right, Ms. Evans?" she said quietly.

"Yes, and feel free to call me Lily." As she answered back.

"Okay Lily, I just, well- I'm a muggle-born. And I don't know much about- magic, let alone here so I was wond-" Like her previous sentence, it was not very audible, in almost a whisper.

Lily cut her off, she knew what she was getting at. Seeing so much of herself in this girl. Muggle-born, new to a different world, she felt like seeing herself 6 years ago.

"Everything? I was just like you, how about this, I'll take you back to the Gryffindor Common Room and on the way I'll tell you anything you want to know. How's that sound?" she said with a sincere smile.

"Really?" in an excited voice as she almost began jumping up and down.

"Sure, but you heard Professor Dumbledore. I have to talk to him real fast and I'll be back, can you wait a bit?"

She nodded her head enthusiastically and went outside the Great Hall to wait as Lily walked towards Dumbledore and Potter who were already engaged in a conversation in which James expression appeared even sadder.

"Now that we're all here. The Head's have their own dormitory. The password can be set to whatever you wish and I wish to inform you two that you must plan out a Halloween Ball which I will leave up to you two to decide on. That is all for now, good night."

James began walking away, but Lily wanted answers, but this time not from the Marauders, her friends or even James himself. She wanted to ask Dumbledore.

"Can I have a word with you alone, Professor?" Dumbledore seemed puzzled and curious for a while as James walked off to a bench to wait for Lily so they can go to their dorm.

"What's bothering you, Ms. Evans?"

"Well, how could you give-" Lily moaned out, trying her best to not make it seem like she disagreed with him but also trying to get her point across. But she was cut off.

"I assure you that I am not trying to ruin your final year here by having James live and work with you. And I know you want to ask me why he is acting this way I presume?"

Now it was Lily's turn to be puzzled. Is she that obvious? Dumbledore seemed to read her like a book. Did he notice the way _she's_ been acting? Perhaps because she was staring at him for most of the feast while James himself did not steal a single glance back at her as he usually does for any meal. Or maybe he has also been paying attention to James' recent behavior.

"This summer…" and he suddenly became sad, with the same expression James wore minutes ago, "he had to endure a tragedy that I am afraid, will change his life forever, do not ask me. I will not tell you what exactly. Only he himself will tell you when the time is right. Until then, may I ask you not to treat him as usual?"

Crap. What does he mean 'as usual?' Oh yeah, the whole 'I-Hate-Your-Guts-And-Hope-You-Drop-Dead' thing. Oops?

With a nod to tell him that was all she wanted to know, she began walking away. Potter stood up realizing their conversation was over and guided himself towards Lily and Dumbledore.

"Sir, you didn't mention where this Head's Dormitory is."

"Oh dear, time seems to be making a fool out of me," and with that he began describing the floor and the painting that guarded the entrance. As Dumbledore began talking about the temporary password to open the portrait until they changed it, both James and Dumbledore looked in the direction of the Great Hall entrance menacingly.

Lily was hanging on every word he said trying to forge it into her mind but then noticed both of them staring at the hall while the twinkle behind Dumbledore's eyes had vanished. She glanced over her shoulder and saw a disturbing sight.

Three Slytherin boys, 6th years by the looks of them were picking on the girl Lily had promised earlier to help outside the Great Hall. Remembering that she is muggle-born, Lily mustered all her anger she had built up and saved today intending to use on Potter and screamed with all her fury,

"GET AWAY FROM HER!"

**I'm getting 10x more story alerts and etc then reviews. So i know you silent readers out there. Yeah that's right, I know about you people xD**

**I'm doing this for free, now I'm not saying that you HAVE to. But taking 10 secs to write me just a single word review will help! Hell, i'll even post faster. **

**Deal, kay?**


	5. The Trembling Of Uncertainty

**Considering that I got about 10 reviews and my email inbox flooded to 50 messages of alerts and etc within a few hours, thought I would give you guys another.**

**Thx to all reviewers, I DO READ THEM ALL, and if I have time will reply back on all.**

**Lecanard: Will we see Harry and his friends having their own history on chocolate frogs cards?**

**J.K. Rowling: Definitely, and Ron will describe this as his finest hour.**

"_GET AWAY FROM HER!"_

Glaring at them, she started shuffling her feet at their location, power walking into almost a jog she bolted for them.

When she was 10 feet away, she began thinking of things to say to get rid of them. Lily even reached into her pocket and was about to draw her wand, but she was too late…

All three of them flew into the air, hung from just their right leg, as if ropes were attached to their ankles, binding them in mid-air. They hung there for a few seconds before getting thrown backwards out of the hall farther away next to the stairs. Landing with a dull thud which should give them bruises and leaving them sore tomorrow morning. They seemed like they were about to retaliate and one of them even pulled out his own wand, that's when Dumbledore spoke.

His voice was calm considering what could have happened; the brilliance in his eyes lost but a reassuring smile still appeared on his face. "Please go to your Common Room. Now if you will please. There will be no punishment unless you decide to fight back needlessly."

Grudgingly, they stalked off towards the dungeons cursing under their breath.

Lily was confused once more. She thought she seen enough surprises today. She turned around looked at the only people in the room, the little 1st Gryffindor, James, and Dumbledore.

Only James held his want outstretched in his arms. Surely Dumbledore helped? She always knew Potter was an excellent dueler, whether in magic style or muggle-fighting. But casting spells simultaneously against three different targets? In fact, she doubts anyone would beat him, even teachers. Never admitting it, but even she knew she was no match against him if he wasn't so scared of her.

"Thank you, James. Please escort Christina to her dorm as late as it is now." Dumbledore was looking at James with an impressed and proud look while the girl gave the impression of thanks and embarrassed as the Headmaster remembered her name personally.

"Not a problem, Professor. Goodnight, sir." as Dumbledore began walking towards his office, leaving the three Gryffindors alone.

Attempting to halt the flow of thoughts of Potter in her mind, she walked towards the 1st year and told James how she is a muggle-born and wanted to know more about this new world she was in. Agreeing to accompany them, the three walked together. The Head students telling her everything she wanted to know.

From wands to classes and the layout of the castle. She even asked about if there were any sports in which James proudly proclaimed he is the Quidditch Captain for the past 3 years. It took Lily to stop him from going on and on, dragging both girls into boredom but the 1st year seemed interested in anything that had to do with magic, especially the flying brooms. She even asked about _them_ two.

"Are you two dating?" as she walked in between them with Lily on her left and James on her right.

James gave a genuine laugh, one he had been hiding all day. His eyes lit up automatically. That heart warming laughter along with the killer smile that would melt any girl's heart.

"What makes you say that?" with an amused look on his face, still wearing his happy smile and the warmth and care mixing in his eyes.

"You two just look good together, so I…just assumed…Nevermind, guess not-" As she laughed along with James while Lily merely smiled sheepishly.

"Well Christina," after learning her name, "you see here, she _hates _my guts. She told me to drop dead once." But he was not sad or angry; in fact he was having the time of his life with this little girl! He began telling her stories of their history.

From times when he asked her out and she said she would rather date the giant squid in the lake, to how big his head was that he should not be able to fly a broomstick to-

"Yeah, and then she was like, _BLAM, _and slapped me in the head so hard it's never been the same since." Christina looked at Lily for an answer after every short story but she only managed a shrug every time.

Feeling slightly embarrassed and horrible at herself as she looked back in time. In a way, he was right, he seemed like the caring one, sure an asshole, but nonetheless, caring while she always managed to hate…

Giggling, she seemed amazed, "Wow, you two are really strange. How come you two are getting along so well right now?"

Being quiet too long, Lily said, "Actually this is the first civilized conversation we had in a long time." As Lily joined in on the laughter, giving James a quick smile in which he returned.

When they reached the portrait that would open revealing the Gryffindor Tower entrance, they told her the password and she entered, bidding them goodnight with a happy smile on her face as she made them promise they would speak to her again and tell her more later. Practically skipping to her bed, she seemed like she was already enjoying herself, she only had _both _the Head student's helping her out and as friends.

Walking towards their own dormitories, they continued talking, even though it was just them two. Lily and James…

They discussed Christina and planned on what they should tell her next, as they felt like they had so much to tell her. Continuing their 'civilized' conversation.

They walked for what must have been half an hour, both not wanting to point out that they had no idea which way to go but not caring that they were lost. Half of the time, they were not even going towards their destination but away from it. Each taking turns pointing out paths to take.

"It's this way!"

"I don't know, this looks familiar, have we passed here before, Evans?"

In the end, they somehow managed to find their destination after many failed attempts.

"I could have sworn we passed by here _at least_ 4 times…" James said truthfully.

The portrait was enormous, containing all four founders of Hogwarts with four chairs, some stood while others paced around the room in the picture. Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. All four appeared to be waiting patiently on the Head students even though it was late.

"I told you there was going to be a Gryffindor! You look awfully familiar, my boy. Messy-hair like that, you must be a Potter." The painting of Gryffindor proudly proclaimed while James only nodded to show he was correct. Leaving a happy Gryffindor satisfied and returning to his exquisite chair.

Then all four of them examined Lily for a few seconds until Ravenclaw took a guess, "You seem like a very intelligent young woman! Ravenclaw no doubt?"

Giving her a small frown, Lily shook her head and said, "Gryffindor…"

Gryffindor jumped up from his chair, which he sat on after discovering _at least _one of the Head's this year is going to be a Gryffindor. He appeared relieved with just one, but two? He jumped for joy as the other three founders sat down grumpily and immediately fell asleep.

"Excellent! Both Gryffindors! Too good to be true! Well, I'll not bother you two as it is rather late, what would you like the new password to be, my Gryffindors?" He exclaimed excitedly with a proud look at both of them.

Lily had not been prepared, nor gave any thought to it but James did.

"Final Heaven."

"Very well, it is done, I'll remind _these three_ sore losers in the morning, good night my fellow Gryffindors!"

Not understanding what those two words meant, she walked in as the portrait swung open revealing an extremely posh, extravagant room. Lily let out a gasp as she heard James whisper a 'Wow.' It took away her thoughts of the password; it didn't seem to matter at the moment.

The Common Room is about half the size of the one in Gryffindor Tower, but for just two people while the one in the Tower had to support and hold all those in Gryffindor. Two desks for each of them were placed in the corner, bookcases with almost every book they needed on them. A fireplace with a welcoming couch that had a coffee table next to it. Then Lily looked around and noticed 3 doors. Two leading to their own separate bedrooms obviously, but she didn't know what the third door was for.

She entered her own room that had "HG" labeled on the door to find it the size of her dormitory back in Gryffindor Tower, but this room is only meant for one person. With that thought in mind, she thought this was rather excessive. A four poster bed similar to the one she had before in her old dorm. Her trunk and items already placed next to her bed waiting to be unpacked.

There was another door in her room which seemed to go towards the 3rd door back in the common room. This must be the bathroom she thought. Pulling the doors back, it revealed a bathroom twice the size of her bedroom. Most of the space in the bathroom was occupied by the bathtub, which could be described as a full size swimming pool. Locating the taps, she became curious as to how such regular taps the same size as the sink be able to fill up such a large pool. Interestingly enough, she turned on the one labeled 'hot' and in less than 5 seconds, it was already full.

Just then, James came walking into the room. Surprise and curiosity written on his face. He walked towards the large shower and muttered, "Waterfall." And sure enough, water began cascading down heavily. Lily smiled at him and walked towards the third door which should lead towards the exit to the Common Room.

As she pulled back the doors happily to reveal the Common Room again with the fire in the fireplace magically enchanted to burn and brighten the room all night.

Lily then remembered James was still in the bathroom seconds ago and probably still in here messing with the shower. She spun around 180 degrees to face James in the doorway and took half a step forward.

"Isn't this just gre-"

"Oomph-" James groaned out, as Lily heard something drop over her head.

Lily ran smacked center into his hard muscular chest, as his arms wrapped around her to steady both Lily and him. Her arms flew up to his chest, debating with herself if she should push him back or not. She was a head shorter than him but felt awfully safe in his arms. As if nothing in the world could harm her. At that moment, she decided against moving away and let him make the move, it was too comfortable to just leave his caring embrace.

With her ears against his chest, she could hear his heartbeat which seemed to show he was calm whereas Lily was almost panicking. She never ran into a guy's arm like this, let alone a hug like this.

She couldn't help but inhale his scent in. He smelled great. It wasn't cologne; at least it didn't smell like it. It smelled too natural. His natural flavor and scent smelled this good?

Slowly she looked up into his worried eyes. But his face...

There was something missing…

Where are his glasses, she could of sworn she saw him wearing them when they walked in the bathroom. Taking a step backwards to question him and put some space between them,

"James where are your-" But stopped in mid-sentence when she heard a sickening, crunching noise under her shoes and she tightly shut her eyes hoping she could rewind time. She knew what she just annihilated under her toes.

Shit! Why do you have to be so clumsy Lily! Mentally slapping and beating herself up in a split second.

"Oh god, I'm _sooooo_ sorry! I didn't see them, I completely forgot…I- too clumsy!"

He merely shrugged as Lily lifted her feet to reveal the lenses and frame hidden partially under her shoes, fractured, broken and not like they used to be once before, _sort of like James all day…_

**Nice going Lily, you dipshit l0l**

**Will James get mad? Will he tell her to fuck off? O**

**I don't even know…**


	6. Nightmares Unending

**Stephval: Is scorpius as misguided as his father, or has draco improved and taught his child(ren) better**

**J.K. Rowling: Scorpius has a lot going against him, not least that name. However, I think Scorpius would be an improvement on his father, whom misfortune has sobered!**

**[The previous question was posed after the answer appeared.**

**J.K. Rowling: Sorry, technical hitch – just answered a question before seeing it!**

**J.K. Rowling: I am clearly getting better at Legilimency.**

James squatted down, bending his knees in the process and reached down for his glasses. Lily scooped down as well and looked at his facial expression. Hoping with all her heart he won't explode and start yelling her off. Just in case he did, Lily would take all responsibility and not argue back. It had been her fault anyway.

His expression still not had changed. Lily was not convinced and continued eyeing him constantly, as he picked up everything and made his way to the couch in front of the fire and sat down. Lily followed and sat down next to him with her hands in her lap never taking her eyes away from his face.

_Please don't blow me off; we were getting along so good together today! _

Something in her thoughts told her that he wouldn't, well, maybe if this happened last year or before he changed he would, but now it didn't seem he was capable of getting angry over this. And he didn't, after a few attempts of _Reparo_ he gave up, the lenses only partially flew back in place and even then, they still bore the unmistakable signs of being crushed under strenuous weight. They were together but the cracks and cuts would not allow him to see much through them.

Compelled to do something as the guilt crashed through her entire body, she summoned all the courage she kept inside as a Gryffindor and bravely said,

"Let me try, James. I feel so horrible. Please, let me fix-" And without waiting for his permission she reached over and pulled them out of his reach and silently hoping that her wand, made for Charm work, would live up to it's use.

No use, it did the same job at it as James' wand.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Lily repeated in her mind. Great, now he can't see well thanks to me. How is he going to pay attention in class? He's so sad today, and I just _have _to make it worse! What is wrong with me!

Someone kill me now…

An awkward, uncomfortable silence ensued. James staring into the fire while Lily only looked at the glasses held in her lap clutched in her palms. Then James did something bizarre.

He laughed. The very same real laugh he had when they were with Christina in the hallways.

"What's up?" she asked weakly, unsure if his rage was building after she pulled together enough courage to question him.

"Nothing, it's fine. Look, don't worry about it. There's no problem. I just remembered I bought these contacts from some muggle store during the summer, I'll live, Evans."

But she didn't buy it. He was probably just lying to make her feel better. Just _perfect_. He has to lie to get rid of the guilty look on her face.

Lily gave him a 'I-think-your-lying-to-me' sort of look as she didn't believe him and he continued, "Come on, I'll show you them." And with that he patted her on the lap to signal for her to get up.

They walked towards his room where he opened his trunk that Lily could have snuck into during the carriage ride but thought better against it. Lily couldn't help but notice his room. There lay a 4-poster bed draped in entirely in black though the sheets were white, giving it a dark but at the same time, bright texture to the room. In the corner lay a punching bag leaning against the wall, not yet hung up to the ceiling. James walked towards his nightstand table and placed his desecrated glasses on the small circular table. Inside it, there seemed to be a secret compartment which glowed strangely. A thin piece of glass seemed to separate the glasses and the mysterious item that caused the table to glow. But it was his trunk that caught most of Lily's curiosity.

He had the strangest items in his luggage…

A silvery blanket-like material that he simply threw under his bed quickly, leaving Lily the impression that he didn't want her to examine it. Digging in more, he threw clothes over his bed. Lily smiled when she saw him throw out a pair of boxers with golden snitches on them, wondering when, if ever, he wears them. Maybe for Quidditch games only?

He then reached a corner of the box and grabbed a bunch of Chocolate Frogs in which he hastily stared at for a few seconds before a thought hit him and he tossed them away onto his bed hastily as if there was some contagious disease contained inside it.

Lily felt her sweet tooth come into action and wondered if she could eat one and sat down on his bed as she picked up one into her hand, examining it. Preparing to ask James if she could have one politely…

"You don't want to eat those…" James warned.

"Why not? "

"Well, feel free to if you want," and Lily began unwrapping it until James added, "if you want to be a lesbian."

"_What?" _She said. Is he questioning her sexuality?

"They are laced with Love Potion. These girls tried to do me in last year with them. Wow, they've been in here all this time?" he added disgustingly as he returned to his search while Lily placed them onto his nightstand so he could throw them away in the future.

There lay a hand-held sized mirror but it was broken. The frame and glass were completely fractured, leaving only a few pieces of reflexive glass still hanging to the edge of the frame. Lily wondered why he kept broken junk in his luggage, maybe it was a memorbilia or something.

Potter's possessions appeared more and more bizarre as a reached the bottom and picked up a piece of old wrinkled parchment. To top it all off, it was blank. Who keeps parchment in their trunk? Lily always took notes and wrote, but wouldn't be leaving them all over the place. Perhaps he is just naturally clumsy like this.

Without even looking at it, James proceeded to throw it behind him and it flew down to the carpeted floor. Still sitting comfortably on his bed, she leaped off and went down to pick up the dropped paper, intending to help him organize his items as she was already folding his clothes on his bed when he wasn't paying attention.

In a flash, ink began flowing freely onto the piece of paper. Lily stared mesmerized as if someone was writing on it as she held it in her grasp. Sloppy, cursive handwriting began scrawling itself onto the sheet.

"_Mr. Padfoot would like to greet Evans a good day but would like beg of her let go of this piece of parchment and forget she ever saw it."_

Padfoot? She heard that name before but couldn't exactly pin it to anyone at the moment. Then, more writing began appearing.

"_Mr. Wormtail also would like to say hello to Evans and agrees with Mr. Padfoot."_

"_Mr. Moony would like to add to Mr. Wormtail and Mr. Padfoot's statements that she is rather nosey today."_

Nosey? I didn't do anything, you stupid paper.

"_Mr. Prongs unfortunately has to agree with Mr. Moony and remind him that his 'furry little problem' will be coming up in a few weeks but would like to add that Lily Evans is looking gorgeous today as always and her eyes are so beautiful that he can stare at them all day. He would also like to mention that it is rather late and perhaps, past her bedtime."_

Before any more ink and words had shown up, James turned around and noticed her staring down at the parchment in both amazement and confusion and promptly took the paper out of her grasps. Reading it himself, he turned pink in the cheeks and quickly turned his head back towards the trunk so she could not notice the embarrassment on his face.

But the damage was done; Lily wondered why he would be embarrassed of a parchment saying she looked gor-.

Now it all came to her. Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot and especially Prongs, she heard of those names before, the Marauders would call each other those nicknames when they thought they were alone. Prongs…James… It all made sense, laughing in her head at Potter's embarrassment she returned to organizing his inventory of items.

"Jackpot, I knew they were here somewhere." And sure enough, he held up a box of contact lenses to which Lily merely gave him a nod and felt relief wash through her. Glad to know he would be able to see or he just might get tricked with a Love Potion or worse.

Knowing she would have to go to her _own _bed soon as their little mini-quest was over, she leaped up from the bed and couldn't help but notice it was rather comfortable on his bed. Not firm and hard, but not exactly too soft, Lily almost managed to lean down and fall asleep on his bed but luckily she caught herself. Half-wishing they could trade beds, she walked out towards her own room while muttering,

"Night, Potter. Sorry about the whole glasses thing again." Lily said desperately.

"I already said don't worry about it, night." He answered as he began taking his shirt off getting ready for some good sleep after a long day.

Lily had her body facing the door exit, but her head looking over her shoulder staring at him. Knowing she already seen enough of him today, a yawn escaped her lips and she began walking to her own bed.

Lying down, she cursed the bed for not being as comfortable as his but still managed to fall asleep dreaming of a certain shirtless roommate...

**Fuckin shit, that was just 1 day in 6 chps. L0l**

**Was fun though, might have to do that again xD**


	7. I Regret Tomorrow More Than Yesterday

**Chely (Leaky Cauldron / Bloomsbury Online Interview): James' Patronus is a stag and Lily's a doe. Is that a coincidence?**

**J.K. Rowling: No, the Patronus often mutates to take the image of the love of one's life (because they so often become the 'happy thought' that generates a Patronus).**

Classes and days flew by. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. A week and a half later, Lily still couldn't help but watch James stay the way he was since he opened that compartment door...

He didn't talk much, even to his own closest friends. In classes, he always sat in the front and when other girls who fancied him and/or in his fan club courageously attempted to sit next to him, he would give the lame excuse of "Sorry, Sirius is sitting here." Or he would occasionally place his bag there to show he was saving it for someone when he truly wanted to be alone.

With him sitting in front, Lily always sat behind him, staring into that messy haired of his. Daydreaming herself running her hands through it and trying to tame it occasionally until she slapped herself mentally and was dragged back to Earth. She always noticed him actually paying attention in class. Sure, he was top of every class he took but in the past he was a complete slacker, always borrowing notes if he needs them off other girls but usually off Remus Lupin. Now, he was taking them himself, lost in the day's lesson and completing every assignment.

Along with not conversing much with his fellow peers, he was also not eating. At every breakfast, lunch and dinner, he never showed up. Food was _always _one of his biggest loves in the world, probably close to annoying the hell out of Lily.

For the first week, Lily was fine with it. She would have given and done _anything _for Potter to leave her alone. But now, few days later, she missed it…

She missed everything, from the way he would use different strategies to ask her out, to keeping her eye out just incase him and the guys pulled another prank on someone to the way he would run his fingers through his hair to make stick up from all different angles just to look cool.

Since that week, she began paying attention to his every move; she even learned of his class schedules and always was on the lookout for any sign of him. But outside of Head duties, Quidditch practices and classes, she never saw him. It got to a point in which she would stay in the Head's Common Room stretched out on the sofa, late into the night working on homework, essays and projects while secretly hoping he would walk in one of these nights so she could at least receive a salutation of some kind, if she was lucky maybe he would ask her out in which she knew she would throw her books at him in response, but at least then she would know he was okay and back to his former self.

He never came and Lily Evans found herself giving up every night and going up to her bed while sometimes taking a peek inside his room for any sign of him.

Rarely, she would fall asleep on the couch, curled up close to the flames blazing in the fireplace.

Amazingly, when she woke up the following morning, she would be covered by a blanket and her head held up with a pillow with pictures of Quidditch memorabilia stitched onto it that James had most likely put under her sometime in the middle of the night when he came back from wherever he was…

That soft pillow became the only item she had that reminded her of him.

Soon she couldn't take it, the questions haunted her. She had to know. She _needed _to know. The search for truth was soon becoming a obsession for her. So many things she wanted to know… And there were people she could ask!

With a list of people she could ask about him etched into her mind, she began her interviews.

Starting off with his best mate, Sirius Black, she walked into the Gryffindor Common Room to find the back of Sirius turned towards sitting on the sofa her with his arm wrapped around a girl's shoulder and she seemed to be quite comfortable. Knowing this may not be the best time as if she did anger him then he would most likely not tell her anything she would want to know. But as Lily approached the couple, she noticed the girl wrapped securely under his arms was none other than her _own _friend Ashley…

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" Lily gloated with a sinister smile on her face as she noticed the signs of a blush slowly creeping its way up her cheeks. Making a mental note for future embarrassment or blackmail in the future to use against her.

In one lightning fast motion, Ashley grabbed Sirius arms and threw them away and leaped away from the sofa away from him saying, "Nothing, just chatting you know? About the, erm-" as she glanced down at a nearby table for clues and saw a Potions book resting on the tabletop out of the corner of her eye before including, "that Potions essay Slughorn assigned us."

"What essay? Your blonde side is kicking in. Whatever, I don't care Ash, I just want to talk to him about Potter." Lily said as she waved her friend's lame excuse aside.

This caught Black's attention and he swiveled his head around to face them both. Overlooking the back of the chair, he simply began,

"I'm not going to say anything, and you know that. It's not my right to tell anyone." Confessed Sirius, and his serious tone and look automatically proved he was right and will be true to his word. And with that, he added, "Can I have your friend back now?" With an adoring grin at his victim.

Immediately, she began searching the room for Remus Lupin, huddled away in a chair with Kim but they were actually working on the Potion's essay. Though close to each other so that their shoulders were grazing together, they still nevertheless seemed to be focused on the essay as she approached them but Remus seemed to have overheard her conversation.

"I heard, Lily. I won't lie to you and I'm going to say exactly what Sirius said, but I will add this. You're asking the wrong person…"

Confused, she turned away and went off to question the final person in her mental list.

_LJLJLJLJLLJLJLJLLJLJLJLLJLJLJLLJLJLLJLJLJLJLJLJLLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

Approaching the gargoyles guarding the doorway, Lily muttered the password,

"Lemon drops." She said silently.

Walking into the large Headmaster's office, she found it empty. Believing Dumbledore may be back in a while; she found a seat in one of his guest chairs and began observing his pet Phoenix, Fawkes. After a few minutes of intent bird watching, Lily let out a gasp as Fawkes exploded, leaving feathers all over Dumbledore's desk. As if on cue, the Headmaster himself walked in and looked at Lily as if he was expecting her.

"Good day to you Miss Evans, for what do I owe this pleasure?" he said with his piercing blue eyes and a small smile spread on his face.

"Sir, your bird-" Lily stuttered.

"Excellent, I was wondering when he would do that. He has been looking rather horrible this week wouldn't you agree." _Just like James, Lily thought._

"I know your busy professor so let me get straight to the point. It's about Potter and I-"

Dumbledore raised a hand to silence her, the signature calm smile vanishing from his lips. "You remember what I said on the night of the feast I presume? I know with your past relationship, it may feel awkward, but keep in mind that he is the best man for the job, or should I say boy." As Dumbledore chuckled at his own joke heartily.

"It's just hard to work with him when he's been, well now that I think about it, been ignoring everyone, including me completely…I don't want an emo partner and roommate for the rest of the year, Professor." she answered slightly ashamed of herself for insulting others in front of Dumbledore, especially at Dumbledore's decision to choose James.

"Can you be possibly regretting your past treatment of him?" Dumbledore said with glimpse of triumph but mostly amusement in his eyes.

Aiming her sight down into her lap, she couldn't bare look him in the eyes. Now that he mentioned it, he was right, they were all right. Lily always knew she treated him like shit. There were times when he would walk into a room and she would pounce on him, attacking his very existence. Hell, looking back, that was how James and Sirius treated Snape. In her own way, she was a hypocrite…

Without waiting for an answer, Dumbledore finished up, "Look Lily, something happened to him this summer. The James you loved to hate will most likely not come back. As for asking _me_, well. It seems like you're asking the wrong person. Who you should be asking is the very person you are wondering about…"

She knew what she would have to do now, confront James himself. If luck was on her side, she could maybe get a few words out of him. Worst case scenario would be him blowing up and cussing her out before walking away, leaving her crying, but even that sounded a bit far-fetched. Trying her best not to think of the possible negative effects, she knew thought that if it went perfect, they might even have a decent, civilized conversation like last week.

Thanking the Headmaster quickly, she ran out the office and walked urgently to the Head's Common Room. Something in her head telling her that he may be there. Going with her gut instincts, she reached the door and murmured the password.

Making her way through, she noticed four boys stretched over the numerous chairs and sofas. Seemingly enjoying the room, Peter was poking the fire blazing in the fireplace which is probably Gubraithian fire enchanted to burn forever. Remus was leaning back on the sofa, looking half-asleep while Sirius was lying with his back on the floor tossing a silvery bundle up in the air and catching it on the way down, Lily recognized it to be that blanket James had in his trunk.

Marauders…

Well on the bright side, at least James is talking to his friends, somewhat…

Upon emerging through the portrait hole, they all saw her immediately and then turned to look at James who gave a stiff nod.

These boys knew each other so well they could talk without even saying a word…

As if his nod was a strict military order, they all began doing different tasks. Sirius rammed the silvery sheet inside his robes. Remus shoved papers and books on the coffee table near the sofas into a medium-size box and hurled it at Peter who instantly ran to James' bedroom to deposit the box there. James himself walked slowly towards where Lily was standing, it appeared like James would make the first move to confront someone tonight…

When he was within arms length of Lily, Sirius placed one hand on his shoulder and pulling him back slightly, making James rotate and face him.

"Look Prongs, get a good night's sleep. Don't give me that look. Look at it this way, there's only a wall separating you and Evans here." Sirius said with a sly grin.

Half-wishing James would add something like he used to, the old James would have replied back with a sexually suggestive line, "I'll tear it down naked, Padfoot." Or maybe a "Nothing can separate true lovers, mate."

But instead, he only chuckled. Just then, Remus and Peter came to them but they all acted as if Lily was not standing right next to them. Not even bothering to look at her, they all stared at James warily. She could feel that they were thinking along the same lines of, _"Why hasn't he asked Evans out yet, she's right in front of his face!"_

"Whatever man, you're going to be there right, Prongs? It's only a few days away, not even a week." Sirius questioned nervously, as if James would reject his offer as Remus looked on and merely gave a nod in agreement, with even more desire to hear a 'yes' than Sirius.

"I haven't missed one yet, why would I start now. Get out of here before Evan's starts yelling at us."

A few days away? What was so special about the next few days? Of course, full moon! Lily wasn't stupid, she always knew that Remus was a werewolf during their 2nd year. All the signs of his symptoms were too obvious that she was amazed most of the school was not aware, especially considering how he hung out with the two most popular boys in school. Surely they would have noticed their friend? But that wasn't what bothered Lily. She knew something was going down. The boys were planning something, with a werewolf in tow, no doubt? And it seems like whatever they done, they did it before but not with James acting this way in which they worried about him.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't even notice the three boys walk out one by one behind the other until she stared into James eyes simply for something to do. Looking at each other for what seemed like a few seconds but in reality was more like 5 minutes.

Lily couldn't help but directly think of how he looked so much better without glasses. Sure he was an attractive guy before. But without his glasses he looked even better, as if he was more mature. Not believing that it took her 7 years to see those gorgeous hazel eyes that were pale and progressively lighter on the outside but grew greener towards the center. Inwardly complimenting herself for obliterating his glasses but then realizing it was wrong, she shook her head violently.

"What's wrong?" James said as she broke the eye contact and strangely comfortable silence.

Grateful for the opportunity to say something, she racked her brains for an answer but only managed a lame, "Nothing-"

James eyed her carefully, "That's it?"

"What do you mean?" she replied. Now it seemed to be her turn to be confused.

"I-, well, I'm willing to bet my badge that if this happened last year you would have bitten my head off and chastise me…"

Lost, she asked, "What in Merlin's beard are you talking about? You guys didn't do anything wrong, yet." she added as she remembered them planning something…

"But I let people in here and- Well if you're fine with it. Thanks, Evans." He finished with a grateful smile, losing his nervousness in the process.

"Oh! That's nothing wrong, hey, you wouldn't mind if I told my friends the password so they could come up as well would you?" she said hopefully.

"No it's fine; it's just that I'm shocked. If this were last year… Because you would take any chance to take a go at me." She couldn't help but notice a slight disappointment creep onto his expression.

Lily stood there speechless, great! First I had to admit to myself I was an asshole to him for the past 6, hell, maybe 7 years? And now he has to rub it in.

After realizing she was probably not going to say anything more tonight, he began walking away and called out, "Night." Before closing the door, and leaving a still shell-shocked Lily Evans standing still on the carpet floor.

Knowing that she would have more time to confront him later, she walked towards her own bedroom and to her delight, found a familiar pillow from the window ledge and holding it close to her chest before lying on her bed. Taking in the scent of James' wild hair that still remained vividly strong on it, the very pillow he once slept on himself. Falling asleep with the aroma, she dreamed of a certain male roommate…

**Don't expect an update for a while. Oo**

**Gotta live my last summer before I graduate, to the fullest, a week left... Stay up partying late, wake up early.**

**Rinse shake and repeat.**

**One of my life's biggest regret's is losing contact with old friends.**

**Some say that's what myspace is for. But what if they don't have 1. xx**


	8. The Whereabouts Of Happiness

**"Some people come and go in our lives, some stay for a while and leaving footprints in our hearts."**

**-Anonymous**

Awaking blissfully in the morning, she felt energized. Feeling better than she ever had before as if she downed a jug of Felix Felicis. Hopping out of bed and getting dressed for classes today, she quickly took a peak inside James room to see if he was there as she sat down with her friends.

Though it remained empty, she was not disappointed in the slightest. Knowing he had all her classes for today's schedule, she practically skipped to breakfast and joined her friends were she was delighted to spot James out hanging out with his friends farther down the Gryffindor table. He only drank a goblet of pumpkin juice, but at least it was something.

They were visibly planning discussing something again though Potter seemed to be only partly in the conversation, only listening in and not adding in anything.

Lily waited for them to start leaving for class. She hoped to at least walk with him to class.

"Let's go, class starts in like 2 minutes." Ashley said warningly.

"No, I'm still hungry!" Lily lied desperately but this time, her eyes betrayed her. Still gazing intently at Potter, her friends realized instantly what was going on and stayed with her.

"Just because you get all 'O's on your O.W.L.s doesn't mean you're the only smart one of the group. Do you like him all of a sudden now that he's been completely ignoring you?"

"Of course not," she answered back honestly, "I just want to have a talk with him, that's all."

Her friend's still not totally convinced, she added, "If he asks me out, I'll slap him, okay?" At the mention of this, they all erupted in laughter and agreed, patiently waiting for that moment.

Soon the Marauders got up and walked towards the exit of the Great Hall as Lily grabbed two of her friends from under the arm, still sitting, to an upright position and dragging them in their wake.

Ashley, knowing what, more specially, _who _she wanted, helped Lily out. "Black! Sirius! Wait for me!" and with that she ran off and threw an arm around his neck pulling his head down to her as they walked side by side in what looked like a headlock as Sirius' bended down as his head and knees buckled from the pressure.

"Look what I caught, Moony! Actually, more of, what caught me. Hey cutie! I don't believe I properly asked you out this weekend to Hogsmea-" He said with a lustful smile but Lily stopped paying attention to what he was saying.

"One down, two more to go. Remind me to thank her later." As Lily's two friends began distracting Peter and Remus even though they had different classes than Lily and James.

With her prey and the coast clear, she made her move,

"Potter! Wait!"

Still not stopping his rhombic steps towards the classroom, he turned his head to look back and when he noticed the redhead chasing him, he slowed down drastically to almost a complete stop though still moving.

"Hey Potter! What class are you heading to?" She asked curiously with a straight face, although she already knew the answer.

"Charms, you?"

"Same!" and Lily could have sworn he beamed slightly.

Then without notice, he had a strange mix of a disappointment and amused look on his face.

"You do know we're about to be late right?" Slightly hinting that Lily would, _should_ never be late to a class…

Lily hadn't thought about this. For the past 6 years she has never been late, well at least not without a note or some sort of excuse. But she was late…for a guy! She really did scoop down low. What about her record…

Fuck your record, Lily! Who cares, there's more important things than your reputation. And with that last thought, she answered back,

"Who cares?" With a mischievous smile only the Marauders, more specifically, Sirius and James could have pulled off.

Her wild side beginning to show and feeling the trouble-making behavior of James Potter rubbing off on her, she added as an afterthought before he could reply,

"Well, if _you_ care so much. We won't be late…IF WE RUN!" And with her sentence complete, she sprinted towards the classroom just down the end of the hallway and around the corner feeling adventurous.

"What do you mea- Wait up!" James yelled at her figure. Not wanting to be left alone in the hallway, he ran after her. His longer legs and Quidditch training strengthing his build and form, he was able to outdo Evans quickly, eventually gaining on her and than over passing her.

As soon as he outside the large two door classroom, he stopped abruptly unaware that a competitive Lily couldn't slow down quick fast enough…

With his back still turned towards her, she crashed into him as her brakes seemed to fail their purpose.

Flinging her arms out for support, they reflexively reached out for whatever part of James she could hold onto for support. Silently grateful that he was not wearing another pair of glasses, or Lily would have most like knocked them off him again, and maybe even crush them, _again._

In the end of the collision, she found herself with both arms under his though her arms were reaching upwards to hold onto his shoulders as her fingers slightly held onto his shoulders. James stood relaxed with arms to his side though he could feel someone's cheek to his back. With her face to his back, she felt as if she was holding him back from something…Lily couldn't help but feel that they fit so well together. Like a long lost piece of a puzzle that was recently found and plugged into it's proper place.

Standing like that for what seemed forever. The bell for classes rang loudly, echoing through the hallways. Waking up both Lily and James from their stupor.

_Saved by the bell?_ Lily thought to herself. _Heh, more like _ruined_…_

And with that, she slowly let go of him, but not without sliding her arms away, making sure she touched and slid her hands and fingers down him, feeling him before finally breaking contact.

James turned his head to look down at the bundle of red hair behind him. He was about to turn when Lily, knowing that they were already late, pushed him gently in the stomach, guiding him through the doors.

They quickly sneaked into a two chair desk in the back of the room and luckily the Professor didn't notice them arrive.

Lily pulled out her notes and began writing, but she only managed half a sentence before she was flooded with thoughts.

Half of her could not believe she was late on purpose, just within arms reach of the door! While the other half didn't think she was late! Soon, _all _of her mind didn't care but kept reliving the moment, noting that if she could be late everyday; this was how she would like to do it…

How did she end up like this? _Do I like him now? Impossible. We don't even talk. No way can I fall for a guy who hasn't said a word to me…_

Then it came to her. She wants James Potter as a _friend_! Sure, that was it! That would explain everything. Then at least she would stop thinking about him once they resolve this problem. They wouldn't have to argue again! They would get along so much better with Head duties and sharing a dorm (plus bathroom). If they became friends, Lily could maybe talk to him more about what is bothering him. She could even kill the guilty feeling of hurting him in the past that seemed to assault her since they started school. Lily figured out that the benefits outweighed the consequences and besides, it wouldn't hurt to leave the last 6 years of their history in the past…

With a fail-proof plan in her mind she spent the rest of the class period thinking of a scheme…

**Rather boring chapter, I know.**

**But I feel it's necessary for the story to make sense and continue**

**Too busy lately at school, with setting up my dorm and what not. **


	9. Like A Girl Listening To Her Heart Break

**1. James is and will be SEEKER for this story, I know in canon, he is a Chaser but Seeker is the most important role in the sport. And Harry is seeker too! It'll be far more interesting in this story if I place him as Seeker.**

**2. Snape sucks ass, yeah I finished DH, but I still don't like the prick. Don't expect him to be a hero, let alone 'okay' in any of my stories. Same with Peter, but I'm more relaxed with him.**

In fact, Lily was so lost in her own thoughts. She didn't even realize the bell rung and half the class had already left she turned the direction of her thoughts to _'why are people standing up and walking around in the middle of class?'_

Shaking her head to empty her mind, she turned to her left. Empty chair..._he _had already left. Inwardly cursing herself, she packed her things quickly as she only had a piece of parchment and a quill out as she spent the class daydreaming.

How could she be thinking of him for the past hour, but be stupid enough not to realize the real Potter had already left?

Walking briskly out of the classroom, she found him nearby. Bracing herself before she ran to his side like she did before class, but thinking against it as she would be able to talk to him easily again considering this is her free period. Without a thought of what to say, hell, she didn't even have a conversation started like she did after breakfast but Lily was confident she would think of _something, _anything to say to him!

Making her way to his location, watching his every move with the eyes of an eagle. Lily Evans let out a gasp of shock as a brunette girl walked up to him…

_SLUT! _

Though only a mere 50 feet away, she could see and hear everything that was going on. Maybe it was just another one of his fan club of adoring girls. They seemed to be everywhere nowadays, breeding like rabbits! But on closer inspection, Lily knew who it is…

_Sarah…_

Sarah Anderson. 7th year in Gryffindor as well, an attractive but innocent girl who came in top of all her classes, though always 4th, right behind James, Sirius and Lily. Fancied by a lot of guys, but she had only eyes for James.

In a strange and weird way, she was similar to both James and Lily…

She held James' stubbornness and dedication to someone they like. James' chased Lily for 6 years while Sarah in turn, chased _him, _during those time.

She seemed to inhibit Lily's attractiveness, as she is liked by many of her peers and garnered the attention of many male students. Never wearing make-up, they both valued natural beauty unlike the rest of the bimbos at the school. In a scary way, she was _just _like Lily Evans.

The only thing that did separate them besides personality, looks, hair color and name were their behavior towards James and how to handle him…

In the past, Lily would hurt him whenever she got the chance to inflict any pain. While Sarah always encouraged him, it was widely known at school that Sarah liked James so much, maybe loved him, that even though he always wanted but couldn't get Lily. Sarah was there to comfort him.

All Sarah wanted, was for James to be happy, even if he wasn't with her…

Clutching a book to her chest in both her arms, she calmly walked up to his side. Not scared to death of talking to him like others would be. Any other girl would have shook nervously so much to be standing next to James they would cause an earthquake and most likely cause the Hogwart's castle to collapse.

"Hey James." She announced with a loving smile which to Lily's horror, he returned.

"How you doing, Sarah?"

Lily suddenly felt jealousy threatening to boil in the pit of her stomach. They were on first name terms!?

"James...," With his name, she quickly placed her book that she held in her hands, back into her bag and now, with her arms and hands free, placed one on his elbows as if to comfort him. "You already know then I guess…?"

What, what does James know? Why is everything so secret around James? As if he was one big mystery just waiting to be solved or a puzzle needing the jigsaw pieces.

"Yeah, I do know why you're here." James answered for her and though Lily was stalking them from behind, she could see Sarah turn her head sideways and give him a comforting smile.

Still smiling, she reached into her bag and pulled out a small sack of Chocolate Frogs and offered James one. He eyed them warily and after careful consideration, shook his head in rejection.

"Suit yourself," she said and then began unwrapping the one she offered him and ate it heartily. Lily saw him watch Sarah's lips as she brought up to her mouth and took a bite out of it. James seemed to really want one…

Without warning, she said "I'm not like your group of fan club girls. I wouldn't spike them with Love Potion in the hopes of sleeping with you, James." With this, James felt safe and sure she wasn't trying to poison him.

This caused James to laugh merrily and he reached around her back and pulled her book bag off her shoulders by the straps and slid them down her arm. Both Lily and Sarah watched him curiously as he began looking inside, eventually digging his hands through it before emerging with a chocolate frog himself.

Unwrapping it, he proudly proclaimed loud enough that the whole hall must have heard it, "Hey! I got a Dumbledore! Sweet!" To prove his point he waved it in front of Sarah's face happily, bouncing up and down, giving the impression he was a child during Christmas time.

"You sound like Christmas came early, James." She laughed, mocking him. Lily was sure if she said that, he would have probably said _'fuck you, Evans' _and than proceed to walk away.

"Really? I thought it was more like my birthday had come early. This is cool though, I'll have to show Dumbledore himself, these just came out last week you know."

Holding the edible frog to his lips, he chewed down on it without another second thought. Seemingly too happy to even consider the consequences if it contained Love Potion.

"_Oh Merlin! Yessss! _This is better than sex! I forgot how delicious these were. You know, after all the assassination attempts at my heart with these, spiked with Love Potion and what not." He moaned out loud as if he was actually having sex, causing many younger students to stare at him curiously. Sarah giggled and only wrapped her arms around his elbows more securely as she leaned into his side.

"You mean you haven't had one of these for a while now? You have to be kiddin' me!" she exclaimed, honestly delighted with his reaction. Lily didn't know if it was because he let her hold onto him or if it was the moan, maybe both.

Lily knew James Potter had Defense Against the Dark Arts for his next class in a few minutes while Lily had a free period. But from observing his actions, he seemed to have no intention of going to his favorite class…

"Remember last week in the Gryffindor Common Room, and Sirius was waving that big bag of them in my face?" He reminisced with a chuckle.

Bullshit, Sarah had been spending more time with him than Lily did… Scandalous!

"So that's why you jinxed him! He was hanging from his ankles for at least an hour by the way. And that blindfold you and Remus charmed on him didn't help him much either. A bunch of girls just stared at his body because his shirt was falling off. No one had the heart or guts to take him down until Ashley came in and didn't feel like sharing her Sirius with anyone else." and she began giggling at the past event and his way of handling it.

Holding both his hands up in the air, he dejectedly said, "It was self-defense! He was provoking me! To be honest I think they _did _have Love Potion in them."

Lily Evans felt that jealousy that was sizzling in her stomach instantly vanish as if someone bewitched it to be gone, only to have it replaced in a flash, just as quick with anger.

_Lily _should be having this conversation with him, _Lily _should be holding securely onto his arm, _Lily _should be the one who talked so easily around. But noooooo… When they were together, they could only manage a few sentence conversations as if they were both unintelligent trolls.

Breaking Lily out of her thoughts, Sarah questioned curiously, "Are Sirius and Ashley together now? They seem perfect for each other."

Lily was curious for the answer as well…future blackmail anyone?

"Unfortunately, not yet, but it's only a matter of time. They are made for each other, not to mention she's one hell of a match for him. Never seen him take to a girl like this before. She can make him do anything, it's insane."

Any other girl that wanted James to be her boyfriend would have then added a, "Should we get together too?" Or something along those lines but instead she simply said sincerely,

"Great, I'm happy for those two." Sarah said honestly.

They continued walking to the courtyard in the center of the school and James plopped down onto the bench comfortable while she momentarily let go of his arm before sitting next to him and snuggling into him. Sarah lied with her back and head against his head, resting her head on his shoulders. Laying there, they ate Chocolate Frogs together and talked, laughed and seemed to enjoy themselves.

Lily felt her limits breaking and couldn't help but feel jealousy threatening to explode inside her. She and Sarah weren't best friends, but they were a mixture of acquaintances and friends as Lily's best friends knew her and Kim even lived next to her.

First, she allowed her to talk to him, next it was the arm holding ordeal. And now! Lily couldn't let her take another step over the invisible line Lily had drawn. She couldn't understand it, why was she getting mad over another girl? As long as James is happy right? Even if its not with Lily?

Lily silently thanked that James was comfortable with her and that Sarah made him laugh. If he wasn't, Lily would have to use Unforgivable Curses on her! The mood she put James in being the only thing holding Lily back, she stay back, watching the pair talk from another bench.

Stalking her victims like an animal, Lily was situated on a bench to the left of them, watching their every move while they didn't notice her. Pulling out the biggest book in her bag, Lily chose her Transfiguration book and whipped it out, pretending to read it while peering over the top with her emerald eyes, watching every move with loathing.

Observing, she saw Sarah reach into his bag and pull out a Golden Snitch. Lily, and probably Sarah, knew that James always had that Snitch on him since 5th year after the O.W.L. testing. Pulling it out, she hesitated in opening her palm, scared to let it go should it fly away, then James would lose it…

"Open your hand."

"You sure? What if it flies away and you can't get it back?" she replied back, unsure.

"It's fine, it won't fly farther than a few feet from me. It's sort of grown fond of me." James said with a reassuring smile.

Sure enough, James moved one hand over her fingers and made her release it. Escaping, the Snitch wing's extended and began flapping rapidly. James was right; it never flew farther than arm's reach. Perhaps for his Seeker practice?

Taking mad swipes at it while it was in mid-air, Sarah failed to get it. Potter, quick as lightning took one try and snatched it into his grasp. Letting it free again, they both watched it swarm around them freely.

"Sometimes I wonder why I had to chase _her _all these years when you were always here." He said so silently Lily had to fill in a couple of words herself. _He?. _Her as in Lily her? Lily couldn't help but let a frown emerge on her face.

"James…" Sarah pleaded.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said, cutting her off.

For the duration of the silence, Lily believed he would ask her out…

_I will chop your balls off and make sure you will never have kids…_

With that thought, she aimed a glare at Sarah, waiting for the question.

"How come you _do _always stick by my side, even though you know I was after her all this time?"

Her glare vanishing, she waited patiently for her response. Is it true? Lily had previously thought it was all rumors…

"The same reason you wanted her all this time I guess…Seems we like other people too much, huh?" She slowly whispered but couldn't prevent a slight tinge of pink appear on her cheeks.

All Lily's past anger and loathing against her immediately disappeared. Poor girl...

"And they don't feel the same?" He finished for her with guilt in his voice. "I'm sorry for everything, Sarah."

"Don't be. I'm not." Sarah confirmed with a smile.

Few minutes passed in comfortable silence for Sarah and James but it was hell for Lily. _'You guys can say goodbye to each other any day now…'_

James only smiled in response so Sarah added,

"So, how is she treating you nowadays? She still is a cold-hearted bitch? I always thought she should at least give you _one _little date, and if it went bad as she thought, then that would be the end of it."

Laughing along, he said, "That what I said for the past 6 years, except the bitch part."

"Tell her thanks for breaking your glasses by the way. You look more handsome without them. Contact lenses?"

Nodding, he replied to her compliment, "You're the first person to say that. But then again, you're the only girl that understands me."

Lily felt that was a bit of a stretch, _Lily _symphasized with him! Well, not telling him, but to herself, she knew something was bothering him. Breaking the silence, Sarah observed,

"James, I know something happened this summer. I don't care what happened, I don't care about how it happened, I don't care about why it bothers you, and I don't even care about Lily Evans treating you like shit all the time…"

Lily couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by this; surely she wasn't _that _bad to him in the past?

"All I care about is _you_" She finished, placing extreme emphasize on the last word.

With that said, she got up off of him as James made his way up as well while leaning his forehead against hers and kissing her on her cheek before letting her go.

"Bye James, we'll speak again," and she began walking away but stopped and returned to stand in front of him, reaching into her robes and handing him the bag of chocolate frogs. "Since you miss these so much and need some that aren't laced with Love Potion."

Smiling gratefully, he watched her walk away. Sarah kept walking away, with her side to Lily, she pulled her hand up to the spot James kissed seconds before and touched it with a dreamy expression on her face that did not go unnoticed by Lily.

Lily still could not bear to bring herself to hate the poor girl. Love's a bitch. And usually came with a side-order of torture and hurt. 'You can't blame her...' She thought.

Watching James turn and leave in the opposite direction and Lily assumed this would be a good time to make friends with James as he is in a happy mood at the moment as he ate chocolate and read the back of Dumbledore's card.

Quickly cursing how she passed the whole class period thinking of a plan and she still didn't have one. She could corner him! No that'd be too awkward, and he'd just run away. She could drop her bag in front of him, he always was a gentleman, no doubt he'd help and Lily would walk him to class… Not a bad plan… _Or I could ask him to Hogsmeade, it's only this weekend… _Yes, that's perfect. Idiot-proof!

"Ja-" Lily began but got cut off by another voice, more louder than Lily's as she saw someone running towards him.

Sarah again…

"JAMES! Um-Well. I've never done this before- Do you want to come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? Erm, just forget that. This is embarrassing…" she said regretfully as she looked down and began shuffling her feet backwards in a lame attempt to retreat, her cheeks burning scarlet.

James smiled and spent a few seconds contemplating on it before replying, "Ahh, what the hell, sure, Sarah." She then looked him in the face and exploded with happiness as she jumped on him and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek quickly as James began blushing violently.

Lily's voice seemed to be caught in her throat, and then all she could hear was silence as Lily only heard her heart crack and disintegrate…

**And that's how Lily Evans died. The end…?**

**lol**


	10. You Follow Me, Where I Go, I Can't Hide

**I'm bored and somewhat tired, didnt get back to my dorm till 3 in the morning. I actually have a lot of free time at the moment and its a Saturday...might as well update. Even though I already did like 2 days ago.**

**Enjoy. **

**And stop adding this story to your favorite stories and getting notifications when I do update, _when you DON'T review_. I know who you people are, i got a list of them in my email inbox lol**

**yap...**

"But on one condition." James said. Sarah and Lily both felt confused.

"It's not a date, okay?" he added sheepishly.

"I know. I just want to spend some time with you, James. I don't want today to be the last... I'm already late for class, see you on Saturday!"

Lily didn't understand why she felt a tug at her chest. Though she never even liked a guy, she had never felt jealous, but at the same time, she could not help but realize she just suffered the unmistakable signs of jealousy…

The flames in the fiery depths of her heart roaring up like gasoline added to an open fire. Increasing its magnitude.

James Potter is James Potter, let him go with whoever he wants.

'_Why should I care?!' _Lily concluded before walking away in the opposite direction to her class but couldn't help looking over her shoulder as his figure, his silhouette drifted away into the shadows, away from her…

_**Final Heaven, take me there…**_

With that done, James continued walking, already 30 minutes late for class he was not heading towards the direction of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He instead felt like taking a stroll around the grounds.

'_No point in going to a class when it's halfway through.'_

His thoughts were assaulting him like an army again. _Maybe if I was in class I'd be able to take my mind off it. _Reaching into his back pocket of his pants, he pulled out the card of Dumbledore. Albus was gone, leaving just a blank, black background. _I'll have to talk to him sometime this week no doubt…He'll want to know and then ask something of me again…"_

Still walking, he changed destinations and headed towards the Gryffindor tower. Muttering the password, he wandered in and made his way up the boy staircase and went into the dorm Remus, Peter and Sirius stayed in.

Feeling slightly horrible for avoiding his friends, he promised to make the trip in a few days no matter what. Remus would need him, _they _would need him.

'_For one night, I'll forget everything. It'll just be like the past few years of fun and adventure all over again. Can't hurt to have some fun once in a while.'_

Making his way towards Sirius bed, he knelt down and slid an arm under Padfoot's bed and groped around until he hit something hard.

"Jackpot." He said to himself out loud.

Pulling out the heavy case, he undid the latches that held it shut and opened it. The case was magically sealed so only the Marauders could search it, let alone open it. It also took James an entire day to work the charm to make the case bottom-less, holding more items than it should.

As James opened the box, it revealed its cache of firewhisky and nothing else. Picking up a few bottles, he stored them on him wherever he had room. His robe pockets, his pant's pocket, even his book bag.

With a supply, he calmly sealed the case magically, silently thanking Sirius and then proceeded to walk towards the Quidditch field.

The stadium was always empty when there were no games. It had always been a place where James could be alone and have some peace, especially if they lost a game. At that thought, James felt horrible. The Gryffindor team captain since 5th year, he always worked the team hard, sometimes over the edge. But this year was different. Over a week into school and the team didn't have a single practice. Hell, they didn't even get together yet. Picking a set of bleachers and chairs to sit down on, he made a mental note to schedule try-outs so they could practice. Being Head Boy and Captain is going to take a little more effort than he thought…

Deciding to worry about it later, he reached down inside his robes and yanked out a bottle of firewhisky. Bringing up to his mouth, he merely chewed off the cap into his mouth before spitting it away. Lifting the bottle to his lips, he downed the entire bottle in less than 10 seconds and grabbed his wand from his robes and magically refilled it.

Drinking away the pain and memories, he felt numb but welcomed the feeling of killing off his thoughts with alcohol. It had always been a friend to him when life fucked up and turned against him. With his thoughts suppressed, he only thought of things that he wanted to. More specifically, tomorrow night with his friend and his 'furry little problem.'

Halfway to becoming tipsy, James suddenly said out loud so she could hear,

"How long have you been following me today, Evans?"

His voice was not cold or angry that she was stalking him, but seemingly depressed and wanted some company. Lily was shocked at first. Sure that she was stealthier than that! With her cover blown, she got out from her little cover from behind the rows of seats and walked to James, eventually sitting down next to him.

"After Charms…" she greeted as James offered her some firewhisky as he only nodded in acknowledgement of how long she followed him, not surprised.

They drifted off into another silence as both of them merely drank and stared off into the distance. Taking a swig and then passing it to the other. Lily felt the liquid burn through down her throat to her stomach where it stopped. Gazing mesmerized over the valley of green hills and liquid skies at the sun as it threatened to set on the pair.

Lily gave an uncontrollable shiver as the icy breeze attacked her exposed skin which had not gone unnoticed by James who reached his right arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Without a word exchanged, she merely accepted this and huddled closer, instantly feeling his warmth. Biting her lip to prevent the groan of disappointment when he removed his arm from her shoulders once she was close.

Knowing that whatever she would say would most likely go in one of James ears and out the other. He couldn't absorb any information like this. Even if he did, he would most definitely forget it.

An hour later, James was totally hammered. So wasted, he couldn't pull off the refilling charm anymore as he continued to lose focus.

"Can you, _hic, _fill this up?" He said in a slurred speech. Wanting to save his other bottles in the future.

"No, you've had enough today. Come on, we better get going."

_LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

Seeing as the Head dormitory is too far for Lily to drag a drunken Potter as opposed to the Gryffindor tower, she decided to bring him to his friends and leave him there for the night. During the trip, he seemed to be getting a hold of himself as he began to walk steadily by himself though Lily kept an eye on him just in case.

Upon reaching the portrait hole, he made her stop and broke free of her support as he crashed into the wall to the side.

"I'm fine, Evans. Look, just go talk to your friends or something, I'll be back in a minute and we'll go to our dorm together."

"Sure." Glad to be able to talk to her friends for a bit to catch up on things while still able to talk to James afterwards. Lily felt as if it was a win-win situation.

James walked up the long, twisting stairs and he reached the door before opening it and entering to see all the Marauders there.

"Pad, that hangover potion. Now." James stuttered.

"Again? This is the last time, it's my last one. You do this again and you're going have to brew your own." Sirius handed over a small vial into James hand and they watched James chug it in one quick movement.

"Nasty as always, but whatever works I guess. Can't have a hangover for tomorrow." James replied.

The boys watched James move over and collapse on his former bed which now became deserted as he had moved into another dorm. They then began discussing plans for the full moon.

_LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

As Lily approached the door leading to the dorm she and her friends shared together for the past 6 years, she noticed the door was already open. Wanting to have some fun, Lily cast a Disillusionment charm on herself before going into the room to scare her friends as she felt that bizarre feeling of an egg cracking over her head as she disappeared to the naked eye.

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about Sirius. Look at what's going on with Lily! She seems to be falling for James!" A voice said inside the room.

"If this happened before this year, I would laugh and say that will only happen on the day I pass Divination."

Lily would have cast the counter-spell and reveal herself to her friends but this conversation caught Lily's interest and decided it would be best if she left them to talk without knowing of Lily's presence.

"They would look good together. Both of them have been acting weird now that I think about it…" And all three of her best friends nodded in agreement.

"What if they are having some secret relationship or something. Like an affair, like their together, but no one but them knows?" Kim pondered.

"That is possible, she always stares at him in class and looks for him everywhere she goes now." Rachel said intrigued.

Lily took the charm off her and pounced on Rachel's bed, earning a shriek of horror from her before tackling her down to her bed and pinning her down as the charm began fading away to reveal Lily on top of her.

"I hope not! You should have seen your face!" Lily said happily.

"Merlin, you scared the hell out of me Lily! HEY! How long have you been listening in?"

"Long enough."

"Soooo?"

"So what?" Lily said, puzzled.

"What do you think? Answer the questions. Do you like him now?"

Lily's smile faltered slightly as she sat cross-legged on Rachel's bed. Racking her brains for an answer that eluded her.

"I don't know…" Lily said truthfully.

Though Lily seemed sad with her inability to come to a decision, her friends appeared positively delighted. In their own definition, an 'I don't know' from Lily translated into a yes.

"Lily this is great! You _never _liked a guy!"

"Woah, you like the guy you hated all these years? Ouch."

"You got it bad, Lils."

"Hey! I didn't say I like him yet!" Lily said, feeling as if this was going too far.

"Keep telling yourself that." Rachel said, giggling as she pushed her friend gently in the back in false encouragement.

"Yeah, you might start believing it!"

"Look, even if I _do _like him, how are we going to get together? It'll be so weird, I've hated him for all this time," said Lily as she felt that familiar guilty feeling rush her. "Anyway, I've decided to just be friends with him. And I don't like him; stop looking at me like that you guys! We're just friends!"

"Friends, huh? Does _he _know you guys are friends?"

"Or is this a one-sided relationship?"

"Fine, I'm working on it okay, we're _going _to be friends. Happy?"

When her friends continued to give her looks of 'stop-lying-to-yourself' Lily had enough. She bid them goodnight and went to the Common Room but found that James was not there. _He must be still with his friends. _Deciding she should go check on him, to make sure he didn't pass out or get even more firewhisky, she set her destination to the boy's dormitory.

"Prongs, you know you can get the stock of firewhiskies whenever you want, but this better not be about Lily. I saw you guys out there today. I thought you were over her." Sirius voiced echoed through the door.

Lily couldn't believe it, 3rd time today she eavesdropped on other people's conversation where her name was mentioned…Can it get any worse?

"I _am_ over her, I think." James voice said, though unconfidently. "Look, it doesn't even matter, what I'm doing is better off alone anyway. Your right, I don't need any more girlfriends, never again. I'll do it all myself…"

"Good, just be careful."

Then another voice, but it seemed to be Remus, "Now go before she comes up here looking for you."

With a shock, she ran down the stairs as quickly as she can so James wouldn't catch her eavesdropping, upon reaching the Common Room she found a chair and slumped down on it trying to catch her breath as she panted heavily.

Less than a minute later, James came down the stairs and together they walked to their dorm in an uncomfortable silence as James and Lily both could only think of one thing, though they both thought of the same thing.

_Do I like her? Do I like him?_

**Trespassers will be cursed,**

**Silent Readers (People who don't review) will be cursed again.**


	11. Take A Chance, And Follow Me

**Go to Youtube and in the search box put in: **

**"Set me free trashy"**

**Lyrics start at 1:20**

**Listen to it, goes with chp, or in the future of this story at least...**

As he walked to the Gryffindor bench for breakfast, a first in quite a while, he was noticeably unshaven. Stubbles of black, poking out the side of face, chin and down his neck. Lily had always hated facial hair on a guy, finding it unsuitable, irritating and a sign of the guy's laziness to groom themselves, but couldn't help but make him look long, rough and rugged. With bags under his eyes, it gave the impression he did not find the time to shave, let alone sleep much if at all. He must be busy doing something that kept him up late, it was definitely not Head Duties, Lily saw to it that he went to his bed after every round.

Surprisingly enough, James sat down right next to Lily but only because Ashley was sitting across from Lily fighting Sirius as she didn't want to be fed like a baby. But Lily knew her friend better, she was just trying to tease the poor guy and make him want her more…

Thinking he wanted to talk to her about Head Duties or the Halloween Dance, she greeted him warmly.

"Morning Potter."

"Hm." Grunting in response.

"What's up?" She tried again, hoping to engage him in a conversation.

"Nothing Evans, but can we talk about the Halloween B-"

"There's going to be a Halloween Ball!?" Ashley screamed while Sirius beamed with enthusiasm and grinned greedily at her.

"I- Whatever, I'm doing the try outs for the team after class, you wanna' plan it afterwards?"

Knowing she had nothing else to do, she answered back, "Sure, what time does it start?"

"4:00 pm, but you want to come when it starts? You could come when it's over, its not a problem."

"It's okay, I got nothing else better to do. It will be fun to watch."

James gave her a puzzled look but it was Sirius who responded,

"Lily Evans? Interested? In Quidditch?! Riiiiiiiight, and the Earth is flat!"

"And Santa Clause doesn't exist!" Remus said sarcastically as he joined in, mouth full of food.

"Hey! I saw him at the Mall before!" James mentioned jokingly, his face brightening up, removing the signs of his fatigue.

Lily joined in on the laughter, unable to believe that she just laughed at one of James jokes. Another first for her. Looking to her left, at James handsome face, she caught his attention. Still chuckling, he felt the sensation of someone looking at him and turned to greet it, looking Lily in the eye, still laughing before grabbing her half-eaten toast off Lily's plate and getting up.

Missing the soft, hazy look in James eye as he got up, she didn't even notice her breakfast being stolen by that very person until he took a bite.

"An' way, clas-go, nohw,' he said with mouthful of food. Lily didn't understand a word he said but saw a couple of Ravenclaw girls stand right in front of James, blocking his path.

"No, you do it!"

"You ask him!"

After a few seconds of bickering, one of the girls mustered the courage worthy of Godric Gryffindor himself and stood facing him.

She gave a prominent aura around her, as if she was an important person. With her V.I.P. glow, she had dirty blonde hair which was short, with one side leaning over diagonally to cover her eyes on the opposite side. She was an attractive 7th year girl…

Without wasting time, she leaned forward and cupped her hands on his ear and whispered something to him. When she was done, she ran a hand down from his ears down his cheek, to his chin and eventually removing her hand after feeling his rugged neck.

"I like them rough…" she growled erotically. As she pulled a letter, no doubt a love letter Lily thought. And placed it with extreme care into his pockets in his robe and walking away.

When she was out of earshot, James sat back down as if this happens everyday.

"Alright, let's see what this one wrote." Sirius said with boredom in his voice.

'_Yep, they do this too often…' _Lily thought.

Reaching into his pocket, he reemerged with the letter, sealed with an unmistakable kiss, red lipstick by the looks of it and some hearts.

"Who wants to do the honors this time?" James asked, placing it on the table before continuing to ravage the Lily's French toast in his hand.

"Peter got the last one, come on! It's my turn!" Sirius begged with puppy dog eyes.

"Let me read it!" Lily said, still giggling along with Ashley at the girls and their 'romantic attempt at James heart.' Shocking herself in the process, she hid the feeling off her face as she reached for it on the table.

Tearing it apart mercilessly, Lily read it aloud,

'_Dear James,_

_I can't live with the burden of you not even knowing I exist. I can make you so happy. I know the Halloween Ball is coming up and I would _love _to go with you. We would be perfect together._

_It's so hard to-'_

There was more text to the letter, but Lily didn't feel like reading anymore. Lily totally forgot about the Ball until James mentioned it a few minutes ago. She hadn't even taken the time to get a dress, let alone find a date. She is Head Girl! It is almost mandatory that she goes, and with a date no doubt. With too many worries, Lily merely giggled it away before she handed it to Ashley.

As her friend read it over, including the part Lily skipped, Sirius also read it curiously over her shoulder. Picking up where Lily left off, Sirius proclaimed with enthusiasm,

"_It's so hard to be without you. I want you so bad it hurts. _James!_ Just the sound of your name makes my body tingle. _That's kinky stuff right there! Sorry, back to the story, _James, you're the only one for me. My one and only. I know we can make it work. I know so much about you but I feel as if you don't even know me name-"_

"That's true I guess, I don't know her name." James shrugged.

"Shut up, Prongs. I'm telling a story here! Where was I? Ah yeah, here we go, _blah blah blah, blah blah. I want to sleep with you and snog you senseless, _blah blah blah, blah blah. Nothing interesting, oh, here's good stuff!"

Sirius stood half way up and held the letter in James face with an outstretched hand, knocking the pitcher of pumpkin juice over in the process but everyone ignored it.

Lily leaned to her left; grazing James shoulders for a split moment but still could not see what was so special at the bottom of the letter. Shifting her weight even more close to James, she saw the questionnaire at the bottom. She was so close, her head rested on his shoulders but it seemed to have gone unnoticed by everyone, including Lily herself.

_If you want to go with me, check here[ _

_If you are already going with someone else, check here[ _

Lily found it funny that she didn't leave space for an 'I don't want to go with you' section and James seemed to have read her mind.

"Too bad I can't mark a simple 'No.' I swear they get smarter every year."

The group roared in laughter at his predicament.

"Its okay, Prongs, I got you covered." Sirius assured and to prove his point, he pulled out a quill, preparing to write something down on the paper.

James face lit up, looking at Sirius with eagerness. "You're going with her for me? Sweet, I always knew you were there to get my bac-"

"FINE! GO WITH HER!" Ashley shrieked madly with a mixture of disappointment and anger sprawled on her face. But Lily knew better. Her friend was insanely jealous…

"I wasn't planning on doing that, baby. But if you insist-"

Playing along to see how far her friend would go, Lily added with a fake but encouraging smile, "Go ahead Black, she is rather pretty don't you think."

Nodding enthusiastically, Sirius began writing on the letter as Lily and James watched intently while Sirius read word for word what he was writing.

"No, my dear friend James Potter is love-stricken but gave me the honor and pleasure of taking such a lovely young woman such as yourself to the ball. Mind that we will be_ alone…together…next to each other…all night long-_" Placing emphasize on the last sentence while writing the words slowly as he retraced them, making each letter and word appear bolder.

The last words were the final straw for Ashley as her hands flew to her robes and reemerged with a swishy wand, giving a slash as if swinging a sword; she set the letter on fire with a bright blue-red blaze.

"OI! That was my going to be my date!" Sirius blurted out but couldn't wipe the mischievous smile off his face which gave him away.

"Too bad, I guess you will have to go alone." Ashley replied, though more happily now since she unleashed her rage on the poor parchment.

"But I don't want to go alone!"

"Sucks to be you."

"Your mean!"

"No problem, Sirius."

"Now what am I going to do?" Sirius continued in hysterics.

"Go masturbate it off." Ashley said with a heavy tone of boredom, still looking down at her pancakes and continuing to poke it with her fork in one hand and a wand in the other.

"This is all your fault!"

"Life's not fair."

"I hate you!" Sirius pouted but they all knew he was joking.

Nevertheless, these words struck her deeply even though she knew he was lying. Lily saw the flash of disappointment on her face. The look of being let down… But it was gone as fast as it came.

James, sensing the little jealous stunt his friend just pulled off might be taking a turn for the worse, decided to intervene before his friend _does _take that wrong turn and drive them over the cliff…

"She's over there; just go ask her, Padfoot."

"Right you are old boy." Sirius stood up but before he could bring his feet over the benches, Ashley swung her hand at his wrist. Once she got him in her grasp firmly, she yanked down with surprising strength and agility, putting him back in his place.

"You want me to not go with her than?" Sirius demanded.

"Seems so." James said for her when she remained silent.

"I guess I'll have to go to my last resort."

"Plan B?" Lily pondered.

Without answering, he turned to Ashley. "Halloween Ball. You. Me. Alone. Together. All. Night. Long."

Still not looking up from her desecrated breakfast full of marks left by fork stabs, she remained silent so Sirius kept rambling.

"You want to go with me? Common.' You know you want to!" Lily had the impression he had been waiting days if not weeks to say this.

"I don't know. You said you hate me…bastard." She turned away from him, putting her back to his face as she folded her arms to her chest.

Lily and James saw the smile on her face that had managed to escape Sirius' eyes.

"I'll make it up to you!"

"I don't know."

"Please?"

"You did say you rather go with her than me."

"You look good today?"

"Am I your last resort?"

"I like your shoes?" Sirius said, using waves upon waves of compliments to change her mind.

"You did say you hate me."

"One chance please?

"Hate is a powerful word."

Lily couldn't help but giggle at their conversation. If one could call it that. They seemed to be talking to themselves more than to each other.

Meanwhile, James was ecstatic. He was glad Sirius found a girl to match his wit. One who would play the game he always played. To stand up to him and not be pushed around. She stood her ground and didn't fall for Sirius charm as easily as other heart-broken girls had. Admiring Ashley's determination, he smiled at the odd couple.

"I'll do that Slughorn essay for you?"

"I'd rather go with the giant squid in the lake."

"Hey! That's my line!" Lily interjected pointing out her trademark rejection line reserved for James Potter. Instantly regretting saying that, she waited for James reaction but he merely chuckled heartily at the fond memories.

The laugh was close, too close. She felt his body shake from it. Then Lily realized she was still pressed up next to James, her thighs, shoulders and sides all crushed and melted as if one. Sure that her head was resting on his shoulders when they were reading the letter just moments ago. Not believing how comfortable it felt, she shifted a little to put some space in between them.

It went unnoticed by James who still watched the 'fight' that lay before him. Realizing that it was the other guys that always saw James have to suffer to get a date from Lily, James savored every moment by watching Sirius' torment.

'_No wonder they always laughed when Lily rejected me, this is pretty damn funny...'_

Still arguing, no one realized Remus and Kim coming down and sitting next to them.

"Hey, what's happening?" Remus said amused as he looked down at the pumpkin juice pitcher that had spilled earlier when Sirius, in his haste, knocked it over. Poking a 2nd year boy in the shoulder, he asked for the orange juice farther down the table and poured Kim and his own glass before returning it.

"World War III." James and Lily said in unison.

"I'll buy you that costume you wanted last weekend at Hogsmeade. Remember?"

Spinning around to face him she placed both her hands on his shoulders and grabbed him securely.

"REALLY!?" Ashley shrieked in excitement as she shook him senseless.

"If you stop shaking me like an earthquake." Sirius spluttered out amidst the violent rocking he endured.

"Okay but on one condition!"

Sirius seemed unsure and snuck a half-glance at James for an answer but all he got in return was a shrug.

"We have to match! It'll be fun!"

"I don't know…"

"How did you go to Hogsmeade? The first trip this year is _this _weekend." Remus asked curiously but gave James a peculiar look, as if questioning him instead.

"I- uh." Sirius stuttered and also looked at James for an answer.

"She knows?" James said simply.

"Yeah…erm, sorry. I wasn't thinking-"

"Don't be. As long as you guys had fun." James answered, shrugging it off.

To any one outside of the conversation, they would have been clueless. But Lily wasn't that person. She knew exactly what they were talking about as Ashley ate her shredded pancakes sheepishly. Sirius must have shown Ashley how to sneak out of school and taken her into Hogsmeade. Lily always knew the Marauders had a knack for doing it and without getting caught no less.

"Well, in that case. Kim, want to go to the Ball with me then?" Remus said, giving his best lost puppy dog eyes.

"Sure, but I need a costume." Kim responded as she took a sip of orange juice from the werewolf.

"No biggie, we'll go to Hogsmeade too!" Remus said happily, relieved that she said yes. "But it'll have to wait till after classes, how's 4?"

Kim splurged out the orange juice which splashed onto the person sitting across from her. Remus.

"Sorry! You just surprised me. I didn't think you meant today. And besides, it's either James or Sirius who are always breaking the rules and stuff."

"So you don't think I have a wild side?" Remus said with a cunning grin.

"Your furry little problem doesn't count." James replied with a knowing-smile.

Kim and Ashley were both lost in where this conversation was headed but Sirius roared in laughter.

Still confused, Kim said,

"Why do you guys think his rabbit is so funny every time he brings it up?"

This only added gas to the fire and the guys only laughed even louder. This caused even Remus and James to join in with Sirius.

As the chuckles died down slowly, Sirius turned to Ashley and placed his hands on her shoulders, imitating her action earlier but didn't shake her violently until he mentioned,

"How come they agreed on that in less than 30 seconds and with only two sentences while we took a whole breakfast?"

"Mm, I don't know. That's how our relationship works I guess." She shrugged after he released her.

"We have a relationship!?" Sirius blurted out before he could stop himself.

Blushing slightly, she merely nodded but Sirius saw the pink tinges on her cheeks and continued on.

"Does this mean we are like-" Sirius than began doing bizarre hand movements. Flailing his arms out and about, trying to get his point across. As if speaking sign language, but didn't know the language at all. He made hug gestures, handshake gestures and slapping gestures.

He eventually made a 'O' with his thumb and index finger and used his other hand's finger to insert through the hole his fingers created which earned a blush from Ashley as she looked back down at her plate in embarrassment.

Laughing at Sirius' antics, James reached an arm around Lily. Encircling his arms around her and Lily felt the static.

Electricity flickered through her. Her heart skipped a beat as he grazed her. An odd feeling burst through inside Lily. A feeling she never had before, a feeling she didn't realize. As if a light bulb had just ignited itself inside her. As strange a surprise it was, she welcomed it all the same. It was a happy feeling of excitement and she felt her spirits soar.

James noticed Lily's bizarre reaction so he noted,

"Sorry, just need a drink." Flashing Lily a smile she hadn't seen before. It wasn't the smug, arrogant or cocky 'I-am-the-greatest-ever' smile. No. It was… for a lack of better words, a half-smile.

His lips lifted from the corner of mouth partially, his lips still shut as his eyes gave a cute twinkle. Lost in a trance, she was snapped out of her fantasy when he got up, causing Lily to lose sight of his features.

Lily then realized the drink he wanted was hers! Lifting Lily's goblet of pumpkin juice, he drank half of its contents and laid it back down.

"I need to get my books, left it in the room." He said as he began wandering out of the Great Hall, mixing with other students who were also leaving. Any other person would not have been able to focus on him through the crowds and waves of people but Lily was locked on to him until he exited out of view through the doors.

Picking back up the goblet he just drank from, Lily finished the contents of the cup with a quick sip, noticing it tasted better than before…after James drank from it…

"You know you just practically kissed James right?" Ashley questioned but her gaze was still on the goblet.

"Wha-?" Lily said perplexed.

Ashley opened her mouth to respond but Sirius beat her to it,

"Sharing breakfast with my boy James Potter. Isn't that cute?"

"No we didn't- I mean, I didn't, I would nev- Whatever!" Lily said flustered as she remembered her half-eaten toast and the cup of pumpkin juice...

"You have a date for the Ball? Eh Lils?" Kim teased.

"No but-"

"But what? No excuses please, Miss Evans." Remus interrupted but he, along with the rest of the group found this conversation to be amusing.

"You could go with James…"

"He wouldn't want to go with me…"

This earned a puzzled look from the girls.

"Why not?"

"He hasn't asked me out all this year so far. Why would he now? I guess I wouldn't mind going with him. He does seem a lot more mature and behaved nowadays but he seems to have lost interest in me. I would have given him the chance but he is probably going with Sarah Anderson. Hell, he probably asked her to it already. Maybe that's why he isn't going with that one girl." Lily rambled on and on.

"I thought the Head Boy and Girl have to go together? Isn't it mandatory?" Sirius said.

Remus nodded in agreement, "I thought it was too but you got all these girls asking Prongs to it. I know for sure they have to do the first dance together though, as the opener since they planned it."

"But it is compulsory for them to go together right?" Sirius said as if one of the Head Students wasn't sitting directly across from him, let alone listening in on the conversation.

"It is now." Kim and Ashley said together in unison.

"Just ask him to it, you can use that as an excuse."

"It's a win-win situation!"

"I don't know guys. I don't know if I even like him or not." Lily said, unsure. It did sound easy and do-able. Very do-able. In fact, Lily doubted anything could go wrong if she just tried…

"Oh really…? Remember last week? Gryffindor Tower? In our dorm? Huh? That little girl to girl conversation we had? Just do it! What have you got to lose!"

"Um- I still don't know, I'm going to class guys, see you later!" Lily continued as she bid goodbye to her friends, not wanting to think about it anymore. Walking swiftly towards her class which was on the way to the Head's room, where James would be…

They were right, if she wants James to go with her, she could use that as an excuse. A fool-proof plan. No. _Idiot-_proof plan. Sound-proof, bullet-proof. Worst-case scenario-proof!

But the only thing that could go wrong is if James is already going with someone else. Would he be willing to dump and stand up the girl he originally agreed to go with and replace that empty spot with Lily Evans? The girl that used to proclaim her never-ending hatred and loathing to him?

Maybe that girl was prettier, taller and treated James better than Lily had in the past. In essence, better than Lily overall…

The idea haunted Lily for some reason.

There was James Potter in all his glory, standing in the middle of the ball room, arm in arm, bodies touching with another girl. She was a faceless, nameless stranger. A stranger that nonetheless, waltz with James in perfect harmony to the music. In perfect rhythm. For them, the night, the ball, it was all perfect. But it was perfect without Lily. As Lily Evans was not needed… James and the girl were perfect, while Lily felt miserable. Lily could see herself in some corner watching the 'perfect' couple having the time of their lives, the life of the party while she only sat by a table chugging down firewhisky in an attempt to drink away her raw emotions while glaring daggers at the lucky girl with jealousy in her heart…

'_Jealousy? Where did that come from?!' _Lily thought.

Shaking her head violently to erase the thought, she reminded herself she would be disappointed, not jealous if James went with someone else.

Redirecting her thoughts like a train conductor on the rails, she focused back on the potential consequences. If she asked hsim, and he was by some miracle, _not _going with some random girl, would he _want _to go with her? Maybe he wanted to go alone. He always seemed to prefer being alone by himself more often recently.

Before she knew it, she had passed the Head's dormitory. Stopping in her tracks, she looked back over her shoulder. Lost deep in the pits of her thoughts of thinking of the consequences and worst-case scenarios, she had passed it up.

Turning back, she muttered the password and climbed through the hole. Upon seeing James bedroom door slightly opened widely, she approached it with caution.

Peeking her head around the corner of the door frame, she found James back turned to her. He was hunched over the circular nightstand table. The table where he left all his random effects and possessions on. From those Love Potion-ed chocolate frogs to the broken glasses Lily had demolished.

Wondering what he was doing, she remained silent and motionless but her sight did not falter even the slightest.

James let out a sigh in frustration and lifted his right arm up to shoulder height. Lily then noticed he held his wand in his right hand. Pointing it at first to his cranium, he pushed it so it touched his head slightly.

Lily suddenly got the image of the Muggle movies in which people attempted suicide. If James held a gun instead of the stick of wood in his hand, he would have most likely appeared to be doing so.

Instead, he slowly drew the wand from his temple, a silvery thread attached to one end and making its way out of his memories.

Placing it into the table which Lily saw as a pensive in a hidden compartment under the glass, she now knew why it glowed so strangely. James then shifted away and sat down on his bed, his head held in his hands.

Knowing something must be wrong; Lily entered the room quietly began strolling towards him. Approaching him from behind, she carefully climbed onto the bed which James didn't notice move as he was deep in thought. Placing a soft, caring hand on his shoulder, Lily was about to ask him what was bothering him but James overreacted.

On reflexive instinct, he spun around while grabbing Lily's wrist in one fluid motion. Using the hand he had grasped in his control he pushed Lily back onto the bed, forcing her to lie down on her back as he leapt on top of her, effectively pinning her down with his weight. Lifting Lily's hand that he held, over her head so she couldn't reach for her own wand, James lifted his right arm and aimed his wand at Lily.

Lily was scared. She never thought James would attack her like this. Was he going to curse her now? Kill her? _No…_This isn't the James she knew, the James who cared about her, about everyone…

As soon as James pinned her down, she caught his eye and they both looked into each other's, lost in them.

Lily saw James beautiful hazel orbs swirl with fury and rage, a look of hatred mixed into them. A look that gave the impression he would not hesitate to kill…

**Sry about the broken chp every1, should have been up a few hours ago. Says it takes 15mins for new chp to show up, well it never did lol**

**wrote it in 2 hours on a friends laptop i borrowed for class (got bored and started writing, fuck taking notes) and the only word doc program he had is Notepad, well that was a bad idea instead of me using the regular Microsoft Word.**

**Anyway, its up.**

**Halo 3 comes out tomorrow and i dont own a Xbox360 so i'll just be playing it with some buddies,**

**so depending on how good (and addicting it is) i'll be not writing for that time l0l**


	12. Floating On An Endless Stream

**Me and James have the same birthday. March 27. **_**What a coincidence**_**, I had to read that page in DH a couple of times to make sure.**

**Fun Fact for the day.**

Meanwhile, James saw Lily's brilliant emerald green eyes, scared and confusion in them. Half full of tears that threatened to pour because she was so frightened.

Upon seeing her so vulnerable, he released her as he jumped off her and helped her up to a sitting position. Feeling stupid for being caught off his guard, he apologized quickly.

"I'm sorry, Evans. I- You just scared me…" James said heavily; regret echoing his voice as he pocketed his wand, attempting to erase any sign of his defensive reaction.

The pair drifted off into an awkward silence for a few seconds but Lily had to know.

"What's wrong, James?" Lily placed her hand on his shoulder once more; confident that he wouldn't try to defend himself again as he knew who she was now.

Sure enough, he didn't move at all so Lily only shifted her body closer to him, squeezing his elbow encouragingly and with delicate care.

"James? Something's been bothering you. You've changed since I first saw you on the train. What's going on?"

Still looking down, he whispered,

"Since when have you called me James?" Though she couldn't see his facial expression, she was sure he was surprised.

"When I want you to talk to me." Lily said truthfully.

James looked up from the floor and met Lily's eyes with his own as they locked automatically. He saw the tears that threatened to fall. As far as he knew, Lily is a strong and courageous woman, one of the reasons he liked her but looking like this. She appeared on the verge of tears.

Lily never cried…

Lifting both his hands to her cheeks, he used his thumbs to catch the tears. Not a moment too late, they fell freely as she lost all the willpower to hold them inside at his touch.

"Sorry. I feel so silly like this."

"No, it's all my fault. I shouldn't have done that to you. I- lost myself."

"Its fine, you just scared me. That's all. I just knew we had the same class so I thought I would come get you and we'd go together."

Letting his hands drop to her shoulders, he pulled her into an apologetic hug. Warmth and protection hit Lily like a speeding train. She felt as if nothing could go wrong now. The strong and powerful arms that held her securely were gentle, wrapped in them, she felt like she could do anything. Deciding the first thing she would accomplish with this new feeling, she managed to pull herself together and stop the flow of tears.

"Let's go to class, we'll be late again." She said when she recovered; making a mental note that he gave the best hugs.

"Okay, I'm only late when I'm with you." James assured with that perfect smile and Lily felt that unfamiliar but recently occuring swooning sensation.

The last three words kept echoing in the back of her mind, repeating itself so often Lily thought she would never forget them.

'_-I'm with you…' _Lily heard his voice say in her thoughts again as they left the dorm to Transfiguration.

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily walked into McGonagall's class a few minutes late and was greeted by her with a stern and disapproving look but it disappeared in an instant when she saw James follow into the classroom behind her.

Finding his usual seat in the front, James sat down while Lily found her assigned seat in the back, right behind James but to the side so she could watch him diagonally from a distance.

As soon as James sat down, he sprawled his arms out onto the desk and rested his head into him. Using his arms and hands as a pillow, he drifted off into sleep. He didn't snore but Lily was sure he was fast asleep and not just resting his eyes by closing them.

Lily sat motionless in her seat. Sure that McGonagall would wake James up considering that he sat in the very front where she was lecturing.

She was the strictest teacher to ever walk through the halls and teach at Hogwarts. She never let a student sleep in her class.

Torn between finding some way to wake James up to save him from her wrath to letting James get some rest as he did seem like he hadn't gotten any recently, Lily didn't know what to do. It was a lose-lose situation either way.

10 minutes passed and McGonagall still did not tell James off by waking him. Lily could have sworn she turned to see James messy-haired head burrowed into his arms. Lily watched as the Deputy Headmistress give James an almost pitying look.

Time flew by in the class quickly as Lily looked at nothing but the spiky haired, unshaven and worn out boy in front of her sleep.

He looked adorable. He was faced towards Lily and she saw how his hair gracefully fell over his eyes. His right eye was fully covered by his hair. His mouth hung slightly open but he wasn't drooling. He breathed slowly in rhythm. The window was open as the wind collided with his hair and Lily watched mesmerized as it flew up and down free as a bird. Every now and then, it would move the spike of cluttered hair that impeded her view of his right eye before it fell back down to cover them once more. Even though she had never touched or ran her hands through his hair as many girls at Hogwarts daydream of doing, she could tell it was soft. Almost weightless as a mere breath made it hover.

With only 5 minutes left of class, Lily still continued to watch but was angered as she watched a Hufflepuff classmate who sat next to James attempt to wake him up. Before she could think of a scheme to stop him, McGonagall beat her to it.

Upon seeing the young man poke James in the shoulder once, the Head of Gryffindor House sent a minor pinching jinx at him, hitting him in the arm. He let out a small gasp of pain.

"Don't, Mr. Blair." McGonagall warned with authority.

Lily found this even more bizarre. First, McGonagall allowed a student to walk in late to her class without saying anything, now she was allowing him to sleep in her class?

Is the world coming to an end? _What next!?_

When the bell rung, Lily was jolted from her daydream but packed her bag slowly, waiting for James to wake up. Even though she took out a few books and parchment, she never used any of it for today's lesson. She was too focused on James to work and take notes.

When half of the students had gone, Lily saw McGonagall walk towards a stirring James who woke up from all the shuffling of footsteps and bags being packed.

Luckily, Lily still snuck through unnoticed by James and McGonagall. Standing over a half-asleep James Potter, McGonagall addressed him and Lily expected her giving him a detention or something similar.

"How are you, James?"

Lily was shocked, not only did she not punish him but she addressed him nicely. _And _she addressed him with his first name…?

"Fine, Prof-"

"Please my dear boy, I've been telling you all year to call me Minerva." She smiled proudly at the Head Boy with an adoring smile, like a grandmother to her grandson.

"Sure, Minerva. Sorry for falling asleep in your class."

"James…you saved a lot of innocent lives last night."

Lily was even more confused now. James was at Hogwarts last night…right? Save? Save who? How many lives? What exactly _did _he do last night? She was making James sound like a hero.

James didn't answer but stood up, and when he only gave a nod in true, modest acknowledgement, she continued,

"You are suffering so much. You are doing more than even Dumbledore himself. You don't have to do this. Here, take the day off and get some rest." She turned her admiring into a pitying one at James.

"I have no choice." He said grimly.

"I'm sure Albus tells you that it's the choices we make that determine our lives-"

"Minerva, how many people have you seen die?"

McGonagallseemed taken back but James pressed on when she remained silent.

"For me lately, only the ones I couldn't protect."

"Like I said, you saved a lot of lives last night and before. You can protect anyone you want." McGonagall said but Lily got the impression she only said that to give him confidence.

"Maybe so, but-" James said but stopped halfway in his sentence before continuing,

"I can't save the ones I love…"

And with that, James got up and left as Lily saw a silent, single tear fall from his tormented hazel eyes.

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily dashed snuck through the door after McGonagall turned her back and went towards her office, shaking her head in pity.

She found James walking the hallways and cautiously approached him.

"…James?"

"Oh, hey Evans." He turned to greet her with a smile. But not the smile she grew to love in hopes of seeing it in the past hour but instead the fake smiles he wore too often now. She couldn't see the signs of his sadness, not even the sign that he shed a tear. Deciding it was for the best not to press on that particular topic, she tried to changed the subject but James beat her to it.

"You want to go to Professor Dumbledore? I need to speak with him really fast before Potions."

"Sure." Lily said, not caring that she will most likely be late for another class. For James again no doubt…

After what must have been less than 3 minutes, James exited the Headmasters study and they walked off to their class together. She hoped the Headmaster could have cheered him up but instead, he remained in the same state he had been in all day.

Lily spent the entire class time watching James drift off into sleep once again.

_**Final Heaven**_

"Where you going?"

"Practice session, well- more like tryouts."

"For what?" She continued to interrogate.

James chuckled softly, "So Gryffindor can win the Cup again, ma'am."

"Oh yea-" Lily slapped herself in stupidity.

Not knowing what she was doing, she walked with him to his room as class had ended. Leaning against the doorway as she watched him, locked in a trance as she watched him rummage around his messy, littered room for his things. James didn't know she was staring at his every move. He was too occupied with looking for his robes and Quidditch gear to notice her staring.

His room was a complete disaster. As if a hurricane, tsunami, earthquake and every other natural disaster had just swept past and left destruction in its wake.

His school uniform set of robes, pants, shirts and ties littered the carpet floor. A white dress shirt lay crumpled on his bed. His homework lay forgotten partially under his bed. His closet door was fully opened, revealing his wardrobe in which almost half the clothes in it were not hung from the hangers but lay on either the ground or on top of some surface. His study desk held a computer and his bookbag on top of it. The bag was open and his books poured out from it carelessly.

Lily always had a built-in notion that teenage males probably lived like slobs. Smiling to herself at the confirmation of her theory, she turned her attention to the owner of the room.

Pulling up his bag of Quidditch clothes around his shoulder, he walked swiftly out with a broom under one arm and a heavy box full of Bludgers, Quaffles and Snitches in it.

When he reached the door, he stopped abruptly in mid-step but Lily caught the shock on his face.

"Coming?" James asked, hoping he hid the hope and anticipation that laced his voice.

"Nothing else better to do."

As they walked out to the pitch, James repositioned the broom and placed it on his shoulder, with his now free hand holding onto the handle of it. With the broom straddling his shoulder, he held the enormous wooden box in his other arm. Lily took a moment to glance at his form, amazed he could carry so much weight.

"You want a hand?" Lily offered while he continued to walk with 3 items in his arms.

"It's okay, we're almost there." He pointed out.

As they reached the large doors leading the hallway out to the sunny, grassy grounds of Hogwarts, rays of light aimed down and lit the pair up. James squinted his eyes into slits to protect his pupils from the brightness while Lily lifted a hand over her eyes.

Over the horizon lay the giant Stadium. Groups of students waiting around it, Lily could see many Gryffindors. Some waiting for tryouts to start, some waiting just to watch, some waiting to participate in the event themselves.

The weather was not perfect, but it could have been worse. The wind blew heavily, causi

"Fucking shit-" James breathed silently.

"What's wrong?" Lily replied, fright covering her voice.

"Damn, forgot about it."

"What is it?" She pondered, hoping it was nothing serious.

"The notepad with all the names and stuff. Can you go to my room real quick and get it? It's on my desk."

"Okay."

Lily turned around and took a step in that direction but a deep, masculine voice shot through the breezy landscape like a bullet in the wind.

"EVANS! Hold on-"

The sound of James Potter's voice rang through her ears. Turning around to greet it, he spoke up once more.

"Can you get my gloves, they are on my table."

"Seems like I'm doing a lot of favors for you today." She teased.

"Please, Lily?" James pleaded, giving in to her bluff but he seemed amused, almost ready to laugh as his lips slowly formed a taunting smile.

Lily felt a tug at her chest at the use of her first name. He had never used that tone of voice with her. Wondering what had caused that involuntary shudder that came with a side order of a twitch, she felt her face become hot and realized she was blushing. Giving a quick nod that was aimed somewhere in his direction with her head down, she spun around a full 180 degrees and power-walked through the doors back inside the castle.

Hoping with all her might that he didn't see her turn red scarlet, she ran off in a sprint but knowing full well she had plenty of time.

_**Final Heaven**_

When Lily reached the Head's room, she opened the door and burst inside in a rush like police on a raid. Entering James room, she couldn't stop thinking.

'_Why am I blushing because he called me Lily? It's not the first time. I am so pathetic. He didn't see it, he didn't see it, he didn't- Shit. He probably did. What is wrong with me…'_

Unable to focus on the task at hand, she approached his desk that sat in the corner of his room and hastily shoved his books and bag out of the way and off the table. Lily found the notebook buried under all the notes and parchment. The book was open to a heavily written on page, close to the middle of the book, the flap was folded back so only one side of it was shown. It appeared new but it was extremely worn out.

Picking it up, she repositioned some more of his belongings around the table, as if hoping his Quidditch gloves that James asked her to retrieve was buried under the pile as well. After a minute of what must have been a mixture of cleaning and tossing things aside, she finally reached the conclusion it was not there.

Just then, a phone rang. An odd techno-ish ring tone filled the room. Jumping in surprise, Lily walked over to the small nightstand table by his bed. The one where his glasses _still _lay as it always had after Lily's little 'accident' with it. Appearing just as it did when she first touched them, decimated. A black, hand-held sized phone was lying face down on the counter. Wondering what a full blooded wizard such as James was doing with a Muggle electronic device such as a phone, Lily's curiosity only grew bigger. Throwing the notebook back onto his bed she carefully approached the table. The phone still rang for someone to answer but Lily ignored it as a picture frame sat on James table, placed face down onto the table. If it was a picture, it would be one of the few James Potter owned and hung up in his room. The only pictures he had for display were the ones with his fellow Marauders and the moments of Quidditch victories. The frame contained a picture that held James and someone else...

A pretty young girl who was probably around the same age as James and Lily snuggled into James on his left side, her head leaning against his. James left arm was draped around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Her left hand was placed on James chest lovingly as James free arm was lifted into the air, out of the camera's sights to take the picture for the couple.

She looked attractive. She looked hip. She looked striking. She had dirty blonde hair which was wrapped into a single messy tail. Though her hair seemed darker and contained more elements of brown color than blonde, the streaks of occasional yellow ran through her hair. Lily was sure it must be her natural hair color. The pair looked happy together. Even though the picture was not like the magical ones in which they moved, the pair remained motionless but Lily saw the ecstasy in their faces. Lily was sure they were not just friends, the expressions on their faces told her otherwise.

James smiled tenderly with her in his arms. She appeared delighted, almost pleasantly ecstatic to be with him. The picture must have been taken at a park sometime during the afternoon, maybe sometime during the summer this year. Trees and the crystal blue sky appeared from behind them in the picture.

James hazel eyes of light green shone amorously. The pale coloring, almost white with a small sign of green matched hers well. Her eyes were blue, a light, blue that was not dark like the ocean but pale blue similar to James' green hazel ones. His hair stuck up from the back more. Giving the impression of spikes from behind but the front of his untidy head was falling casually a few centimeters above his eyes. Lily noticed his hair was shorter than she had ever seen it before.

Giving the picture not another thought, she found his gloves and shoved them hastily into the pockets of her robes as she replaced the frame facedown back onto the table as it originally was. But something was going on under the table…

A faint silvery glow pierced the glass covering. An ominous, eerie light caught Lily Evan's attention. Knowing it was best to turn the other cheek, she looked outside his window.

But she could not walk away.

Looking back down at the table, Lily became more suspicious by the second. Taking the items from the surface, she replaced them on top of his bed. Once cleared, she looked around it for some way to take the glass cover off the table top so she could investigate what was going on beneath it. Placing her hands on the covering, she found her grip on the cover and lifted it up slowly, as if she would break something. Walking with the circular piece of glass to his bed, she dropped that on his sheets as well, just like the rest of his possessions.

Returning to the circular nightstand, she peered downwards at its base. A concave bottom lay at its core. A hidden compartment. In the secret location lay three stones with mysterious writing on it. Lily felt like she saw them somewhere before, possibly from a class or something. She was sure they were runes. Even though she had taken a class on Ancient Runes, she still could not decipher the language. Moving her head even closer in puzzlement, she hoped for some answers.

A bowl inside the concave opening held strange liquid along with the stones which were submerged completely in the bizarre liquid. The basin gave off a weird appearance, not sure if it was a form of gas or liquid, or even both, Lily leaned in even closer. The oval shaped stones were positioned so that each end touched the other ends from the other stones. The shape and way they were placed were forming a distinguishable triangle as many strands of silvery threads swam inside it. The threads were a string-like substance. Not physically existent but just liquid form. Lily was sure if she tried to grab one, it would dissolve in her very palms.

Perched over the hole she had created from the table, she was leaning closer every second. She was so close she could make out a faint picture from inside the liquid.

A strange pull yanked her downwards, sucking her in. Releasing a gasp, she was being pulled forward into the basin. Lily finally knew what it was but it was too late, she was already being dragged down to it. It wasn't a portkey, it wasn't just stones and pebbles…

It was a pensieve…

And she was drifting into James Potter's memory.

**Havent updated in almost a month now? ****Busy lately.**

**Classes, poker with friends, Halo 3 with friends (which i got bored of now lol), study (kinda, fine...i dont rly study), work, sleep.**

**Thats been the cycle lately. Eating, sex and breathing have dropped a notch in priority.**

**EDIT:**

I know its like 1977 and stuff. And theres no electronics and what not. But hey, since when has this story been Canon? If this was canon, James wouldnt be avoiding her now would he?


	13. This Won't Break Your Heart

**For Halloween, I ran around in just my boxers around campus. No need for a costume**

Lily felt herself spinning, rolling and dropping into an endless abyss. After what seemed like a long roller-coaster ride, she landed on her back. Slammed to the floor with a sharp velocity though she felt no pain, nor the dull thud that should have occurred as the back of her head collided with the hard floor. Her hands pushed down onto the floor, hoisting her knock-down body back up and took a look around her surroundings.

The sky was not blue. An eerie semi-darkness engulfed the environment around her. From the looks of her location it must have been late into the day. Still sitting down, Lily realized she was sitting in the middle of a basketball court. A playground complete with swings and slides for children was adjacent to the courts. The chain-linked fence surrounded the park like a prison. It was deserted, not a single soul was walking the streets directly across from the playgrounds. Not even kids were spotted in the deserted park or across the streets.

Knowing she was in James memory and therefore he must be nearby, she glanced to her left and right but found no sign of him. Preparing to get up into a standing position, she pushed an arm down into the blacktop pavement.

"What the hell are you doing here?" A playful, masculine voice roared out from behind Lily. She knew that voice, she knew who it was. From the noise of his shout, Lily knew he must have been within a few feet from her.

Halfway up, Lily stumbled in surprise and scrambled towards, farther away from the source of the person, hoping to go unnoticed.

"You are the last person I expected to see here." The same male continued on almost giving a laugh, a joking tone that Lily began to recognize more and more with every syllable.

How could she get spotted? How did she get noticed? This was supposed to be in the past. Considering Lily never even been to this place before, she found it peculiar. This made no sense at all. Was the pensieve in fact...not a pensieve? Perhaps a portkey that took her somewhere else? Impossible. If that were the case, she would be at the Quidditch field where tryouts were being held…

'_What the hell is going on…?'_

Turning around to face the person who spotted her out, she found none other than the owner of the memory himself, James Potter, rotated sideways to her.

James was looking stunningly Muggle, he blended perfectly into the surroundings while many other wizards would struggle to dress like their non-magical counterparts. He wore black athletic shorts that hung loosely, covered most of his knee. A white wifebeater t-shirt wrapped him tightly. His muscular chest was partially visible through the large neck opening of the shirt as well as his arms. A light layer of sweat coated his body. A worn-out brown, regulation-sized basketball held securely in between his arms and the side of his torso.

He was looking down at the ground. A smile playing on his handsome yet sweaty face as he shook his head repeatedly.

"Ja- Sorry. I was in your room and that thing-" Lily stuttered. Attempting to think of any excuse. Any at all. Anything to get out of this predicament.

"What's happening, bro?" James hollered, completely ignoring Lily and cutting her off in mid-sentence.

'_Bro?' _Since when had Lily become James' 'bro?' She didn't even think they were on friend level yet. Sure that she was still female, she decided it would be best to sit and watch and let fate take its course.

She was not able to finish her sentence when another male voice rang through the late afternoon sky.

"Fucking shit. Just my luck. Of all the idiots I could see here in this world, it just has to be _you_."

Looking at the direction of the mysterious stranger, she found a tall teenager who was dressed similar to James, in gym attire. He was dark, slightly taller than James and his hair cut to a faded short length. He was standing in the opening of the chain-linked gate as he made his way to Lily and James.

As he closed the distance and got within arms length of James, he pulled back his free arm behind his shoulders and swung it fiercely at James' chest, causing him to stumble backwards from the blow. The stranger raised his arms in front of him as James recovered and returned the hit. They both stood with fists raised for a few seconds before both guys started laughing uncontrollably and dropped their guard.

"So, how's it going?" James said as they gave each other a brotherly hug.

"Same old stuff, you know. What about you? Sirius says you still chase that one redhead around still."

"No I don't, Gabriel." James replied but Lily got the impression he was lying.

"What was her name again? Rose?"

"No you jackass." James chuckled.

Lily noticed James Potter was more like himself. Before she first saw him on the train just before the start of school. He taunted, joked and had fun with his friends like he did before. The old James she once knew.

"Something Eve?" The teenager named Gabriel continued guessing.

"Close enough. It's Lily Evans." James answered dreamily as if he was thinking about her at the moment.

"I got the flower part right." Gabriel said. "So, how does she treat you now? Or did you somehow win her heart this year. Which, if I may add, I highly doubt."

"Slapped me last time I saw her." James laughed heartily, not caring.

"Hitting is always a sign of affection."

"Then our relationship must have went up a notch because she hits me every chance she gets recently. I thought it must have been either she prefers violence as her new weapon or it was that time of the month for her."

"You need to let her go, dude."

James let out a strangled noise that resembled a scoff.

"You can't like someone for _only _6 years and then just…let them go. Not that easy."

"I'm going to introduce you to some girls later."

"Good luck." Potter shrugged.

"You are going to take that class with me this summer, right?"

Lily didn't get the chance to hear the answer as the scene dissolved around her. The very floor beneath her vanished but she did not feel herself falling this time. Instead, her surroundings merely swirled and mixed itself and formed a new area.

The redhead found herself dropped into a desk. A classroom lay before her eyes. A very Muggle style classroom. It was a rather large room, almost an auditorium size as the teacher stood in the front, giving a lecture. Most seats were already taken and considering that the lecture was already starting, the class must have begun as well. Lily found herself sitting next to a couple of students.

Wondering why James was taking a Muggle class during the summer, she peered around the giant room and look for any signs of him. Making sure she checked behind her just in case he was behind her again.

"This is an extracurricular class. You have all signed up willingly. If you do not want to be here, you do not have to. Therefore, I believe you will all try your best in this class." The old, aging professor said from behind his podium.

Behind Lily, the unmistakable sound of a door closing caught her attention. Turning around, she found James Potter standing there as he attempted in vain to shut the door quietly and sneak into a seat.

'_Late on the first day of class, typical.' _Lily assumed as she scoffed and folded her arms.

"Young man in the back, I hope this will not be a reoccurring trend."

James only gave a weak lopsided smile as he nervously looked around for a seat. As if he could see the redhead, James walked towards Lily. He was staring at her as he swaggered his way to the desk to Lily's left. But he didn't sit down right away.

"Is this seat taken?" James whispered silently at Lily.

Lily found it awkward. She was in James memory, in the past. Why was he talking to her then? There was no way he could see her? Or perhaps…

"Nogoahead." A feminine voice released from behind Lily. The voice said it so fast that it turned her sentence into just a single word.

Lily jerked her head and checked behind her.

It was the same blonde girl from the photograph. The one James had his arms wrapped around. She looked like an average student. She was pretty little thing but not spectacularly stunning. She was dressed simply, a pair of denim jeans that hung her well and a light blue shirt. She wasn't like the rest of the sluts Lily had known James and Sirius chased.

"Thanks." James mumbled quietly from behind Lily.

She opened her mouth in an attempt to form a response but shut it rapidly and turned back to the teacher in the front of the class but not before Lily spotted her blushing. As soon as her face flushed she turned, her long natural brownish, blonde hair covered her face along with any signs of nervousness.

Poor girl Lily thought. She saw James Potter for less than a minute and didn't even know his name but was already smitten to the point of anxiety.

Ignoring her, Lily turned back to James to find him sitting lazily slacked in his chair. One foot was resting on the empty desk in front of him so his knee was angled up. He didn't even have anything on his desk, no paper to take notes with but his hands held a Muggle pen as he twirled it in circles in his fingers.

Lily had never saw James adorn Muggle clothing before. But for a young man who was born and raised with a full background with wizards and magic, he was pulling off the attire perfectly. His large baggy denim pants looked good on him. Worn-out to the point where there were some rips and tears along with the occasional holes through his jeans but it fitted perfectly with his rebellious personality. He wore a dark blue polo shirt, his collars down but none of the two buttons done, revealing some skin around his collarbone. It was rather tight and the sleeves only reached down to cover half his biceps.

The scene in front of Lily dissolved once again. But this time she was in the same place, the same desk, James and the unknown blonde still sat next to her still wearing the same clothes. The memory must have skipped some time and went to the next scene.

"-that's enough for today. I'll see you all tomorrow." The professor addressed the class as he began gathering his possessions.

James got up and with his Seeker reflexes toned from years of playing the game; he gracefully guided the pen into his back pocket like he would if it was a wand and began walking towards the door.

Lily was about to follow James, knowing this may be important but a conversation reached her ears.

"So who's that handsome hunk you spent the entire class stealing looks at?" Another female voice said giddily. She was slightly shorter than the girl that James spoke to but her hair was noticeably blonder than her friend's.

"I don't know. He's great isn't he?" As the two blondes and a redhead watched James exit the classroom.

"Give me a break. You only said a word to him!" Her friend said exasperated but visibly amused.

"No I didn't! It was a sentence!" She defended as they walked out the door James had exited just moments before. James himself was walking slowly down the hall with one hand grasping a strap of his backpack over his shoulder.

"Excuse me, ladies! JAMES!" A loud male voice shouted as he ran past Lily and the girls. It was Gabriel, James friend from the basketball court…

James turned around on the spot.

"So how was day number one, captain?"

"Sucks." James chuckled and they continued walking side by side once Gabriel caught up. "I can't believe I'm taking this stupid class because of your girlfriend."

"Yeah well, I didn't want to be in there alone with her either so I had to bring you along right? Where's Sirius? He's supposed to be here but I haven't seen him."

"Make Sirius come to a class he doesn't need and is not interested in? Good luck. He's probably sleeping still."

"But he signed up though. His name was on the roster." Gabriel argued.

"Doesn't mean he will show up though."

"True." The two males turned right and walked through another door.

Lily's companions continued walking forward, not following James anymore. The girl that James had addressed earlier smiled slightly with a dreamy expression on her face.

"His name is James." Her friend said suddenly.

"What? Yeah. Of course."

"What's wrong with you?."

"What are you talking about?"

"How long have we known each other? Since we were like 6? So I think its fair for me to say that I've never seen you act like this over a guy before."

The hallway vanished completely and was almost instantly replaced with the classroom again. Lily sat in the same desk, dividing the blonde and James like a concrete wall once more.

"Do you have a pen?" She asked through Lily.

But the professor cut her off. "-you will be partnered with the person next to you for this assignment. Start working."

James looked around him before his eyes rested on the attractive girl next to Lily.

"In that case, I better sit over here." James offered and stood up; scooting over to sit down in the very chair Lily was sitting in at the moment. Lily saw James leg close over hers as if she was a ghost and in a moment of panic, jumped from her seat. If she was solid she would have sent the desk flying to the front row. James sat down in the seat Lily had just vacated as Lily stood there watching him.

"Do you have a pen?" She repeated with a dreamy expression on her face as she bit her lip slightly in hope.

"Sure, here." James gave her the pen in his hand.

He smiled at her and her cheeks immediately turned crimson. Looking down to hope he couldn't see her, she began scribbling madly on the paper in front of her. Lily was sure she was only doing this kill the time off till her face became normal from the anxiety attack. Even though her hair was covering her face like a curtain, Lily saw her steal some glances at him out of the corner of her eye every now and then as James continued staring at her for a silent minute.

"James." He offered his hand.

She looked up at him and seemed a bit taken back and surprised.

Taking his hand cautiously, she hazily replied,

"Jenna."

"It's nice to know the name of the person who has my favorite pen." James said wittingly with an adoring smile.

"It's a nice pen." Jenna said, returning his smile.

"So what are we suppose to do right now? I was dozing off until he said project and 'fail-this-class.'"

Jenna laughed at his innocence and began describing the project they were assigned. With each word spoken she was building her confidence up.

"That sounds easy enough." James responded in earnest with interest.

"Yeah. So where do you live? I didn't see you during the regular semester."

"Sacramento. I know it's kind of far from-" James said slowly.

"_What!?_ That's like a 10 hour drive from here!" She shrieked in a whisper, "How do you get here everyday?" She said astonished.

"I-uh-" James stuttered, thinking of an answer, "I guess I'm just _that _dedicated to my education, huh?" He finished as he gave a weak laugh and scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Actually, this _slacker _here is staying at my apartment. Right, James?" Gabriel said from the row of desks behind them as he stressed the last two words to force the answer he wanted to hear from him.

"Yeah. It's a complete disaster in there though. There are plates from meals he ate last month still sitting on the floor, all piled up and stuff." James contended.

"My girlfriend doesn't like to clean up after me. She sucks to be honest. I don't know how I ever fell for such a bitch like-" Gabriel complained.

"HEY!" The girl that sat next to Gabriel slapped him in the back of his head. Lily presumed it must be his girlfriend. Moments before she was busy writing down their work.

"Ow! Sorry! You know I didn't mean that, babe!"

"Talking like that as if I'm not here!?" She screamed as she continued bashing his head in with constant slaps but couldn't hide the laughter in her voice.

James turned away from them, shaking his head in amusement as Jenna watched the arguing couple like a television sitcom.

"So where were we?" James continued, looking Jenna in the eye as she blushed slightly but did not look away.

The classroom vanished once more and Lily found herself standing in the middle of a parking lot. The pavement was black and half full of cars. It seemed like a student parking lot at the university where they had class. James and Gabriel strolled past the aisle of cars with books in their arms and backpacks over their shoulders.

"She's beautiful, man." James said.

"How long did it take you to notice her?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, puzzled.

"So it took you a week to notice her? She only sat right next to you."

"Are you kidding me? I noticed her on the first day."

"When you were late?"

"Yeah, and I was looking for my seat and I stared at her as I walked to sit next to her."

"Right, let that one desk divide you two."

Gabriel aimed his keys at a car and unlocked it. The electronic chirping sound of the car rang out.

"I don't know, Gabe. I've only had my eyes on one girl until now."

"Rose?"

James ignored his mistaken identity of Lily and continued talking.

"She's beautiful, funny, and smart enough to get our project done already and its not even due for two more weeks." James rambled on and on.

"Okay, Romeo. Take it easy. At least you found a girl that is smart, Alexia probably won't be done with our project till _three_ weeks later."

"She loves you though. When's the wedding?"

"Har-har, buddy. Very funny."

The clouds and trees around Lily faded. She found herself in another location, a rather large apartment. She landed softly on the sofa in the living room as James and Gabriel opened the door and walked in.

"Luckily, I don't live here."

Lily could see why. It was a complete disaster. The couch was covered with trash, cups and things she could not identify. The coffee table held stacks of dirty plates piled high enough to risk collapsing. Crushed cans of beverages ranging from beer to juice to soda littered the floor.

Gabriel laughed, "She thinks you do."

James went to the seat by Lily and pushed away the pillows and other debris and collapsed by Lily as he threw both his arms over the back of the couch. It felt awkward to Lily as James technically had his arms around her shoulders. Gabriel threw his bag to the corner of the room and disappeared past a doorway.

"Want a beer?"

"No I'm good." James yelled as he searched for the remote.

"Your loss."

"What is all this junk? You need to really clean this place, hose it down, hire a maid, do something. I mean, look at this- is that a-?" James said with a disgusted yet laughing face.

Gabriel came over to the seat next to James and plopped down as well as he opened his can.

"Watch out for those." Gabriel replied simply as he reached over and pulled from under a mountain of pillows and blankets an unmistakable pair of female panties.

James jumped up off the couch, "Warn me next time. That's not very hygienic."

Lily suddenly realized what he meant and leapt up as well even though she was not in contact. With her sudden jumping motion, Lily felt herself being pulled from her arms upwards. With a sharp intake of breath she felt herself yanked from her robes. Lily fell backwards and landed on the carpet floor of James bedroom. Knowing that it may be time to leave and meet up with the James in the present, she got up and quickly left but not without a look back at the shallow bowl of memories before running off to the Quidditch pitch.

**Final Heaven**

"Sorry I'm late." Lily panted.

James didn't turn to look around to look at her. He still stood in the center of the field with the clipboard in his hand as he scribbled away madly and occasionally looked up at the Gryffindors trying out for the team as they flew high above him.

Lily walked up to his side and stared up into the clouds as well.

"You want to help?" James said abruptly.

"What can I do?"

James turned to her and lifted his arms, holding up his broom to offer Lily.

**I'm posting this during the Patriots vs Colts game**

**Can you say sacrifice :/**


	14. Wish We Could Be More Than Friends

**So me and some friends got a college grant last week. (Its like a scholarship kinda, the school gives you money to, well, pretty much live on)**

**So one of my friends takes his check and goes to Best Buy and buys a 40 inch flatscreen Plasma HD TV and posts it up in his dorm. **

_**Fucking genius!**_

"Huh?" Lily said with a lost expression on her face as she looked at James broom.

"We're short a Chaser so can you fly up and take notes, I'll tell you what to do." James continued while handing her his clipboard as well.

"This may be a bad time but I haven't flown on a broomstick since our first year."

James seemed surprised but being Quidditch Captain, he must not have heard this often. Nevertheless, he placed the broom horizontally and leveled it to his waist. As he released it, the broom hovered in midair, still in place. He swung one leg over it, straddling the broom and for a moment Lily thought he was about to take off into the air, leaving her alone because of her incompetence as the Head Girl yet couldn't even fly. He then looked up and made eye contact with the Head Girl.

"Fly with me." James breathed softly.

"Uh- maybe it's best if I grade them from the ground." She said in almost a question.

"Hop on."

"It doesn't look very safe, Potter. What if I-"

"You won't fall, trust me." He confided.

"But-"

"I'll do all of your homework for the rest of year if I let you fall." He offered.

Lily considered his offer for a second. With her academic mentality getting the better of her as she approached the levitating piece of wood precariously.

"Safer if you sit in front."

Taking his years of Quidditch experience into consideration, Lily pulled a leg over the top of the broom and sat down as she scooted backwards closer to James. Her back was pressed into James chest, their hips almost grinding together. His chest pushed into the small of her back and she could have almost felt his heart pulsating. The soft grass blades beneath them were tickled by the gently breeze as one of James arm came around Lily with a notepad.

"Cross out the names when I tell you to." James whispered hoarsely, his lips right at Lily's ears. His warm breath on her skin created chills that ran down her neck. Feeling as if she was petrified into pure stone, she managed to take the items. Still clutching the notepad to her chest with one hand and the other holding the broom, she braced herself for the rush of speed. Surely James was a fast flyer?

James wrapped his arms around Lily and grasped the handle, his arms encircling the redhead. Feeling significantly safer, she turned to James only find his face inches from hers.

The tips of their noses almost touching as Lily gave James a small smile. James returned it sincerely and Lily found herself staring into his eyes once more. The color of his hazel orbs consisted of a shade of green so light that it could have been transparent. She could almost see her own set of eyes reflected in them. It was then that she finally realized how dangerously close they were. She could smell his scent. A clean, fresh, very outdoor fragrance washed over her.

They were close, too close. _She_ could kiss him. _He _could kiss her.

Lily's eyes lazily fluttered, nearing the border of being shut. Her body moved by its own accord. She felt her head tilt to the right as she leant in. She couldn't stop. She knew it was wrong but at the moment the rewards far outweighed the consequences. The moment was perfect, timing was unflawed, and the sequences of actions were seemingly choreographed. On top of it all, she didn't give a damn as she licked her lips in anticipation. Throwing all the common sense she held in her mind recklessly out the window, she decided to close in still as her lips drifted precariously close to his. Their noses touched and Lily knew it was inevitable. Lily's heart was pulsing and beating itself into overdrive. She was almost past the point of no return. Her skin seemed to be burning as her temperature skyrocketed. Forgetting their troublesome past in a fleeting instant she inched even closer in her moment of temptation. She assumed James would be closing in as well to seal it. One little kiss. One kiss can't hurt…

"Ready?"

"Ready." She robotically.

His single word broke her out of her fixed trance while her eyes flew open as she felt him shift his weight around for balance as he took off speeding into the air.

Lily should have been frightened to be so high but her mind still wandered on what just happened moments ago.

Why hadn't James kissed her? Yeah, he's changed but surely this must have been one of those wild fantasies of his that he would occasionally flaunt at Lily. His favorite past time, Quidditch and flying in the broom along with the girl he has been chasing for years together. Wouldn't that be perfect for him? The only thing he loved that wasn't there was probably food.

Lily couldn't get James face out of her mind. His smile, the way his eyes would crinkle slightly when he flashed that attractive smile instead of his usual cocky, arrogant one. The way his eyes shone tenderly with care. The smell he was giving off. The way the wind crashed into his hair.

Why hadn't he kissed her? Maybe she was not obvious enough? The butterflies that emerged inside her from expecting a kiss was punctured and deflated like a balloon. Did he not know how bad she wanted it during that moment? Hell, she still kind of wanted it. Or perhaps- He did not _want _to kiss her! She fidgeted slightly in worry and horror. Maybe he was disgusted at the very sight of her. Or even worse- Was he laughing at her in his mind behind her? Or maybe he has a girlfriend already? Was he taken now?

It was driving her insane.

Lily spent the next couple of minutes mentally beating herself up. How could she let her hormones get the best of her? How could she be so foolish, to forsake everything for a moment's bliss?

"Harris. He doesn't even know what to do with the bat." James said behind her.

"Wha-?" Lily fumbled.

"Take out Harris, he's hitting the Quaffles with the Beater's bat."

"Yeah. Of course. Sure." Lily said as she erased someone else's name, still lost in her thoughts before realizing what she had done and replacing it.

After more debating with herself and hearing James orders, Lily attempted to leave it behind her. James didn't seem to really care, yet seem to even notice that the girl he nagged for years for a date almost willingly kissed him.

"Good shot, Jonathan! But you're scoring on your own side!"

_**Final Heaven**_

"Evans. Take Elena off."

"What's her last name?" Lily asked, peering down at the sheet as she was unable to find an 'Elena.'

"Umm-" James stalled as he put his chin down on Lily's shoulders to look at the list.

He placed his index finger on a name, "There. Richardson."

"I think that's it, we're done. Let's get back to the ground."

As they flew gently back to the comforts and safety of solid ground, Lily's brain continued to work itself onto the brink of insanity. He landed in the center of the field and hopped off as he began gathering the different items and placing them back into the box. James clicked some latches and locked the equipment in place before lifting the heavy load onto his shoulders and turning to Lily.

"Thanks for the help, Evans." James said before simply turning his back on her and walking away.

"LILY!" A recognizable female voice shouted into the open grounds.

Lily did not turn around to greet it, still too focused on the sight of James back as it began fading farther away down the horizon.

"Lily! HEY! LILY EVANS!?"

"Hogwarts to Lily Evans. Helloooo?" A masculine voice said playfully.

The sandy hair Remus Lupin stood at Lily's side while Kim shook her shoulders.

"What are we supposed to be looking at here, Li- Oh?" Kim began but stopped when she noticed James robes swaying behind him.

"James is one sexy beast." Remus commented suddenly.

"I'd hit that." Kim added.

"Huh-? What's going on? Lily spluttered.

"Since when have you tolerated Potter?" Kim asked.

"Forget that, since when have you started liking James?" Remus interrogated.

Lily faced Remus with a blank face, hoping to avoid turning this conversation to where it was possibly leading to, "What are you talking about, Remus?"

"You know exactly what I've been talking about." Remus flashed a taunting know-it-all smile, provoking Lily more. Kim opened her mouth to add on but was cut off.

"Well, _you _of all people should know of all the times I rejected him. Like that time in the Common Room, or that time by the lake. You of all people should know that I hate him. This is James Potter we're talking about. The most arrogant, selfish, bullying loser to ever walk through the halls of Hog-"

"That's a lot to say about someone that you 'hate with a passion.'" Remus said.

"Why did you share a broom with James 'Arrogant' Potter just a few minutes ago then?"

Lily was stricken.

"You two were-"

"-Watching everything from the stands." Remus pointed to the row of seats where the professors and the Headmaster sat during the games.

"Let's go to dinner Remus, I'm starving."

The werewolf raised a finger and opened his mouth to object but his stomach growled audibly.

"Same?" He chuckled, "Who's turn is it this-OOMPH!"

With athletic agility, Kim pounced onto his back with her legs wrapped around him and her hands around his neck.

"Giddy-yap."

"Again?"

"Move it horsey."

"Fine, I see how it is. You so owe me for this though."

_**Final Heaven**_

"What did the potato ever do to you, Evans?" Sirius asked as he sat down after piling a couple of plates full of food around him as if he was at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Lily stopped her subconscious yet vicious stabbing of the food on her plate. Everything was shredded and torn with holes that were no doubt caused by being pierced with a sharp metal fork. She dropped her fork onto her plate and rested both elbows on the table as she supported her chin in her palms. Deep in thought, she completely ignored Sirius.

"You look burned out. That time of the month again?" Sirius teased with a mouthful of food.

Lily glared at him and reached down for her fork and raised it to his face. About to threaten him but she felt someone's hand rest on her shoulder.

"She's been helping me all day, mate." James voice echoed from behind her as he sat down next to Lily.

His hair was slightly damp but was matted down dry. He gave off a fresh scent of soap and shampoo. He only wore a casual, blank white t-shirt with his uniform pants amidst a hall full of robe wearing wizards and witches. If Lily hadn't guessed he took a quick shower before coming down for dinner, she would have suspected he just hung outside in heavy rain.

"Alright. Here you go, Captain." Sirius offered one of his plates loaded with food accompanied with a salute. She noticed his plate had nothing but meat, no vegetables or dessert, just all meat. She had always guessed he would be a carnivorous male but didn't know to what extent.

"Thanks, Pads." James said, "My favorite items as usual. By the way, Evans. I forgot the notebook."

"Oh yeah, you left so quickly so I left it in the common room."

"I'll get it later, thanks."

Lily was planning on leaving but stayed around for the company and to listen in on James and Sirius conversation which mostly revolved around Quidditch plays, what girls Sirius had his eyes on and the food. James only nodded in agreement and laughed every now and then at his jokes. He was done with his food within a few minutes.

The redhead took a moment to look around the Great Hall, most students had already left and those remaining only sat around to chat over some drinks. James was the only one still eating.

"That was great," James sighed, "I haven't had much to eat lately. Hey little man, can you pass me the chicken?" James indicated to a small first year Gryffindor next to him who passed a plate full of roasted chicken to James with nervous, shaky hands.

"Thanks, Kevin." James said as the first year got up with his friends and left, no doubt shocked to find out the Head Boy and House Captain knew him personally by name and was going to tell his friends about it.

"I thought you were full." Lily questioned, partially disgusted but smiling at his cravings all the same as James placed the entire tray in front of him and prepared to devour it all. She glad he was eating once again. Since they got off the train and until this morning, James had not even showed up to the Great Hall for any meal. Now, he was munching and forcing anything edible down his mouth that was within arms reach of him.

"When is he ever? Then again, when are _we_ ever?" Sirius spoke for James as the Quidditch Captain chuckled.

"This looks great, I haven't had this in a very long- what in Merlin's-HEY!"

All the food from every plate vanished, the plates returned to being spotless clean. The house elves must have cleaned up.

Sirius roared with laughter, "Oh man, that's the first time in our seven years here that we couldn't finish the food before they cleaned up."

James lips formed a pout and his face contoured into mock sadness.

"I'm still hungry though."

Sirius barked a chuckled, "I'm going to sleep. Go to the kitchens if you are so desperate."

"Sleep? Its not even 7 yet."

"Yeah but I'm so fucking sore right now. That 3rd year missed the bludger completely and hit me in the back."

"How is that even possible?" Lily joined in on the conversation.

"When he missed, he let the bat slip out of his hand…"

"Ouch," James laughed. "But if someone can hurt you that bad then they must be pretty good, I should draft him into the team."

Sirius scoffed and flashed a quick leaving wave before disappearing past the large doors. With Black's departure, Lily was left with James in an uncomfortable silence. Her mind was telling her to say something. To spark a conversation somehow, someway…

"Patrolling tonight?"

'_Shit!'_

Lily could have almost slapped herself. The best starting line she could think of was based on their duties and academics…

"Yup." James said as he pushed the plates away from him and folded his arms onto the table. His messy hair head fell into his makeshift pillow as he shut his eyes.

'_It _was _a long day for him…'_

"Want to go somewhere?" Lily took a swing at a conversation once more. But mentally slapped herself once more.

"Hmm-?" James hummed from his arms.

"We could go do something."

This made James turn his head around in his arms to look at her from below.

"Lily Evans suggesting we go 'do something.' That's odd. Okay, what do you want to do?"

Lily racked her brain for some sort of inspiration.

"We could go to the kitchens."

James gave a quick chuckling laugh. "Do you even know where the kitchens at?"

"I- by some portrait with a pear or something." She guessed from a memory of overhearing the Headmaster speak about.

James eyed her suspiciously.

"Fine, I don't know! But I'm bored all right?"

"Let's go." James stood up quickly.

"You know where it is?"

"I know everything about this castle and its grounds." James bragged.

"No you don't."

They both exited the hall and began walking down the corridors.

"I could probably map this entire school." James said with a mischievous, knowing smile.

"You always were an arrogant, cocky, bullying toe-rag." Lily joked in half seriousness. She instantly regretted saying that. But to her relief, he laughed merrily.

"Ah, the memories."

After a short trip and a few right turns down the school later, they must have reached their destination as James came to a complete halt. Lily looked around their surroundings but there was nothing to show it was a kitchen, it was just the same old Hogwarts corridor. They had gone down the corridor to the right of the main staircase in the Entrance Hall. The pair were probably directly beneath the Great Hall now.

"Potter, there's nothing here. What are we-"

James had his back turned to her, his attention focused on the portrait painting hung up on the wall.

"Here's your pear, work your magic, Evans."

Lily stepped up to the challenge. Hoping she did not look stupid, she began touching everything on the large portrait of a bowl of fruits. She even took out her wand and began poking it which earned a laugh from James as he observed everything from behind her. With all her ideas used up, she folded her arms around her chest and gave the innocent painting a deathly glare.

"Look. You have to…"

James came up from behind her and wrapped his arms around her, one arm holding her waist while the other pulled her hand up to the pear. He guided her soft hands to it and brushed over the top of it slowly. His lips whispered instructions directly into her ear just like during the team tryouts hours before.

"Stroke it gently. It's more of a tickling motion."

The pear giggled audibly and Lily let out a gasp and glanced to her sides to make sure no one was around. When she turned back to see the pear, it had shape-shifted into a door handle. Before she could even enter the information into her mind, James was already guiding her hand slowly to it as she turned it open. The portrait swung open, leaving a gap so large than even the gamekeeper, Rubeus Hagrid, could have fit through without any problems.

The kitchen was a very high ceiling room with stone walls. Heaps of brass pots and pans were placed inside. An enormous brick fireplace at one end of the room while four gigantic tables that must be used to represent the four different Houses were positioned just like the one upstairs in the Great Hall.

The couple still stood in the middle of the hallway where anyone walking by could see them. Both their arms were still outstretched even after turning the brass door handle but Lily felt as if her feet were stuck in place. His comfortable arms still held hers up.

"Welcome, Mr. Potter." A small house elf squeaked as it came running to them.

"Hey Pinky. Could we get some chocolate chip cookies and some milk?" James released Lily slowly as he walked forward past her but she couldn't ignore the empty feeling of disappointment that struck her.

She folded her arms and walked towards one of the large house tables and sat down to contemplate things over.

'_What is wrong with me today? First I to kiss now I-'_

"Want some?" James' soothing voice freed her from her thoughts. He stood behind her with a plate of cookies and two glasses of milk.

The smell of chocolate and freshly baked cookie dough lingered in the air. Without saying a word she simply took a cup with a smile as he sat down to give her company.

"I haven't sat down with milk and cookies since I was 10." Lily reported, somewhat proud for not saying anything stupid again.

"Really? You surprise me everyday," James teased, "I always knew you were a Hufflepuff softie."

Lily pushed him gently in the shoulders and scooted farther down the bench away from the Head Boy but knowing all too well that he would come right back, "What do you mean?"

He peered around at the other tables, "This is the Hufflepuff table. Why couldn't you be a Gryffindor and sit at our table?"

"I didn't know. I just picked one. Why are there tables here anyway?"

"Its how the elves get the food upstairs to the Great Hall. Look- They just place it here and it'll get transported above by house elf magic or something."

Impressed with his knowledge of the school, she asked a question that she already felt she knew the answer to, "You must come here often then? Sneaking around and nicking food all the time?"

"You know it."

"So what are you going to do when you get out of here? You can't go sneaking around Hogwarts forever you know."

"I thought of being an Auror-" He admitted nervously, running his hands through his hair.

Lily's eyes widened in surprise, "Really? I always thought you would either go on to be a slacking bum or a Quidditch player."

"Glad to know you always thought so highly of me."

The couple spent hours chatting and enjoying each other's company like lovers should. Both enjoying how well they got along but scared at the same time as well. Unsure of what they were. Not friends, not even acquaintances and definitely not lovers.

"Look at the time, we better get going. We should be patrolling now."

"Sure." Lily hopped up excitedly, knowing their conversation would continue for at least a _few _more hours.

"Going to be a long night, better take these along." James joked as he pulled out his wand and performed a spell that caused the cookies to stack up on one another to form a tower as it hovered and followed him around as he picked up his milk.

The miniature-sized elves bid them goodnight as they walked into the dark abyss of the hallways. Few minutes into their first round of patrols and they were beginning to drift into another lonely silence as Lily suppressed a yawn without any success.

"Tired?"

"I'll live."

"Go to bed. I'll finish up here."

"I can't do that. And besides, this is our first-"

"Don't worry about it. I got it taken care of. I'll be done in a few hours."

"Are you su-"

"Just go." James urged.

His face was serious. Lily had never known James Potter like this before.

'_He has change.' _

His unselfish act caused her to melt inside. Grinning from ear to ear, she surprised them both by lunging towards him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He gave a slight groan of surprise as Lily pulled him into a quick squeeze.

"Since when have you been such a gentleman?"

"Forever."

She smiled and wished him goodnight before turning around and walking away but he called her back to him.

"We should do this more often."

Lily stood there contemplating it for a moment just to tease him before answering.

"We'll see."

He turned around and continued walking as ate the cookies that followed him as he strolled down the deserted corridors but not before she saw the smile plastered on his face.

'_Perhaps he's not as bad as he used to be…'_

**As for me?**

**I've been living off just Ramen noodles and water like every other broke Uni student.**

**I went to a buffet with some buddies to get ourselves some real food. Cant wait till Thanksgiving.**

**I guess the quickest way to a man's heart **_**really**_** is through his stomach.**


	15. Nothing Compares To An Evening Alone

**This is my December**

**This is my time of the year**

**This is my December**

**This is all so clear**

**This is my December**

**These are my snow covered dreams**

**This is me pretending**

**This is all I need**

**And I**

**Just wish that I didn't feel**

**Like there was something I missed**

**And I'd give it all away**

**Just to have somewhere to go to**

**Give it all away**

**To have someone to come home to…**

_**Linkin Park – My December**_

"_Have you seen Potter?"_

"_Where is he at?"_

"_Do you know when he'll be back?"_

"_Is he here?"_

The next morning after their nighttime stroll as they wandered the castle left Lily with a newfound respect and understanding of her former nemesis. An epiphany of sorts, she couldn't understand it. People do not simply hate someone for six straight years than casually hang out with them. She lay in bed that night staring at her ceiling with an image of the new kind, quiet yet mysterious James floating in her mind.

She was sure the pensieve held more answers. Noting that another trip into the very bottom depths of his memories may tell her what she wanted to hear but on the other hand it was wrong on so many levels. If she were to get caught by him, he will probably not speak to her ever again.

But Lily had not seen him in days…

He was driving her crazy. Leaving her to drown in her own despair of loneliness.

She appreciated how mature had had grown over the summer, as if making her wishes and past demands for the previous 6 years come true. He was such a gentleman now, James even avoided her and she had only seen him in their classes, duties as Head students and inside their shared dormitory. He sacrificed hours of sleep just so his favorite redhead could go to bed. He became so dedicated to his work both academically and athletically recently. Where had the cocky, arrogant, hormone driven teenager she once knew? There were no more jokes and pranks now. She had a feeling he was different on the day they arrived at Hogwarts but shrugged it off merely as another one of his schemes to behave docile and pretend he was not the bully she had always saw him as. But a few weeks later into the school year, he was for real. It wasn't an act…

But she could not deny that he was behaving strangely as well. He hasn't even asked her out yet. He usually came back to their dormitory late, did not hang out with his closest friends as often as he did. Not to mention that he did not take the kiss when he had the chance. Now that she thought about it, it felt as if the messy haired teenager was avoiding her. A mere four months ago, she would have bet her Head Girl badge that James would have taken every moment and opportunity just to be in the same room as her.

Are they friends now? Or still enemies? Perhaps merely acquaintances?

"_Lily! _Snap out of it!" A female voice whispered urgently into her ear.

Lily's head shot up from her desk and the blank piece of parchment that should have been full and crammed with notes to the edges.

"Ms. Evans? Do you know the answer?" Professor Flitwick said in his cheerful tone, fully expecting the Head Girl to know the answer to every question he raised.

"Err- What was the question again?" Lily mumbled unintelligently which earned laughter from the rest of the class.

"Oh-ho, Ms. Evans daydreaming in class? Is something bothering you?"

"No, its nothing." She responded, embarrassment beginning to creep in and trying desperately to put a quick end to this little conversation.

"If you say so. I just hope it is nothing serious. Now, as I was saying the spell is more a wave and a flick-"

The lesson drawled on back into boredom. The class never seemed to like the class unless they were actually performing the spell instead of learning the history, form, technique and purpose of it.

Eventually the class was over and everyone filed out to the last class of the day.

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily sat on her bed with legs crossed in her room doing homework, she couldn't help but keep contemplating that messy-haired boy again, she knew that she'd have to talk to him sooner of later. Looking over at her clock which hung close to the door on the wall which read,

'_You Were Late for Dinner!'_

Again. But it was not unusual for her to miss a meal, especially if the reason was her homework. But today, she was working longer than before. She should have been done hours ago. If only her roommate wasn't plaguing her mind like a contagious disease, then she would have gotten more done.

She looked at her nightstand that held her Muggle watch which actually had the actual time.

'_1:27 A.M.'_

Releasing a sigh, she assumed that maybe it was for the best to get some food and company to take her mind off the handsome, yet missing Gryffindor as homework failed to serve that purpose. Setting down her quills aside and putting the cap back onto the ink bottles, she left her work on her beds as she made for the door.

After James had showed her how to reach the kitchen, she had snuck in very often to help herself to whatever was there. Especially when she felt compelled to get something that was not served in the Great Hall.

But every time she went, it was with high hopes of finding James there and if she was lucky, maybe they would share another meal and some time together.

Though the Common Room was dark and perilous, two main sources of light shone through the darkness like a bastion of light. One from Lily's room and the other from the other door which was opened halfway.

"HELL YEAHHH!"

Someone yelled in celebration from the Head Boy's room. Someone must have jumped as the sound of something crashing to the floor echoed through the rooms in recoil.

"Oh, come on now!"

"Run that back, do that again."

"One more game, Prongs."

'_Prongs…? Only one person is called that, so that must mean he's back…'_

Lily approached the door cautiously, knowing it might be for the best that she remains hidden. Peaking through the opening in the door, she recognized all four of the Marauders instantly. All gathered around a rickety makeshift table made for card games complete with cup and chip holders. Bottles of what must be alcoholic beverages littered his usually clean floor. They must have been rowdy and (or) having too much fun as the room appeared to be in a state of carnage.

But one thing was missing, James Potter himself. But she could have bet her Head Girl badge that she just heard him scream…

"Later, I'm kinda' hungry right now. I'll be back in a bit." James voice said from just the other side of the door. Too close to the door.

"Bring back some for us then. I got the midnight munchies."

Without warning, the door swung opened and Lily was struck in the forehead.

"Shit!" James said.

Within moments, he dropped to his knees and was by her side. Lily fell on her back within seconds and was rubbing her head vigorously.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were there-"

James stared down at the mess his hunger had inflicted upon her and silently wished he stayed inside. With intense guilt burning in his core, he tried to help.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No you aren't. Let me take a look at it."

James lifted a hand to her cheek. Not wanting to be a damsel in distress, Lily pushed his helping hand away.

Sighing dejectedly, James addressed his friends, "Can you guys go?"

The three teenagers quickly ran out of the room past her, all wearing the same guilty face Potter had while bidding goodnight and dashing to their beds. With a loud slam of the portrait door, they were gone.

She watched him open his mouth but shut after being unable to form a better apology than a weak 'I am sorry.'

Her head was thumping hard against her skull painfully. Most likely leaving a bruise tomorrow…

"Really, I'm fine. And stop looking at me like that."

After an awkward silence ensued, Lily felt the need to break the ice.

"We really need to stop doing this."

"What do you mean?"

"Us. This."

"Oh. You mean how you trying to listen in on me and my friends?" James teased with a smile.

"I was not-" Lily defended.

"Just kidding, Evans! Calm down," James smiled softly. The adorable smile enhanced his already handsome features and caused Lily to blush slightly. Without a word, he raised a hand to her face.

'_Stop blushing! Now he's notice! What are you, 10 years old?'_

Instinctively, she grabbed his wrist but did not move his away. Her hand simply lingered on his and finally had the courage to look him in the eye. His finger tips teetered inches from her face and after an eternal minute, he placed two fingers on her forehead, the point of impact.

"This is going to bruise."

'_You think?'_

"Really?" Lily replied innocently.

A smile reemerged on his lips, as if he was preparing to burst into laughter. She couldn't help but frown, he was laughing at her!

"What are you laughing at!?" She demanded and stood up on her feet and began walking back to her room.

Too much 'fun' for one night already...

"No! Wait-"

"I will not wait! I came just to say hello and this is what I get! Laughing at-"

She never finished her sentence as she spun around to point a finger at him only to realize he was too close. James didn't stop his chase and ran into her. Reflexively latching her arms onto anything to stop her imminent fall, she flew one around the back of his neck and the other gripped his shoulder tightly like claws. Still falling, she was only pulling Potter down as well. With better reflexes than her, both his palms landed on either side of her head to prevent from tumbling down and crushing her.

With the pain in her head intensifying and a bubbly feeling all around her, she found it hard to concentrate on the present reality.

Her legs were spread apart, pelvises rubbing together, faces mere inches away. Lily's breathing became irregular and heavy but James remained calm, as if being on top of someone of the other sex on the floor happened occasionally.

"Make sure you use protection!"

'_What the-'_

The pair looked towards the Common Room and instead of being empty, they saw the three remaining Marauders, still inside having never left in the first place. Sirius was behind the sofa with Peter and Remus was hidden behind the window curtains, feet showing and all. Each of them laughing heartily.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" They both roared.

"No way!" Remus chuckled.

"I'm staying, Lily and James together tonight. That does have a nice ring to it. Lily and Ja-"

James leapt up off Lily and began chasing them out.

Lily still lay on the floor and shut her eyes. They would probably be spreading rumors about them now…

"I need new friends…"

Despite her anger at him, she still managed to giggle. Opening her eyes, she found him standing up, looking down at her upside down.

"No you don't. You just need to train them."

"Like a pet?"

"Like a pet."

"Come on, get up." James scooped down and picked her up bridal-style into his arms off the floor.

"Where you taking me?"

"To get you some sleep." He dropped her onto a comfortable bed. His bed…

Eyeing him ever precariously, she watched him tuck her in and turn around and vanish into the bathroom.

"Hey? Potter? What are you doing?" She called to him.

No answer.

"Helllloooo?"

"Hold on for a sec.'" His voice came from around the other room.

She lay back onto his bed, wondering why she was staying here.

"Okay, here you go."

"What?" He held a bottle of some sort of purple potion that Lily did not recognize.

"If it does leave a bruise, put this on, it'll fix up almost every skin injury. Sorry again."

She looked at it warily. Were there even products like this? It sounded too good to be true

"Trust me, it works. I use it for Quidditch. And there's a cup of hot chocolate if you want. Made two for my gluttonous self but haven't gotten around to it yet, enjoy." He finished as he picked one mug up.

"Don't worry, you get five marshmallows too." He added to make her smile.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Dumbledore needs me tonight, I'll be back later."

"Where will you be sleeping then? I don't want to be a burden on you."

He smiled adorably again. "It's me that's been a burden to _you _all these years. I'll be back in the morning. Night."

"Potter?"

James sighed but still turned around to her call, not annoyed at all to her constant interrogation.

"This is the last question, I promise."

"Shoot." He smiled, urging her on.

"Where were you for the past couple of days?"

"Nowhere special."

"We had duties, that Halloween Ball is coming up you know. Homework, classes and everything. Even your friends were here. But you- I don't know. Where were you?"

"I had something to attend to. Nothing serious, don't worry about it. I'm not." He answered quickly and Lily couldn't help but notice he was trying lamely to avoid going any deeper into the subject.

"Good night." James said as he left.

She watched his dark silhouette leave, only visible by the moonlight shadow. He turned at the door, smiled as Lily waved him goodbye. Feeling oddly happy, she picked up his mug. Still warm and took a sip. It tasted warm, innocently sweet and made her feel tingly inside.

James Potter had the same effect.

**Short chp, I know.**

**I just don't feel the desire to write.**

**I haven't hit a writers block, far from it. Plenty of ideas coming through my head and leaving before I get a chance to write them down and remember them. When I started out, I was writing them faster than I was posting, now I open up Microsoft Word, and I just stare at that virtual, empty page for a few minutes before closing it.**

**I just don't want to write right now, just not in the mood. Like a writer's mid-life crisis or some shit.**

**So, sorry for the almost 2 months in waiting for this chp. I'm not gonna quit on this story (don't think I ever will), but just start writing a lot less.**


	16. Putting Out Fires With Gasoline

Sorry for the ridiculously long wait, how long has it been, over a month now? I loaned my computer to a friend for her midterm paper and didn't get it back till today. I kinda needed that, it showed me how bad I wanted to write again. This chp has been ¾ done weeks ago, I just never got to finish it off with a cherry on top till I got it back.

_**Dido – Here With Me**_

**Has been on repeat for wayyyy too long this week.**

"**The genius of the hole: no matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant." ****-**_**Max Payne**_

"Damn you're early today!" Sirius clapped James on the back hard, waking him up fron his dream.

The messy haired teenager was sleeping soundly in class until he was abruptly awaken. He had came in late last night and snuck into class planning on taking a nap. That way he would get in at least an hour of sleep before class started even though he will be sacrificing his beloved breakfast.

Grumbling, he returned to his dreamless sleep. Sometimes, even the closest of friends were best avoided.

_**Final Heaven**_

"Let's go big man." Sirius said as he picked him up from beneath his arms and began dragging him out. Remus helped out on the otherside unwillingly but it was with good intentions for his friend.

"What the fu-"

"Class is over, mate." Remus noted.

"Alright, alright. I have two legs for a reason."

"Good, we're taking the long way." Sirius cheered.

"Damn it, Padfoot. We're not taking that corridor just because you like that Kelly girl."

"None of our classes are over there. Start thinking with your head, not your dick, Sirius."

"Too late gentlemen, off we go." And without another word, he wrapped his arms around his two friends and began skipping down the hall, dragging them along.

"Its 10 minutes out of our way, we're not going." James reasoned.

"What the fuck are we gonna do, we can't spare 15 minutes?" Sirius hollared.

"We're taking that motorcycle we got you away if-" Remus threatened.

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Padfoot exclaimed dramatically.

"Try us."

"Bastards…"

James laughed, blackmail always did work against him.

"You know the only reason we got you that bike was because you became of age and now legally allowed to drink, so we figured the best thing for you was a motor vehicle."

"You guys always did think of my safety first before anything else," Sirius complemented, "So, a new subject besides my imminent future of a drunken accident. James?"

"Hmm?"

"Whats up with you and that fiery redhead?"

"Who?"

"You know, the redhead. Hair color is red. Like fire. And stuff."

"Which one?"

"Lily fucking Evans, that's who. I think she's got a thing for you now."

"What the hell are you talking about?" It was not the first time Sirius would make up something like this. He had done it in the past to give James some hope, and he had to admit it worked, but never again.

"Nice try but its not working on me. Remus?"

"I'm going have to stay out of this one." The werewolf held both his hands up as if testifying and tried his best to stay out of a volatile conversation.

"I made her wish come true to be honest. She always told me to get lost, remember? I avoid her as much as possible and she's taking it in stride, I think she's happy I started to ignore her. Then again, I'm too busy lately to even mess with her."

"Whatever, man. I swear I saw her _glance to the pants_."

"What does that mean?" Confused but with many questions still in his mind, he had to deposit them in the back of his thoughts as they arrived to their class.

Redhead…

'_There she goes right there…'_

Surely enough, her brilliant dark red hair caught his attention. Seated in the front of windowless potions dungeon, she was chewing dreamily on her quill. Lost deep in her own thoughts.

It was moments like this in the past that made him rethink what he could have done to earn her attention and hopefully with a little (probably a lot) of luck, her heart. The what-ifs that plagued his mind like a neverending nightmare. What if he made a different first impression? What if he had actually behaved like a gentleman all those years? What if he actually stopped and listened to what she said? What if he did not pull immature pranks and jokes on?

It was thoughts like this that drove him mentally insane. The delusion that haunted his fractured world, now unsure of what was real and what had never existed. But now, the biggest what if he constantly wondered upon was what would have happened to their relationship should not speak to her as he was doing now? Would she be all over him like Sirius claims? Or will she just end up not even knowing he existed? He couldn't lie to himself. He always had that burning nudge in the back of his mind that repeatedly told him he seriously screwed up.

'_What the fuck is wrong with me?'_

He had not given Evans that much thought since last term when they were still in their 6th year. He was going strong until now. Damn that Sirius! James knew he was giving it too much thought. If there was one thing Sirius Black was good at, it was planting thoughts of doubt in other people's minds. You could win an award after all the hard work you invested into it and he would still find some way to make you doubt yourself.

He would not give Lily Evans the pleasure of knowing she was in his thoughts. Never again…

Taking his seat, James listened for the first few minutes just incase there was something new but when he realized it was going to be a review lesson, he allowed himself to pass out onto his makeshift pillow composed of his arm and books.

"Now we are going to partner up. Don't you all get up at once now!" Slughorn joked at his class. Half of them, like James, were unconscious and not listening. Those that were awake began looking around, making eye contact with their friends in hopes of getting a partner for this project.

"No, no, no. I will be assigning partners." Slughorn had a habit of doing this. He usually left important information out simply to amuse himself.

'_Fuck__...No one stupid this time, Slughorn.' _James thought upon hearing a partner project. He immediately drooped his back onto the hard wooden desk and buried himself.

"This class sucks ass." James heard Sirius whisper to Remus.

"Obviously."

"Get up James, gotta partner up." Remus said minutes later after partners were assigned, James did not hear his assignment.

"Who do you guys got?"

Sirius was quick to answer, "You see that blonde over-"

"Moony?" James skipped his lustful friend.

"Some girl name Kate," Remus began scanning the room, looking for this mysterious Kate, "I didn't know we even had a Kate in this cla-"

"Hi." As if on cue, a short brunette jumped in front of the werewolf without fear.

"What the- Hey there." Remus was caught off guard but recovered instantly. "Shall we get started?" Kate gave a nod of excitement, appearing positively delighted that she was working with him.

"And who do I got?" James looked around the busy classroom he must be the only one that was alone and partnerless. His partner should be looking his way, right? At least trying to capture his attention.

"Her." Sirius nodded off casually in the direction that was behind him.

A puzzled look emerged on his face but he felt as if knew the answer before he could confirm it with his own two eyes, he turned around and all he could see was red. That red hair. She held books against her chest and was edging ever closer to him. If he was dreaming she would have been an angel but this was no dream.

Even though she had been nice to him recently, he couldn't predict what would happen. Especially with the task of working together for a full hour, but knowing NEWT level work, it may take even longer. Perhaps the potion will have to brew and ferment overnight. There would be no dodging her like a bludger now. Hopefully it wouldn't be a repeat episode of the past times they had to work together. He wished they could be fake dreams that never occurred, it would make this be simplier and worry-free without all the precedents.

But reality could be so cruel…

"Heya." She welcomed him warmly and took Remus' now vacant seat next to him.

Too nice. This must be a prank. What did he do to cause her to be so nice to him?

"Sorry about last night, I kinda walked into, well- ruined your guys little game. And- you know. You didn't have to take care of me, it was unneccessary."

'_Man this girl can talk. __What did she say, something about last night? OH!'_

James must have scored a goal and earned points in the 'Evan's Good Mood' department from his actions last night. Maybe this class wouldn't suck so bad afterall, even if it was with her.

"It was nothing." And it really wasn't.

He gave her an awkward smile and scratched his head.

'_This is going to be weird.'_

"Oh yeah, let me go get the ingredients." James stood up and looked around the classroom but was clueless to wear the items were. If only he had paid attention…

"Um- Evans, do you know where the stuff is? Evans? Hello?"

Gazing down at her, she looked like she was in a daze. She stared straight ahead, as if through James.

'_What is she looking at- What the hell?__ She _is _looking at my pants!'_

"Evans? Lily? My face is up here." James kept his face as strict and stern as possible to save her from any personal embarrassment or regrets she may have but inside his head, he was laughing. It was too funny, he would have to tell the guys about it later. Sirius was right in the end after all.

Lily snapped her head upwards and looked him in the eye, a vain attempt as she hoped he didn't realize what she was looking at. Looking around for any sign of help she pointed in a random direction and James muttered a quick thanks before walking away.

What was she thinking? Why would you even stare _there,_of all places on the human body?

But that wasn't what bothered her the most. Instead, it was less trivial.

_He called her Lily…_

He _never _calls her Lily. What happened? Since when were they on first name terms? Or were they even? Before she could stress over it, she assumed it must have been a last resort option to getting her attention. Before any more time could be wasted on such a pointless matter, he had returned.

"Alright, lets cook up something awful."

"Of course, so first we have to slice this." Lily indicated to a rather bad smelling pea like object.

James rolled back his sleeves on his long, swishing school robes but in the end decided against it, he simply took it off and flung it over the back of his seat. It was then that Lily noticed he was not even wearing the school uniform shirt, just masking it and giving the impression he was with his robes. He wore a tight fitting white crew shirt that gripped him closely as he pulled his dragon skin gloves on.

"You look like you're about to get into a fight."

"Thanks?" James gave his trademark smirk.

Pulling a rather sharp looking knife that seemed better made for killing than for slicing magical potion ingredients, he placed it over the pea and thrust down on it.

"This thing is hard as a rock."

Lily laughed and flipped through her book. She was sure there was an easier way to cut it. Of course, you are supposed to flatten it, not cut it!

"Potter, you have to-"

"It's alright, I got this." He bit his lip and continued viciously dissecting it to no avail. He slid it sideways, stabbed it, squeezed it and even dropped it onto the table but nothing happened, not a dent.

The Head Girl felt as if was time she finally said something.

"If you just use the blade and flatten-" Just as the words had left her mouth James did just that but only out of pure desperation. Green, googey liquid squirted out and hit James full on the face and neck.

He looked up from the table and at Lily's face as if asking why she didn't tell him earlier but she was already laughing at him.

"Is this enough?" James held up in her face, laughing along now.

"Yes, we can salvage some inside, just put the rest in there."

After what felt like an eternity of stirring the slushy green, orange mixture it began giving off steam. From the sweat James was giving off and the occasional use of the arm to wipe it away, she could tell it time for the next phase if the potion was becoming hot.

"Evans?"

Lily didn't acknowledge him even though she was looking at him. She was too preoccupied at watching him work. James always burned of passion when he was doing something he loved. Before, she could only see it on the Quidditch field but today, she felt that he wanted this to turn out good more than she did.

"Evans?"

"Yes?"

"Whats next?"

"Add the root stem first. The one that looks like a tree branch."

"And all this? I'm about to just dump it all in if you're okay with that."

"Yeah. Go crazy."

The rest of the class continued without much more action or excitement. In most groups, both partners were wearing gloves and getting themselves dirty physically but Lily just read him instructions as he did the dirty part. James didn't really mind, he always did work better alone but a little help in receiving advice never hurt anybody. Besides, they were way beyond everyone else in the progress of the potion.

They were done for the day. The Gryffindors just had to let it simmer in its pot and leave it overnight and work on it tomorrow, there was nothing else to do for it now.

She sat back in her chair, legs propped up on another chair. They made eye contact and she blurted out, "Looking good."

James looked at her awkwardly, "Thanks."

"The potion, but you look good too." Lily added without thinking.

"Uh- Thanks?"

What was she doing, she was flirting!

Secretly hoping he thought she was sarcastic, she looked for something else to do. She pulled out a bar of Honey Dukes chocolate that she had taken from her friend before class and broke off a piece from the corner, leaned back farther into her chair causing it to tilt, closed her eyes and indulged herself.

Everything today was perfect, casual and routine so far. She had James Potter as partner, who should be so crappy at potions that he would have exploded the cauldron at least twice by now handling the dirty part of it. The sweet milk chocolate was cold at touch but quickly melted away on her tongue.

"Got some for me?" James pondered.

"Here."

James looked at the chocolate than back at his hands. They were both covered with what seemed like purple mud from the ingredients.

"On second thought, nevermind."

"No. Look, come on." Lily offered to put a piece onto his lips.

"Thanks." As James leaned forward she pulled it back, teasing him.

"Aww, too slow."

Chuckling, he lunged forward at her hand as she held it up over her head. She provoked him for the rest of the class until she finally gave in when Potter gave her a defeated, sad look.

"Fine, you win." As soon as it grazed his soft lips the bell rang and everyone was cleaning up, leaving for their next class.

With a flick of his wand, Professor Slughorn caused samples of each groups' potion to land on his desk while cleaning the entire classroom at the same time. The dirtiest thing left in the class was James Potter.

"I guess you'll have to wait till tomorrow, Potter. If I don't eat it all."

"Meanie." He kind of expected this to happen. This was the Lily and James of old. All over again.

James sighed, turned around as she walked past him with her books and bag as he began cleaning himself off and getting his things together. Most of the class was already out the door already.

"_Hey_." Lily whispered into his ear from behind. "Good job today."

She placed the rest of the rather giant slab of chocolate between his lips as he brought his teeth down to hold onto it. He tried to thank her but she was already gone with her friends to the next class.

Another one of those missed opportunities.

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily and her friends sat in the back of the class but Lily knew this after years of their companionship that they were about to do a lot of talking and didn't want to be overheard.

And she was correct, as soon as Professor Flitwick gave them a new nonverbal spell to practice, the three girls all turned to look at Lily.

"Alright, let the interrogation begin." Lily submitted. When her friends wanted answers, they usually got it, no matter what or how long it took. There was just no way of getting around it.

"Lily Evans, flirting with James Potter?" Ashley began.

"We did not flirt. He wanted some chocolate-"

"You know that was mine." Rachel chimed in.

"-and we were just fooling around. It didn't mean anything." Ignoring Rachel's comment.

The girls gave her looks of intense skepticism. Lily had to admit that she did not sound very convincing. She was saved from any more questions when the class ended.

"Dear me, is that the bell? Class is already over? Tomorrow we will have more practice. You are all dismissed, but Miss Evans may I have a word, please?" Flitwick addressed the class in his signature squeaky voice.

When everyone had left, she approached his desk which lay just in front of the large window, showing the beautiful landscape around Hogwarts.

As the Head Girl, Lily thought it must something regarding the school or her duties.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Lily, your performance in this class is, well. In a lack of better words, declining. I don't want one of my brightest students failing now do I?"

Lily half-heartedly expected this. There was just too much going on now. Back as a prefect, she could manage it but now with those patrols, meetings, organizing events she didn't find much time to keep up academically. And worse yet, James was handling most of it, especially the patrols, he did them all by himself now.

"I know Professor, I just had a lot to do with being Head Girl and all."

"I understand. Why don't you go ask James Potter to help you?"

"Why him, sir?"

"Well he's Head Boy for starters, you two already work together plenty of times before I'm sure. And you are both taking the same classes are you not? Besides he is a great student."

"Okay. Thanks, Professor. I'll think about it."

"You do that Miss Evans, see you tomorrow."

**Going to be single on Valentines Day and loving every moment of it. **

**In the end, V-day is just for the businesses to get us guys to spend more money on dirty lingerie, chocolate and jewellry. Really now, we appreciate our significant other 'more' for one day of the year?**

**edit:** **my SpellCheck doesnt seem to be working (Microsoft products, always work right?). But if theres one thing I got nailed as a writer, its spelling so I dont think there should be many mistakes.**


	17. Your Dreams Are My Command

**I like reading about food (from around the world) on Wikipedia when I'm hungry. Don't believe me? Go on Wikipedia and search 'Fried Chicken' and see how hungry you get!!!**

**Fun facts about me for the day**

**_Linkin Park - Valentine's Day_**

"Daddy? Mama?" A little girl's voice streamed through the dark room.

"Dad, are you sleeping?" A youthful boy asked as she felt someone rub her shoulder in an attempt to wake her.

"Yes."

"Are you sleeping now?"

"Yup, dreaming."

"What about now?"

"Yes. Very sleepy."

"Dad? Are you still sleepy sleeping?"

"No."

"Okay. Dad, I think there's a monster under our beds."

James chuckled heartily and both of Lily's arms that were on his chest which held him close enabled her to feel him shake with laughter beside her.

"Again?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Okay. Where's my wand? Let's see what's up." James said to giggles and laughter.

The kids. They always tend to have a habit of creeping into their room when simple things bothered them, such as the darkness, bizarre noises or even when they were just plain bored and wanted to antagonize their parents during the wee hours in the morning. But as parents, they always left their door opened for this very reason. But occasionally, they would do this just to have some fun.

With eyes still shut, she felt her arms being moved from its resting place but that only made her cling onto it harder. She felt a gentle, soothing rub James would always do to make her release him. Damning that it worked every time, she let her 'pillow' go and found a replacement. Reaching for his soft pillow, she pulled it to her chest and buried her face into it because she knew her family would create a ruckus loud enough to get the neighbors to call the police soon. Tilting her head up momentarily, she noted the time on the clock:

_12:14 A.M._

"Daddy? What about us?" Their daughter whispered with want.

"Huh?"

"We need wands."

"Oh, duh! Here, catch." James must have given his own wand to his underage daughter.

"What about me?" His son whined.

"Get your mom's. No, over there. On the table, yeah. _Don't wake her up now! _Let your mom sleep!" James yelled quietly in fear as Lily felt someone knock over her bedside table. She'll have to pick that up later, in the morning most likely. Lily didn't have the energy to move a muscle at the moment but allowed her arm to go over the edge of the bed and pat her son's head lovingly, causing him to giggle before returning to sleep.

James slammed his back into the wall, adjacent to the doorway and peered his head around the doorway, checking the corner. A few seconds later, Lily heard two other small sounds of someone's back pushed up against the wall.

"HEY! WATCH IT!" James whispered hoarsely, Lily felt he was trying to be serious but he still couldn't shake off the playfulness in his tone.

Moments later, a loud shattering of something fragile that could cause the hair on the back of your neck to stand up stirred Lily from her slumber. It must be that distasteful vase her sister Petunia had bought for their marriage. Smiling at fond memories, she got up and supported herself on her arms, this wasn't the first time this happened but she couldn't miss this for the world. As she watched her family's late night adventure, she decided it was for the best to not turn the lights on and let them prowl in the dark like nocturnal mammals.

There in the doorway, James still stood, wandless as a Muggle, his silhouette revealed in the eerie darkness by the moonlight shadow. He was shirtless and was only dressed from the waist down. He was barefooted, he always did enjoy running around the house without shoes and socks. Citing his reason that he felt more 'natural' and that it was 'his house so he can do whatever he wants.' Even in Hogwarts, he would run around his Common Room and dormitory barefooted. He wore his old grey sweat pants from his Gryffindor Quidditch team trainings. They were slightly large for his size but he usually wore pants one or a few more sizes larger. Lily thought he was dressed rather decent tonight. Usually he would run around the house, not just barefooted but only in his trademark baggy boxers. Luckily enough, their kids had gotten used to it but he would always run off upstairs and get clothed if they had company. The only exception was Remus, Peter and Sirius; they were used to it as well.

He looked mischievous but slightly guilty at the same time at the broken vase. James knew Lily always hated it but kept it around whenever her parents (or, Merlin forbid, _her sister _herself came to visit them). And besides, the kids usually almost _always _broke that hideous vase on every midnight run like tonights. It was as if they knew their mom didn't like it so gave her the pleasure of trashing it every time. Lily had lost count how many times it had been broken physically and repaired magically.

Their beautiful, wonderful and usually well-behaved children were wearing their pajamas and wielding their parents' wand dangerously. Like their father, they both stood with immense guilt written on their faces but wands still held up high. At home, they were loud and caused all sorts of 'accidents' like their out-of-control father did in his own time of youth. But with company or just outside in public, James had disciplined them to always be on their best behavior though they still managed to have fun.

The little princess in the family had long, flowing, dark red hair like her mother but possessed James recklessness and clumsiness along with Lily's charm and intelligence. Their son was exactly like his father. Both in personality and looks, the only thing he inherited from Lily was her brilliant green eyes. His hair was long and looked identical to James untamed head. It even stuck up in the back. He would need a haircut soon, Lily made a mental note to herself. Lily had tried everything in the past to keep it in check. She tried cutting it short but with his wizard blood, he somehow caused it to grow back to its original length overnight, literally. He only did it to be just like the father he idolized.

"Okay, we're good to go." James said with pretend importance. He must have kicked aside the broken fragments to a corner so they could continue on.

"We can't see without light, daddy."

"Lumos then."

"Okay." As the hallway was lit up by two sources of shining light emitted from the wands.

This was one spell her smart kids had already mastered. And they were not even close to the age of owning their own anytime soon either.

"On me." James commanded while pointing to his imaginary tail.

James then peeked around a corner.

"Wait here, I'll go check."

"Be careful!"

"I'll be fine, little man."

His shadow disappeared into the kids' room and then without warning he was thrown violently backwards onto his face.

"Why you little!" James quickly jumped to his feet and charged back inside like a rampaging bull.

"Do you want us to help?" The kids laughed.

"YEAH! GET IN HERE!" His voice roared from across the hall.

Suddenly, bright lights from every spectrum of rays from the rainbow were glowing and flashing from inside the room as they cast harmless spells around the room. After a few minutes of playful wand waving, James tucked the kids into bed and returned to Lily holding both hands.

She slumped back into bed casually as James repaired the vases and other broken items around the devastated hallway before depositing the wands on the nightstand tables. He climbed into bed but she felt him leaning over her, observing her every move.

As if he was an overgrown child, he said in a quiet, teasing voice, "Mommy, are you sleeping?"

"Go to sleep, James." She responded playfully with a shove to his close, gazing face.

Laughing to himself, he got under the covers.

"How did they break the vase this time?" Lily just had to know, she asked this every time.

"They tried to levitate it out of the way so I could get by. Key word being tried."

"Anything else?" These two words were like a code they used. It always meant in full context, 'what-else-did-they-break?'

"The family portrait that we hang by the stairs. I stepped on their toys, that was painful but I think that's about it."

He shifted a little closer to Lily and she responded by wrapping her arms around his torso.

"I don't deserve you, you know that, right?" Lily confessed.

She meant every word. How many guys were willing to play with their children this early in evening, and sometimes in the wee hours of the morning and not get even slightly irritated? He would even sacrifice his sleep to let his wife get some rest while he took care of the kids. He is truly one in a million.

"I wonder about that myself everyday."

She pulled him into a quick embrace and kissed his shoulder as she closed her eyes, smiling into his neck.

"Mommy?"

"Uh-oh, not you punks again." James said jokingly as he sat up in bed.

"Can we stay with you tonight?"

"Of course you guys can, anytime you two want to." Lily said honestly as she pulled them both up from around the waists and threw them down playfully in between her and James, causing them to giggle loudly.

"All right, go to sleep now. Aren't we going to the park tomorrow- err, today?" James said.

"Yay!"

"Is Uncle Sirius going to be there?"

They always referred to James closest friends as 'Uncles' and Lily couldn't see why not. They were like brothers to each other already anyway and besides, James had always encouraged it to give Peter, Remus and especially Sirius, a sense of family. A place to call home.

When Lily's friends came to visit, they were referred to as Aunt Kim, Aunt Ashley and Aunt Rachel.

"We'll see."

"What about Uncle Remus? He's cool-"

"Go to sleep, little man. Or I'm not making pancakes for breakfast!" James threatened.

"That's fine, dad. Mom will make us some, won't you?" Their son said. He always did have his mother's cheek…

"You wish." The room was dark but Lily still laughed at the horror that was written on her son's features.

"We'll have cereal then."

"You can have the cereal, but you won't get the milk." Lily said to the sounds of 'awws' and pleads of 'mom.'

As parents, Lily and James raised their kids to have the things they never had the pleasure to enjoy and have when they were young but were always cautious of spoiling them.

"Fine, you can have cereal but you don't get the Fruit Loops."

"Dad! Com'mon!"

"But those are the best!"

"Good night everybody." James concluded as he ended the bickering that would not end if he kept talking.

Lily wrapped an arm around them protectively as James draped a longer, muscular arm over her own.

James was truly perfect. Behind all the jokes and laughs, he was perfection in the human form. He was the perfect friend. He was the perfect boyfriend. He is the perfect husband, more than she could have ever hoped for. And to top it all off, he was the best father to their children. Lily couldn't even imagine someone else taking his place. No one except this family would ever know but he was a caring family man, he would protect his family from anything. Lily did not question his unshakeable will and desire to give his life without hesitation to protect his family. He never said it but he didn't have to, some things just simply don't have to be put into words.

Lily was sensible enough to know there was no such thing as a perfect person. But for her, and their kids, he was perfect.

_**Final Heaven**_

"You really need to stop sleeping in class. You're going to be behind so far that you'll fail." Kim's lecturing voice pierced through her blissful, carefree dream with reason for her friend's academics.

"Jeez, thanks for reminding me." Lily said exasperated, she just remembered she was doing so bad she would have to ask her dream 'husband' for tutoring lessons.

"Come on, Herbology now. We're dissecting something nasty and vicious today." Kim reminded Lily of her class, knowing she didn't remember her schedule anyway.

"Great." Just what she needed, get her hands into a living plant and shred it apart into pieces. It was the closest thing to murder without it being illegal and ending in her being sent to Azkaban. And besides, it was a great stress reliever.

Lily entered the greenhouse classroom with hopes of avoiding James Potter himself. It would just be too awkward…

"And then I was like, what the hell are you doing?" Lily recognized Sarah's voice at one of the Herbology stations. "…And she just hurled her guts out all over the rug!"

"Wow. That party sounded like fun. I have to hang out with you more often." The ever-growing familiar male voice whiffed by Lily's ears. The very owner of the voice she had been dreaming of and hoped to avoid, even if for just the day.

Sarah must have been giving James a play-by-play detailed account of a previous night's events. When she was done she turned her gaze down towards her bag, extracting equipment for the day's lesson.

As soon as the handsome Gryffindor commented on how he wished to spend more time with her, she looked back up at him tenderly and gave him a soft smile hinting that she would love to do the same without saying a word.

Lily couldn't help but feel as if something blunt had struck her straight on against her heart. The new sensation restricted her breathing and for a split second, could not breathe. Faking a quick cough, she cleared her lungs and followed Kim to their own group's station which problematically just had to be next to Sarah and James.

"Where's the teacher, she's like five minutes late." Sarah commented.

"I don't know." James shrugged.

After a few more minutes of mindless, idle chatter between them, a line in their conversation caught Lily's attention after a short pause of silence.

"What are you doing tonight?" Sarah asked James casually.

"Nothing. Probably going to watch the game with the guys."

"Oh yeah? Who's playing tonight?"

"Chudley Cannons at home against Heidelberg Harriers." James informed.

"That's going to be a blowout. The Cannons haven't won a game all season yet."

"Yeah, but me and Sirius like watching them lose. I have a bet with him that they will go win-less for the rest of the season."

"They probably will. But if you don't mind, uh-never mind."

"What's up?"

"You know what, just forget it." Sarah blushed and quickly shot her gaze away from him and at the table. But the damage was already done.

"Okay, now I just have to know. Look! You're blushing. HEY- EVERYONE CHECK IT OUT!" James teased.

"Shut up, James. Do you have to be so loud?!" She whispered harshly as she hit his arm. She appeared visibly mad and narrowed her eyes as she glared him down, causing him to feel guilty. If James had one major weakness with women, it was guilt. Even for the simplest things and Sarah capitalized on it with amazing results. Lily was just beginning to know how to take advantage of this fault in him sometimes but Sarah seemingly had it mastered to a tee.

"Sorry. But really, what do you need?"

"I'm not telling you now you asshole."

James placed a hand on her shoulder and said honestly, "Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

"I don't know now…" She said it in a serious tone but she was obviously playing with him. Lily was new with James; only talking to him in even a few short sentence conversations since school started a few weeks ago but knew his desire to understand what she wanted with him was only building with her every denial. He never was a guy to be rejected…

James used his hand and pulled her into a one arm hug. He caught her off balance and used his leverage to hold on to her tightly. Her face smuffled against his chest as he chuckled softly as most of the class, along with Lily and Kim watched curiously at the commotion.

"Fine! Just let me go!" She screamed but made no real attempt at separating herself from his grip. So James had to release her and take a step back while Lily noticed a slight look of disappointment on her face.

"So, what do you need?" He said briskly in a business-like manner. The rest of the class returned to their own idle chattering except Lily and Kim, who still watched intently.

"Well. It's nothing really, I was just wondering if you could give me some tutoring lessons like we did together last year. But that's only if you have some free time tonight, of course. But seeing as you don't, well I was just hoping I guess and-" Sarah said this so quickly that some words flew by Lily.

"Care to try that again?" James said with a smile and a confused look on his facial features.

"I rambled again didn't I?" She admitted with slumped shoulders.

"I caught enough of it. I guess I could tonight after the game. And if you want, we could set up some times in the future later."

"Really?" She looked absolutely delighted, practically glowing with energy and enthusiasm.

"We did last year, right? It'll be fun."

She literally flew into his arms, this time willingly and it was James Potter who patted her awkwardly on the back and then tried lamely to peel her off.

"I don't know why you are so excited. Its not like we even learn anything, let alone get anything done." James joked.

Suddenly, the greenhouse door was thrown open.

"CALM DOWN NOW EVERYONE. Sorry I'm late, we had some difficulty getting the specimens but thanks to Hagrid I was able to acquire these. Let's not waste any more time, get together with another group into fours and come get one." Professor Sprout commanded.

The groups were already set to two people a group and the rest of the class was quickly partnering up with their friends. This left Lily and Kim without a group.

"Hey Lily, do you want to partner up?"

"Sure." Lily said automatically, she had planned on just working with Kim but couldn't refuse Sarah's kind offer. They weren't that close, and neither considered the other a friend but they were friendly Gryffindors never the less.

"Let's go get the plant, Sarah." Kim said as the two girls left, chatting about how best to approach the project. Leaving Lily with James.

"Hey." James greeted, catching the redhead's large green eyes and locking gazes. His voice was soft and smooth, like how she saw it in her dream. He was too friendly even in reality…

"Hi." Was all Lily managed to get out of her mouth before looking away, his intense stares were always too much for her and she decided that it was for the best to avoid them whenever possible should she fail to dodge it in the first place. Lily felt helpless, she was able to speak to other males her own age but when it came to James Potter, it was hopeless and she felt like a lame duck. She was only able to unintelligibly put together a few word sentence, sometimes just one word.

"You still want those tutoring lessons?" James said to a shocked Lily.

"What?" Lily said but inside, she was shocked and curious. Did he know?

"It's cool, Evans. I ran into McGonagall and Flitwick last period during their break."

"Uh-sure." She said simply.

"Great, I'm going to be helping Sarah too if you don't mind?"

"No, not at all." Lily lied. A small part of her wanted James to herself but another part couldn't admit or express that, the rest of her was just strangely happy to spend time with him.

"You free tonight?"

"Yes."

"Come watch the game with me later. We can study afterwards."

"Aren't your friends going to be there? I don't want to disturb you guys like last time." She said with a guilty, pleading look of sincere apology. She didn't remember if she _did _apologize or not. It had all happened too fast.

"Well _your _friends are going be there."

"What?"

"Sirius invited Ashley and then-"

"I begged Remus to let me come. They gave me the password, sorry Potter." Kim interrupted as she made her over, her hands carrying a pot of something vicious plant that took bites at anything that moved around it.

"Its fine, I really don't care to be honest." He smiled reassuringly.

"You are coming, right Lily?"

"I don't know." She didn't want to be around James, his friends and her own friends. It would just be too awkward. The six of them connected to another one easily, it was only James and Lily that were left out. Both were too uncomfortable to even have a regular conversation.

"It'll be fun." Kim persuaded.

"Yeah, it'll be- THE FUCK!?!?" James roared.

The plant took a bite at James and made contact with his forearm. Its fangs sunk deep into his flesh, leaving dozens of visible holes. The three girls gasped in horror at the blood that leaked freely from his arm.

In an uncontrollable fury, James flailed a punch loaded with every ounce of strength he had onto the dangerous plant. Sarah immediately reached into James back pocket, retrieving his wand and began casting bright purple lights that landed on his skin, stopping the flow of blood and tried her best to heal his wounds.

Lily Evans had never seen James so mad, even though it only lasted for a split second.

"I think you knocked it out, Potter." Kim said, holding up the now unconscious plant from the base of the flower pot. "It'll be a lot easier to take it apart now."

"Good." James said through gritted teeth to the laughter of his three female partners.

_**Final Heaven**_

"Thought you weren't coming, man." Sirius acknowledged.

James had been at dinner in the Great Hall alone, talking to the 1st years in Gryffindors. He was wondering where his friends were only to find them in his dormitory that he shared with Lily. Lily herself, Kim, Ashley and Rachel along with the Marauders were already there sitting on the sofa as they watched Sirius and Remus attempt to plug in a rather enormous Muggle television while listening to Lily's directions.

There was everything teenagers would want to digest on the tables and the makeshift kitchen Sirius had helped James set up recently, specifically for the occasions on hanging out in the Head's dorm. Complete with a refrigerator that was filled with mostly alcohol beverages and a microwave. The medium-sized four legged table was piled with food that must have been stolen from the kitchens and firewhisky from the refrigerator.

"Sure thing, Lily. But where do you plug it in." Remus shouted from behind the set.

Leaping off the couch, she came over to help.

"Hang on a sec'. I'm coming. How did you guys even get a T.V. anyway?"

"Its Pro- err, James.'" Remus mentioned.

"We brought it over from his flat."

"You don't live with your parents?" Lily asked curiously but instantly regretted it.

James fists clenched tightly for a split second, his lips thinned and he tilted his head to the side, looking away. An obvious sign of anger which went unnoticed by everyone else except the Head Girl.

"Moved out." James said casually but she knew he was hiding something. Making a mental note to never approach the topic again, she turned around and began helping Remus.

Hoping for a change of topic, Ashley came to the rescue, "Shouldn't you know how to set this up then?"

Chuckling as he ran a hand through his already wild hair, something Lily hadn't seen him do in a while, he replied, "I never got around to it, I guess."

"So its been sitting around collecting dust?" Rachel wondered.

"Pretty much."

"YOU GOT IT LILY! STOP!" The girls hollered as Lily pulled the wires out and plugged then back in continuously.

"What about it now?" Lily smiled devilishly as she unplugged it again.

"Okay that's enough. They tip-off in a minute!" Sirius begged.

"Party-pooper." Lily compromised as she plopped down on the spacious sofa. She watched James leave and go into his room.

After a few flicks of the wand, Sirius smacking the side of the television and a click of numbers on the remote, they finally got through to the wizarding channels and to their destination.

"I wish we had one of these in our dorm." The other girls agreed.

"You guys can come whenever you want, you know." Lily said.

"Cool, is that okay with you, Potter?"

"Just don't go into my room." James sat down onto the sofa with a large box of pizza. He must have changed while he was inside. He still wore his school uniform pants but no shoes and a simple, blank black t-shirt.

"Aww, but we want to see the Head Boy's room." Rachel joked seriously.

"-When I'm sleeping." James added to the cheers of fellow female Gryffindors.

The game had started just as Lily shifted around in her seat, feeling squished in between her Rachel and James. He must have figured out her discomfort as he moved his arm and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders, pulling her into him. At any other time, she would have slapped him but considering her past discomfort and how better it felt to be in his arms, she leaned back into him.

"You are really going to eat that whole thing aren't you?" Lily laughed.

"Why not?" As James opened up the box, a delicious scent swept through the air and James, who had eaten dinner in the Great Hall less than 10 minutes ago, became hungry once more instantly.

"I am a growing boy after all."

"What toppings did you get?"

"Hell if I know. I just walked in there and they said, 'What do you want on it?' and I was like, 'Everything.'" James reminisced. Grabbing a slice with the arm that was around Lily he attempted in utter failure to bring it to his mouth as Lily, not him, took a bite out of it when it came in reach.

"Mmmm…" Lily moaned in satisfaction.

"Hey! That was for me!"

Not caring that she already took a bite, he curled his arms closer and this time was successful in being able to bite it. Lily felt his biceps flex behind her head and noting his effort, grabbed a slice and fed him herself.

"Ph-n-x." James said through a full mouth. "Next please."

"Slow down, you are going to choke on it."

"I'll risk it. Ahh." James opened his mouth hopefully.

Feeling rebellious, she teased him by placing it on his lips and pulling away a few times before he got aggravated that the food was not going to reach his stomach then did she plant the slice on his face.

"It's still good." James continued chewing happily even though his face was covered in cheese, toppings he didn't know the names to and tomato sauce.

"You are not going to clean up aren't you?"

"I'll wait till halftime."

'_Typical men.' _Lily thought.

They watched the rest of the game uneventfully but James was the only one not paying attention. Instead, he was lost deep in his own thoughts.

Until now he had been a somewhat peaceful, contented existence. But from this time on he became tormented with unrest and lost in thought. He was falling prey to the feeling that there was nothing about him that could possibly appeal to the girl in his arms right now. He was so healthy that he had never had any sickness. He could play Quidditch perfect from any position at a professional level. He even spent endless hours at the gym, possessing physical strength that would yield to no one. Yet none of is qualities would possibly touch her heart.

And maybe that's why he gave up on her…

Now he was just lying to himself. He had to admit he still held on to a small glimmer of hope, a small thread of a 'maybe-she'll-fall-for-me' in his thoughts but even then, he still knew it was hopeless. The vanilla smell of her hair that was just in front of him did not help either.

There were too many times the very existence of her kept him up late at night. The scenarios of another opportunity to meet her and create another 1st impression and what he would have done differently. Whenever he exited class or in a room full of other students, such as the Great Hall, he would always check for the sight of her first. There was no one who had hair that could even be close to hers' so it was not difficult to spot her. The hard part was getting her to actually listen to what he had to say for longer than one word. Perhaps that is why he was shocked she would listen to whatever he had to say this term.

In fact, in the past he could have even talk to her more often when she was in the library, looking out into the distant forest and lakes, there were even those times in Diagon Alley. But he always saw a vision of what would happen should he approach her. He had enough past nightmares as precedents anyway.

Assuming most Muggles, or at least Muggle-borns learn about love early on from novels, films and other methods, James took time to rent and watch those romantic movies and books as he hoped for clues and tips about women in his 5th year. But it was always easier in fiction.

"Well, I'm going to take off." Remus said an hour after the game was over, breaking James trance.

The group was flicking through different channels, chatting and chugging down the whiskey as James sat there, lost in thought. The only motion he made was to eat and chew on his pizza.

"I better go too."

"Night everyone."

When everyone had got up and left and only Lily and James remained they still did not move. Wondering why she was so motionless and not fighting out of his grip, let alone making a sound, he tried to see her face but didn't want to make a big, sudden motion to. Realizing it may be best to let her go now that there was room on the sofa, James tried pulling his arm away as it appeared she was sleeping.

"Mmm, James." Lily moaned quietly.

'_What the fuck?' _Ran through James mind like a speeding train with no brakes.

'_Did I hear her right? Did she just call me, James?' _James thought, horrorstrucked.

Edging closer, he waited for a response. Nothing.

Once more, he tried moving his arm away but was held back as she pulled it back around her and held on tight.

"Where you going, honey? The kid's are fine."

Kids?! What kids? Last time James checked he didn't have any kids. Well, at least none that he knew about…

Confused, he surmised that she may be dreaming. But of all dreams, why does it have to be one where they were married? And not just together, but had children which by the sound of it, more than one. At least it wasn't an erotic dream, that would have been awkward.

"I'm going to check on them. I think they want something." James played along, a smile creeping on his face. This was going to be fun…

"Go back to sleep, dear."

To James' shock, she kissed his forearm lovingly before burying her cheek into it. His skin tingled and burned from her touch. He could feel himself blushing, luckily they were alone. He had to wake her up and put her in bed. James' arms were falling asleep and if he waited any longer he felt as if he wouldn't be able to use it again.

"Lily?" He said as he shook her gently. He instantly slapped himself mentally. This was going too far, she got him using her first name now.

**Thanks to all reviewers.**

**Even a simple 'update soon' comment puts a smile on my face and makes me write and update more often.**

**On another topic…**

**Some orange chicken sounds really good right now. Have to hit Panda Express sometime this week.**


	18. Killing Your Fantasy

**We males don't get hints, no matter how subtle or obvious. We wouldn't recognize one if it slapped us in the face and danced naked in front of us.**

**Sorry for breaking the bad news. **

**Last chp was fun for me too, I have to admit that even I read it over a couple of times for pure enjoyment. I had some of the best reviews last chp, some made me laugh, some made me write more, some were just great to read over and over.**

**Grammar is my biggest weakness. Spelling... I practically aced spelling on my SATs But I do write these pretty late into the night. I'll take this week out to go back and redo all the chps and fix up the stupid mistakes before I go any further.**

"It is 2 in the morning, babe." Lost and confused, he checked his watch.

"Liar. It's only 7:21." James laughed and accidentally shoved her. He instantly regretted doing this but it worked and it woke her up.

"Whaa- Huh?" Catching even James off guard, she rose up from the sofa, a hand to her forehead and a bottle of firewhisky in her other hand. She wobbled in her standing position and James noticed all the empty bottles of firewhisky on the floor and coffee table.

"Did you drink all those?"

"Shit. It feels like I did."

"That's why you don't hang out with us, especially Sirius." Just as James said that she leaned and shifted side to side before collapsing forward. Luckily, James Quidditch trained reflexes was fast enough to prevent her from landing headfirst into the transparent glass coffee table.

"Bed." James commanded.

"If you're coming with me…" Lily whispered into his neck seductively, causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand up.

"Excuse me?" James asked even though he heard her perfectly, but said it out of sheer manners.

"You. Me. Tonight. Whose bed?"

"I'm going to mine. You are going to yours." James responded which left Lily with a sad look. She gave him the pleading, puppy-eyes trick but he wasn't falling for it. Especially if she's was drunk.

"You're drunk, Evans."

"No I'm not. Com'mon." Without warning, she grabbed his arm and began walking to his room with amazing concentration and steadiness for a drunken person. It wasn't a straight line and she probably couldn't recite her alphabets but she was rather awake.

"You're hammered and you need to go to sleep."

"I'm fine, damnit. Besides, everyone's gone…" She whispered seductively.

He fought her grip but did not want to injure her. A part of him enjoyed her touch, the sensation of her skin on his and the very thought of her dragging him to bed drove him crazy. It was one of those fantasies he always had, the ones dreamed of often. Dreams you kept to yourself, they were too inappropriate to share with others anyway.

But all 100 of him knew how wrong this was, and that side prevailed and was calling the shots.

He was saddened to have to smother his own fantasy to death but it was for the best, for both of them.

Before he knew it, they had entered his room and she had spun around, dropped her bottle to the floor. Before he knew what was going she threw her arms around his neck and jumped on him, her legs wrapping around his own pair. The sheer, brute force knocked James backwards as he stumbled on his feet to keep his balance. Soon enough he was pressed with his back against the wall. She drove him crazy as she grinded up and down, brushing their pelvises together. A fantasy comes true indeed.

"What are you doing?!" James shouted hoarsely but was afraid he sounded seductive in his tone. She must have thought that way as she giggled and tried placing a kiss on his lips to which he tilted his head away. He didn't want her like this. She would regret this in the morning, if not for the rest of her life.

Putting his hands on her thighs, he pushed down and got her off him.

"You don't want me?"

He waited a few seconds as he collected himself and tried to think of something but the best thing he could think of was a confident…

"No."

"No?"

"No, I don't." James took a shot at lying.

She looked him deep in the eye with intensity but James wouldn't turn away. He wouldn't surrender.

"You are such a horrible liar."

When he remained silent and took a few steps away to put some distance of separation between them, she continued.

"I see the way you look at me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" James asked quietly as he watched her pick up the half-empty firewhisky bottle and continue draining the rest of it. She was going to slowly kill away her liver. He doubted that anyone had ever drunk that much in such a short amount of time.

Approaching her precariously, he snatched the bottle out of her grasp.

"Stop it! You're going to throw your guts up if you keep-"

As if on cue, she tipped forward into his arms as he caught her by the shoulders. Without warning she threw up on his chest. A rather disgusting mess which consisted mostly of alcohol, James allowed her to continue hurling on him without moving away. Only because if he moved away, she would probably fall over. It was better if it landed on him than the floor, which was easier to clean.

"You done?"

James looked down at the top of her head, still holding onto her shoulders as he patted her slowly.

"Never mind." James simply tilted his head upwards and stared at the ceiling.

Without warning she collapsed unconsciously onto him.

'_Great.' _James thought to himself.

Dragging her to the bathroom, he took a towel and ran through the faucets before wiping her face clean.

"You could at least be awake. That would be very helpful, you know." James advised her, not expecting a response due to her unconscious form.

"Zo-reey." He heard her apologize in a silent mumble.

"Here, it'll get rid of the taste." He handed her a glass of mouthwash. She was leaning over the counter with only her arms supporting herself up as her legs were beginning to quit on her again.

"You might want to change your clothes and go to bed." James informed and took the chance to take off his foul shirt and toss it onto the bathroom floor.

He felt terrible for the elves that would have to clean up this mess. Taking out his wand to hopefully ease their burden he attempted to cast cleaning spells on both their clothes and the floor but he was barely proficient in it. James Potter wasn't a maid after all but at least he vaporized the smell, which to him was the most important thing. It still looked bad but he wouldn't be able to see it in his sleep, it was the smell that would have kept him awake all night.

_THUD!_

Just as he had finished cleaning up, he spun around to see an unconscious redhead that had passed out on the floor. As crazy and bizarre the situation was he did something that shocked even himself.

He laughed.

She barely got out of the bathroom, as soon as she had left the hard tiled floors of the bathroom she must have taken the opportunity to faint on the soft carpet floor. The Head Boy also noted the direction she took. Why did she go back to his room? Her room was obviously cleaner considering how she just desecrated his. Perhaps she knew how bad it already was and didn't see the harm in making it a little worse. Or she was probably simply just too drunk.

James was one of those people who found humor in every day things but he instantly felt guilty and even a little silly.

Picking her up, he carefully placed her on his bed. Her clothes were still stained and he didn't want her sleeping in them.

But he also didn't want to remove them either…

As he stood over her, he debated and argued with himself on how best to handle this scenario.

"James? Hello?" Someone was knocking on the portrait door.

"Coming! Hang on a sec.'" James hollered. This gave him more time to think and to avoid the problem even for a few minutes.

"Lily? Is anyone inside?" The person must have not heard him.

Pulling the door open, it revealed no one but Sarah. She carried books, parchment and notes in her arms. Of course, their tutoring session!

"Hey." James friendly greeted her.

"Woah! Hello-!" Sarah squeaked in surprise. She almost dropped the books in her now unsteady arms.

"What's up?"

"I-me, we." This time Sarah had dropped her books as she subconsciously allowed them to slide out of her grip and onto the corridor floor. Lily wasn't making sense these past ten minutes, now Sarah?

"Sarah?"

"Uhh-"

"Oh yeah. Erm- Look, can we do this some other time?" James remembered their appointment.

"Why-? Why not?" She was blushing heavily and was staring at his bare torso. James knew he should thrown on a shirt but time was always the enemy.

"I kind of have a situation in here." James admitted, lifting an arm to scratch the back of his head nervously.

Her mood suddenly changed drastically.

"You have company?" Sarah said in an almost whisper. James noted a tone of jealousy laced in her voice.

"Err-"

"Is Lily in there?" Sarah leaned to the side and even stood on her tiptoes, peering into the room under James outstretched arms that held the door open.

Such peculiar questions!

"What about her?" James asked curiously.

"Are you two-?" Sarah looked down but made some flailing arm gestures to make her point.

'_Ah shit! Does she really think we are… ?'_ James felt like a moron again.

"NO! No! Of course not! We're not doing that! Nothing like that!" James spluttered out desperately.

Sarah brightened up immediately and looked up at him.

"Then what are you doing?" She returned to her shy, schoolgirl nature again.

"Nothing really."

"How come you're-um." She nodded at his bare chest.

"I can't run around half naked in my own dorm?" James answered honestly.

"No! You-can-do-whatever-you-want! I was just wondering." Sarah apologized quickly.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you later?" James kneeled down and began gathering her books and notes. She kneeled down and reached for the same book James was going for and brushed his strong hand accidentally, causing her to stop any movement as she stared off into space. He picked up the rest and placed it into her arms.

"I'll be waiting for it."

"Okay. I better get going. Goodnight, James."

Nodding a goodbye, he turned around but felt her eyes still staring at him.

"What's up?" James raised an eyebrow.

As if caught red-handed, she jumped and practically sprinted away but stopped in mid-step.

"Oh, by the way, James."

"Yes?" Didn't she already bid him goodnight?

"You look great."

Now it was James turn to blush.

"Jeez, thanks. Night, Sarah. See you tomorrow?"

"Breakfast?"

"I'm down."

"Great."

After she left, he shut the door and walked back into his room with a huge grin and a sense of elevated ecstasy. He almost forgot what Lily was doing on his bed when he entered.

After another tedious debate with his morals, he decided to help her change. He just wouldn't look. Fair enough, right?

Bending down, he took off her shoes and socks, careful to not disturb her.

"There we go." James said to a semi-conscious Head Girl. He removed her uniform shirt and tie with his head turned. He focused his eyes on everything in his room except for Lily Evans herself.

"Hnks." She mumbled unintelligently.

"What?"

"I said 'thanks.'"

"Don't mention it." James mentioned, walking away.

Taking her shirt and walking to the bathroom entrance, he threw it through the doorway on top of his dirty clothes. He took out his wand and began cleaning them to his best effort.

"Sure thing, babe."

"We're back to that now are we?" James chuckled. In the past hour, he couldn't tell if she was drunk and dreaming the whole time or was actually aware of what was going on. Possibly both?

"What did the kids want?"

"Don't worry about it. I handled it."

"You're the greatest." Lily complemented.

Unfortunately, he broke his own promise when he turned around to return to her. Finding her in a tempting black bra that was begging to be removed, from his perspective of course. Gulping down hard, he went to his closet and picked out a random shirt.

"Here, put this on."

"Thanks, it was getting cold. Hun?'"

"Yes?" James was beginning to get used to being her 'husband.'

"A little help?" She looked cute. A drunk yet adorable redhead on his bed was smothered in his shirt. In her drunken state she had managed to get stuck with her arms poking out in wrong sections.

"You're not helping." James laughed.

He was being honest.

She flailed her arms around playfully, occasionally hitting him and knocking his helping hand away. After a brief struggle, he pulled it down over her with enough force that he fell forward, forcing him to lean over her. Sticking out his arms, he caught himself in mid-stumble before he landed on top of her. His palms found their way beside her thighs. He was too close. He could have counted the freckles on her nose. He could even hear her labored breathing. The intoxicating aroma of alcohol clouded the air. He couldn't stand it anymore. The way she looked at him was intimidating. Her head was tilted to the left and she was watching his expression with drunken curiosity as if scrutinizing him for answers like a book in the library.

James had to walk away. Another moment and he might break…

"Goodnight." He carefully placed his gentle hands on her shoulders and set the female Gryffindor in his bed. Tucking her in, he concluded that his work was done now.

Turning to leave, he left for the door but Lily flung both her hands out reflexively to stop him. Holding his hand in her own, she pulled him back.

"-ames…? Where you going?" James couldn't help but recognize the bitter disappointment and sadness in her voice as if she was about to cry.

"Uh- The couch."

"Why?"

Chuckling to himself, he realized Lily Evans was the 'slow, questioning' type when she was completely wasted.

"To get some sleep."

"I still don't get it."

"Seeing as how you're in my bed and if you woke up in the morning, sober if I may add, and saw me in _your _bed, you'd probably freak out." James said in a matter of fact tone.

He smiled as he watched Lily contort her face in intense concentration like she was taking a final exam and look at their hand.

Nothing could have prepared him for her answer.

"Don't leave me."

Perplexed, he stupidly looked around his room for some kind of clue or hint. What was he going to do then? Stay awake by her side? Sleep on the edge of the bed like a loyal dog?

"Stay with me."

"How?" James said stupidly. He would love to hear how this was going to be even remotely possible. She answered his question without a word. Lily mustered remarkable strength and agility for someone that was on the edge of dreaming and in a haze of drunken stupor as she yanked James down beside her.

"Evans, I'm going to sleep on the sofa." Potter got up and sat upright on the bed.

"No, you aren't."

To prove her point she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer as he rested the back of his head against her chest.

"You're drunk." How many times had he said that to her tonight?

When she remained speechless, he said, "What are you doing?" though more to himself than to her.

"Sleepin' off the booze" Lily mumbled drunkenly to his laughter.

The question was address to himself but at least she was awake.

"You shouldn't drink so much. It's not good for you. I don't even Sirius has chugged down that much." To prove his point, James added, "In fact, you're so hammered, you are stuck between thinking we're married and- Evans?"

She wasn't even listening. Lily Evans was passed out stone-cold on _his _bed. Sighing, he recollected the day's events. But most of all, he searched his mind for answers of how she was behaving. Wind back the clock to just four months ago and he would have bet his genitals that she would instead be dreaming happily of strangling him with her bare hands or stabbing him to death with a spoon. How could he forget? She always told him her homicidal fantasies when they argued.

He could feel her heart beat steadily against her ribcage. He could smell her hair, the scent still eluded him but he was entranced by it all the same. But the thing that bothered him the most was her tender, loving small hands. They held him protectively. One palm was settled on the side of his neck and the other rested on his chest. She wasn't holding him hard or anything of that sort, but he still knew that should he attempt to make off someplace else then she would notice. The teenage male couldn't help but feel as if he was her teddy bear. And some part of him seemed to enjoy the moment of being cuddled by Lily Evans even though it knew it wouldn't last forever. James felt that similar knot in his stomach, the clench in his chest and for a split second, he forgot how to breathe. He knew the feeling all too well. It just had been a while…

Then the worst-case scenario struck him. How was he going to explain himself in the morning? He was sure she wouldn't remember anything tomorrow. When he was sure that Evans had completely dozed off, he reached for a pillow and placed it as a divider to separate them. Just in case. In case she should freak out in the morning and strike him for rape or something. It wasn't a goblin-made shield but it'll have to do.

'_This is some babyback bullshit…' _James smiled inwardly at his own catchphrase.

He couldn't wait to see her reaction in the morning. He just hoped she wouldn't kill him in his sleep…

_**Final Heaven, Take Me There…**_

With closed eyes, Lily instinctively lifted her hand up to her temple. Headache. A horrible one at that. As she rubbed her skull, she felt as if it was going to shatter or explode at any minute. Planning on getting off the bed, she raised her other hand but hit something hard…

A deep masculine voice groaned in its sleep.

She caught had caught the stranger by the chin when she retracted her arm. Scared to the brink of insanity, she opened her unwilling eyes.

James Potter!? What!? No! Did they...? Last night!?

The Head Boy was lying shirtless and in his underwear beside her. The sight of him caused her to release him from her hold and she shuffled backwards in the bed causing her to almost fall off. It was then she realized it wasn't even her bed…

As she backed her body that supported him away, his head plummeted onto the soft bed in recoil. He released a breath from his throat but still continued sleeping.

Afraid, Lily jumped off the bed and stepped away from the person she just shared a bed with last night but she stepped on something hard.

Firewhisky?

Were they that drunk? She made for the bathroom that connected their two bedrooms together and shut the door as she leaned her back onto it. Shutting her eyes, she tried to dig into her recollections and piece together the puzzle of last night's events…

Unable to locate any, she forfeited. The alcohol won. Firewhisky 1, Lily Evans 0.

What were they now? Where were they? Friends? Lovers? Still the others nemesis?

"Where did she go?" Lily suddenly heard James yawn from the other side. "I hope she didn't throw herself off the Astronomy Tower, last night wasn't that bad."

'_That bad?!' _So they did after all-!?!?

Footsteps were approaching the door but Lily's feet couldn't move. With eyes still shut, she fumbled her hands around for the lock. When she found it, she locked herself in quickly.

James jiggled the door handle.

"What the-? Evans? Are you in there?" James shouted. Did he really have to shout, she was only inches from him with only a thin wooden door to separate them.

She had so many things she wanted to say but her voice failed her.

"You better not be drowning yourself in there." James said softly with concern.

"Potter?"

"Yeah!?" She had whispered so quietly that James had to shout, thinking she was farther away in the bathroom but of course, she was almost cuddled against him.

She couldn't continue…

"Look, can we talk? Open the door."

"No!"

"Com'mon!"

"Potter-? Did we…"

"We didn't have sex if that's what you're asking." James finished for her simply.

Puzzled, she ripped the door open quickly and found him leaning against the doorway, still without a shirt but she concentrated on looking him in the eye to search for his honesty.

"We didn't? Thank, Merlin!" Lily fidgeted with her fingers. He smiled at her reassuringly, a sense of trust was beginning to build inside her but she knew that she was giving in too early to his charm.

Continuing, she asked plainly, "Remind me why we didn't-"

Lily began making bizarre finger gestures as if poking something. He couldn't help but smile slightly at how Sarah had done the same thing last night.

Women…

"Call me a gentleman or whatever, but one does not have sex with someone who is _unconscious._"

"Unconscious!?" Her hands instantly flew to her eyes to bury her shame. Unable to see anything, she could hear James chuckling weakly.

"That must have been _very _attractive." Lily added sarcastically.

"Indeed."

Knowing she couldn't stand there with eyes closed forever, she moved her hands upwards and began massaging her forehead for relief.

Hoping to avoid the tension, he decided to leave, "Well, last night was exciting! I'm off to breakfast. Care to join me?"

Shaking her head, she responded, "I'm going to sleep it off."

"Alright, good luck with that." James smirked.

Slapping his shoulder in frustration, she pushed past him and made her way to bed.

"I guess you're not going to class?"

"No way."

Exiting the bedroom, he was out of sight but she heard him yell, "I'll get you the assignments and notes then. Later, Evans."

"You don't have to!" She shouted after him but he was already out the door

Embarrassing was the only word she could think of to describe last nights events. Though humiliation came in a close second place finish. Sitting down on the bed, she finally noticed what she was wearing. She still had her school pants on but had a shirt on that she didn't recognize. It was a couple of sizes too big for her and smelled…different. For a lack of a decent description, it smelled like, well, James. The alcohol induced hangover wasn't exactly helping her thinking process. Still haunted by the past 12 hours, she got under the sheets but her thoughts transferred from haunting embarrassment to James Potter. Something in her actually enjoyed being able to hold him beside her overnight. The view of him sleeping next to her as she awoke was an added bonus. A strictly forbidden pleasure she was experiencing. They barely spoke to each other unless it was absolutely necessary, they didn't even consider each other close, yet were sharing a bed? Knowing that it was for the best to just let it go and forget, seeing as James was already doing, she decided to go to sleep.

It was then she realized that she had returned to his bed instead of hers…

_**Final Heaven Is Where I Belong…**_

"'Sup, Prongs." Sirius smirked mischieveously.

"How was sleeping beauty?" Remus questioned.

"What?" James said casually, hoping to avoid where this was going. He hadn't even sat down yet but his friends were already interrogating him.

"You know, the Head Girl. Dark red hair, pretty green eyes, the voice of an angel-" Peter joined in.

"I need new friends…" James mumbled to himself.

"So what happened?"

"Alright fine, let the interrogation begin." James clapped his hands together with false joy.

"Did you two go at it like bunnies-?" Sirius jumped up and leaned over the table as he spoke quickly.

"Hey guys." Sarah had strolled over and sat down next to James.

The three interrogators all slumped and Sirius even sat back down. James knew he was saved the questioning thanks to her timely arrival. No matter how misbehaved his friends, especially Sirius was, they would never gossip with others around. No, it was confidential information. They found more pleasure in the act of agonizing their friend's embarrassment in private.

"So James, tell me why you were practically naked last night?" Sarah had jumped into the fray.

"You're not helping." James whispered bitterly.

Sirius, and now Remus had literally leapt out of their seats and stood leaning over the food.

"You were naked, Prongs?" Remus said with a full mouth.

"You're getting ham all over my plate, bro.'" James looked down at his plate where the food had fallen out of the werewolf's jaws.

Not bothering to apologize, Sirius added, "Can you hook me up with her friend?"

"Which one, damn-it there's bread now!" James looked down again and looked back up, glaring at his friend angrily.

"The blonde one, dipshit!"

"This is ridiculous, I'm hungry and you guys are spitting out your mouth on my plate. At least Peter has the decency to- Gee, thanks, Wormy."

Feeling left out, Peter had ripped a piece of his pancake and tossed it onto James plate.

"You gonna' tell us or what?" Sarah smiled at him with deceit in her brown eyes.

"Huh?"

"Is she any good?" Sarah giggled at her own remark as the Marauders joined in laughter also.

"I'm going to the kitchens." James had to avoid his friends until this blew over, which would probably be until lunch.

"Tell us first!" Remus whined.

"Okay. In fact, she was so great we went at it again in the morning, then I came hoping for some breakfast. And now, I'm going to grab some food and go back up and we're going to fuck like rabbits again, 'kay?" James topped off loudly, perhaps too loud…

"You and Lily are shagging?" A female voice had asked him from behind.

Turning around, he realized to his horror it was Lily's friends that were there last night as well.

"Umm-Late for class! Gotta' run!"

'_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!' _James yelled at himself mentally the whole distance out of the Great Hall.

_**Final Heaven Is Where I Want To Go…**_

"Final Heaven." A familiar female voice said to the portrait door that guarded her room. The door was going to swing open any moment now. But she already knew who it was before she saw them.

"Oh Lily Evaannnnss." Ashley drawled into the room.

"Anyone home?"

"Hellloooooo?" Kim echoed.

Lily was just getting out of the shower but quickly got dressed and made for the door before her friends beat her to it and lock her out of her closet. It was one of those practical jokes they did when the four of them shared a dormitory for the past six years. Sometimes they magically locked her inside the bathroom and wouldn't let the victim out until someone had to use it.

"Yeah! Coming!"

When she got to the Common Room, her friends were already sprawled out around the couch and flipping through different Muggle television channels.

"So, Lily Evans…" Rachel stated sternly.

The use of her first name almost always meant a series of questioning was inbound.

"Potter was getting hounded by his friends so we thought we do the same."

"-He any good?" Ashley asked bluntly with her head hidden behind the large rectangular refrigerator door. "There's nothing in here except firewhisky and microwaveable snacks!"

"Black filled it up."

"Should have known." Ashley commented tenaciously.

"They couldn't fit it in their dorm in the Tower so Potter let them bring it here."

"Couldn't they just go to the kitchens?"

"Would Dumbledore stock firewhisky in the kitchens?"

"Hmm, true." Ashley agreed.

"Stop changing the subject, so was he-?"

"You need to stop leaving the damn door open, Wormtail. Just 'cause I gave you the password doesn't mean you can do that."

Speak of the devil. James Potter, the object of the conversation of had just briskly strode into their little party. All the girls watched him quickly walk in frustrated and spin around without even looking at the women in his dormitory and dump his bags and books to the floor to close the door.

Anyone can just stroll into here. I swear if I get my shit stolen by some 2nd year, it's your ass- Oh! Hello, ladies." James said nervously when he finally turned around.

Finding something else to do to avoid the stares he was receiving from amused faces of the opposite sex; he kicked his bags to the corner for use when tomorrow's lessons came around. Taking off his Hogwarts robes, he let it fall to the ground over the mass of books.

"What?" James confronted them, was it really necessary to watch his every move? He would never understand women. In fact, he had trouble understanding just one. Now? He was presently in a melee with four. Life was so unfair…

"Nothing, just asking Lily about last night."

"And wondering when you guys hooked up."

Laughing softly, he found this a good opportunity to say:

"In that case, what's for dinner, honey?" He had always wanted to say that. Lily was calling him that last night, now it was his turn?

James walked towards the refrigerator and peeked inside, passing Lily who was within arms length. She was visibly distressed. She folded her arms across her chest and was focused on the uninteresting floor. An unmistakable look of embarrassment along with her body language that was impossible to hide considering the blush that rose to her cheeks. He watched her rock back and forth on her feet intently.

Wondering what she was possibly doing, he returned to giving his stomach his undivided attention. Realizing she wouldn't look up at him, the upper half of his body disappeared behind the metallic refrigerator door.

"Wha'cha' doing?" Lily asked cutely from behind. Something in her voice sounded adorable to him.

"Since my wife won't make me anything, I guess I'll have to feed myself." James chuckled softly. Finally he had found it. He grabbed his favorite snack food that was always perfect for that quick fix he needed when the midnight munchies called.

If he does get married, he noted that she better be able to cook…good. Very good.

Reemerging back into view, he held in his hand a normal size bag of something frozen.

"What's that?" Lily's arms were still folded and was still glaring a hole down into the floor but she stuck out an arm to point at the bag.

"Burritos." He said matter-of-factly.

"What's that?" She repeated.

"Food." James said simply as if everyone should know.

"Oh." She said simply.

"How do you turn this on?" James said grumpily while he fumbled with the various buttons and dials on the Muggle microwave.

"Here. How long?" Lily appeared at his side in an instant.

"Four minutes should do it."

"Thanks."

"That was fast." Lily commented when she closed the microwave door only to find the bell go off as the door flew open and a sizzling sound come from inside.

"Peter did some spell on it to speed up the process."

"Oh really? I thought he wasn't that good with wands, let alone magic."

"Yeah well, not when it comes to food." James gave her those trademark lopsided smiles before walking off as he stood behind couch.

"What you guys watching?" He asked.

"Who knows." Rachel answered.

"By the way Evans, you missed the Prefect meeting," James informed her but quickly continued when he saw the devastated look on her face, "Its fine, there wasn't much to do. I handled it."

"I've missed the past two now." Lily admitted. If it wasn't for James saving and covering her own behind this semester, she probably would have been released from her Head duties or worse…expelled.

"No problem-o." James took her statement as thankful gratitude.

"So Lily Evans…" Ashley grinned evilly at her, "I thought you hate Potter."

"Do you know I can _hear_ you?" James gave her a question look as he munched down and took a bite.

"I don't hate him. I just had to tolerate him since we have to work together now." Lily said, ignoring his presence as well.

"I _am_ in this room you know." James informed them of the obvious news.

"We're making progress then, aren't we Kim. Remember last time? She said she hated him!"

"This is hopeless." James conceded as he turned and began walking to his room.

"So are you two going to the Halloween Ball together?" Rachel questioned though slightly uninterested.

"If you need to get your costumes why don't you guys go to Hogsmeade together, there's a trip in a few weeks right?"

"I'll be in the shower drowning myself if anyone needs me." James shouted.

When she heard the door close and the four friends knew they weren't going to be overheard, the conversation took a turn for Lily's worst.

"Why are you being so shy around him?" Ashley laughed.

Was she that obvious? How did they know?!

"I don't know. It's just before we always argued. And he's just, well, matured and actually behaved now. I don't know how to talk to him when we're not yelling at each other…" Lily confessed while fidgeting with her fingers again.

"I think our Lily's finally got a crush."

"She's all grown up now." Kim wiped away a fake tear.

"We raised her well." Rachel joked.

"You like him?" Kim asked seriously after the laughter had died down.

"Of course not." Lily said without hesitation.

"Probably not now. But you're falling for him. It's not hard to see, Lils."

"Not in a million years." Lily said sternly, "He's just growing on me. It's actually fun to hang out with him. Look at you guys, you all are with his friends a lot this year."

"Their funny, so what?"

"Never mind, its getting late. I'm going to sleep. You guys sleeping here? You could get the blankets and sleep in my room if you want. It'll be like old times."

In a unanimous vote, they left to her room and talked for hours about boys, school, teachers and life after Hogwarts.

Without warning, the door leading to the bathroom lit up. The door was cracked open slightly and they could hear someone turning the shower on as the waves of water crashed onto the tiled floor of the enclosed shower.

"Something has been taken from deep inside of me,

A secret I've kept locked away, No one can ever see,

Wounds so deep, they never show, they never go away…"

"Is that Potter?" Kim whispered quietly in awe. 

"Wow, he has a great voice." Rachel added.

"Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past,

Bringing back these memories

_I wish I didn't have,_

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back,

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past…"

Lily was entranced by his voice. She had no idea he had such a beautiful voice. It was soothing, it was lovely, and it was enticing. She couldn't describe the effect it had on. It was one of those voices that could put you to sleep, only if it wasn't so tempting. Still lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice her friends get up and giddily walk to the door.

"_What are you guys doing!?" _Lily squealed silently.

She chased after them as they slowly pushed open the door without making a noise. With only two arms and three people to pull back, Lily wrapped her arm around Rachel's neck and used her free hand to grip Ashley's shirt collar and her other hand swung forward to latch onto Kim's. Struggling, she leaned back and tried pulling her friends back but the three of them together out powered her.

Under-strength and overpowered, the three girls pulled forward and their combined weight pushed the door fully open. Lily landed on top of her friends with a grunt but no one made a sound as they all looked up from the ground and saw him.

James' silhouette was visible through the steaming, foggy glass. His body was horizontal with their vision. Both his hands and arms were outstretched and his palms were pressed against the wall to support himself up. He was staring down at the floor deep in thought. But the thing that Lily noticed right off the bat was that he stopped singing and began humming and releasing the occasional sigh.

Losing track of the time, the girls must have lied there for a long time. In a split second, he had turned off the water, grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. They tried to flee but Lily was still watching him from above them still as a rock and her weight kept them down.

He walked forward to the sink and looked around for something that wasn't there. Still not noticing the young women that were piled up a couple feet in the air to his right, he yelled loudly.

"Evans!? Did you take my toothbru-" When his eyes fell upon the bizarre sight, his hands instantly went down to his hips to hold his towel tighter.

"Fucking shit!" James screamed, "What the hell are you all doing here?!"

"I had to pee!" Lily said stupidly. She regretted those words before even saying it.

"All of you, too?" James laughter filled the room. "I know girls go to the restroom together and all, but not like this…"

"Night, Potter!" Ashley jumped to her feet and scrambled out of sight.

"See ya!'" The rest of the girls leapt up and took off, following Ashley's example.

Slamming the door behind them, Lily glared at all her friends menacingly. But none of them were intimidated even the slightest.

"He has a wonderful voice, _and _a body to match."

"Wow."

"How can you share a dormitory with him and, and-"

"He's probably laughing at me 'cause of you guys now!" Lily roared.

"Pff- You don't care."

"Wait, when _did _you start caring what he thought about you?"

"I don't!" Lily furiously shouted.

But something in her head told her that she, perhaps, did…

**I met a girl…**

**Start of this school year in fact. She's smart, funny and just overall great. Past 2 years I went along my life love-free, no crush, hanging out with friends and living life in general. We barely speak to each other that often even though we sit right next to each other. For 4 months we sat there, not uttering a word to each other unless it was absolutely required, but when we did talk, it made us laugh and have fun. At this point in my life, I really don't want a girlfriend, I haven't for years. But something is different about this one. We're so awkward around each other and we both know it. When we speak, we always look each other in the eye and something always makes me look away to avoid her gaze. I guess we're both just too shy to say anything. **

**I was pretty damn sick all last week, missed 5 days of class. I asked her for the notes. She said no. I was wondering why but she then said she'd give it to me over some coffee. (I hate coffee btw) We sat there sipping this nasty-ass Starbucks coffee I couldn't pronounce and talked for hours. One thing led to another, and I invited her to go snowboarding with me and my friends this weekend, something we always do this time of the year when we get our Student Grant money. **

**I'll see how it goes…**

**Perhaps that's why I've been able to write so well. I've been experiencing the pains of love first-hand.**


	19. Close My Mouth So The Truth Don’t Slip

**For anyone who cares to know how it went down. It was great except the fact that I overlooked that she **_**just **_**might not be good at it. Didn't calculate the fact that it was her first time on the slopes. So it kinda gave me an excuse to leave the guys and be alone with her for a 'private lesson'. But I had the feeling it also gave her the excuse to clutch on to me to stop herself from falling all day. But in all honesty, I dont know where we are at, still...**

**cosmopolitan: yeah, I hate coffee and I told her halfway through. She found it amusing. Lucky me?**

**Jasmine: Yeah, I write with American references. I'm from California and go to UC Davis (If anyone knows what/where that is). It is just awkward for me to say "bloody" or "blimey." It just tickles me lol.**

**Sry if I'm not replying to anyone else reviews. But they were just fun to answer. Its 2:01 in the fucking AM as I'm writing this and the only reason I'm doing this is cause I just finished a dummy-long essay and I'm in the mood to write.**

"**Maybe if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much…" ****-Hayley Williams (Paramore)**

There he was…

He was flying high. His hair sleeked backwards but some odd ends were still rebelling against the laws of physics and gravity.

Lily had let two days fly by them before even thinking of approaching him.

Passing by the large, landscaped window as she climbed the stairs that offered a view of the Quidditch Pitch below. He was alone but seemed content with his surroundings. Occasionally he would fly by so close to Lily and the pane of glass that separated them that she could have counted how many odd locks of his hair that were sticking out.

They would have Potions in less than ten minutes together but he didn't seem to care, let alone remember. Not knowing how long she remained by the window she leaned against it until the bell rang. Even with the signal of class starting, she didn't move at all but turned her head around to look at the stampede of students leaving class and making their way to the next tedious lesson. When she rounded back for him, he was gone. Disappeared from view as if he was camouflaged into the scenery of the background.

Releasing a sigh for reasons unknown to even herself, she retrieved her books and made for class, as he was probably doing the same.

_**Final Heaven**_

There he was, again…

How in the world did he beat her to class? She must have had a 'half-of-Hogwarts' head start.

Faint signs of sweat were visible on his neck. His face was slightly red from rise in blood pressure from the exercise his robes were not worn neatly as if he just pulled them on hastily.

She had walked up behind him in his seat. Clutching her books against her chest, she somewhat hoped he would turn around and say something first. The pressure was mounting up like barbells on her shoulders but after just a few seconds she caved in. Class hadn't started yet so she could…

"Hey Potter. Err- Look, sorry about last night, my friends got kinda' carried away-" Lily apologized miserably.

James turned around briskly but she relaxed when she saw the smile he was wearing.

"It's cool. My friends would have done something like that too."

"That'd be pretty perverted." Lily realized.

"Now that you mention it, yeah it would. Life's double standards, I guess. What are you standing for? You can sit here." He indicated to the vacant seat beside him.

"Umm- My friends ar-" Lily searched the room for them only to be cut off.

"We still have to finish that potion, Evans. Sorry, but your stuck with me for the next hour." James said with an apologetic smile.

A few minutes later they were absorbed deep into their work.

"Well this doesn't look that bad."

"It's decent." He agreed but Lily felt that must have been the biggest understatement of the year. Everyone else's potion was nowhere near the shade of ocean blue that theirs was. Hell, most of the students couldn't get it blue.

"So do we add this now or after we stir it counter clockwise?" Lily presented James with two choices in her upheld palms.

James shrugged unknowingly.

But the truth was, he knew the answer to the question. He knew everything about the assignment. But whenever she asked him something politely without yelling his eardrums to the point of deafness, he couldn't form a coherent sentence. Not knowing was always a better alternative. Ignorance is sometimes, truly bliss.

"Let's put this in then. _There we go!_" Lily uncorked the gooey vial that contained something sticky and disgustingly green. Turning it upside down, the contents drained out into the cauldron.

"Wait!" James said urgently.

He reached out and grabbed her wrists but it was already too late.

Lily was still staring at the potion that was mixing in purple, hazy fumes all by itself now.

"I messed up didn't I?" Lily hoped for a 'no' to her question.

"Whatever, lets try to salvage it. I'm not starting over." James realized his hand was still wrapped around her small, delicate wrists and stealthily retracted away which luckily went unnoticed by his partner. Pulling out his wand he aimed it at the cauldron and attempted to extract the liquid she had poured in. Lifting his hand up, a stream of something acidy green followed his movement. It wasn't the entire vial's worth that she had poured in but it was enough to prevent their work from taking a turn for the worst.

"Shit." He heard her whisper to herself in mix disappointment and frustration.

Something inside him clicked. It was one of those things that he fell for in girls. Something that attracted him to them.

She cursed.

She wasn't as innocent as she appeared. Her reputation was a curtain made of lies and on the outside she may seem tame but once you got to know her and spent time around her, she was an independent person. There was a wild, frisky side to the gorgeous redhead if you just looked at her. The supposedly perfect, well-behaved Head Girl who wouldn't even harm a flobberworm. She was obviously frustrated and disappointment was etched into her face. She was still watching the cauldron with such intensity as if it would automatically reverse its actions and turn back to its once glorious perfection free of humanly error. Moments later she realized he was staring at her.

"What?" Lily wondered. Was there something on her face?

"Noth- Nothing. I was just thinking."

"You were watching me, _and thinking_?" Lily asked, perplexed.

"Uhh- Yeah." He knew he shouldn't have said anything.

"And what were you thinking of?" A smile was beginning to rise against her full lips. Even Lily didn't know what she was getting at. She just knew she was slightly flirting with him and it might escalate farther. She had done the exact same thing during yesterday's lesson.

"What's with the sudden interest?" James tempted.

"Noth- Nothing." Lily imitated him. It earned her a swift nudge in the shoulders playfully.

The rest of the class passed by eventless and the two didn't speak until the last few minutes when they were cleaning up.

"You free tonight?" James asked her casually.

"I don't know." Lily said instantly. She knew she would be alone and bored out of her mind later but when he always asked her a question, any question at all, it was an instant response. It was out of sheer anxiety and nervousness.

"If you want, I'll be in the library if you want some help."

"I don't know for sure. I'll try to be there." She said with little confidence.

But she wouldn't miss it for the world. It would be on her mind till the time came around. For the next few hours, nothing else would be more important in her life than to be there.

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily arrived practically panting. She had even come 10 minutes early because she couldn't lock herself up in her room any longer.

Sure enough, in the back of the library by the large windows with a magnificent view of the forest was none other than James Potter himself. He was sitting alone and had various books sprawled out on the desk in front of him but his attention was focused to the window. Lily spent a lot of time in the library, she had sat in every chair and knew there was only the forest and Whomping Willow. His fingers were on his lips as his elbows were set on the table. Something about his body language told her he was content and if just for the moment, happy. She knew that look all too well, everyone thinks about it. He wanted to get away, to run free. Somewhere. Anywhere…

He looked lost and dazed; perhaps he was waiting for Lily? She shouldn't have kept him waiting, even though she was early…

"How about these?" Sarah had come into view unsuspectingly and dropped a heap of old, dusty books onto the table. The commotion had startled James and he jumped back slightly from his daydream and then gave a hasty cough.

Sarah…

Lily had totally let her drift out of her thoughts. Feelings of disappointment were coming at her from an unknown source. She thought it would be a private tutoring session but dreams and plans are always different when they finally happened for real.

"Old aren't they?" James contemplated.

Shrugging, she sat down beside him and Lily couldn't help but notice how close she had scooted next to him. Sarah's head was almost leaning on his strong shoulders.

Having seen enough, Lily took decisive action and marched to the table and dumped her books onto the table louder than Sarah had to announce her presence.

"Hey guys." Lily greeted in a friendly fashion that could have earned her an acting award.

"I thought you weren't coming." James said sincerely and unfortunately for Evans, he had caught her eye. During those occasions when they made eye contact, she would freeze. There were few times that her heart and brain would agree with each other, but in these 'life-or-death' events, they would both advise her to break away.

"Yeah, well. Here I am!" Lily cheered with joy but felt incredibly stupid afterwards.

"So, what should we start with?" James suggested.

"Patronus charm? I'm horrible with mine. It just looks like any other damn bird- Sorry Madam Pince." Sarah said in mid-sentence to the disapproving look of Irma Pince, the Hogwarts librarian.

James smiled to suppress his laughter but nodded all the same.

"Sure, I need some work on mine too." Lily agreed.

That was a lie. Lily had mastered her Patronus. It was a small, female cat, and it always was. She had it practiced to perfection just before the end of last term. This would be a chance to beat Sarah at something. If fate permitted, maybe she would be able to impress James?

"I wonder if we could practice in here." James thought to himself aloud.

"In here-?" Lily said, shocked.

"James, she puts odd jinxes on the books to protect them and you think she'll let us summon animals in this- _JAMES!_" Sarah persuaded.

"Be right back." He had got up and left to the front desk where Madam Pince was busy stamping and organizing the mass column of magical textbooks.

"Isn't he great?" Sarah laughed.

"Yes, he is." Lily said automatically.

"So Lily, what's with you two?"

Sick of the interrogations people were giving her in regards to James, she said, "What'd you mean?" Her friends were questioning her, now Sarah?

"When you two are together, there's usually screaming and arguing. Where did that go?"

'_Out the window apparently…' _Lily thought, shifting her gaze outside.

"I don't know. I guess he is a tolerable guy once you get to know him. The _real him._" Lily added as an afterthought.

"Yeah."

An awkward silence then ensued during which the girls spent the time watching James try to persuade the librarian to transform the library into a Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"It's strange actually. He noticed I was failing in Defense in the Dark Arts so he offered me lessons. The smartest person in that class gives me lessons? Couldn't pass that up."

"I wouldn't either."

"So, do you like him?" Lily hinted with a smirk and raised eyebrows. She knew the response she would get before even questioning her.

A sudden blush crept up Sarah cheeks and she placed a hand on her cheek subconsciously.

"I don't know. There's really no point if that person doesn't feel the same way, right?"

"True." Lily agreed in her favor.

"I mean, what if you spent the rest of your life chasing that person only to find him with others. Other people that are unworthy of him."

"That would suck." Lily comforted.

"Besides, he likes you." Sarah laughed to shake the feelings of envy off.

"Actually, I don't think he does anymore." Lily confessed in defeat.

"What do you mean?" Lily couldn't help but feel Sarah's interest build.

"For one, he hasn't asked me out since last term and-"

"_WHAT!?" _Sarah squeaked in terror.

"Crazy isn't it?" Lily laughed at the horror on her face.

"I don't blame him. I've been a complete bitch to him all this time."

"Wow…" Sarah whispered to herself.

"So, you got your sights set on him?" Lily urged on.

"Not really, I- HEY JAMES!" Sarah literally screamed.

"Calm down, it is a library you know." James said, causing them to laugh. "She said we could as long as I do the rest of the library work, teach them over there and close up shop."

"How did you do that?" Sarah wondered.

"Convinced her to get some sleep, and besides, it's pretty much empty in here. HEY YOU GUYS! Come over here. Yeah you, you see anyone else in here?"

James was talking to some rather tiny, short looking 5th years in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. There were three of them studying together.

"You guys wanna' learn something?"

"What are you going to teach us, Mr. Potter?" One of them asked politely.

"Mr. Potter? What the hell am I? A teacher? Call me, James or I'll dock points." James said rebelliously.

Lily always knew James Potter was the kind that fights old traditions. Was a guy who was against the establishment. Was a guy who was against formalities.

"We're doing the Patronus."

"That's like 7th year, NEWT stuff."

"Then you'll get a head start."

"The incantation is Expecto Patronum, now first you have to think of a happy memory and…" James drone on but Lily wasn't paying attention anymore.

She sat on top of the nearest table and surveyed James' 'class' as they practiced. Lily was the only one that wasn't participating. Even Sarah was having fun and working on her own casting abilities. But hers' just looked like a mass of mist in Lily's opinion.

The library was soon filled with a mixed concoction of fog and smoke. The younger students were barely managing to get some mist out of the tip of their wands, let alone a life-sized scale of an animal.

"Evans, you want to show them how it's done?"

Lily was getting no practice in, let alone tutoring but was having fun all the same.

Few hours and many laughs later, James finally told them to leave.

"Woah, look at the time. You guys better get going."

Bidding each other goodnight, the 5th years had left, leaving a trail of exciting chatter in their wake.

"Bye, James." Sarah said without looking back after she had packed up.

"Told you we wouldn't get anything done!" James yelled after her from behind the front desk.

He was busy organizing the various mass of books and writing on some piece of parchment. As he was putting back the returned backs and filing late notices, Lily was still watching him.

"Hi. Have we met before?" James joked.

Why did he do this?

Most of the time he would be so reclusive and not bother speaking with others. But every now and then, he would open up and let out a few jokes and a good laugh.

"Very funny." Lily said sarcastically, approaching the desk. "What are you doing?"

"Need a hand?"

"I'm almost done. But can you place these back where they belong, please?"

Nodding, she used her wand to levitate the books into a neat stack as it followed behind her in the air. Giving a flick with her wrist, each individual book was eventually placed back in their respective spots on the bookshelf.

With only one book remaining, Lily didn't know where it belonged.

"Hey, Potter! Where does this one go?" Lily roared.

Lily then looked around the library cautiously. It was weird. In all her years as a Hogwarts student, and all the times she stayed in the library, she had never shouted in the library before.

"What does it say?" He also yelled from across the room.

"Doesn't say!" Lily shouted back, it was always fun to do things that were against the rules. And breaking this taboo was exciting to Lily.

"Hold on, I'm coming." He said. Lily put her wand away and just held the thick, wrinkled book in her hands.

She watched him from across the room. He folded back some long rolls of parchment, even cleaned off the librarian's usually messy desk before slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Lily watched him stroll the entire distance to her. He was

"You're right under it." James immediately concluded after looking at it.

"Huh?" Under what exactly?

"'_Magical Creatures and the Potions They Help Make_.' Up here."

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Lily said stupidly as her cheeks flushed.

Lily wasn't short but she wasn't exactly tall either.

There was a single, lone spot with enough room for the spellbound book to fit. The spot was high. It was a few feet above her and a couple of bookshelves beyond. She stretched her arms as far as her bones and muscles would extend but she still couldn't manage half of the book over it. Standing up on her tiptoes like a ballet dancer, she hoped for a few inches of added elevation to her height. But _even _that wasn't enough.

James wasn't smiling but was still amused by the struggle that was unfolding before him.

Without warning, a strong hand reached overhead and swiftly stole the book from her grasp. Placing the book properly in its place, his hand remained on the edge of the bookshelf.

Lily's gaze was still on the hands that were resting precariously on the brink. James elbows grazed her shoulder slightly, causing her to turn around.

Her face was inches from his neck and proximity caused her to lean backwards but her feet didn't follow along with the plan. She reflexively gripped his robes and stared at his chest. A tenacious smell of that familiar wooden, pine tree aroma he always wore on him. He would have passed for a 6 foot walking pine cone to anyone who was blindfolded. Looking up from his chest, she didn't dare look him in the eye.

It was just something that one should not do in this situation…

"I'll uhh- 'Gonna.'"

"Yeah, you should-" Lily replied without hearing his response.

"…Close up the library."

"Good idea."

"You better start-"

"I will." Lily uttered without hearing him finish.

"Yeah..." James took a half-hearted step backwards and bumped into the shelf, causing some books to rain on them from above.

Lily instinctively lifted her forearms to cover her head and knelt down slightly, taking a step into him for shelter while shortening the distance between them again. He leaned forward and covered her like a tent. Unable to see what was going on, Lily heard some rather large volumes of books collapse on his arms and shoulders.

"Sorry." James muttered.

"Better clean these up."

Working together, they both began returning the books back to the original pre-fall places without exchange a single word.

After cleaning up, they walked out of the library and into the hall. James pulled both of the large panel doors shut for the night.

They both began walking to their shared dormitory, still without a noise until Lily began hating the awkward silence.

"So, what is your Patronus?"

"What do you mean?"

"What form- Err, animal does it take?" Lily corrected.

"Why?"

"Come on, you were teaching us the spell but you didn't cast it even once."

"It's a stag."

"A what-?"

"It's a four-legged animal with large antlers, ever heard of it?" James said sarcastically, "Here, look."

Taking out his wand, he gave a demonstration.

"_Expecto Patronum._" He whispered into the lonely corridors.

Sure enough, a large, shining mass of white light that took the form of a full grown male deer emerged from the tip of his wand. The Patronus appears silvery, ethereal, and semi-transparent. It was full-fledged and so uniformed to its animal species that no one could ever mistake it for something else. Upon being summoned it appeared alert and weary of its surroundings but after a few tense seconds, it realized it was safe of Dementors and simply stared at James before walking by his side.

"Nice. It's a full form."

"Thanks."

"No, really. It's clear and not blurry like everyone else's. It's corporeal."

"Took a lot of practice and eff-"

"PRONGS! THERE YOU ARE!"

Suddenly, his friends Sirius and Peter began walking towards them from out of the darkness. Both James and his Patronus jerked their heads at the source of the commotion.

"You said you were coming to the Tower. That was three fucking hours ago!" Sirius shouted with raised arms over his head in urgency.

"Come on, Rem- Moony, is waiting." Peter changed in mid-sentence.

"I'll see you later." James smiled softly at her as he began walking backwards with his friends, not breaking eye contact.

"Night, Potter."

"James."

"Huh?"

"Call me James."

Unable to find a response, she simply gave him a wave before he turned around and the three teens took a turn and vanished around a corner. A sudden rush of loneliness soared through her and some part of her wanted to be around him more.

Exhaling a sigh of disappointment and not knowing what she was doing, she held up her hands. In her frustration she pretended to strangle Pettigrew and Black before dropping them back to her sides and dropping her shoulders miserably. Turning herself around, she saw James' Patronus. Still here. Still waiting patiently for something.

Maybe James didn't leave after all…

"Aren't you supposed to follow the one who summoned you?" Lily asked it knowing she will not get an answer.

But to her surprise and horror, it gave an unmistakable nod.

"Woah. Err- Okay. Good night?" Lily wasn't scared but couldn't help shake off an awkward feeling she was receiving with a life-sized stag staring at her as if it was a human.

Shuffling forward, she began walking to her room. Lily didn't look back but the brilliant white light that was gleaming off the corridor walls lit up the hallway like a Christmas tree. But the thing that she noticed the most was that the light was following her every move. She didn't have to look back to realize that she was being stalked by the magical deer.

"Why are you following!?" Lily felt stupid talking to this fake deer. It was just a silly replicate comprised of magic and James' happy memories.

When she stopped walking, then so did it.

"Don't you have to fade away now or something? I'll tell you straight up, buddy. There are no Dementors around here. So you can just go." Lily began making swishing and flying noises as if to hint for it to leave.

Sighing in defeat, she was too tired to exert any more energy into this meaningless matter.

"Fine, you win. In case some Dementors show up, you know what to do."

Returning to her slow walk with a stag that simply wouldn't go away and was holding on like a lost puppy, she was rather amused. It didn't annoy her but she did want to figure out how to get rid of it.

"Here. Get lost, go chase this cat."

Lily took out her wand and said softly, "_Expecto Patronum._"

On command, a mass of silver light erupted from wand like a horizontal volcano. But what came out wasn't a cat…

"**No, the Patronus often mutates to take the image of the love of one's life (because they so often become the 'happy thought' that generates a Patronus)."**

**-JK Rowling (Leaky Cauldron Interview)**

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	20. Gears Of War

**I didn't get to check my reviews till yesterday, 200! I must be doing something right.**

**I don't do this for money, obviously. But the reviews mean much more to me. And that's something, especially coming from a poor Uni student. Lol**

**Enjoy.**

"Do it Pete. You got it Padfoot?" James said with a true smile of laughter on his face for once as they stood outside in the dark night sky, the moon igniting the grounds with light as if it is the nighttime version of the sun. 

He had been looking forward to this late night run for a while. It had always been for Remus' sake but they somehow turned it around so it was fun for all of them.

As Wormtail turned into a rat and James scooped him up and placed him into his pocket while Sirius pulled out the Invisibility cloak and handed it over to James while he himself transformed into a shaggy black dog.

Huddling close together, James threw the cloak over them. They had been doing it this way for quite a while now. Ever since their 5th year, they all grew taller so they couldn't fit that well under the same cloak without their feet escaping underneath the cover of invisibility. James could never transform as his stag form which composed of a brilliant set of large antlers would hold the cloak too high and they would be just wasting room. As a miniature rat, Peter could be easily stuffed into a pocket as Sirius followed close at James side as they all descended into darkness under the Whomping Willow.

_**Final Heaven**_

"That _was _fun. Close call with that old dude in front of Wonko's though." Sirius said merrily.

"Yeah, we better get going before Remus comes following us down the tunnel."

"Impossible, we left him back at the shack; he's probably sleeping."

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." James whispered quietly as he held the map in his hand while Peter had his wand aimed over the map with light emitting from the tip as if it is a flashlight.

The map revealed itself and the ink traced itself out to draw the castle, the grounds and Hogsmeade. Making sure the coast is clear, they glanced at the map, checking for anyone that was nearby. And there, in three dots of black ink were printed the names of:

_Snape, Dolohov and Mulciber…_

"We'll wait for them to leave…" James said. "But if they don't, you'll have to go out looking like the Grim and scare the shit out of them. We can't be here all night."

Letting go of a bark of laughter, he agreed, "Just like last year at the Quidditch Cup game. But Prongs, they seem to be waiting for Moony…"

"Yeah they do. I'll give those idiots five minutes, if they don't leave by then we're going have to confront them."

Sure enough five minutes passed slowly but fun as the Marauders talked about tonight's adventure, eager for the next full moon that would come weeks later.

"Guess we're going hav-" But James couldn't finish his sentence.

A low menacing growl echoed down the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack. The owner of the noise then began creating a sound that sounded like heavy sniffs as if to smell around. The three guys looked at each other with both fear and amusement in the eyes. 

But James shook away the funny part of the situation. They couldn't let Remus get to these Death Eater wannabe's. Moony would tear them apart like paper and throw them around like rag dolls. He couldn't lie to himself, it did sound tempting.

"You two transform and try to take Moony back, I'll change too and try to get behind them and when I get the chance, I'll knock them out and move them." At this, Sirius gave James an apologetic look but James waved it aside. It was all in the past. The past didn't matter, at least for now. James knew what he was sorry for.

Sorry for revealing to Snape what Moony really is…

History books and diaries weren't going to save them from door number one that would lead them to an imminent fight with Slytherins. Door number two behind them wasn't exactly as welcoming either. Running into a young, healthy, full-fledged werewolf was not on the menu as well. Camping in with Remus for the night was not even an option. Madam Pomfrey wouldn't find a gigantic rat, a stag complete with antlers and a Grim look-alike dog to be the norm. 

Padfoot and Wormtail rushed backwards to where they just came from but they came back almost as quick as they left. Both giving James a warning look even in their animal avatars.

"Is he coming?" James asked, slightly worried and felt as if he already knew the answer as he watched his friends nod their animal heads that bore close resemblances to their human form.

Without hesitation, James jumped out of the tunnel entrance from the Whomping Willow as Wormtail tapped the root so the tree would not attack James as he escaped the hollow entrance without fear.

"-and leave Potter to me." James heard Snape said as he climbed his way out of the tunnel.

"Here's your chance than, Snivellus!" James said calmly with a friendly smile on top to the greasy-hair bastard. Flapping his fingers towards his wrists, he even encouraged them to draw first blood. "Come get some!"

Upon seeing the shocked faces of the three Slytherins, they all drew their wands and aimed it at James. But all three were too slow for him. Snape and Mulciber were both lifted into the air hanging by their ankles for a split second before being flung back into the cold night air and landing on the roof, sliding down and getting roughed up on the way back down on their fight against gravity. It gave James an edge in the unbalanced fight, for a certain amount of time; he can focus on just fighting one person. Unfortunately, missing Dolohov with the spell, he and James began dueling for a few seconds as all different color lights of the color spectrum were exchanged against the two before Sirius voiced erupted through.

"WE CAN'T HOLD HIM! RUN!"

Peter scurried in rat form to the school entrance, guarding the door from Mulciber while Sirius ran with Peter to help him defend against the attacks in a desperate attempt to stay away from Moony. At that moment, they were more scared of the werewolf than the people with wands…

James, with his back still against the tree never saw it coming. Moony erupted from the hole in tree like lava from a volcano and leaped on James backside, catching him off guard. With his face crashing to the floor, James forgot what happened. Different thoughts came to him. For one he was glad Lily had broken his glasses, or else he'd be blinded in this battle that was going on around him. He even thought about if Mulciber managed to luckily hit him with a spell but awoke from his senses when he heard a growl behind his messy-haired head. Rolling around quickly to face the monster on the grassy ground, he realized something.

He was wrestling with his friend. The prize? James life and Remus' conscience. 

Instinctively fighting for survival, James hands wrung around the beast's neck and squeezed around it hard. Any human, wizard or Muggle would have been choked to submission by now, but this was no human. He managed to get position even under the pressure of a fully grown werewolf on top of him. With his back to the floor, James looked up at the beast's eyes. The monster's mouth was drooling with saliva in anticipation of fresh blood just under his paws, within his reach. The liquid hit James in the face but he kept his gaze and locked eyes with the animal.

Though the werewolf looked nothing like human, its eyes were Moony's. There was no mistaking it. The thirst for the kill in Remus' eyes vanished as soon as he saw James' own pair of eyes. His best friend, he can't do it…

Taking control of himself slightly, but just enough to save his friend from the torture he himself had to endure every month, he leapt off James and began charging Mulciber.

James knew it was a present from his old friend. Remus wouldn't want to pass on his 'furry little problem' to anyone, especially a friend. James couldn't trust the werewolf's instincts. If he got pinned down again, he wasn't sure if Remus would beat the werewolf's bloody yet natural desire. He didn't have much time, the werewolf had his back to him as if to ignore he existed and chose to assault another target. So vulnerable, so close…

Quickly getting up, James reached around on the floor for his wand, grabbing with his left hand, he quickly threw it in the air and caught it with his right. Using his now free hand, his left arm, thrusting the palm at the floor to support him and hoisted himself up.

The second he was even halfway up, before his legs were able to become vertical, his knees had given up on him. 

For a split second, he thought maybe his legs had somehow been broke or damaged in the altercation. Or perhaps someone tackled him down to the soil. Either way, all he knew for sure now was that he somehow ended on the floor. Face first. A cheek pressing against the cool, dew mist grass, he couldn't see anyone. For a fleeting second, everything seemed right. As if nothing was going on around him. His arms and legs were still stuck together as if they were roped and than followed up with metallic chains to ensure he wouldn't budge the slightest. 

"JAMES!" Sirius voiced roared out into the darkness. Following with a loud howl of fury that should wake up everyone in Hogwarts and probably half of the nearby village of Hogsmeade. 

As soon as James heard his name being called, he was free. His body was no longer stuck. It was as if 'James' was the counter-jinx that had to be cast to free him. He must have been hit with a full body bind. 

'_Ah yeah, I'm back in the game, baby…' _James encouraged himself.

James owed Sirius one…

James launched every spell he could think of, but only the most effective ones. He sent red sparks and beams flying everywhere in hopes of stunning them and ending the fight before turning his wand regretfully at his best friend Remus Lupin.

With a plan in mind, he was a man in motion. James began jinxing, hexing, cursing and going all out.

After what seemed forever of non-stop fighting, Dolohov managed to aim a stunner at Sirius, knocking off his feet, flying back a few feet before landing with a dull thud on the hard grassy surface. As Peter rushed in front of his fallen friend and began covering him, hitting Dolohov with a stun of his own as James hurried back to his downed friend. 

Dolohov was done. Out for the count.

Running at Sirius while he cast the counter-spell, removing the full body bind but Sirius was still down. Dropping to one knee, he used his free arm to link it under Sirius and dragged him upwards, supporting his weight so he can get back in the fight.

"GET UP! ON YOUR FEET!" James roared in encouragement, stirring throughout the forest.

As Sirius managed to hold his own body on two legs without support, James released back into the melee. Turning his head, he saw Remus run towards the castle entrance. Towards Peter who was still courageous guarding the door. Towards them…

'_No. He can't be allowed inside. He'll bite someone for sure…'_

James launched one last spell at his enemies before transforming into stag form and charging the werewolf head on. But he was too late.

Snape turned his wand from helping Mulciber fight off the werewolf, who now left, on James the stag.

"SECTUMSEPRA!"

The spell ripped through the chilly, windy breeze like a bullet in a hurricane as it swerved past Wormtail, hitting James on the left side of his ribs. He instantly turned back into a human from the injury roaring in pain. Revealing the slash to his sides as if someone took a swung at him with a sword and successfully made contact. His shirt ripped in the spot he was hit. The Head Boy dropped back to one knee but this time he wasn't helping Sirius…

With a roar worthy of a lion that gave the impression of a war cry, full to the brink with anger, Sirius ran towards them, knocking Snape out with a cruel and merciless punch as blood flowed freely from his crooked, long nose. Jumping on top of Snape, Sirius tackled him as he his prey fell, pinning him to the floor as he swung both his fists and buried them deep into his face as he pounded heavily like a jackhammer, making sure the slimy-git would not be getting up tonight. Once satisfied he calmly walked to over to a struggling Mulciber.

Less than a few feet away, Sirius watched with anger as the werewolf pinned Mulciber to the ground. Giving a laugh that caused the hairs on the back of Mulciber's neck to stand upwards. Sirius lifted his knee up, cocked like a piston before driving it down onto Mulciber's wand, crushing it into mere splinters as the wand gave a small explosion of yellow and red sparks.

The werewolf had one paw over the throat of its prey which then soon passed out. Feeling that its victim is defenseless, it leaned in to give the bite, to taste fresh blood for once…

At this, Sirius was rocked out of his trance and magically lifted the werewolf in midair and tossed it far away but then almost simultaneously, aimed his wand at the very head of Mulciber.

"Good night." Sirius said with fury at James sacrifice for taking a hit for him before landing an aura of red beamed light into his head, effectively stunning him in his place.

Looking at the werewolf that rushed towards him, Sirius made a split second decision. He pointed his wand at the Whomping Willow, launching a spell that hit the knot at the base of the tree, causing the tree to stop moving. With that complete, he aimed his wand calmly at his friend.

"Sorry Moony." He whispered before lifting the beast in the air once more and dragging him towards the tree and placing him inside and sealing it shut from the outside as the werewolf scratched the walls of the exit impatiently in hunger.

Turning backwards and dashing to James who still remained propped up by one knee.

James felt the blood pour out of his body as if he is a jug of water that got pierced by a bullet and was leaking slowly but steadily until he was empty…

James chest was leaning over his knee. It was the only thing that kept him upright. His vision was blurry.

His sight was decaying by the second. The grass that should be green appeared blue, mixed in with the moonlight and midnight sky. 

Before Sirius could even ask if he was okay, James groaned out loud, 

"Moony?"

"Locked him back inside."

Giving a grunt in gratitude, he continued to struggle to get the voice out of his throat. 

"Memory charm them, they saw me change… and get that shoulder checked Padfoot."

"What should-" Sirius said before looking down at both his shoulders and realizing there was a long gash that tore his robes, revealing blood everywhere on his robes.

"What about you? You don't look that great, man." Sirius continued.

"I'll live, go and do it. I'll get this fixed up. It's nothing." James lied through gritted teeth, putting his friends first while he grabbed his robes and swung it around his wound to cover it up, hoping his friends did not see the seriousness of it. 

They can't know. And besides, it wasn't that bad at the moment. Nothing ever was to him. But he didn't know it would only get worse the more he moved his body around.

Sirius and Peter began erasing the memory of the Slytherins, making their scars and bruises seem like a bad fall down the stairs to the dungeons and Mulciber lost his wand while flying his broom but made sure Snape had a nightmare-ish recollection of a embarrassing prank where he ran around the Great Hall for dinner in nothing but a thong and that even Slytherin's laughed at him. 

James walked without a particular destination. He had to leave so his friends couldn't see him in this condition. They had enough on their hands as it was. He took a moment to stop and crashed into the wall to the side. He leaned against the ice cold brick walls, using it to support himself in an upright position to no avail. 

The Gryffindor male was knocking down the sets of armor onto the ground along with anything else that was an obstacle. It was a lot cheaper on his strength to just simply push aside anything that was blocking his path and the wall he used for support than to go around it tenaciously. His robes were dragging along the wall, painting them with a blood red consistency in a wave pattern. One could have even mapped out his movement as he struggled down the corridor. 

Few minutes later, he felt as if he was going down a hallway that had no end. It was an abyss. It sucked him in farther into it, but it gave him no relief in hopes of rescue. Giving in to the pain, he collapsed with his back against the wall with a loud grunt. There was a portrait behind him that he must have dirtied with his blood as the occupant began yelling at him. But he didn't hear it. His brain was focused on nothing but stopping the drain of blood out of his torso. Even if he did hear it, he doubt he would have cared what they were saying. 

He glanced down at his hand. He was still gripping his wand tenaciously. Never letting go. He hadn't released it even the slightest since the fight started. With a sprinkle of inspiration, he touched it gently at his oblique and muttered a spell. He saw it in one of those first aid books for minor injuries for wizards and witches.

No luck.

The spell didn't stop the flow of blood at all. Not even the slightest. It still poured out like a waterfall. He knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth an attempt at the very least. Sectumsepra was too lethal of a spell to be cured by something as simple as the spell he was casting.

'_Madam Pomfrey will ask too many questions. Dumbledore can patch me up easily but he can't know.' _James debated inside his aching skull.

Biting his lips to prevent himself from crying out in his agonizing torture, an idea came to him as he sat on the floor desperately. 

An idea born out of pure desperation.

Just maybe it'll work. But anything's better than this. Glancing at his watch which to his horror was also blood ridden, it read,

'3:19 a.m.'

With his right arm holding the wall and any item that would help support him, he slowly made his way down the hallways. Leaving behind a trail of redness on the floor in his wake. It reminded him of something silly. Something that he shouldn't be even thinking of at the moment. But the color reminded him of Lily's hair…

**After realizing I got 200 reviews I tried to quickly get this out. Hope it wasn't a long wait.**

…

…

**Anyone play **_**Gears of War**_**? I was playing it few days ago. If you have, then you might be able to catch a few subtle acts (curb stomp Downs) that should give you laugh. **


	21. She's In Love He's Not

**How is everyone's Spring Break coming along? **

"**When you first meet someone, you are not meeting **_**them**_**. You are meeting their representative." **

**-Chris Rock**

'_Prongs…'_

The stag and doe were still lying on the rug in the center of the large common room. The stag had sat down on the floor as the doe leaned into him. They had followed her around, even into the dormitory. The Patronuses seemed strangely comfortable for something that didn't exist in this world. The stag was tall and majestic. Composed of magic and fond memories, how could such a thing happen? 

"Get a room you two!" Lily yelled in frustration. How _dare_ they be so happy when she was left alone?

She was still trying to figure out how her Patronus changed. She mastered her Patronus just last year and it started out as a cat and had always been a cat. Something must have gone wrong. Or so she thought. Lily took some time to recast it only to get the same result every time. Deep inside, she knew how and why it transformed. She was just blind from the truth. But sometimes your brain wouldn't believe what your heart says. It had a lower rank in the priority list. There was only one reason it would change…

'_James…' _She dreamt in ecstasy.

As soon as his name drifted into her mind, both Patronuses faded away. The shimmering light flew upwards. Giving the animals the appearance of disintegrating out of this world. The brilliant white light made contact with the ceiling before it vanished out of view.

Lily didn't think it was possible but now she felt even more alone. 

Lily lay awake in the comfortable sofa she spent so many nights doing her homework on. She had no clue how long they were going to be out but he was the reason she was sleep deprived tonight. She was reading a book and was still on the very first page, the book could have been upside down or inside-out for all she knew, it didn't matter anyway, it's not as if she would digest a word of it. Was he ever going to come back. And tonight did not seem any more different than the other nights. When she mustered the courage and curiosity to ask, it was that he either stayed in the boys' dormitory in Gryffindor Tower or that he was with Dumbledore. What did Dumbledore say when she asked? Extracurricular activities. '_Yeah right.' _Lily wasn't stupid and she didn't buy a piece of it. No activity or head duties would last this late into the night.

Sighing in utter frustration, she considered getting up and going to bed.

His name had been haunting her thoughts for far too long tonight. '_Do I like him or not?' _Lily never had a boyfriend; in fact, she never even liked another guy. Sure, there were a couple of cute ones but nothing she even thought of pursuing. In the past, she always placed schoolwork and her friends in front of it, keeping them low on her list of priorities. Lily couldn't believe she was actually falling for him. 

Rather hard fall too…

Lily knew that James could get any girl he wanted, so _why _chase the one he can't get? The one who was guaranteed to reject him. Was it all a challenge? A stupid bet? Surely there are many other guys out there, but she couldn't help deny that James had infected her heart. He had her heart now. But what caused this? Why was she feeling different about this guy?

When James Potter's eyes weren't wandering over the other side of the Gryffindor table, across a classroom to watch her every move, she was. She was at his Quidditch practices, she was there during the Head duties they shared, and she even stared without worry at him in the great hall. In fact, she was the one who swapped roles and watched his every motion in the classes they had together.

But with their history, it could probably never work. Will they be able to hold hands in the future down the corridors into the Great Hall in full view of the school? Will she be able to love him? Can she look into his eyes without having to see sadness and anger swirl in his orbs like she did on the train? Would this work out? If ever? What will everyone think? The girl who proclaimed her never ending loathing of a guy who in total opposite, proclaimed his never ending love for her…

'_I don't want a girlfriend…' _She overheard him say to Sarah.

Lily couldn't help but frown at this; still fresh in her memory, it disheartened her significantly. Will she be able to win him back? If she did, what if James left her? What if it didn't last forever like they said in the fairy tales and cheesy love movies? Lily wouldn't be able to bear it. She would rather not have him at all than to make him hers' so he would leave her to die with a broken heart. If she could be friends with him, that would be enough to Lily. But half of her wanted more than that. That half wanted to be in his arms forever. They belong together, they needed to be together. It was even ready to be with him forever, to marry him, have his children, raise a family together, live and grow old together. 

If they do get hitched together somehow, would it last? She would rather not have him at all and be his close friend than to have him only to watch him leave. How long would it last? One day? Two? The utmost fear was the imminent relationship after a breakup. Lily knew it too well. People say they want to continue being friends, but underneath it all, it was just a lie. If that happened, she knew she wouldn't be able to even be in the same room as him. Then again, could she ever be close to him only to hear him talk about future girlfriends and how great _they _are to him? 

'_I'm over her.' _She remembered abruptly, but to her fright, those very words scared her.

Another nightmare of a thought struck Lily like thunder in a storm. Her breathing got caught in her lungs, trying her best to kill off the phrase as she heard him recite over and over again in her head. The three words that composed that sentence she now hated to hear him say. It even replaced the trademark 'Will you go out with me' line. If she tried hard enough, there was no doubt in her mind she could win him back. But the problem was why was he being so distant? To everyone, even his own friends. Perhaps she had left her footprint on his heart only for it to be wiped off when she wanted him.

The truth struck her like a stab from a dagger. They were right, they were all right, especially her best friends.

'_He's not that bad.' _She admitted. In her own absurd language of denial, it meant the same as: 'I like him.'

But why? 

What did he have to do this year that he didn't do the past 6 years to win her heart? 

What was different?

'_Everything.' _Lily confessed regretfully. 

It was early into the morning already. She usually loved being alone. Except for the fact it was eating her away tonight. She wanted something. She wanted him. But she didn't know why. Perhaps it was the way she loved how would stare into her eyes. Lily hated it but adored it all the same. Loved? Where did that come from? Maybe there were a couple of attributes she loved about him. Then again, everyone had traits she would admire. She was beginning to love the way she would lose her ability to speak when he was talking to her. She loved the feeling she got when she felt James staring her way out of the corner of her eye. She always did love that soft smile he flashed her way. She loved the dreams that she had in which he starred in. She loved his Quidditch skills. She loved the way he looked flying on a broom. She loved the intense look he would assume when confronted with a difficult test question. She loved the way he bit down on his bottom lip when he was nervous. She loved the very way he walked as if he was gliding down his path. She loved even his coughs and sneezes. She loved the way he would run his hands through his hair as she watched and only dreamed of running her own hands through it. She loved the fierce loyalty he showed to his friends. She loved the way he waved his wand. She loved his the way he would grab her hand when she messed up and added wrong ingredients to a potion. She loved the way his hair blew in the wind. She loved how he smelled like the clean, fresh outdoors. She loved how he was team captain of the Gryffindor team for the past few years. She loved how he took home the Quidditch Cup every year. She loved how he slouched in a chair while he read or daydreamed. She loved how cuter he looked without those nerdy glasses. She loved how he had not made any passes at her so far. She loved how mature he had grown over the summer. She loved walking in on him when he was topless. She loved the body she saw during those wonderful moments. She loved his academic prowess. She loved his bravery and his courage was unmatched with even lions. Most of all, she loved how much he had changed…for the better.

She loved _him._ She loved James Potter.

Lily couldn't deny it any longer but she still hated him when it came to some things… 

She hated the confused feelings he was giving her. 

Perhaps it was not all loving adoration. A love-hate was flowing in her veins. She still hated him for some things. She hated how he never asked her out anymore. She hated him not playing pranks anymore. She hated him for not smiling as much as he used to. She hated how he usually never came back to the dormitory they shared. She hated the frowns and neutral expressions on his face lately. She hated his ability to create knots and butterflies in her stomach. She hated not being able to yell at him anymore. She hated not being able to find a reason to yell at him. 

She hated him too! Yes. She still did. The very thought of his existence still brought back those feelings that were infuriating.

But the thing she hated most about James Potter?

She hated how he put her in the backseat now. As if she didn't matter. He no longer took every opportunity he got to talk to her. James no longer acted arrogant and behaved like a total jerk _just _to get her attention. It was something she now wanted from him. 

Lily screamed out loud angrily into her book at what had become of her as she smacked the book into her forehead. She can't blame him for not wanting her. He did waste the last 6 years trying to win her over but she was too damn stubborn. If she had given in, they could have had more time.

Sighing, she felt stupid, James isn't coming. 

The head girl didn't want to wait until morning to see him. It was too far away. Time. People say there is never enough time while sometimes there will be too much. Now was one of those times were she wanted a time machine to fast forward time instead of winding it back.

He'd probably crash at the Gryffindor Tower for the night. 

He could even be sleeping this _very_ moment! Hmph! Lily struggled to achieve the same effect. Eventually deciding she would go to sleep here, she was too tired and lazy to get up at the moment. Closing her eyes and attempting to drift off into the land where they could both be together. Dreams, fantasies and unreal were usually a better vacation destination than reality. Imagination is what would set her free.

She slid out of focus until a noise woke her.

"What the-" Lily surely must be the only one awake at this hour!

Someone was stumbling outside the dormitory, scraping the walls. 

Then the unmistakable sound of a suit of armor being knocked over as it crashed loudly onto the floor, clanking and bouncing with gravity's help, causing a metallic noise to erupt through the hallways. Lily wondered who could be out at this time and glanced at the large wooden clock,

'3:35 a.m.'

Before she could even look away and turn her attention to the door, she heard a faint whisper. 

Someone was opening it!

Then the portrait was opening slowly as Lily realized it was James. It couldn't be anyone else. '_He must be trying to sneak in_.' She presumed, it wasn't the first time she passed out in the common room doing work so he might be trying to avoid waking her. Surprised at the prospect of James arrival Lily immediately hid herself behind the sofa which had its back facing the doorway but purposely let her bright red hair flow over the edge of the couch in the hopes that James would notice her. To make it even more obvious she grabbed her book and allowed it to drop over the back of the sofa, landing in his way if he attempted to walk to his room without seeing Lily in the darkness. 

To anyone not named Lily Evans, it would have just appeared that a redhead student had dozed off into sleep while working on her school work.

Someone fell. Hard. James sounded like he tumbled through the doorway. Was he trying to bulldoze his way in?

Lily wondered if he was drunk, he was rather clumsy if he's tripping into the room…

He was panting. Trying to catch his breath. But it wasn't a pant people did after a long distance sprint. It sounded like he was struggling for every bit of oxygen. The harsh breathing instantly told her that he was letting too much air out of his lungs than he could get in. He wasn't running from Mr. Filch then…

Forgetting that she was supposed to remain motionless, she tilted her head up and her eyes barely peeked over the edge of the sofa she was lounging in. The lights were still on but dimmed low as Lily never got the chance to shut them as she was supposed to be 'sleeping.' 

He looked distressed. His back was against the wall for support. Head tilted downwards and his clothes...

"Rough night…_James_?" Lily tried saying his name. He gave her permission to hours ago but when it sounded awkward and bit strange coming from her lips, she smiled at him to play it off.

Robes were torn. That messy hair was even messier. Sweat was plastered to his forehead. Large cuts ran down the pants as if a creature with enormous, razor sharp claws ran its paws down his thighs. Something was covering him. It was thick in consistency. She couldn't make out what it was in this light but it appeared to be like…

James looked up and quickly pulled his robes around him. He was obviously hiding something. James didn't want her to see something and that only peaked Lily's interest.

Shock written into it. He wasn't wearing a neutral expression or seem merely bored or tired. James was visibly stricken. He must not have expected her to be here.

"Lily…?" His voice echoed in the room. A husky voice she never heard him use before. Now that she thought about it…

He _never _called her Lily, at least not like this.

But she didn't give that much thought once she saw the emotion on his face.

Panic.

"Help…"

What? '_Help?' _Lily frowned with her eyes closed, what's wrong? Getting up quickly because his voice gave the impression of wanting to falter and give up on him. She couldn't make out his silhouette very well so she charmed all the lights in the room on and there leaning against the wall was the one and only James Potter.

"James? What's wron- NO!"

She ran towards him as he collapsed with his back still leaning against the wall. Sliding down, his feet gave up on him and no longer supported him as he landed on his butt with his legs sprawled out. As he fell, his back rubbed down the wall, leaving a fresh trail of blood, painting its way downward towards James.

Blood.

How could she have been so blind? That should have been the first thing she noticed. Leaning down in front of him, she saw the undeniable signs of massive blood loss. A lot of it. Too much…

Grabbing the sides of his robes, she flung them apart to reveal his bare torso half covered by his plain white shirt that was ripped in the spot where he was hit with the curse. A deep gash cutting in far inside of him. The flesh was separated. Ripped apart violently. How he was still alive was a miracle in itself. James was screaming in pain, a scream she never heard in her life. A scream she never thought she would hear from him of all people as he always considered it a weakness. Boys don't scream. They just don't. They were raised not to, yet James was giving blood-curdling roars.

His screams caused her to jump back violently.

"I'm sorry! I- What happened!? You- You need to go to the hospital wing now!" 

James did something that caught Lily off guard. 

He laughed. 

"What's so funny!? You got hit with a curse didn't you!? You're losing too much blood!"

"You're panicking more than me." James even smiled for a half second before it vanished.

True. But that wasn't the point. She wasn't the one blooding their heart out on the floor.

Lily scooped an arm under his armpit and prepared to help him up.

"I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey-"

"THE HELL YOU ARE!" James shouted in disapproval. then calmed down at the fright on her face, "Can't. Too many questions."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN!? Do I look like a qualified Healer!?"

James calmed down at the look of fright on her face, 

"Can't. Too many questions."

Knowing she'll have to do something. She hoisted his heavy body towards the couch. Dropping him gently on it, he gave a gasp of pain as he slightly landed on his wound. Reflexively, reaching a hand to his wound and attempting to put pressure on it in the hopes of stopping the flow of blood that was releasing freely like a rushing river without a dam. 

Lily stood there over him looking down at the guy she finally admitted her feelings for to herself. Now he's close to dying. 

Time was so fucked up…

Knowing she has to do something, _anything, _she tried to pry his hands from his side.

"I have to see James, I-" At the mention of his first name, he relaxed, he still did not let go, but he softened his grip enough for Lily to move his hand. A single, lone tear rolled down her cheeks because she did not know what to do. 

Lily didn't know how to save him…

She still stood there for what seemed forever but in reality must have been less than half a minute. She saw the blood spreading its way through the cushions. Infecting every free spot of the crystal white chair and replacing it with a dark crimson red.

Ripping away his clothes hastily and leaving him in nothing but his boxers, Lily was more scared than James. The windows that James always kept open, allowed the moonlight shadow cast its way into the room, igniting James with its brilliant light. The gash to his side was glistening in the starlight, as if shining for attention in the limelight. Lily watched James scream for help. Still holding her hands to her mouth and shaking violently in horror, James let out a roar of agony that jolted Lily back to her senses. Instinctively, Lily leaned over him and did the only thing she knew that would help in the slightest. 

She placed both her hands on his ribs and applied pressure in hopes of halting the bleeding.

As soon as her trembling hands made contact on his open skin, he released a terrible, agonizing scream that he tried to suppress in Lily's presence as she was already frightened enough. Gasping for air, James was steadily losing consciousness as he lost more and more blood.

"Listen." He whispered.

There was nothing in the world that would steal Lily Evan's attention now.

"There's a bottle. Essence of dittany."

Not another word was necessary. She dashed for the bathroom. She had seen it before. She remembered there were medicines and potions for various problems and illnesses in one of the cabinets on the first day of school. Lily was opening every cabinet and door that day so she couldn't miss it.

His chest lifting up off the bed, heaving back and forth, he struggled in his fight between life and death. On the brink between the two, he was caught in a limbo. A game of tug-of-war. Which team is winning? Stalemate.

'_Where is she?' _

Pulling the cabinet doors open so violently, that Lily was amazed she did not wrench it apart from the hinges. Darting her eyes at every bottle of various shapes and sizes she reached for the bottles in the front row. If they were useless and wouldn't help, she would toss them over her shoulder in frustration.

_'Euphoria? What the fuck is this doing here?!' _The vial went over her head and she heard it shatter in the pool-sized bathtub behind her.

"Lily…" James voice came from the bedroom.

"HOLD ON!" she roared back in response.

'_Aspirins. GAH!'_

'_Hangover Potion…Laxatives…Painkillers. All garbage!' _Lily thought.

After a few seconds of searching and breaking bottles behind her back, she saw a bottle that caught her attention.

'_Essence of Dittany!'_

"Bingo." she whispered hoarsely to herself. 

Dashing towards the door, she stopped quickly in front of him and leaned over him. Opening the bottle, she poured all of it onto the James wound, making sure she used every last drop. His gash immediately began releasing a strange greenish gas and an appearance of his skin sizzling as if he was being roasted on a grill alive.

"FUCKING SHIT!" James bellowed as agony and pain contorted on his face.

Someone must have mashed on Lily's panic button again. Pulling out her wand with sticky fingers due to the glutinous, thick blood. She aimed it at his wound and tried a simple, minor healing spell. It sealed it partly as she watched it slowly stitch his wound close but most of it refused to be sealed by such a simple household spell. Scared that more magic would hurt him, Lily didn't know what to do. 

"THIS IS MAKING IT WORSE!"

"It'll be okay, just relax. You'll be better-" Lily tried to comfort him. Offering soothing words to calm him.

He was coughing harshly. Hacking blood out of his mouth. It was a sign. Lily had enough first aid training to realize that when someone coughed blood it was a sign of internal bleeding…

Lily turned the bottle around in her hand and read the back label to check if it was really Dittany:

'_Made with the plant Dittany. Will Heal Most Wounds. A few drops are sufficient for large injuries. Side effects include: headache, nausea and pain for a short duration after the product is applied.'_

Tossing the now empty bottle over her shoulders, she watched his gash begin magically sealing up. As if invisible stitches were sewing him back up. As soon as his wound sealed itself up, it appeared as if his torso was not just torn apart, in fact, it looked normal.

James breathing slowed and calmed significantly. His face no longer twisted into one of torture, he stopped groaning and screaming as if he was being 'Crucio' on. After standing there watching him begin to settle down, she turned around and headed to the bathroom and began cleaning the mess. With a flick of her wand, she fixed the smashed bottles she broke in her desperate search. The bottles than magically flew back to where they belonged. Going to the Common Room, she began vanishing James blood from the walls which lead to the couch but also exited to the corridor. Opening the portrait, she glanced outside and waved her wand again, vanishing the trails of blood James left in his wake as he struggled down the castle to the dormitory. The only evidence that showed his injury was his clothes that lay on the coffee table. 

Getting back inside the confines of the room, she strolled inside to check on him while vanishing the blood on the floor and the sofa which managed to dye itself from Gryffindor colors to dark scarlet. By now it had dried and was crusted into the cushions. It would be hard to clean now.

Looking down on James when she was done, he was sleeping peacefully. Not wanting him to sleep on the bloodstained couch, she swept his arm over her shoulders and managed to drag him to his bed. Tired and exhausted, Lily stripped off her bloody shirt. She threw the bloodied clothes on top with James' torn ones. Knowing she'll clean the blood off it later, she reached down at James trunk for one of his shirts, but instead found it empty except for bottles of Firewhisky. Too lazy and not wanting to leave him alone, she turned towards his closet. Pulling it open, it revealed its contents. Lily saw his broomstick standing upright, leaning against the wall with handle pointing up. On the floor lay a photo album along with a worn out, and obviously, used diary. 

Going through his wardrobe of clothing, she found James' Quidditch shirt. He probably wore this under his Quidditch robes during practice or games. Pulling it off the rack, she saw that was a plain white shirt with the number '0' on the front and back, but the back had his name printed above the his number,

'Potter.'

Smiling to herself, she pulled it on and instantly smelled his aroma. The fragrance intoxicating her as the smell crashed over her like waves of the ocean onto the beach, she walked over to inspect his condition. His eyes were closed but he felt her presence as she approached him. 

Taking in the moment, she tried thinking of what could have possibly occurred that injured _her _James! It was a full moon tonight but Remus… He would never hurt his own friends. Did he get into a fight with someone? But no one was hanging out this late in Hogwarts unless they wanted a couple weeks of detention.

She went down on her knees on the floor without saying a word. Believing actions speak louder and clearer than words, she gently rested his head on the pillows. With her arms under her chin, she watched him curiously. It was like watching him sleep in class but she had the best seats in the house.

Front row. Center. 

He was so helpless tonight that it bothered her. James Potter was always able to take care of himself. He solo every task, even the ones where he was partnered with Lily. Before she could give it another second of thought, his eyes fluttered open. His head rotated to face hers and he caught her eye. For some reason she wasn't scared anymore. If she stared into his blissful eyes before this, she would have freaked out and dropped her head. Shifting her attention to anything but him in the room, usually at her own toes.

"You're a real angel, Lily." 

"You're not so bad yourself."

**When people say that they spent the whole night reading this instead of writing essays and lab reports, it makes me feel bad. But I'm also glad you guys like it. Don't procrastinate! lol**

**Thx for the reviews as always, keep 'em coming.**


	22. Staring At The Clock, Dying To Get Away

**My allergies are FUCKING KILLING me**

"**No matter what happens, even if you become the world's enemy, I'll be your knight."**

**-Squall Leonhart**

The windows were open as the sunlight helped itself into the room, though without invitation. Lily had never hated the morning sunshine rays this much before. Her sleep was blissful. She had never slept so well before. Stirring in her sleep, she shifted around and stretched, giving a yawn in her refusal to get up from her comfortable position. She lay on her side, with the left side of her face buried in the soft pillow and her right arm outstretched.

There were no strong arms or the warmth of another body around her…

Moving around in the bed with her eyes closed, still not ready to open them, she could not feel James muscular physique. His comfortable shoulders and chest were non-existent. Resorting to her last resort, Lily threw Plan B into action. Lifting both her arms and landing them on the large bed, she moved each arm to the opposite sides of the bed. She flung her arms to the bed, feeling around for him with her hands desperately but to no avail. Hoping with all her heart he was still there, at least in the room, she felt around the surface of the bed but she did not feel any signs of him.

Wondering where he could be, Lily Evans slowly opened her unwilling eyes. Unprepared for the light that burned in through the opened windows and curtains, she quickly shut them but opened them up a few seconds later when she had composed herself.

'_Wait a minute…'_

How did she end up on the bed anyway? The last thing she remembered was watching him fall asleep while she was staring at him curiously without regard. As if she didn't give a damn what he thought about it. Its not like she cared, then again he probably didn't either. He must have put her to bed.

Was there anything he _wouldn't_ do for her?

Getting up into a sitting position, she propped herself upwards with one hand in her lap and the other dug into the pillow. Raising a hand to her eyes to rub them clear from her blurry state, she looked for the time. Glancing at the alarm clock on the table, it read:

'11:29 a.m.'

Way past breakfast, almost into lunch. For a split second Lily worried about how she missed a class but chucked that thought out when she saw James calendar. X's crossed out on each day that had flown by with little notes under the important ones for personal use. Realizing it was a Saturday, Lily looked around the room. Her bloody clothes from last night were no longer in the room. Nor was James blood that was smeared onto Lily's clothes that should have dropped onto the carpet visible.

Smiling to herself at the thought of a kind and thoughtful James taking care of her laundry, she turned her attention to the door.

Upon closer inspection, the door was slightly ajar. Open wide enough so a pair of eyes could peek into the room. But there were no spying eyes. No one looking from the crack. Guessing James may have left already and decided to give Lily a few extra hours to sleep, she dropped herself back onto his bed, landing her head on the pillow with a quiet plop.

Dropping her head back onto the pillow and grabbing James pillow on the left side of the bed, the very one he sleeps on, she pulled it to her chest and wrapped her arms around them along with the sheets. Taking in the scent of his hair as she looked at the ceiling dreamily as many thoughts invaded her mind as if she was under siege by her own conscience.

_What was James doing last night? _

_Where were his friends?_

_Why was he out so late?_

_How did he suffer such severe injuries? _

_Who did this to him?_

_Why didn't he want to the hospital ward? _

_Where was he now?_

The last question bothered Lily the most. The question she desired the answer to more desperately than the others.

'_Hope he's okay.' _But from his condition last night, he might need some help.

He was so close to dying. He lost so much blood, Lily thought he could have filled up almost half a bathtub. If anything, he should have at least gotten more rest.

'_Why did he leave me…?'_

The new, worrying thought haunted Lily. Why _did _he leave her alone?

A single, lone tear rolled down her almond shaped eyes slowly. He didn't even say, _'Hey Lily, thanks for saving my life. You're awesome!'_ He didn't even leave a note. He didn't even bother to wake her up for breakfast, and by the looks of it, he went to get some food himself…

**Final Heaven**

"What do you like about me?" She wanted to know. She _had _to know. She _needed _to know. She was _dying _to know.

"I like how you're always there for me." He said lovingly.

"Really? That's so sweet."

"I like the way you taste on my lips." He said as he bit down on his lip.

"Mmhmm…" She moaned in agreement.

"As you go deep, between my teeth, killing bacteria."

"Wait- wha-?" She spluttered, knocking her off her platform of romance and into a haze of confusion.

"-Which cause bad breath and the gum disease gingivitis."

"Sirius, you're thinking of Listerine the mouthwash." Ashley informed.

"Always." Sirius Black gave her 'duh' look with raised eyebrows before returning to his lunch.

'_Women_.' Sirius said to himself. He would never understand them.

But this sandwich right here on the other hand…

**Final Heaven**

Just then, the door slowly creaked open. Lily's teary eyes flew to the door like metal to magnets.

In walked a tall, shirtless, muscular young man. He had his back turned to Lily as he closed the door and for a split second Lily did not know the stranger. Upon seeing the back of his head, the very head Lily spent countless hours staring at; daydreaming herself lost into the black darkness of his rich, silky soft hair almost every class recently. The familiar messy black hair that spiked, fell and pointed in every angle, defying the laws of physics.

As the handsome boy closed the door securely, Lily took the time to wipe her eyes so he would never be able to see how silly she was just seconds ago. He must have felt the eyes that held the gaze which burned through to him or simply knew she was there. Turning around, he looked at the redhead in his bed.

His hair was adorable and Lily felt a sudden urge to run her hands through it. Messier than Lily had ever seen before, it gave him the cute 'I-just-got-out-of-bed' look.

Looking him down, his clothes caused Lily blush.

He wasn't wearing any.

He was still dressed the same as last night when Lily tore his clothes away, leaving him in nothing but his boxers so she could check him for wounds and damages easier.

The ray of sunshine splashed onto his entire frame, giving him a unique appearance of exhibiting an aura and making him appear as if he was in the limelight. His bare legs covered with nothing but his baby-blue colored boxers laced with stripes that reached down to just a few inches above his knee. Not much of a cover. They hugged to his hips lopsided, one side higher and rolled up partially in his sleep while the other hung low, revealing some of his skin that was paler than the rest of his tanned body. Probably because that 'southern' part did not get much sunlight.

He wore an adoring half-smile on his face, a corner of his mouth lifted up higher than the other. Almost appearing as a smirk but his eyes lit up with care, happy to see she awoke.

To Lily, he looked like an _angel_ with the light pouring onto him. An almost-naked angel she added as an afterthought when she glanced below his torso. To compliment his image, both his hands held onto the sides of a breakfast tray laden with food.

"Morning." He practically whispered slowly with a soothing tone as he walked over. Lily watched him curiously but returned the smile all the same.

"Hey…" Lily replied breathlessly.

If only she could wake up to this sight and service every morning…

As he walked, Lily couldn't help but notice he partially limped his way over to her. She had the feeling James tried to suppress it, but she was too focused on his approach and shifted her body so he could give her the tray.

Placing the tray carefully over Lily's legs just above her waist as it sat on the two edges that supported it up, he said,

"I'll be right back."

Still not taking her eyes off James, she watched him walk out through the same door he entered from and once he was out of sight she looked down at the meal he had brought her.

Chicken and waffles _Lily's favorite_. The fried chicken cooked to a crispy golden color which seemed to glow. The waffles were almost the exact same color as the chicken but slightly more yellow. Maple syrup ran from the top waffle and overflowed to the bottom one, leaving some on the plate. To accompany the dish, a glass of a yellowish liquid rested on the side of the tray.

Lily lifted the cup to her lips, curiously taking a sip. The door reopened and James walked in with his own plate of chicken and waffles. Mango juice. It was never served before in Hogwarts for a meal but it was Lily's favorite drink for the morning.

"I don't know if you like this stuff, but it's my favorite thing to eat for lunch or breakfast." James said.

"How do you know?" Lily pondered out loud.

"Know what?" James answered back as he sat down next to Lily on the bed with his own tray over his lap as he picked up his fork.

"The food-"

"What about it?"

"It's my favorite too." Lily admitted.

Not even Lily's closest friends knew. Her parents did not even know. So how could James possibly know? Lucky guess or just coincidence?

"Really? You're lying," He teased but when she didn't smile he accepted it, "Cool, we have something in common." James joked as she gently pushed him in the shoulder, but not gentle enough as it caused his tray to shake and his glass of juice spilled onto his lap. Lily laughed at his state, if anyone walked in on them now, it would look like he wet his pants…

"Har-har, very funny." He said looking down at his lap, ignoring the mess as he took a large bite out of his chicken.

Lily began eating and took a bite out of her waffles but a funny thought struck her.

"Did you go to the Great Hall for this?" She teased at his almost nude state.

"With this on? You wish. I'm sure I can walk in as if nothing happened and walk away with two trays. Yeah. No one will suspect anything."

Lily giggled and choked on her waffle as she thought about it. It would certainly look weird and amusing. A James Potter strolling into the Great Hall full of students wearing nothing but a smile and pair of boxers and leaving with a plate for two…

"Nope, a house elf brought it up." He continued.

"Smart."

"Thanks."

They drifted off in a comfortable silence as they ate until James broke it down like a sledgehammer to a wall.

"Thanks for last night, Lily. Err- That didn't come out right."

Lily did not find a way to respond. She was about to say 'Your welcome' or 'No problem' but her voice died somewhere in her throat as the memories of last night flooded her mind in uncontrollable waves. The image of a dying and helpless James in her arms crushed her as tears began filling her emerald eyes.

She only laughed, it was the only response she could do.

"I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?" James said with a small smile after Lily composed herself.

"Nah. Really?" Lily said sarcastically but felt too excited. Is he going to tell her now? Tell her everything? Lily had so many questions she had been longing answers for. Christmas must have come early for her…

"I owe you the truth."

Lily nodded slowly in reply but remained silent, allowing him to continue talking.

"It all starts with Remus I guess. You already know about his furry little problem. Yeah, I know that you know. Even though the rest of the guys refuse to believe you could have found out. You watch him too carefully. Eye him more than Snape to be honest."

Lily felt a ripple of guilt tugging at her chest but remained silent.

"It's okay. How long have you known?"

"Our 2nd year."

Merely nodding in acknowledgement, he continued,

"His…'condition' causes many problems for him. He has to be smuggled into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow where he transforms…"

Lily already knew this. Well, she had at least guessed that's what the tunnel was for but now, she seemed to be correct.

"…It's horrible for him. So in our 3rd year, we-uh. Er-"

"What? What did you guys do?"

"I don't know if they would let me spill our secr-"

_They? _Feeling disappointed, she knew James wouldn't tell her now. He was not the type to put a girl in front of his closest friends. He was a guy's guy to the end.

"If I do tell you, promise not to tell anyone? And I mean _anyone._"

"Of course."

"We- Ahhh fuck it."

"Okay."

"Okay?" James stuttered.

"Yup."

"That's it? You're not going to nag me about it?"

"If you don't want to, you don't have to. I have my suspicions, but it can wait."

Lily hopped out of bed and began walking around his room, glancing at the various items he had pinned to his wall. There were pictures of his friends, some with the Marauders but also some with people she never seen before.

"Nice shirt." James noticed while watching her back. His name was written on the back, "Erm- May I ask why you are wearing my training shirt?"

"Considering you bloodied my clothes last night-"

"Oh. Well, you can keep that shirt then."

"Really?" Lily almost shouted.

A memento of James. The idea of possessing something of his was enticing. She would wear it to every Quidditch game, to all of his training sessions, to…

"Yeah, sure. It was getting small for me anyway."

Maybe that's why it fit her so well. When she looked back up, she saw James getting up from the bed. As he twisted his torso to get out of bed, James let out a slight groan in agony.

"You okay?"

One of his hands found the wall and managed to hoist himself up but remained in that standing position for a while.

Lily was already walking towards him, "You should get some rest."

"I'll live."

"No, you really should." When he still seemed defiant, she added, "At least go see Madam Pomfrey and get it looked it."

"Can't do that."

"You're so stubborn, you know that?"

She was at his side and held him up just in case he collapsed.

"And you love me for it." James mentioned sarcastically.

'_True.' _Lily thought.

"What happened last night?"

"You don't want to know."

But she did. It wasn't just the curiosity biting her but she wanted to be informed as if he was her responsibility.

"You have no scar…?" Lily changed the subject at the annoyed look on his face.

Lily just noticed this. The long gash that ran down the side of his upper body vanished as if it had never existed. His skin was repaired too well. It should have left at least an inch of scarring but nothing remained.

The head girl ran an index finger down his wound. Tracing last night's injuries. This made no sense. Common wisdom said that it would no doubt mark him for life.

"Yeah, strange isn't it?" He stated but Lily had the feeling he was hiding the answer from her.

Of course he was going to have scar. James already knew that. It just wouldn't be visible when he's a human. He was struck in mid-gallop by… _Snape_! That little…He's going to kill him!

Without thinking, he fumbled around his desk for _it. _Grabbing a mirror, he quickly shouted angrily:

"SIRIUS!"

Lily did not know why he was saying his friends name into a broken mirror. But before she could voice her concerns, Sirius Black's face slowly waded into view. She stood behind James and watched curiously. The conversation may be private but her manners faded from her.

"Do you consider yourself my boyfriend, Sirius?" A female voice lingered into the room via the mirror.

Lily had no idea such a communication tool existed.

"Hold on a-" Sirius began with a full mouth of food.

"I'll wait, Padfoot."

"Thanks. What we're you saying, babe?" Sirius continued.

"Do you consider yourself my boyfriend, Sirius?"

It was then that Lily realized it was none other than her friend Ashley. Of all the things she could be doing, she was sitting at the great hall for lunch flirting with Sirius Black.

"No."

"Really?" Ashley's face dropped. A genuine hurt expression on her face and Lily instantly wanted to slap Black for his bluntness.

"Look-" Sirius took a shot at explaining his dilemma.

"Do _you _consider yourself _my _boyfriend?"

"Sirius, that doesn't even-"

"Whatever. Hypocrite..." Sirius folded his arms and turned away from her.

Lily and James were roaring in laughter at Ashley's stunned face as a smile slowly emerged.

"So how does the two of us at Hogsmeade next week sound?"

"Sure." Sirius flashed a toothy grin before returning to the mirror.

"So what's up?"

"Remus."

"He's okay."

"We need to talk." James gave a stern jerk of his head at Ashley in the background. Sirius understood it immediately.

"Locker room in 10."

**Final Heaven**

The hallways were empty. The bell would ring for dinner momentarily but until then all the students lingered around the castle and enjoyed the fresh air. But Lily still had something nagging at her.

She hoped James wasn't planning on hurting someone. She had a slight suspicion that it was someone instead of something. He seemed more angry than usual. As if his frustration was directed at a particular person. An unrelenting hate he was holding inside. There wasn't much she could do thought.

Lily knew she shouldn't have let him go so easily. She really should have interrogated him! As much as she cared for him, she couldn't have him taking out his revenge on others all in the name of payback.

Even if she wanted to stop him, what could she do? Beg him and say please don't? If there was one thing she learned about him by now it was his dedication. His commitment to his goals and objective was unshakeable. When his eyes were set on it, there was no stopping him.

"Hey Potter. I'm talking to you! DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME!"

"What the fuck do you want, Snivellus!?" James voice growled around the corner.

'_Oh no.'_

It already started without her.

Sprinting passed the corner in urgency, Lily pushed past a couple of younger, shorter students. Making her way to the front of the small crowd that had formed a circle around them, she arrived to see James Potter with his back to Snape as he walked away calmly.

"Scared of me, Potter?" Snape tempted.

"Fuck off." Sirius said over his shoulders, walking away from the confrontation with James.

The damage was already done. Snape knew James wouldn't turn down a challenge. In a flash of blurred bodies, he was marching towards the greasy haired Slytherin in long, steady strides. Before Snape had the time to process in his brain what had just occurred, James had already given him a stiff shove which knocked him off balance.

"Wands?!" James roared in laughter.

Severus Snape had whipped out his wand from his robes to defend himself but James was too quick for even that. Before he could raise it over his head, James swatted it out of his reach.

"It doesn't feel right to jinx an unarmed man…"

James halted his actions.

"-But I'll get over it." Smiling, one of his hands casually drifted to his pocket slowly. As if tempting Snape to strike first.

Success.

Endangered and threatened, the cornered Snape lunged at James. Barely missing a swift punch by mere inches, James retaliated with punches of his own. A few blows and sickening crunches of knuckle to jaw later, Snape was knocked to the floor. The upper hand on his side, James took the advantage and pounded down on his prey without mercy.

Human natures instinct in violence urged the fighters on. The cheers of the crowd only drove the action. A spectacle occurring in front of them, even 1st years joined in. Their basic gut instinct of surviving the fight kicked in and propelled them into overdrive. No one had their money on Snape. The odds just weren't fair. Then again, the fight wasn't exactly handicapped or balanced either.

"Alright, that's enough." Sirius pulled James back from the arms but James resisted. It took Peter as well to help separate them.

The Gryffindor emerged victorious and amazingly, unscathed. Besides his disheveled robes he didn't look like he just got into a fight.

"Come on, let's get out of here before a teacher comes." Peter said.

"WAIT!" Snape shouted angrily.

"Why should I?"

"Duel me."

"You want to get beat in a duel too?" James didn't wait for a response. He already had his wand out.

They were within arms length of each other. All it took was one spark to ignite the flames. One person to strike first.

James immediately stiffened up. His hands reflexively formed into rock-hard fists and cocked an arm back, ready to deliver.

"STOP THIS!"

James stood tall. His stare unwavering but something was latched onto him. Its weight holding him down.

Lily had caught a hold of his arm and her other hand found it ways onto his torso and managed to pull him back though his stance never shifted. His engine came to a screeching halt. She always did have a hold on him like this. It took Sirius and Peter to hold him back but Lily was able to make him stop moving completely without assistance. It wasn't the first time he got into a fight with Slytherins and she was there to stop him from possibly assaulting someone into a coma.

"STOP!" Lily's hair had flown into his peripheral.

James had to admired her boldness. Here she was, not taller than either him or Snape but willing to stand between a storm just waiting to erupt.

"McGonagall is coming!" Lily shouted.

No one needed her to repeat herself. Everyone feared McGonagall's wrath and her actions taken against undisciplined students.

"We'll finish this later." Snape hissed menacingly before going away.

The crowd began dispersing for dinner. When most of the students had left, Lily immediately pulled him into an empty classroom.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" She lectured.

The fury redhead had driven a shocked James into the corner of the dark, unlit room. Just this morning she was so nice to him but her mood had switched as easily as turning on and off the lights.

"You could have injured him! Or yourself! What!! Have you forgotten about how you almost bled to-"

Her voice drifted away.

His thoughts were louder than her screaming.

He wasn't paying attention.

He was zoned out.

He didn't care what she had to say.

He heard it all before.

He was looking at anything in the room besides her.

He never found a dark, unused classroom so exhilarating before…

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?"

"You know what?"

"WHAT!?" She yelled exasperated with raised arms.

"It's been a while since you yelled at me."

Lily dropped her head and sighed. She wasn't getting to him at all. But she wasn't giving up either.

"AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE! You can't be _brawling _in front of 1st years like that! Do you NOT have a sense of dignity! What if Dumbledore saw you! I swear you are so arrog-"

'_I really need to shave. This is growing too long. I'll be looking like a bear soon.' _James ran a hand down his chin over his stubbles. His fingernails were getting long too. He'd probably get around to grooming himself later.

'_I wonder what's for dinner. I'm famished. I swear those cheesecakes are bomb. Do they serve those everyday or is just weekends. Heh, I could eat the whole tray if I wanted to. Ah hell, let's try that tonight.'_

Oh! And that essay for History of Magic needed to be lengthen. He couldn't turn in that short, half-ass job of an assignment and hope for a decent, passing grade. Maybe he could get Sarah to help him add some more words to it. Then again, he was supposed to be tutoring _her_. And the redhead in front of him too. Not the other way around but maybe they could work together on it.

'_Who the fuck is yelling, oh…'_

He almost forgot, she was still yelling at him.

'_Damn, she's still running. '_

"Last night. He did that to me."

"AND THAT'S WHY YOU- what?" Lily stopped.

"Snape cursed me."

"He- Did that?"

"Yeah. Will you leave me alone now?"

"Is that why you-?"

"I didn't want to fight him. But what the fuck do you want me to do, _Evans_? Stand there and take another curse?"

Evans? Lily's heart skipped a beat painfully. Her breathing was momentarily suppressed. Were they back to that now?

"No. I-"

"Got any Essence of Dittany left? You can patch me up again. Hell, maybe I _will_ go to Madam Pomfrey next time."

"No, James. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't know."

She had crossed the boundary line and knew it all too well. The penalties were already coming.

"Whatever. Let's go, dinner is getting cold."

He glanced at his watch and measured the time he just lost in his life that he would never be able to get back. Damn that woman can nag…

"I'm sorry." Lily mumbled quietly and she was afraid James didn't hear her.

James knew he went hard on her but his stress was just too high at the moment. He would need to avoid Snape more now.

When they arrived at the Gryffindor table, Lily immediately found her friends and sat down. Regretfully far away from James Potter. She wanted to give him time to cool down but also used the opportunity to think of a way to truly apologize and make it up to him.

She wanted to win him over again. Make him fawn over him like before. Why did it have to be that when one of them like the other, then the other would not exchange those feelings back?

Unfortunately, she spent the rest of the meal watching _him. _Out of the corner of her eye, she set her sights on him. The way he would eat and talk to his friends. The way he chewed. The way he drank from his goblet. Lily could have written a documentary on James Potter if she was tasked to. She really did like him. There was no denying that. After the fight, she was so fired up and love towards him was nonexistent. But now the feelings of constriction in her stomach and throat came back like old friends.

They belonged together. She even took the close proximity in which they lived together as a sign. They were in the same house, same year, same head duties. The top students in their year. Lily and James.

She was behaving like such a bitch towards him. He didn't need all of that…

"Hey Lily, what's up?" Ashley asked.

"Kinda' yelled at, Potter." Lily said but then realized she had used his surname.

"You guys are back to that now?" Kim wondered.

"I don't know."

"You two can kiss and make up at Hogsmeade next week."

"What?"

"Hogsmeade. Next week."

"So?"

"Go with him."

"Ask him to go with me? Are you crazy? That's not going to happen."

"Shame it already did." Rachel inquired.

"Huh?"

"Head students share the same carriage."

"Oh." Was all Lily could muster.

The thought of sharing a carriage with just _him_ for the duration of the trip did sound enticing. She might not be able to go with him afterwards and explore Hogsmeade together but maybe if she played her cards right. Should she fail, there always was that ride back! Double the time spent alone!

Being head students together sure did have its advantages.

"Look, here he comes." Kim nodded in his direction.

Sure enough. James was full to point of his stomach exploding and walked towards the exit, passing the girls on the way out. He was holding a goblet to drink and he still walked with that limp…

He would have to pass Lily on the way out. It was inevitable. Perhaps fate wanted it.

"Hey." Lily attempted. He just ate and that might make it easier to confront him.

One way to a man's heart was through his stomach after all…

"W'sup?" James said calmly and _stopped_ behind her.

A good sign.

"Are you going to Hogsmeade?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Umm- Okay… See you there next week then."

She watched his figure disappear through the door.

"That went better than I could have hoped." Lily beamed positively. But her friends were indifferent.

"You are horrible at this, Lily." Ashley laughed.

"He could still be asking someone else to go with him."

A time machine would be nice right now. She _did _suck at this. If he was mad, it would affect her. If he was happy, she was happy. The more he ignored her, the more she would adore him. All those stupid romantic novels and movies...it was if she starred in one now. Clichés. Then again...

Nothing is a cliché when it is happening to you.

Love is unhealthy. Perhaps fatal. Her hands would begin to sweat if he was nearby. Lily's voice would die without warning. Her anxiety level would soar through the roof. Breathing would no longer be voluntary, it become an ability that she would have to actually focus on doing. Hopefully, it will be worth it.

This is love.

Love hurts.

**It's James Potter's birthday. And strangely enough, its mine too. So I'm posting.**

**March 27**

**I hate this chp, I had no inspiration whatsoever after the morning scene (which I love). Nothing came to me. I actually got bored while writing this, which is a first. If it's dull, feel free to hate. Cuz I'm not fond of it either.**


	23. Because Of You, I Believe In Angels

"**Does it always have to be one or the other – **_**love**_** or **_**hate**_**? For 10 years, she and I lived and died together. You couldn't possibly understand…"**

**-Snake/Big Boss (Metal Gear Solid series)**

Blink 182 – First Date

Avril Lavigne – Things I'll Never Say

Monday:

'Operation: Avoid James Potter.' It was going good until he scheduled an impromptu tutor session. She might have actually learned something if she didn't spend the entire time staring at page one. Why didn't she say 'no' and just follow through with her plan.

_Failure._

Tuesday:

'Mission: Get Over James Potter.' She would just be herself for the day. Rather hard task considering it was one of those rare 'happy' days that drove him through the rest of the day in a good mood. A cheerful, loud, laughing Potter was hard not to steal glances at. It also didn't help that he complemented her on her perfect test scores later. He had a way of saying just the right words to ruin her day. Making her to put those words on repeat in her head for the rest of the day.

_Game. Set. Match. _

Wednesday:

'Operation: Be-A-Bitch-To-Him.' Maybe, just maybe if she worked hard enough at being hard on him, her old feelings of mutual disgust of him would return. Lily planned on making sure he screwed up on everything today, from homework to even his meals. If he was riding a broom for Quidditch training, she would be sure to hurl him off. If he was making a Potion, it would implode the cauldron. If he was writing an essay, the ink would somehow turn mysteriously pink on his parchment. Morning? Great. Afternoon? Still going strong. After dinner? Disaster struck. Lily was catapulted into the eye of the storm:

"…_Okay, let me try to say this another way: stay the hell out of my way." Said Lily._

"_That time of the month?" he responded calmly before walking away._

She felt exhilarated for the next couple of hours. She accomplished it. It definitely would not be hard to keep this up. Even it lasted until their graduation. But when she didn't even receive a brief 'hello' or a short 'good-night' it kept her awake all night. Helpless. Alone. But worst of all: Ignored.

_Checkmate. _Potter-3. Evans-0.

Thursday:

'Mission: Tell Him How You Feel.' She approached him in the morning and they both acted as if yesterday never existed. When she opened her mouth again after saying 'hello' she instantly aborted the quest and slammed her lips back together. Even if she told him everything, there was still one thing that would be nudging her in the back of her skull.

They were not going anywhere.

Nowhere at all. People who don't get along don't just get 'hitched' together.

_Utter Defeat._

Friday:

'Codename: Make The First Move.' When it came to guys, Lily was already one step ahead of the game and knew he wouldn't do anything to approach her. Every time she saw him, he was out of reach. Inaccessible. Class would be starting and he would be power-walking to his class quickly. He would be surrounded by his friends. He would be reading a book. He would be flying. He would even be talking with other 7th year girls. Sometimes chivalry seemed dead. Then again, what good is it if the other person wasn't reciprocating those feelings back to sender? It was time for drastic measures.

_No Triumph._

Saturday.

Hogsmeade. Today. Now.

…Shame that Lily Evans was panicking.

First impressions were important right? Then she should at least dress decently. It was a weekend and they didn't have classes so all students were allowed to dress casually. Simple and clean was all she needed.

'_Can't wear this. This one is for sluts. Can I return this for store credit? Pink!? No way. Too revealing. Who bought me this? Red? The color of passion? How do I dye this?'_

Easier said than done. Like everything else in life.

She knew she too worried over such a little matter but she needed to at least get this down. Lily threw her hands up in exasperation and fell back. Landing on her bed, she shut her eyes hoping for an inspiration, an idea,_ a fucking miracle!_

She was still wearing her pajamas!

Today. Lily would be going to Hogsmeade. First date ever. First time with a guy that is. With James Potter of all people. One on one. Alone. Together. Hand in hand

…_maybe._

Fine. Maybe it wasn't a date, but she couldn't help but thinking of it that way. After all, she never did officially ask him. He could be going with someone else for all she knew…

She didn't even get to see James yet but this date was going like shit already. Looking up briefly to check the time on the clock, it read:

'8:21 a.m.'

Still early. So far, so good. Good as in a 'good disaster!' She had never before worried about how she looked and what she wore before. Always dressing decently and modestly to her own accord, but this was extreme.

Maybe James Potter just meant a lot to her. She felt the need to impress him. First impressions do last, right? So many things could go wrong, but then again, so many things could go right…

Given the chance, she could make him love her. She knew she could. Yes. She would show him the other side of her, the side that actually did want to be with him. He just would have to give her the time. But to get that kind of time, she would have to earn it. Or go all out.

**Final Heaven**

"So what the hell am I suppose to do for the rest of day?" said James.

This is stupidest thing ever! All his friends found dates and people to go with. All except him. What is a guy to do? He was starting to get bored already.

"I don't know. Go get a drink or something." Sirius reasoned.

"Gee, thanks for stealing my friend." The head boy replied sarcastically.

"I'll have her back before 11. I swear." Sirius promised as he wrapped an arm around Ashley's shoulders

"I was talking about _you._" James informed but when Sirius continued to look clueless he let them go,"Whatever, have fun you two."

As long as they were happy, he couldn't do anything. He didn't _want _to do anything. Ashley was different from all the other girls he watched his friend Sirius date. He still didn't know her that well but she had a hold on his old friend Padfoot. Sirius was actually interested in the girl he was dating for once. As bad as it sounded, his friend seemed to actually _care _what she thought about him. He never looked other people in the eye. Never paid so much attention to what they had to say. It didn't stop him from being a dick every now and then but James could see him transform slowly.

She had him on a leash.

"How are the kids behaving?" A female voiced herself from behind him.

He already knew who it was before he saw her. Her voice was unmistakable. One of a kind. One in infinite.

She didn't sound like a songbird or have the voice of an angel but she could still sing him to sleep.

"It's the first time for the 3rd years. They just want to get out of here and grab a butterbeer. You know how it is." He said to Lily Evans as they watched they friends depart for a ride to the charming village.

The rumors of how delicious and wonderful butterbeer swept through the student population like a plague each and every year. How can it be helped? It was true anyway.

"Yeah. Look at how excited they are." The redhead said, standing beside him as they looked on at the students filing into carriages.

"I swear they get smaller every year." Lily joked seriously.

To her utter delight, he laughed sincerely. One point for Lily Evans.

"I used to say that all the time. But you told me to shut up and stop being mean to them." Said James.

"Well, things change." Lily said smoothly.

They looked sideways and stared at each other with smiles.

They must have stood there for less than 30 seconds but James was uncomfortable from the start and broke eye contact. Even when he turned away she was still watching him closely. Lily Evans just scored another point.

He wasn't very good at this game. At least not this week.

"You dress like a Muggle pretty well. Considering you grew up a wizard and all."

James Potter stood in the open field looking awfully handsome yet simple.

With a set of faded, worn-out blue jeans that were baggy enough to reach down to cover his black running shoes partially, rippling at the bottom from the layers that fell on top. It was tilted sideways as they hug his hips, one side higher than the other, like the way he usually wore his pants and boxers. The very bottom rims of the denim was ripped and worn worse than the rest of the pants, probably because he stepped on it once too often as they hung low enough for his feet to stomp on. Glancing at his appearance upwards, Lily saw that he wore a pure black sweatshirt hoodie with no logos or writing to go with his shoes. Slightly large even for him, it hung loosely on his torso and against his chest. The hood was up, almost wearing them over his head but it was crumpled on the back end, covering his neck entirely along with some of his hair at the bottom of his untidy head but the hair on the back of his head that always stood upright pointed just above it. A white t-shirt hung a few inches beneath his hoodie, sticking out oddly which made his sweatshirt not appear as large as it seemed as it didn't cover his shirt. His clothing hung loosely and somewhat messy, like his hair. He didn't seem to feel the need to straighten anything out.

He didn't seem so stressed out today, at least he found something to wear in less than a minute while she took almost an entire morning.

"Muggle clothes are just more comfortable." James pointed out absentmindedly, "Besides, look at whose talking."

Lily stood in a wooly dark blue sweater topped with a Gryffindor scarf and like James, went along with the jeans.

"That's the last of them meddling little punks. Off you two go. Get lost! Scram!" A wheezy voice yelled.

Mr. Filch the caretaker was chasing them away like cats to mice.

"See ya', Filch." Lily said happily, "Com'mon, James!"

Surprised, James found himself literally dragged by the hand to the last carriage waiting for them.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Huh?" James panted.

"Everyone got a head start on us. Can we get going now?" Lily said urgently.

When they were finally inside, shut the door and felt the carriage move, James voiced his thoughts,

"Since when have you been so…_fun_?" pondered James.

They haven't spoken for longer than 5 minutes and she was already different. If this is some kind of prank…

"I always am. I just been busy lately so there haven't been much time to loosen up."

"-So you are gonna' go crazy today?" James finished for her.

"Pretty much."

Smiling, James leaned his head back and took a quick nap.

**In the car, I just can't wait...  
To pick you up on our very first date  
Is it cool if I hold your hand?  
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?  
Do you like my stupid hair?  
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
I'm just scared of what you think.  
You make me nervous so I really can't eat**

"_Hey_! Wake up!"

"Waschoowant?" James grunted.

He _detested _being woken up. Even if he actually got a full 8 hours of rest. It was one of those good sleeps, too! The kind of nap you drift off into dreamlessly. When you awake, it feels as if no time had passed like you just shut your eyes and time flew by around you and the only thing that made you feel different was how much more energized you had become.

He could have been frozen and kept hibernating in that state or cast into a time machine for all he knew.

"We're almost there."

She was standing inside the moving carriage and looked down upon him. Her hands placed on his shoulders that shook him softly.

"Meh."

"Whaa-?" Come on! Your friends are going to be wondering where you are."

"Yeah right. And Chudley Cannons are going to win tomorrow."

"What are you talking about?" Lily said.

"They all got dates and stuff."

"They-"

"As a matter of fact, they are going with _your _friends." James abruptly remembered.

James tilted his head back over the seat and closed his eyes.

"Are you going back to sleep? We just arrived!"

"Have fun with your friends."

"If you must know, my friends ditched me for _yours._" Lily said grumpily, arms crossed.

"Damn." James said. How could the head boy and girl let their friends run off without them!

"We suck." He said.

"You are not going back to sleep here."

That was James' plan. A damn good plan as a matter of fact.

Camp inside this cozy carriage until the students leave. It didn't sound too bad of an idea. Shame he was the head boy and actually had duties such as watching over the other students in case some didn't return back to the castle or got hurt. If he didn't have the responsibility he would have just took a secret, hidden tunnel back to the castle.

"I could."

"No you aren't."

"Who's going to stop me?" James teased with a smile.

"You are NOT leaving me out there by myself."

James kind of expected that answer.

"I could." James repeated, his smile growing.

"What happened to the James Potter that was always having fun? Let's go!"

"He died."

"Stop depressing yourself."

"Alright. Fine. You win." James caved in.

Lily lost track of the points, but she was sure she was dominating the scoreboard.

James got up regretfully and climbed outside as he released a yawn.

"Err-" James said while scratching his head.

"What's up?"

"Well- This is going to sound stupid but-"

"Just say it. I've heard you say some pretty dumb stuff before, you know."

"But this has got to be the dumbest, most stupid-"

"Surprise me."

"I never went to Hogsmeade with a girl before."

That _did_ amaze Lily. Surely there was a line of women, numbers in hand waiting for their chance?

"Never?"

Smiling nervously, his cheeks grew slightly pink as he nodded timidly.

_Pink._

Lily found it a rather wonderful color on him. His blush revealed that perhaps he was actually speaking the truth.

"I'm new to this, I guess."

"If it makes you feel any better, it's my first time on a date, too." Lily confessed, though albeit too much. She regretted her words instantly.

'_Did she just say date?'_ James decoded.

"Date?" James said, a little louder than he should have as he voiced his very intimate thoughts.

"Whatever, you know what I mean." Lily said, trying to shake it off.

"What do you want to do then?" James asked, changing the subject.

"Let's go get a drink." Lily suggested quickly.

"Fine, but I am going back to the carriage after this." James demanded.

One drink wouldn't hurt. Especially if it was one of Madam Rosmerta's delicious butterbeers. A few of those and he might fall asleep at the table.

"I don't care. At least have a drink with me. We have to discuss the ball."

"No alcohol for you then." James reminisced as he forfeited his fight with a sigh.

"I didn't want any anyway. Wouldn't it be nice to get a butterbeer as if it was the first time. Like in our third year all over again?"

Ah, what the hell! He was craving one anyway…

"Yeah, it would be." James agreed with a lie. He snuck out of Hogwarts and into the Three Broomsticks around the end of their first year with the guys. A slight tension of guilt ran through his chest at being able to enjoy it two years before her. Good memories…

"What are we waiting for then!?" Lily's voice pierced through his eardrums.

Before he knew it, she was walking backwards away from him towards Hogsmeade. He then realized he lost control of his right hand. The redhead was viciously pulling him towards the Three Broomsticks. Seconds later, his feet followed closely by the rest of his body.

The popular pubs was always visited by students on Hogsmeade trip such as today at least once where they would come in and stop for a butterbeer before continuing through the high streets and shopped at the specialty stores or attempted to brave the Shrieking Shack.

After Lily had got James' motor revving and his legs automatically strutted to its own accord, he could feel her link an arm into his as they approached the front doors of the pub.

"What's so funny?" James wondered aloud upon seeing the redhead beside him smiling widely.

"Nothing."

"No, seriously. I wanna' laugh too."

"Never thought I would be with you in Hogsmeade of all places, that's all..."

'_After all the rejections.' _James mentally finished her sentence.

"Yeah, me neither." Was all he could bring himself say.

"Ladies first." James stepped back and peeled the door open for her.

A gush of warm air came bursting out from inside the building. The fireplaces were crackling along with warm bodies, laughter and a crowded building full of friendly companions heated the building.

"And since when have you been such a gentleman?" Lily provoked.

Shrugging, he followed her to the counter.

"James Potter?" Someone from behind the bar said loudly over the chatter of the customers.

"Morning, Rosmerta." James welcomed.

"That is you! I thought so!"

"How you doing?"

"Wonderful, just perfect but you…" Madam Rosmerta paused as she bent down and pulled up two bottles of butterbeer and slid one to Lily and James.

"What about me?" James wanted to know, "I got something on my face-?"

"Let me put it this way-."

"Thanks." Lily interrupted as she thanked her for the drinks. They hadn't order anything but James must be a regular here.

Madam Rosmerta merely smiled and nodded at Lily before continuing,

"It's not everyday I see you walk around with a girl! Is she your girlfriend?"

James gag reflex kicked in and he choked on the mouthful of butterbeer in his mouth.

"Yes." Said James sternly. His voice in an obvious tone as if answering a question as to whether the Earth was flat.

"Are you serious?" Lily asked in disbelief, just a _little _too much excitement laced in her beautiful voice.

Today was going better than she could have hoped or planned for! Did they skip the whole 'get-to-know-each-other' thing?

He was hers. She was his. She wanted to reach over the few inches that separated their hands and grasp his. She wanted to entwine their fingers together and never let go. Lily wished she had some superglue and stick their hands together. She could jump into his arms right now. She could kiss him senseless. It took all her might to restrain herself… barely. Merlin, she could have even raped him on the spot in a pub full of spectators.

They didn't matter. Let them watch for all she cared. All that mattered was that getting James Potter to be her boyfriend was completed. Easy. Done. The rest of the day was theirs. They had the whole day together. They had a whole _life _together.

"I'm serious."

"You are Sirius?" Madam Rosmerta asked sarcastically.

"Seriously joking."

Lily's heart rotated 180 degrees and then immediately plummeted as far as her anatomy would let it go. It was rather expected. Too good to be true. But she couldn't help but dwell on a slight slimmer of hope.

Before she could respond, Professor Slughorn had stumbled into the seat next to Lily.

"My favorite student! How are you, Lily?"

"Fine, fine." Lily said in false joy, this was the last thing she wanted. To talk to a professor.

"How is that essay coming along? I dare say I am eager to read yours. It will most likely be the best. And how about you James! You are doing splendid in all your courses so far this year! Finally putting that genius brain of yours to good work?"

"I guess you could say that." James said simply.

"Great, great."

"Sorry, Professor. We have to discuss the upcoming 'event.'" Lily hinted with a wink.

"Of course," Horace Slughorn dropped his voice and returned her wink, "_the ball_…"

She didn't want to spend the rest of the day talking with Professor Slughorn about academics. Not when she had James all to herself today. As much respect she had for the teacher, he had to go!

Tapping James on the shoulder, he got up and followed her to a discreet table in the corner by the window. They could see everyone coming in the front door.

**When you smile, I melt inside  
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time  
I really wish it was only me and you  
I'm jealous of everybody in the room  
Please don't look at me with those eyes  
Please don't hint that your capable of lies  
I dreamt the thought of our very first kiss  
A target that I'm probably gonna miss**

"Thanks." James said suddenly.

"For what?"

"Slughorn. Didn't want to talk to him about grades right now." He chuckled.

"Me neither."

They had so _much _in common! Both Gryffindors, intelligent and…

"He gave me so many detentions before." James smiled softly at the fun times.

…Misbehaved

"That reminds me, you haven't gotten a detention so far." Lily

"Heh. You make it sound like a bad thing."

"Kinda' is. You and Black always get detention within the first day or so." Lily said.

"We're good boys now."

"Puh-lease..."

"Well, at least we try."

James couldn't believe it. They were actually having a decent, civil conversation. They got along so well that they didn't even hit on the subject of planning the ball. Each other's words were ranked higher on the priority list.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You're- You're just different."

"How so?"

"No detentions for one. But you are really quietly lately."

"I am?"

"Yeah."

"Check this out then- HEY EVERYBODY! LILY EVANS LIKES WOMEN AND-" James stood up and addressed the crowd.

Soon as he had leapt up to make his declaration, Lily had dragged him back down to his seat and pinned him back against the wall. He saw that she was visibly mad at him but her eyes were radiating playfully.

"What? Everyone likes lesbians." James laughed truthfully.

"-Do you?"

"Lov'em." He said quickly.

"So if I was kissing another-" Lily flirted.

"I'd be all over you. Like white on rice."

There she goes again. Lily was looking deep into his pair of eyes. Soon as James realized she was locked onto him, he looked away. The awkwardness was just eating him alive. Picking up his butterbeer, he swirled the bottle from the tip. She still had that effect on him…

"I know we may have had our disagreements in the past and all…but I can't remember any."

"Can I be honest?" James said.

"Shoot."

"Well- It's just funny we're getting along." James finished.

"We wasted so much time, huh?"

They could have had years, months. Spend late nights and early mornings together.

"Let's start over then," James suggested,

"Potter. James Potter."

He stuck out a gracious hand as Lily took it.

"Lily Evans. Head girl of Hogwarts."

"Head girl, huh? You must be really smart."

"Why yes, I believe I am." She said in a fake, arrogant tone.

"Who's the Head boy?"

Lily couldn't hold onto her smile any longer. They both erupted into waves of laughter.

"We suck." James chuckled softly.

She was different today. He thought he had known her over these past 6 years…

"I never thought you would be this much fun."

"Really?"

"I thought you were one of those shy, studies-first kind of girl."

Lily bit her lip nervously. Unable to decipher if it was a good or bad thing, maybe both?

"No, it's cool." James said, seeing through her anxiety, "I don't want to talk to someone who has to listen to everything I say and have nothing to say back."

"A wall?" Lily surmised.

"Yup."

Leaning closer, James watched her lean over the table, her arms folded on top of it.

"You know what we should?" She whispered at him.

James looked down at her from the top of his bottle. He didn't trust this Lily Evans quite yet. She was new, undiscovered and wildly unpredictable. Mischievousness was etched into her pretty features, a look he thought only the Marauders possessed. Simply shrugging, he allowed her to continue.

"Let's go get some candy!"

"Where?" James said without thinking. Of course he knew _where_! But the initial shock of her straightforwardness made him say something…anything.

"Honeydukes, you idiot! Where else!?"

Once again, James lost control of his body as she dragged him out the door. As they passed the bar counter, James managed to drop some money on the counter as Madam Rosmerta waved them goodbye.

"Not you're girlfriend, huh?!" James heard the curvy owner of the pub yell after him.

**I'm tugging at my hair  
I'm pulling' at my clothes  
I'm trying' to keep my cool  
I know it shows**

**I'm staring at my feet  
My cheeks are turning red  
And I'm searching for the words inside my head**

She had her arms looped into his. Was she afraid that he would run off? He was planning on going back after all…

One drink was all James promised her. Then why was he enjoying her company? The plan to camp and sleep inside the carriage all but faded away. He wasn't even a bit disgruntled about it.

"Cold?"

She was shivering right next to him. Just because he wore glasses doesn't mean he was that blind. The weather had shifted drastically. From the warm September morning to a chilly afternoon. It was the kind of cold that one could feel that hugged their bones.

Lily Evans was visibly underdressed for the weather.

Not knowing what he was doing, James unhooked their arms and wrapped his strong arm over her shoulders and pulled her just a little closer, a few distant inches acted as dividers between them. Instantly, he knew he would regret it but she didn't slap him or tell him off for it.

"Thanks." She muttered.

Before he knew it, she was pressing herself against his sides and felt her snuggling into him.

It should have bothered him, they weren't even on a 'date.' But for some reason unknown, it didn't.

**Cause I'm feeling nervous  
Trying' to be so perfect  
'Cause I know you're worth it**

**If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want to blow you--away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight?**

The store of Honeydukes was always warm and full to the brink of maximum capacity as usual. Even if it was hailing, raining, snowing and a blizzard swept through the quietly charming village of Hogsmeade together, the inside would always stay hot enough to prevent the chocolates from freezing.

Ambrosius Flume and his wife owned the shop and lived in the flat above it. James knew about the trapdoor in the cellar which was connected to a secret passage the Marauders knew all too well of. But it was the secrets that he was interested in at Honeydukes. The store sold various wizarding sweets and candies ranging from Chocolate Frogs, Liquorice Wands, Pepper Imps, Chocoballs, Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Fizzing Whizzbees, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Toothflossing Stringmints, Ice Mice, Cockroach Clusters, Jelly Slugs, Blood Lollipops, Acid Pops and Sugar Quills. Though the Flumes were particularly well known for their special kind of fudge. It was a paradise on Earth for those with a sweet tooth.

Out of the corner of James' eye, he spotted Professor Slughorn peering eagerly over the many displays of sweets as if he just turned back the time to when he was a child. The creamy, delectable chunks of nougat, shimmering pink squares of coconut ice, fat, honey-colored toffees and hundreds of other kinds of chocolate there but Lily and James both knew that old Horace Slughorn craved nothing above the crystallized, sugar covered pineapples. Give him enough on a regular basis would not only help him develop a toothache, but enable you to attain good enough grades so that you would never have to try in his class ever again.

"What do you like?" James asked curiously.

Even during the times when he chased her around for a date, he always wanted to know this. All of his manpower and resources were devoted to earning a date, an opportunity to be with her if just for one day. But now that he was with her, he had no idea what the hell to do! Or what she liked or hated for that matter.

"Just milk chocolate does it for me." Lily simply said automatically.

James grinned a smile.

Simple things life. She ceased to amaze him. Perhaps it was one of those things that attracted her to him. Lily Evans wasn't the kind of person that wanted complicated things. She wasn't those girls that ordered cappuccino lattés she couldn't pronounce or a complex chocolate with a name that rivaled terms in their NEWT Transfiguration class.

It didn't take much to make her happy.

"What about you?" Lily asked curiously as she began collecting her favorite chocolates into a Honeydukes bag.

"I'm not really into candy." James admitted.

"_What_?! Did you just skip your childhood?" Lily affronted.

"Well, I eat it and all. I just don't try enough to know my favorite."

"Lets go find your fav' then." She said.

"You know how big this store is?" James protested.

They couldn't just sample one of everything. That would take forever! What was she thinking?

"We got the entire day." Lily persuaded.

The day was going frightening well for both of them. It wasn't even lunch but they were communicating so well that they were finishing each other's sentences.

"**Einstein was right. Time is relative to the observer. When you're staring down the barrel of a gun, time slows down. Your whole life flashes by in front of you, heartbreak and scars. Stay with it, and you can live a lifetime in that split second."**

**-Max Payne**

4 essays/projects due over the next 2 weeks, won't update this for a while.

Crunch time "/


	24. Day I Learn To Fly, Im Never Coming Down

**Song: A Change Of Pace – Prepare The Masses**

"Is that all? Anything else? Got more?" He pondered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that I was silently hoping that when we left this store, you would be _fat_." James said, putting extreme emphasize on his last word.

Lily stared at him adoringly. Compliment? So he thought she wasn't fat? Perhaps she was analyzing his every word and the meaning behind it too much but she couldn't help it. Speechless, she stuck out her tongue at him in a pout.

Cute.

No doubt one of the most adorable things he saw from her, maybe even from any girl.

He was still watching her as the cashier looked on awkwardly. Finally remembering that this wasn't free candy and that they were holding down the line, Lily broke her gaze and reached into her pockets for money. But James was faster, he fumbled inside as soon as she even touched her pockets.

"Thanks." James handed over some money to the owner and grabbed their bag of sweets.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Do what?" He knew perfectly well _what_ she was talking about but 'what' was beginning to be the most useful and regularly used word in his vocabulary.

"What kind of gentleman would I be if-"

"Sure thing, Mister Potter sir. Whatever you say."

He used to be _such_ a prick to her before. Some of those traits would pop up occasionally like right now.

**Final Heaven**

"The Muggle version is better."

"Doesn't Dumbledore like those?" Lily surmised. "It used to be his password to his office

"Yeah. Who doesn't?"

They started walking unaware around the perimeter of the village without a destination. Without a cause. Both lost in the moment.

Few minutes later, no awkward silences and few ounces lighter in the bag of candy, they stopped following the set, paved road and ventured off around the perimeter of the quiet town.

"Yeah, it's pretty fun. You should try it sometime."

"I don't know if I have the time to kill to do that."

"Oh yeah? What have you been up to lately?"

"Nothing."

He immediately stiffened up. He was like a rock now. Lily knew she should be avoiding that topic.

Great. Just great..

It was going to be another one of those awkward silences again.

"Is that Sirius?" James whispered suddenly.

"Where? _HEY-_!"

His arm slid around her waist and encircled her, pulling her back behind a corner of a building. Another hand covered her mouth. Rough hands yet strangely warm and inviting. There was almost wasn't anything she wouldn't do for him. If he wanted her to be quiet so they could spy on their friends, she would gladly do it. She would do anything for him

As long as he kept a firm hold onto her…

"Shh. Look."

She peeked around the corner as James looked from above her head.

Ashley and Sirius. They both looked happy. Perhaps having a better time than probably Lily and James.

"-And this is where my ex-boyfriend dumped me." Ashley said, stricken but was putting on a show as if she didn't care.

Sirius happiness died almost instantly.

"But I thought you were over-"

"Completely over him though. Yup. It's all over. It is all history now. Everything is in the past. Like, totally over."

"Oh, okay. If you say so…" Sirius said dimly, his confidence at rock-bottom now.

"My parents were right, he was just another phase in my life." She surmised.

Ashley never mentioned any of this to Lily. Lily had no idea her friend was so reclusive about her relationships and feelings to her closest friends such as yours truly, Lily Evans, but was spilling her heart to Black. Sirius Black! Did she miss something? Or did Black just finish his education and earned a degree in psychology and became a counselor.

"Will you stop moving?" James' lips whispered. She was squirming around.

"Maybe if I could breathe, Potter."

Her warm breath tickled his fingers.

"Oh! _Sorry!_" James apologized.

Dropping his hands that covered over her mouth, he placed it on her hips. An odd shiver ran down her spine. Those spasms and twitches were starting to become frequent. But only when Potter was around her. Touching her was just a bonus...

She was _so _tweeking.

He already (and still had) one arm latched onto her hips so she wouldn't reveal themselves but now both arms were on her.

She wasn't going to complain though.

"I'm not exactly boyfriend material, Ashley." Sirius reminded her with no confidence what-so-ever.

Woah! Sirius was speaking the truth for once? Sirius and Truth doesn't even belong in the same sentence. James made sure to write this down in his mental notepad. Blackmail is so sweet but always worked best when applied on friends.

"No kidding."

"You-uh, want to make a pit-stop at Honeydukes?" Sirius said nervously. "That's only if you want to of course. I would never make you do something you don't-"

Lily and James couldn't see Ashley's face because she was turned back to them but the tilt of her head gave it away.

"Are you okay?" She asked skeptically.

"What?" He said quickly, too quickly

James was slowly dying inside from embarrassment for his friend. Sirius was so cocky and arrogant like usual when he last saw him at Hogwarts waiting for the carriages. But now? What the fuck, Sirius? James got the impression that Sirius cared more about her own happiness and mood more than his own. He was still hanging onto her every word as if his life depended on her. She could seal his fate right now. If she wanted him to jump off a cliff, he'd probably do it without a second thought. Not because he is being stupid but because he was…

"I'm fine." Sirius shot rapidly.

"If you say so, come on. Let's go before the 3rd years eat everything."

They walked off out of sight but something about his body language worried James. He was never that nervous. Scared. As if something inevitable was approaching. Coming his way…

Girls were confusing. Sure. Every guy knew that as soon as they were born. It was practically an animal instinct.

But Sirius was immune. Or at least, he used to be. Besides, most of what James Potter learned about the female species was from Sirius, those late night talks as they stared at the ceiling on their beds unable to catch the elusive sleep they desired.

James was so lost in his own thoughts for a few seconds but Lily's curious, questioning gaze made him look at her. He surmised that she must have been thinking the same thing. Their friends had gone crazy.

"What?" He said.

She was cute. No. Pretty. Not that either, beautiful. Fuck that, she was gorgeous!

"Aren't they cute together?" Lily hummed.

Okay. Maybe they weren't exactly thinking about the same thing. Close enough though.

So much for that special _connection_.

"Yeah." James said mindlessly. He didn't even think about answering it but knew that yes usually generated a positive response than a no.

"What is it?" Lily pondered.

"Huh?"

"Why are you looking at me like that? Is there chocolate on my face or something?" Lily rubbed her cheeks and lips slowly. Half hoping he would clean it for her. The other half hoped he would lick it away…

"No, I was just thinking."

That wasn't the first time he watched her in a trance as he claimed he was 'thinking.'

"Again?"

"I guess, yeah."

"About me?"

"Yea-" James tried to stop in mid speech.

Damn it. From now on, he's going to start saying no to everything…

He was sure he was blushing now. Then again, was she turning scarlet as well? Maybe not. She would have looked away by now if she was. It was probably just the weather. It was cold after all…

"You, um-" He said to break the ice, one hand scratching his head. The other pointing somewhere in the village.

"Sure. Let's go." She said in rapid-fire.

"Where we going exactly?"

"I still need a costume."

"Costume?"

"Yup."

"For what?" Another question he asked that he knew the answer to.

"Halloween."

"Oh yeah."

"Are you going?" Lily pitched with her fingers crossed mentally.

"Probably not."

Her heart dislodged itself from her chest and dropped a few inches. "Why not?"

"I'd just rather not."

"But your Head Boy, you have to."

"Says who? Certainly not Lily Evans." James teased.

She nudged him playfully. "You should! It'll be your last time to go!"

"Fuck it." He took it back immediately, perhaps it was best not to talk to her as if she was one of the guys…

"No, fuck you, Potter! Come on, just go!"

At least it didn't cost him any points in the relationship department.

"No thanks."

"Why not? You cannot find a date?"

Not really. He had lost count of how many girls asked him so far but he was sure it was at least a double-digit figure. Yet, he played along.

"Yeah. They keep turning me down." Actually it was more like the other way around…

"James Potter, Head Boy, Captain of the team, rejected?"

"You heard it right."

"Well how about, if I go with you, then will you go?"

If the James Potters from the past had a time machine and could travel back in time to this very moment, they would kill him for what he would answer with.

"No thanks. Still don't want to go."

"You will go. I got a week to make you."

"Try your best, but you don't have what it takes."

"Is that a threat? Do I smell a challenge?" James Potter was daring her? He still doesn't know the real Lily then.

They had reached their destination as time flew by with their testy chatter. The specialty store was within sight.

"No," James leaned forward a little, "It's a promise."

"Bet on it?" She said without care. What did she have to lose? What could James Potter gain from her?

"I'll be your slave for a week if I lose." James suggested. He wouldn't do anything cruel, he'd probably just copy her homework or something. It would be great to catch some sleep after all.

"You're on."

It was a win-win situation to Lily as far as she was concern. More time with him was all she wanted.

James pulled open the door for her.

"Ladies first." He said with courtesy.

"Bitches second."

James smiled widely. "Is that trash talk from Lily Evans?"

Lily was about to respond but the salesperson welcomed them in.

"Hogwarts?" The young blonde witch inquired.

"Yeah." Lily said.

"You kids have been flooding into my shop all day." She said, harassed.

The store was rather empty right now. Then again, it was late and almost time to leave so most students probably went to grab some last butterbeers before making the trek back to the castle.

"Well, go look over there in that aisle. That's where all the couple costumes are. Feel free to look around." The woman said, assuming the two were dating.

James laughed meekly, "No! You got this all wrong. We're not dat-"

"Thanks!" Lily exclaimed and wrapped her arms around James before leading him like her very own pet to the racks of robes, masks and costumes in the corner.

Perhaps James overlooked her competitive spirit.

James looked around at the items. There was no way he would dress up as knight. Too cheesy. Or a vampire. Ghost in some bedsheets. Merlin forbid, a clown. Lily was still investigating the choices this store had to offer. Albeit more interested than James. He reached for the most frightening mask within his reach and put it on.

"Doesn't this one look cute, Ja-AH!"

She had leapt backwards, horror written into her face as the pale ghostly mask's eyes bore into hers. Her stumble caused her back to collide with the display stands but his Quidditch reflexes enabled him to glide his hands around her and hold steady the rack she was leaning on.

"SHHH!"

"What is going on over there you two?" The woman hollered.

"Nothing!" Lily lied perfectly. Her face lit up with mischief.

"Sorry!" James apologized with arms around her and his body cornering her.

"I'll uh-, try this on." She bent low enough to go under his arms and left.

"Yeah. Good idea." James said, transfixed.

He was still watching her leave to the dressing room.

"Do you want to try some of these on?"

"Huh?" He said, startled.

"You two are going together-"

"No, no. Actually, we're not dating. We're just friends."

"Ahh, I see. Then you might be interested in one of these."

Did he not explain himself? Perhaps not well enough. They aren't dating! So they are not going to be going to the-

"This one would look nice on you."

"Uh, sure. I'll be right back."

Ridiculous. He only said that to be polite and to get her off his back…

**Final Heaven**

The ride back to the castle was eventless. A tension riddled the air in the carriage. Plagued it with an awkward silence that was beginning to become familiar. She couldn't say a word. No ice breaker to use. She watched him during the entire ride.

Because James fell asleep…

She just wanted to talk to him.

Lily knew that if given the time and chance, she could make him fall in love with her. All over again. She had classes with him, duties with him, she even shared a dormitory with him. She had to make it happen.

**Final Heaven**

Lily calmly walked over and sat down on desk facing him. When the sight of a pretty redhead plopping her behind on his desk and papers didn't extract as much as a welcoming word except for a smile, she fired first.

"Hi."

"Hey." James said dully, "Erm, excuse me. Sitting on-"

James reached around her torso and pulled out a piece of crumbled paper that he took notes on.

"Sorry."

Bad idea already? It was certainly looking that way. Maybe she should have stayed away and let him work. Of all the times she could have approached him, why now when he was busy? Why did she always have to pierce his personal space anyway?

"So, what's up?" James said as he wrote aggressively.

"I'm bored."

"Thank you for choosing me." James said with sarcasm, causing Lily to burst into laughter.

Everyone else was getting ready to leave but she had cleaned up early just to make the arduous journey across the classroom to have a conversation with him.

He always did have the amazing ability to make her laugh just by being himself.

"No, I was kidding. Got any big plans coming up?" She said eagerly. Hoping with all her might to join him.

No matter what it was…

"Not really." He said dully.

"You have to be doing _something _this weekend."

"I don't know. Eat, sleep and work."

Smooth…

"JAMES! Let's go, man. I'm starving." Remus voiced from the entrance to the class.

Great…

Lily also liked Remus, he was the wisest of the four. Not to mention the nicest and the only one who took a second to think before acting but never before had she wished he would just drop dead and fade away.

Now he would _have _to go. Leave her all alone. She wouldn't be able to sit with him at dinner. It would just be awkward. Lily knew the kind of girls that would do that.

Sluts.

Clingy, needy, must-have-it species.

"Just go, I'll be there in a bit." James spoke, his focus still lay on his paperwork.

Lily was literally beaming like brightest star in the sky.

"And by the way, I spoke with Dumbledore and says you'll _have _to go."

"_We'll see about that._" James muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" She flashed a taunting smile.

"Nothing." He answered back with the same gesture, "So what were you saying?"

"Uh, I was wondering if you had any big plans this weekend?"

"Well, I think I'm going to see Sarah."

"_Really_?" Lily asked curiously.

"Yeah."

"What are you two going to do?"

"I don't know. Dinner, drinks, movie?" James said sarcastically.

"Cool."

"Nah, we're just going to work on the next Hogsmeade trip. Have to plan it and stuff, you know."

"Ahh, I see."

"Don't worry, you're next."

"What?" How could he read her mind?

"I'll see you at the Prefect meeting later?"

"And I will see you at dinner then?"

"Nope."

James packed up his possessions and slung his bag over his shoulders and began making his way towards the door as Lily automatically followed.

"What are you doing then?"

He placed a hand on her shoulder and boldly declared, "You."

"Pervert." Lily labeled him before pushing him away.

James laughed merrily before splitting paths and made a right turn back to his room.

"See ya'." Lily yelled after him.

"Do me a favor and don't be late again."

She won't. Those prefect meetings were always at the worst of times. But she had something, no. Some_one _to look forward to this time to make her arrive early.

**What do you get from a writer when you add:**

**Grand Theft Auto IV (still haven't beaten it)**

**NBA Playoffs**

**The Office (can't wait for season 5)**

**Moving in with two, ol' high school buddies together**

**Got a night job with my roommates (starts at 2 in the AM, so much for sleep)**

**And a girlfriend**

**A long update, sry for the wait every1**


	25. In The Habit Of Breaking Girl's Hearts

"**Prepare The Masses"**

**By**

**A Change Of Pace **

**Written in 7 straight hours because I haven't updated in a while, so I rushed this. **

The door was still open. Light flooded into the room. Both from the moon, candles and other man-made devices while some were magical. Students marauded into the hall. The hustle and bustle obvious to all. Chattering and clattering of utensils and mouths. Costumes and the occasional glitter caught her eye.

Her friends were talking to her but her ears paid no attention. Her head bobbled up and down in unknown agreement. Her throat laughed when those around her found something amusing.

She was blending in. Her eyes still darted around the entire Great Hall.

There were some odd things out of place her eye picked up. Such as a few missing decorations she had planned to set up but she guessed the Prefects missed it either accidentally or by just mere laziness. Luckily no one seemed to notice it, nor cared. But there were only a few things she was targeting for.

Wild black hair and warm hazel eyes that is owned by a certain male. Close to a third of the population at the Ball were wearing masks or had transfigured their looks to match their costume. Hair colors were dyed, paint was added to faces and Lily even swore she saw people with red eyes.

But he was nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps he really wasn't going to show up…

What an _ass_! She knew he sounded firm and resolved in his determination to not attend but she had no idea it was this strong.

Like everything else he used to say, she took it as a joke. She had to start using the new and improved James Potter as a template more often instead of basing all her assumptions on her personal history book.

20 minutes into it now. She was giving up now. Conquered and defeated, her listening slid into focus and she began taking in the sound of the crowd.

"Maybe, we'll see what happens." Someone said hopefully.

"Yeah, hopefully."

Lily was completely lost in this conversation.

"What do you think, Lily?" A Ravenclaw friend asked her. Her name was lost somewhere in Lily Evans mind and probably would register until someone called her.

"I honestly don't know."

She returned a look full of frustrated angst but probably didn't expect a better answer from the Head Girl. Realizing she was standing just next to the drinks, she turned around and helped herself to some punch.

Lily made for the scoop.

**Now sit back and watch the story unfold  
Of the fair Juliet and her Romeo  
Two young lovers with one heartbeat  
In a devoted grave is where they'll sleep  
They are the passion in a city of hate  
Watching two families quarrel, ruining lovers fate  
You are the ones who took your children's lives  
See your two martyr's dying in loves true light  
Light**

Sing me to sleep tonight, sweet Juliet  
Two star-crossed lovers married looking for regrets  
By daybreak I'll be gone and searching for your kiss  
Leave me a drop of poison waiting on your lips

"Sorry. You go ahead."

The voice was familiar. She knew that voice, and its owner. It was nice and honest, the person wasn't trying to fake being polite.

"No, its fine. You go first, I'm right here anyw-" Lily stopped in her sentence when she looked up and saw Sarah.

She didn't have a costume. In fact, she was rather plain. Casual. She wore some jeans and a long sleeve black sweater for the cold. Lily got the impression that she only came to find someone and not to stay for long.

Lily on the other hand was dressed like a bumblebee. Yellow and black stripes complete with protruding antenna.

Scary indeed.

"Okay. Thanks, Lily." She said.

"Yeah, well, you helped out with the planning and all. You really didn't have to you know. It's the least I can do." Lily joked in grateful appreciation.

Sarah wasn't even a Prefect and didn't have the duty but offered her time and wand to the effort. She really _should _have been a Prefect. She and James were the most helpful. The Prefects didn't really give a damn. Even Remus claimed he was busy most of the time.

"It's our last year here, our last Halloween. Might as well it worth remembering."

"Really? That's a good reason I guess." Lily said, trying to keep the conversation alive.

The redhead didn't want to turn around and reenter the conversation with her friends' _friends_. Her acquaintances and mutual friends only discussed boys, what they were wearing and who's hot and who's not. Any other time it would have been fun to listen to what was being discussed but her brain was preoccupied as it played its own version of "Where's Waldo?" Besides the fact that it wasn't a book, his name was James and he wasn't wearing red and white striped clothing, she was failing spectacularly.

"Actually. I didn't want to go at first, sorry." Sarah laughed, "But James-"

'_James!? Where?' _Lily was keenly focused on Sarah's story now.

"-made me cause he said he didn't want to get bored."

Made her!? How could he possibly do that?!

"How could he _make _you?" Lily gave her mind permission to speak.

"I owe him I guess. And besides, he made Sirius go but he gave up after a day."

Lily remembered now. She remembered it all now. It wasn't even a week ago when they practically tore down the Great Hall and began decorating. They hung and planned everything and used magic to stow it away in the very top ceiling. When it was time for the party they would simply remove the House benches of Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and then summon down the decorations and remove the invisibility charm they had placed on it.

It was all James idea. This way, they could start setting up and have it all done days, maybe even weeks before it was scheduled to start. Saving time was like a mission for him.

Sometimes he himself didn't know where he was going, but he always seemed to be in a hurry.

"_Here, just go up there and hang this up there." James commanded Sarah._

_It was Lily, James, Sarah and Sirius Black of all people standing in one of the corners of the Great Hall as they attempted to hang the last of the spider webs so it would connect and give the impression that it was surrounding the hall._

"_Why me?" Sarah argued._

"_You're the tallest. So you can reach it easier." Sirius explained reasonably._

"_What are you talking about? You and James are both taller than me."_

"_Tallest _female. _Now get up there." Sirius joked._

"_Fine."_

_James and Sirius began piling wooden chairs one by one on top of each other._

"_There we go." James declared._

"_This doesn't look safe." _

"_Yeah, it really doesn't." Lily supervised._

_She gave it a slight push and could feel them shaking._

"_We'll just freeze it in place." _

_Sirius was a genius when he didn't have to do something. Casting a charm, the chairs became rigid. Even the ones that were only held up by one leg became stuck._

_James gave his leaning tower a hard push._

"_Assholes. Except you, Lily." Lily smiled sincerely._

_Sarah climbed effortlessly to the top but fumbled with the hook._

_It was then that Lily noticed both boys looking up at something that seemed to captivate their attention. _

_It wasn't the decorations…_

"_That's sexual harassment." A feminine voice stated._

_Both guys spun around._

"_Hey Karen." Sarah greeted._

_Karen must be a friend of Sarah's. She had really short hair that barely touched the bottom of her ears but she wore it well. She was a cute Hufflepuff._

"_What are you talking about?" James said._

"_You two were staring at her butt."_

"_Oh yeah? Well, Karen, is it? I can harass _you_ all day." Sirius offered and when she laughed at his advances, she began walking away._

"_Hold up!" Sirius chased after her like a lost puppy._

_Sarah then jumped down onto the hard wooden floor of the hall after finishing her task._

"_Staring at my butt, James?" Sarah teased._

_James blushed profusely. He was turning redder than Lily's hair._

_Lily had to hand it to her, she knew what buttons to push when dealing with James. She would have to be more like her. Take a page out of her books. Hell, just take the whole book._

"_I-You." James said lamely._

"_Didn't do it?"_

"_You need some help with this, Lily?" James pointed at a group of Prefects working._

"_It's all done, the Prefects look like they are just finishing up right now. I don't think there is anything you can do now-"_

"_Ah, I'll just check up on them." He said as he began walking away._

"_You didn't answer me, James." Sarah chased after him and walked beside him, "So?"_

_She slapped his butt and gave him a squeeze._

_He flinched and jerked forward with surprise._

"_HEY! Sexual harassment is a 2-way street."_

"_Oh yeah?"_

"_Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I won't report it."_

_They walked farther and Lily's hearing just wouldn't extend that far. But her eyes were still 20/20._

_Her hand still rested on his behind while he laced an arm over her shoulder and they continued talking._

"Anyway, have you seen James?" Sarah said, concluding her story.

The conversation had landed on James Potter once more.

"No. Why?" Lily replied boringly, hoping she gave the look of someone who didn't care.

Being an actor is such a difficult vocation…

"He said he didn't want to go. I thought he was joking at first but I guess he was serious after all."

"That's the Head Boy for ya'. And I have to share a dorm with him." Lily commented.

Both girls laughed.

"I've been looking all over for him."

'_Heh. Welcome to the club.'_ Lily thought.

It was then that Lily gave the idea a thought. She probably wasn't the only one looking for Potter. Eagerly anticipating his arrival that never came. How many other hopeless romantics littered the dance floors. Make-up, dress and costumes all carefully, meticulously done. Every attention paid to the details. And for what? She looked around the room. There were some girls sitting down in the chairs with a glass in hand.

Alone. All alone.

All alone, could they be playing the same game of 'Find The Head Boy' as well? Different teams, same goal yet no one scored a single point yet.

Pathetic. That's what Lily was being.

Even from the moment she realized she liked him. She knew she should begin getting over her feelings instead of giving into them.

He was the thing that was bad for her. Fuck drugs. It was him who messed her up. In the end, she would be only dreaming that he was missing her. Which was a fat chance now.

She just wanted to be where he was tonight. Lily had assumed that place was here.

"Well, I'll see you later." Sarah walked away.

"Alright, later." Lily returned to her group.

Turning back, she rejoined the conversation which was now delving into the topic of 'who had most sluttiest costume.' Lily smiled to herself, is sluttiest even a word?

In front of her she could still see Sarah walking around, her head swiveling on her shoulders, eyes landing on potential James Potter candidates but of course, none of them were.

Then. As if struck by lightning or a stunning curse, her body stopped moving. Frozen in place. More stuck than an ice cube in its tray.

She found him. Lily was sure of it. She'd stake her wand on it.

The smile that radiated on her features. The way her eyes lit up. But most of all, the way she held her hands together behind her waist and slowly glided forward.

"I'm going to get something to drink." Lily suddenly murmured.

"But you have a glass in your hand." Someone said.

"This one tastes funny." Lily lied, "I'll go try the other one."

This caused the girls to take a look at their cuts before placing it back down onto the table.

If it was any other day, Lily would have laughed but she had a destination for once tonight and her navigation system pointed her in the right direction. This opportunity will not go to waste.

Lily followed Sarah but stopped at the drinks. Picking up a glass, she figured out she was walking outside.

What was he doing out there? It was still early and most people didn't spend time outside until hours later.

Did he want to be left alone?

She moved over to the window pretending to be paying attention to the stars but she was really watching him.

He was leaning on the marble makeshift balcony. Looking up at the ominous, cloudy sky. Surprisingly, he actually wore something for the occasion. His costume was rather unique. He had long white robes which to Lily, resembled a Greek toga but like Lily, he had something protruding. Wings. He had two wings come from either side of his back. They weren't attached to his suit, but seemed to hover, not connected to his body at all. His wings were black though, which contrasted his white robes. A halo shone bright yellow over his head. Like his wings, they were unattached as well. Magically held up and followed him as he moved. Lily was sure that the halo would go unnoticed inside due to the heavy lights but outside in the darkened sky, it burned brilliantly like the sun.

Sarah approached him slowly and quietly from behind with two glasses in one hand.

She placed her free hand on his lower back, inches above his waistline and dangerously close to his behind.

"Thirsty?" Sarah lifted her hand that held the cups.

"Never." James mentioned sarcastically as he took one.

"Nice costume."

"Thanks. You better like it. You picked it." James threatened, "What am I suppose to be exactly?"

"A fallen angel." Sarah adored.

"Where's yours?" James pondered.

"Me?"

"There's no one else out here for me to talk to." James smiled, "What are you suppose to be?"

"A female student."

"Could have fooled me. Always thought you were the masculine type because- HEY!"

Sarah pushed him as hard as her muscles would allow her, causing him to spill his drink on himself.

James turned his smile upside down.

"F' you!" James said playfully as he jerked his cup forward quickly, emptying half of its contents on her face.

The attack shook her and she raised her hands up but she was too late. James smiled but it slowly evolved. It turned into a grin before he released a full out roar of laughter. He was trying to hold it in but it was too hilarious.

"Paybacks a bitch isn't it." James chuckled.

"Come over here!" Sarah grabbed James by the chest and pulled at his robes but he was too strong and too agile for her. Reading her movements, he used a hand to grab her and pull her close. Her body sideways and perpendicular to his. Sarah's arms were trapped in the between his torso and his hand that held her stiff.

"I make it rain!" James chuckled.

James tipped the rest of the liquid over the top of her head. Some of it deflected and splashed on his face and clothes but he didn't give a damn because her reaction was priceless.

"I can't believe you!" Sarah shrieked and touched her hair. Sticky and it smelled of juice.

She seemed visibly mad. James was in for it now…

"Err, I'll go get you a towel."

James released his hostage and took a few steps towards the noisy ballroom.

"Wait. James." She pleaded for him.

"Hmm?" James stopped immediately. The way she said his name. She was begging.

"I, um."

"Yes?"

"Can, well. You see-" She continued stuttering, unable to form a legit sentence.

"If you want me, I'll stay." James said romantically.

There was something charming about his voice that sent shivers down both Lily and Sarah's spine. It was husky, confident and caring.

Sarah merely nodded with a thin smile in acknowledgement.

"That would be nice."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just overreacted."

She turned back towards the view of the forest as James walked back and hugged her from behind before standing beside her. They remained silent for a moment, his arm still wrapped around her shoulder.

His chin rested on her shoulder and he took in the smell.

"I like your hair like this."

"Really?" She said from underneath him. Lily saw her turn her head and smile happily at him.

"It looks like you just took a shower."

"Or like someone dumped their drink on me."

"If people ask, just say I pushed you into the lake." James said.

"My clothes aren't even wet."

"I tried to drown you face first?"

"Deal."

They remained quiet for what seemed like ages to themselves as they stared at the stars, clouds and the brilliant half moon.

"James." She said, killing the silence.

"Yeah?"

"How come we never…?" Sarah began but couldn't finish.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

Silence again. The curtains of silence draped itself over their lips.

Sarah turned to look him face to face. She was peering into his eyes as if looking for something.

He had always hated when girls did this. It drove him crazy. All this staring at such a close distance never did anyone good.

"What?" James whispered.

He had no idea why it came out like that. He honestly didn't mean to whisper it but his voice was lost. She was too close for comfort. He couldn't relax. In a bizarre way, she was scaring him shitless.

What girls found romantic, he found terribly horrifying.

"Nothing." She whispered back but kept her eyes locked on his.

But she leaned forward and stood on her toes. A hand that went by James undiscovered managed to touch the back of his head and he felt it pulling at his hair.

Her lips brushed his. Their noses grazed. Their bodies touched.

Lily turned away and left for her dormitory.

She had seen enough. She didn't need to see the rest.

**Rating is T now.**

**All the rape, incest, druggies and other shit in M just disgusts me.**


	26. The Time That We Kill Keeps Us Alive

**Currently playing:**

**The Sims 2: Apartment Life**

Just another checkmark on the list of things that she regrets.

Or was he?

Her disguise for the night lost its inevitable fight with gravity. She shed the extra layer of protection like a snake. Her second skin. Her second identity. It lay forgotten on the floor. Unworthy of her attention. Yellow and black striped, usually noticeable due to its color of brightness but her mind was busy. Eyes were clouded. Hearing disillusioned.

The sofa was comfortable. She could have fallen asleep on it but refused to allow her body to lie down to deny herself the chance. She knew that if she sprawled herself down, she would be sleeping in no time.

Instead, both her feet were lifted off the ground, afraid to touch the carpet flooring. Her knees pulled up and rested her chin on them. An arm wrapped around them while her other limb stretched out. Her hand outstretched. It was her thinking position. It always had been.

But nothing went through her mind.

She truly wasn't thinking of anything. Not of what she had seen moments before. Not of her roommate and his 'current lover.'

The Head Girl simply, and slowly, walked her way back to the door and back inside her dorm.

Careful that she took the long way home…

She just didn't want to remain there. The sights and smells weren't helping. For some strange reason, she felt no animosity or hatred against either of them. Hell, she didn't even blame herself.

But she sure as hell wasn't _happy _for them.

Lily sighed.

She was bored. Hmm. Maybe that was it. She was bored. Simple as that!

But there was nothing to do. There were books that she could. But she went through all of them at least twice. She could even clean her room, she was that bored! But the house elves had probably taken care of it. The Muggle television in front of her was dark and blank. Off. She didn't feel like watching anything though. Though she was tempted to watch some romance films. Eager to see how other people's story turned out even if it was just a fake, acting show to make profits. It was a shame that James wasn't the kind of guy that kept those films around.

James.

Her mind had jumped off a skyscraper without a parachute and crash landed on the topic of James Potter. As if expecting him to burst out of his room, she turned her head around to look at his bedroom. She saw it coming all along, of course he wouldn't emerge but it was an action she couldn't prevent.

The party was still going on. Not even an hour into it had passed by. Lily Evans must be the only person sitting inside her dormitory, not attending it right now. No one would be going back to their dorm until hours later. Probably even past midnight.

Fuck it.

Getting up from the common room sofa, she moved towards _his _bedroom.

It was same as ever. From the last time she came in, it just as how she remembered it. Messy as ever. She surmised that he probably told the house elves to "not touch anything."

His clothes covered the floor like snow during winter. She remembered him telling her of his dress code policy:

"_If it looks and smells clean, I'll wear it."_

Her lips reminisced into a smile.

Somewhat tired and still very bored, she stumbled her way to his bed and sat down and almost immediately sank.

With her chin rested against her palm, she breathed out a sigh and something struck her.

She was finally missing him. She missed him. Why wasn't he here with her now? This only made her more gloomy and depressed.

But something caught her eye. It was moving. No. A lot of it was moving. Just in front of her seemed to be a large screen television with split picture in pictures. But upon closer inspection, it was just magical pictures. The black and white characters inside were moving. She could tell James was in some of them. Most of them were animated and moving nonstop. Yet, there were some photographs that stayed still. Probably because they are Muggle photos. They were all hung to the wall magically. As if glued to the wallpaper. Some lay on the desk underneath it. Perhaps he didn't have the time to finish those.

With her curiosity meter only peeking higher, she proceeded forward.

Most of the pictures were of him and his friends. Some with his closest buddies such as Remus, Sirius and Peter. Scribbled at the bottom right of a few of these pictures were two words:

"The Marauders."

"_What a strange name."_ Lily thought. Especially for a group of 4 teenage boys. To others it may have been seen as immature, perhaps that is why they never addressed each other as that.

In one such picture, James was standing with something over draped over his right shoulder. It looked he was clinging onto a cloak by one hand but part of his shoulder disappeared. It looked invisible but Lily knew you can't cast invisibility charms on _parts _of your body.

The picture must have been damaged. Time never was a friend to memories.

Then something else grabbed her attention.

"_That's me…" _

Sure enough, Lily saw herself in one of these pictures on display at this gallery. But this picture wasn't even pinned up to the wall for easy viewing. No. Instead, it lay with many others that piled the desk. The ones that he may have neglected.

It was just last year…

James was in it too. Even Sarah! It was the Quidditch Final last year. Right after the game when the trophy was awarded.

James stood in the middle of the two girls. He was beaming happily. They had won after all. All the time they spent training, practicing. All the sacrifice and lost weekends to the sessions he, as Captain demanded they attend. The study and homework time they killed for a chance to be better. To be able to get to the moment they were now.

Both of his arms were wrapped around the shoulders of Sarah and Lily. Sarah held the Quidditch Cup in her hands as she raised it in celebratory manner.

The crowd in the background was cheering but they were blurry. Distant and unclear as an unfocused telescope. Many in the back were walking in one direction, back inside the castle but the three of them stayed still, beaming brightly into the camera.

All of a sudden, the past Lily turned her head to face James and surprising perhaps both Lilys, she kissed him. She gave him one short look that didn't even last half a second and raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around his waist and brought it to his face before kissing his cheek. It was over before it even started and Lily returned to smiling at the camera. But the event shocked Lily.

She had to watch the picture replay itself at least 10 times before it sunk in.

It was then that she saw James reaction.

His eyes slowly fluttered shut after her palms touched his. After her lips left his skin, he turned his head towards her in return but only gave her a soft look in adoration. His gaze never returned to the camera until after the picture replayed. He liked her. _Liked. _It was such an ugly word. Its past tense description of feelings destroyed her from the inside out. She knew he always did. _Did. _What a foul word too! It only reminded her of what she could have attained. What they_ could_ be right now.

Something inside her compelled her to hold picture up. Once it was in her hands, she took a good look at it for a few seconds before tearing it in half. At least she thought it was a perfect split. It was almost effortless as she eradicated it. Seething fury rushed through her as she completely devastated a memento of his youth. Hate-stained for a fraction of a second enabled her to commit a sin, a crime. Unforgivable. Instead, one side contained Lily and James while Sarah was perfectly ripped out of the photograph. Their conversation ran its audio through her ears, hateful echoes pounding her eardrums.

Oh no…

What had she done? This wasn't hers! It was James property! Tucking the two split ends of the puzzle in her pockets, she hoped with all her might James wouldn't remember this one among the mountainous stacks in his album collection.

Fat chance. Him winning a Quidditch Cup? Would he ever let that slip his thoughts?

She returned back to his bed and took a seat. She didn't want to be here but James didn't have chairs in his room. He must have never had a need for one. Finally giving herself permission to lay down, she collapsed on his bed. Eyes still open and staring at the ceiling.

It was glowing. Strange. Waves of eerie blue waves rippled through the wallpaper. She knew the source though.

It was that damn pensieve. How could he sleep with it glowing all the time?!

She was spending her waking moments killing time.

But there was nothing else for her to do…

He probably wouldn't be back for a while anyway…

She walked to the edge of the table before looking down into it. Desire rushing through her very hands to discover more about James past. But most importantly, to learn of what happened to him…

It was the same feeling as before. Her feet landed awkwardly onto the floor and her unshakable stance descended into James Potter's land of infinite mysteries.

It was noon. The sun was scorching as many people it could get, turning them into victims of its radiating heat. They were at the outside table of a pub or a café. The curious redhead immediately noticed James, and predictably shocking enough, Sirius Black along with someone else she had seen in another one of James memory. She remembered James calling him Gabriel before. The three friends sat around chatting and enjoying the weather with a couple of beers on their table. It was a Muggle place by the looks of it. It was a popular spot in London. Lily remembered coming to the park with her Muggle friends during the summer and stopping for lunch nearby.

"And then after I said that, she was like: 'Where you at?'" Gabriel said with a storytelling narration.

"Women." James agreed with a lean of his head.

James was wearing what seemed to be swimming shorts. Black and white camouflage smudged together so perfectly that it could be a modern-day art masterpiece. He wore a short sleeve that was a little small for him but just barely enough to show off his physique that was under the shirt. It had writing on it but the letters were fading and Lily couldn't bother figuring it out. The rest of his friends dressed almost the same in their summer Muggle wardrobe.

"Love is a lie. Just get in her pants and then get the hell away." Sirius wisely said with apparently years of experience.

The guys laughed heartily, grabbing their drinks and toasting to 'Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am.'

"Hey. Can we get another round of Heinekens, please? Thanks." Sirius asked politely to a waitress.

"Don't you guys think you've had enough? It's not even dark and you all drank enough to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool." The middle-aged waitress joked. The boys must be regulars from the way she interacted with them.

"Last one, we promise."

"Fine. I can get fired for this…" She begrudgingly caved in. "We do have a limit on consumption here."

"Us too."

"Come on guys, lets drink until we can't feel feeling anymore."

Shaking her head with a smile, she went inside to fill the order.

"Oh shit." Sirius whispered.

"What?" James and Gabriel immediately asked.

Sirius didn't have to say anything. A tall brunette had walked by the sidewalk. A few feet separating her from their table.

"Which one?"

"You mean this one?" Gabriel had pulled out what looks like a small pen before aiming it at something. A faint red dot due to the sunlight had hit the woman right on her back.

"What is that- Shit, that is sweet." James said in awe.

"Gimme' that." Sirius had snatched the laser pointer from his friend before aiming it at everything he saw.

"Damn, dude. Muggles make the best shit." Sirius almost shouted.

Toy and fun to the simple minded…

"Did you…hit your head or something?" Gabriel said with concern.

"Um…you guys hit me?" Sirius added.

"Oh, right…" James confirmed. "So how's your girlfriend treating you aside from last night?"

"Well…" Gabriel said hesitatingly while he watched Sirius shoot the laser through the beer bottle, the light reflecting off the inner walls to his delight. Still amusing.

"What's up?" James urged.

"Between me and you?" He said, completely ignoring Sirius existence temporarily.

"Sure, what is it?" Was it this important?"

"I prefer the instant noodles over her cooking."

James blew up in laughter. When he settled, he finally commented,

"That bad, huh?"

"Fuck off…" He said when James started laughing again.

"Prongs. Check it out." Sirius finally placed the laser on the table after sucking all the fun out of it.

"She's hot." James said, putting his opinion down.

Lily didn't see who they were talking about. There was no attractive female around.

"Alright, whose turn is it, Gabe?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"Yours I think. Wait, yeah it is you because that redhead a few days ago."

"Fuck, fine." Sirius said, defeated.

"Naw, I'm not in the mood today." James shrugged.

"What's up your ass, man?" Sirius laughed.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." James waved his hand as if to brush away the matter but a smile lingered on his face. Perhaps he knew his friends were going to dig into this topic deeper.

"He met a girl. That blonde one." Gabriel sniggered.

"Fuck off." James shook his head but the smile still remain.

"I don't know why you didn't just say no to this asshole. Summer classes that you do not need? You aren't a Muggle, James." Sirius said.

"Whatever, she's going to be gone. I'll do it." Gabriel declared.

Unaware of what the group was doing, Lily watched them pay for their lunch and drinks before their 'last' round came and walked across the busy street. Carefree and unworried of the traffic as they jaywalked the street to the other side of greener pastures and trees.

"This is going to be fucking hilarious." James said. He laughed all the way before splitting ways with his friends.

Lily didn't know who to follow. Should she stay with James or follow the scheming pair? When she turned to see James simply sit down on a bench that was adjacent to an attractive young woman sitting on another bench feeding the ducks that had roamed from the pond onto the park grounds, she decided to chase Sirius' group.

"Here is good." Gabriel nodded towards a big rock that could almost be a boulder. It was big enough to cover a couple of humans behind it. Along with the nearby trees, one would be hard-pressed not to remain hidden here. You could even hide from the police here!

"Go before someone sees you." Gabriel beckoned.

"You aren't my mom. Shit." Sirius said before taking a dive.

He strangely dove like a swimmer into a pool right behind the boulder and trees, completely unnoticed by anyone. No one was nearby or even within eyesight to see the unusual action.

What came out from behind shocked Lily. It wasn't even Sirius! A big, shaggy, black dog had emerged. Horrified and confused, Lily around to the back to see if Sirius was hiding back there. No one. Sirius had turned himself into a… a dog!?

Impossible.

Only a skilled witch or wizard could transform themselves into an animal at will. And even then, Animagis were required to register themselves to the Ministry. Lily laughed at how silly she was being.

Sirius Black. An animagus! Never. He didn't have the dedication or the knowledge to do it. He probably just transfigured himself temporarily to achieve this.

Yeah, that was it. Transfiguration. But still, magic in a Muggle area? He was of age but this was risky. What were they trying to do exactly?

Without warning, the dog had begun jogging slowly at James location with Gabriel chasing behind it.

"Wait! Stop!" Gabriel shouted after the runaway dog.

It was too late. The dog had ran past James and began chasing the ducks the woman fed.

"Ahh! Hey, I was feeding them!" She pouted at the dog who was now rolling around at her feet.

"Sorry, Miss! He's just out of control." Gabriel had caught up and was now facing the young female.

Now that Lily got a chance to see her up close, she looked younger than she expected. Not even older than Lily. Or at least around the same age.

"He's not out of control. Aww. Sooo cute, you. Just wanted to play didn't you? Yes you did…" She cooed.

The dog was now giving its best sad, puppy eyed look to win her affection. She began stroking his neck and ears as Sirius the dog closed his eyes in pure ecstasy.

"You should have a leash on him then." She said to Gabriel.

"Yeah, well, he doesn't need it. He's one of the biggest wimps out there. He would not even attack a bone if you paid him."

The dog gave Gabriel a look. A very human expression on its face.

Lily smiled, Gabriel was playfully insulting Sirius…

The girl laughed as well, "What's his name?"

"His name?" Gabriel scratched his head in confusion. "Uh, it is Sir- Black. Uh. _Blackie_."

Sirius Black the dog gave Gabriel another glare.

"Blackie?" She asked with a smile, clearly not buying it.

"Yeah, Black-ie."

"Okay. What a weird name…" She drifted her sentence.

"And your name is…?" Gabriel slowly, but clearly asked.

Lily had to hand it to them. What a plan. What an idea. This was a rouse for them to meet the opposite sex with their magic. From the looks of it, it wasn't their first time attempting this stunt. It surely wasn't rehearsed but they weren't rookies either.

James was still sitting on the bench. He tried to act as if he was daydreaming and simply sitting at the park but she knew he was paying attention to everything his friends were doing. Taking mental notes for future stories.

"Megan." She announced, shaking his hand.

"Megan. Lovely name." Gabriel smiled. Lily thought this must be a joke, a prank that seemed legitimate as Gabriel had a girlfriend already.

Megan opened her mouth to respond but something caught her attention that was behind them.

"Sorry I'm late, Meg." A female voice greeted Megan.

Lily, Gabriel, James and even that damn dog Sirius 'Blackie' turned around.

They had all seen her before, maybe except Sirius.

She had dirty blonde hair. Somewhat straight but not completely, dressed casually like a Muggle University student.

Jenna…

Lily checked up on James. He still sat on the bench but saw her coming. On reflex, he turned his head to the other way so his back was facing her and reached for something in his pocket. He pulled out another Muggle device. A mobile phone. He instantly brought it to his ear as if he just received a call.

"My little brother needed me to drop him off at the mall with his friends." Jenna said, giving her excuse.

"Its okay, I've just been feeding the ducks until Blackie here attacked me."

"Blackie?" Jenna said with a smile as well.

"Err, yeah." Gabriel said.

"Hi, how are you." Jenna said politely.

"Oh, um, this is…" Megan began but then realized that she didn't know his name either.

"Gabriel." He said warmly.

Lily turned around to look at James reaction again.

He was fleeing!

Not even a minute had gone by but he must have stood up and began walking away with the phone to his ear. His back still turned to Jenna but Lily thought that if he wanted to avoid her, he should have taken the other away so he could slip by behind _her._

Too late now.

It seemed almost inevitable that she was going to spot him.

"Is that…? James?" She said but only whispered his name.

"Who is James?" Megan asked curiously.

"Yeah, who _is _that?" Gabriel played along.

There was a bridge that was an overpass depending on perspective as a tunnel was just under it. Dark and devoid of peering eyes. James was making his way there. If he wanted to avoid her, it wouldn't be hard to just disapparate after turning the corner. He was a wizard after all and Jenna was obviously a Muggle that was blind to the endless realm of possibilities magic had.

"James!" Jenna sped up her walk as Lily followed beside the blonde girl as she tried to match her steps.

To Lily, it felt like they were both chasing him down…

She knew it was him now. His hair wasn't hard to spot out from a crowd. He wasn't super tall but his height and frame didn't exactly help him blend in either. Her walk had now transformed into a power walking stride.

"Peter! What's happen', bro? Where's Remus? Can you put him on? Yeah, dude. Alright." James spoke into his phone.

Lily doubted he actually called Peter or Remus. Hell, he probably didn't call anyone and was just faking it.

"Remus! What are you doing? Sounds legit, Moony. I'm on my way now."

"You're not talking to anyone, James." Jenna laughed and shouted from behind him.

Shit. Busted.

James stopped dead in his tracks. He would have to explain now. Why he was running away. Why he was avoiding her. Everything.

"Err, hey. No class today?" James said, slyly putting the phone in his back pocket.

"I thought that was you."

"Eh, well surprise. Here I am!" James chuckled nervously.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I was just going home- Never mind." James admitted after she gave him another look. Perhaps he lied enough to her for the day.

"Let's take a walk." She grabbed his arm and pushed him along.

The memory faded away. It was then replaced by another one. Frame by frame, focus resettled in.

'What in the name of Merlin's…?" Lily thought.

Spells were flying everywhere. Green lights and purple streams fizzled through the area. Screams and yells. Blood and bruises. Tears and fears were all visible here. Did she just land into the middle of a war?

"Die." A creepy voice said slowly.

Alarmed, she turned around to see a wizard in dark robes and a skull for a mask aiming his wand at Lily's heart. Instinctively in self preservation, Lily quickly pulled out her wand but then realized she wouldn't be affected…

A flash of green light erupted from his wand and straight through Lily. Someone groaned from behind her and then a wand had rolled right through one of her feet. Someone had just collapsed to the floor. Lifeless.

Sure enough, when she turned back around there was a corpse lying on the ground. But it wasn't just one body.

She was in a rather gigantic room. Tables and chairs all set up in an impromptu manner. Some chairs and tables must have been magically created to help accommodate for the guests. Apparently a meeting had been going on. It seemed to be someone's house, a wealthy person probably. But other things caught her eye. Bodies. More bodies. Human bodies devoid of life were all over the ground. Some of them must have been stunned or paralyzed but a few were clearly gone…

"GO!"

James? That was his voice. She was sure of it. For the first time ever, she heard his voice full of sorrow but most of all, clouded with fright.

"But you-"

"GET GOING!" His voice now more urgent than ever.

"I will return."

Now the murderer that was standing right in front of Lily dashed to a door nearby with others who were dressed just like him. Masks and robes that only showed off the very visual definition of human evil. Just more personified…

They were pounding the door. Some were casting various spells to unlock it but it seemed magically sealed from the inside.

Curious and scared, Lily took full advantage of her ability to leap through solid objects as she jumped at the door and past the mob of people attempting to break in.

Dumbledore?!

She was sure of it. Right before he spun on the spot and disappeared into the thin air. Where was he going? Fleeing? No. From his words and tone, it didn't sound like he wanted to leave but it seemed like he had no choice. What was going on!

James. He was alone in this room. It was a small room, it looked like a small guest bedroom. Furniture was piled against the door to bar intruders but it didn't seem like it would last any longer. An army of one and he seemed committed to holding back the mass of bodies that wanted to breach the door for as long as possible. To buy Dumbledore time. To buy _himself _time.

"QUICK! BEFORE HE GETS AWAY!" A woman yelled from just the thin wall and door that separated them.

"MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" A shuffle of feet scattered aside for someone that must be important. A leader.

The memory was fading in and out. She could barely tell what was happening but watched as an explosion rippled through the door, sending furniture flying back and hitting James. It sent him hurling backwards.

The memory was changing now. But not before she watched James get crushed with the walls as the building seemed to start falling apart. He was unconscious now. Lily assumed that must be the reason why the memory stopped telling its story of the past. But James! The house was breaking into pieces and tons of debris was using him as a bullseye.

"Do you have the right to do that, Miss Evans?"

What the…

It wasn't her guilty conscious or the angel on her shoulder. Or even the pensieves memory, it was-

"Profes- Headmaster!"

Dumbledore. The Headmaster of the school, in the Heads Dormitory! She just watched him seconds before! He was looking as normal and casual as he always did except for his wizarding hat which appeared to be a mask but pulled back over on top of his head. He held out a wand and pointed it at the pensieve. Did he shut it off?

"Did you see what you wanted to see?"

What was he doing here!?

But his eyes held a sense of urgency. In fact, he was relaxed and almost didn't seem surprise Lily was in here avoiding James Potter's privacy without regard. Did he expect her to be here of all places?

"I-" Lily stuttered.

"The pensieve. A wonderful, yet rare magical instrument. Expensive indeed too. But Miss Evans, do you not wonder?"

"About what, sir?" She wonders about a lot of things. Like the questions to the next midterm or final, even what the weather will be like tomorrow but what exactly did he mean? Lily always held the utmost respect for the great Albus Dumbledore. But his speech of puzzles always stifled her.

Walking slowly around the room as if taking the long way around to the Pensieve, Dumbledore finally said, "Witch and wizards draw memories from their minds into the pensieve for two reasons. Do you know the reasons, Miss Evans?"

Shaking her head, Dumbledore continued his late night, private lecture.

"For one, they are used to revisit memories of individuals. To observe the past and learn from it. And the other? To free our minds of the memories we do not want. Our deepest regrets, our worst nightmares and our troubling past. The individual would not forget it completely, but it would lighten their burden."

"So James-" Lily started to speak but Dumbledore only nodded. She had already figured as much. Something bothered him. Something changed him over the summer. Now her curiosity only heightened.

But people died…

"And that brings us to my reason for coming here." Dumbledore immediately brightened up. Cheerful and full of energy as he usually is for a person his age.

"Where _is_ your dormmate, Miss Evans? We had an unofficial appointment tonight."

"He's at the ball, Professor." Lily said knowingly.

"Is he now? Excellent. Isn't it wonderful to see him happy and having fun again?" Dumbledore clapped his hands together in righteous joy.

Lily only smiled nervously. Dumbledore was still putting her on the spot.

"Do you still wonder?" Dumbledore interrogated with the same line but he was less cheerful now. The old man had a gloomy expression.

Fuck it.

Lily took a stab at it.

"Yes."

He would probably continue to ask her that until she made either a yes or no answer.

"Very well then." Dumbledore tapped his head with his hand and pulled out a silvery long strand of something that was half-solid and half-liquid. A memory? As he was doing this, he continued to converse.

"I remember weeks ago. You asked me about James."

Yes. She did. It seemed so long ago that Lily had almost forgotten.

"And what did I say? That I would not tell you. That it is not my right to tell you. But, I will _show _you."

**Beer Pong should be an Olympic sport.**

**There, I said it.**


	27. The Impossible Dream

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. How could he say such things. Everything the old man said was outrageous, scandalous and worst of all...

True...

It was all believeable to a certain extent. But...

"And that is why I have allowed him. No, chosen him to hunt them down." The Headmaster continued.

"Professor!" Lily exclaimed in outrage.

"I have no desire to stop him. In fact, I will encourage him in his task and I hope you do the same. Even if he has to kill to complete his mission."

_Kill!?_

Dumbledore wandered around James room as well and found his photo album just as Lily had gone through them only minutes ago.

"Sir! That is not something a Headmaster should say!" Lily shouted in a hushed tone as if someone could possibly overhear them.

"Then forget I ever said anything." Albus stated with simplicity with his back turned to her as he scoured through the pictures.

"What? I can't just-"

Lily was about go on another speech to maybe somehow convince him but she knew how stubborn James and possibly, Dumbledore both were.

"These are his parents. Such a shame. I'm pleasantly surprised he still keeps these around." Dumbledore took out some pictures from the very bottom of the stack, perhaps the ones James didn't want to remember and prayed that burying them into the bottom, that he may never recover them and somehow, completely forget.

Her outrage and anger faded almost instantly as the aging Headmaster of the school held up a stack of pictures. But Lily looked into Albus' eyes and saw the sorrow that engulfed them. As if he had wished none of this ever happened.

She walked a little closer to see the faces in the small rectangluar square. It was an old picture, perhaps even before James was even born. His mother smiled and waved but Lily only got a glance of the picture before Dumbledore settled it back where he found it.

At the bottom depth.

"Who are you making him fight against?" Lily questioned. Dumbledore calmly explained again with his back turned as he gazed intently out the window.

"Death Eaters, all of them."

Death Eater? She had never even heard such a thing.

"You are just using him! Like a soldier for your battles!?" Lily's anger resurfaced but he continued his explanation.

"It is foolish and absurd but while some simply hope for peace, there will always be others who want the exact opposite." The old man kept talking, as if he didnt notice her explosion.

He turned his head slowly to see her reaction but reestablished his gaze back to the dark night stars when she didn't utter a single vowel.

"Perhaps they found it extremely inconvenient that a man such as myself and James' father who promoted total pacificism was in their way of their ideals. Perhaps even dangerous. But in either case, peace in the wizarding world, let alone any world, does not last long."

With a slight pause to recollect his thoughts on how best to continue, he spoke again.

"Yes, his family was killed to strengthen their support. You see, Miss Evans, he had wanted a war all along. People who promoted peace are in his way of dictating the Earth."

_War? He? _

Dumbledore removed his glasses and wiped them on his sleeves, taking another momentary pause in the one-way conversation.

"Voldemort. That's his name. Believe it or not, I taught him here in this same, exact school. What is even worst in my list of committed sins is that I actively recruited him myself here to Hogwarts when he was just a young boy. Oh, how the tables have turned. If only I had not sought him out. If only I let him be in that orphanage. If only I could have seen the evil and wrong in him. If only..."

Sighing, he recontinued, "We didnt want to believe it. We couldnt believe humanity was so foolish. That someone who actually _want _a war."

"It's not your fault, sir." Lily reasserted. Lily knew what a kind man Dumbledore was.

His only weakness was that he saw the good in others.

So much so that it often blinded him from the truth.

"Oh, but it is." Albus said gloomly. "Future generations will look back upon this era and sure, they will not blame me, but should we succeed, I will have to live with the guilt that none of this would have ever had happened. That no lives should have been lost..."

Though his back was still turned, she knew he was letting a tear go down his cheek from the sound of his voice which still sounded shockingly determined and focused without cracking.

"James is a kinder person than you would think, even more so then me. Don't let his exterior fool you. He is actually a kind person inside. Though the life as he knows it is gone as well as his family, he still does not blame me. Not once, he has never held contempt against me."

Oddly enough for this situation which included Lily Evans seeing one of the bravest and wisest man she had ever knew in Dumbledore, she was also watching this very man lose it emotionally as he let a tear stream down his face, but the shocker came when he laughed.

Chuckling softly, he continued, "On the contrary, he fights _for _me."

Lily gave an awkward half-smile but didn't know whether to hand him a tissue or perhaps make him stop his story so he would be able to gather himself up.

"I am such a coward. _So selfish!_ I allow James to do what I could not. He is going against his father's pacifist views and ideals to achieve our goals. He is willing to do what I could not, to take a life. All in order for a peaceful future."

Lily could sense he was done so she raised another question.

"Why does James have to take on such an enormous task? Why should he be responsible for doing all that by himself?"

"We have no choice."

Dumbledore left that sentence in the air before restating,

"He understands the suffering the citizens _will _be facing. He will do all he can to safe others from it."

"But still!?"

"So why did you tell me all this?" What could Dumbledore gain from telling her this information?

"Is it because I'm too close to him? Or is it because I'm a Muggle-born?"

"No, not at all. It is because you now have the same look in your eyes as James did." Dumbledore answered. "His heart and mind are both set to his mission at hand. He won't give up no matter the cost. Failure for him is not an option."

"James is actually a kind hearted young man." His sorrow from the moment before had disappeared and he now sounded cool and relaxed as usual.

"Yes, I know that." Lily confirmed.

He began walking out of the room but as soon as he hit the doorway, he stopped.

"James is very dedicated to his mission. Stay away from him, _if you value your life_."

_**Final Heaven**_

"I can't do this." He said.

She didnt say anything.

Holding onto him like a dream that would evaporate and fly away if she even loosened her grip. Maybe if she held onto him and didnt change a thing, then nothing would change. It would be engraved into her memory.

"This is wrong." He forced.

"What is?" She buried her head into his chest and underneath his head.

"Everything."

"Not again." She wanted to say more but a sob was caught in her throat.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear.

"Go, I'll be fine."

"I really am, I just-"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"I promise it won't be the last then." He kissed her on forehead lightly before slowly backing up, giving her a goofy smile as he snapped his finger and pointed it at her before turning his back on her. She gave a quick laugh while she watched him leave, again.

James returned to his room but was surprised to find him already there.

"Sir-?"

_**Final Heaven**_

Lily heard a voice from outside the door.

"Ah, just the man I was looking for."

"Now?" James pondered aloud but his attention was redirected when he saw a figure from behind Dumbledore.

She knew she shouldn't have but her curiousity and absolute lack of care and worry overtook her.

"Hey, Lily."

She couldn't say anything after hearing his story. Only muttering a simple 'hi' but she doubt James heard it so she just nodded in acknowledgement.

"Hmm." Dumbledore hummed as he turned around and as if realizing she was suddenly there.

The Headmaster had an interesting look upon his face. A twink in his eye. Almost mischieveous but all-knowing...

Dumbledore was coming up with something. But before she knew it, the look was gone, his eyes faded away, he turned back to James.

"Let us be on our way now." He calmly said.

With a stern nod, James walked out.

Lily watched as the two men walked out from her lonely spot. She wondered what they were up to tonight. Would James be sent on a suicide mission again? Or were they simply talking about casual things like the weather?

"Night, Lily." James said.

"Why don't you join us, Miss Evans?" Dumbledore said as soon as James bid her goodnight.

"What!?" Both Lily and James exclaimed.

Short and long since my last update, i know but i've been too busy between school and work

Spellcheck seems messed up my my computer now so try to guess if i messed up somewhere


	28. Will Settle For A Life Less Frightening

"Now I must go pick up something from my office first." Dumbledore began walking casually.

Before she knew what was happening, Dumbledore was already out the dormitory and on his way as James sprinted back out to stop him.

"You can't do this." James said sternly.

"Why can't I, James?"

"She's just going to be a liability." James debated but Dumbledore kept on walking swiftly.

"No, she can handle herself."

Of course she could! Lily thought to herself with confidence and felt a wave of gratitude towards Dumbledore for believing in her abilities.

But she couldn't ignore how offended she was at James' remark. He was talking as if she wasn't there. She wasn't just a helpless person with a wand and the knowledge of some harmless spells. She could probably beat him in a duel...

For a minute, James seemed disgruntled, his gaze wandered around from the floor to the ceiling but the times that scared and worried Lily the most was when he looked back upon Lily who was following them from behind closely. Only because of Dumbledore's orders.

"How much did you tell her?"

Dumbledore stopped in his tracks immediately, almost in mid-stride. Any other mortal would have stumbled over themselves. In fact, Lily had almost bumped into James back but stomped on the brakes to prevent a bad scenario.

"Are you worried about her, James?"

"What, I-"

"Lemon drops." Dumbledore whispered to his office door.

"Or are you worried that she will be in your way?"

James grew a little wiser this time around and chose to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm not getting any younger, James. There must be others. It cannot just be me and you."

"Alright. You're right." James said slowly, calming down. "I just hope you find the right people."

"Here." Dumbledore had opened one of his desk drawers and used his wand to slowly pull out a raggedly looking rag that looked much like a worn out shirt. It was dirty and stained from the gruesome look of it as he placed it carefully on his desk. A little too careful for something so worthless. Why would James need such an old shirt?

"You can't get the Minister to get you something a little more, _fancy_?" James said with a chuckle that caused Dumbledore to smile as well.

"It'll take you close but you still have a trek in front of you. Contact me if you need assistance, you know how to reach me."

The Headmaster's smile slowly disappeared and a grim expression of fear but confidence filled his features.

"Try to bring it back. Intact this time. It will be activated again sometime next week."

It? What the hell were they talking about.

"Do me a favor, Lily." James said.

"What is it?"

"Stay out of it. It doesn't concern you." He wished of her before grabbing the shirt on the desk as he vanished instantly. It was a portkey!? It was perhaps the only way for anyone to magically teleport out of the school grounds.

"Oh but it does, James. It does." Dumbledore mentioned quietly, almost to himself when he left.

"Where did you send him?" Where was his next task? Who was he going to kill? What was he planning on bringing back?

"To scout a location we have been eyeing for a while now. It contains something to help our side win. When the time is right we'll retrieve it. And find a way to destroy it. He can be reckless at times. He might even go against my orders and get rid of it right there."

He then droned on in his speech but slowly drifted into a lighter tone, until she couldnt hear him anymore. He seemed to be muttering something to himself, lost deep in his own thoughts. The Headmaster began pacing his office back and forth.

"Are you two dating?" Dumbledore asked without reason.

"Wha-? What do you mean, Professor?" Lily said, off balance.

"Nevermind. He still cares for you then. Hmm. Peculiar, peculiar indeed."

Lily's face flushed automatically. Feeling stupid for hearing an old man, especially her Headmaster and professor talk about her relationships. But she gave it a quick thought. Did he still? Was there still hope for her? She could still get him?

"For someone with nothing to lose, he still has something to keep him going. Strange..."

Lost deep in his own thoughts once more he got up and drew his wand and tapped the temple of his head and took out a strand of his memory as he placed it into his pensieve.

Was this a really such a big deal that he would have to somehow come back to this point in time to revisit it?

"I have been actually contemplating forming some kind of organization to fight this growing threat. A sort of 'Dumbledore's Army' if you will." He laughed at his own remark.

"Sir, why didn't you-, _we_, go with James?"

"I?" He said smoothly and she whole-heartedly wished she hadn't let it slip out of her mouth. "I have already told you, Miss Evans. I am too much of a coward. I stay here pretending I'm guarding Hogwarts while James does the dirty, real tasks for the war effort." He said as he stroked his pet Phoenix, Fawkes.

"But to answer your question, he works a lot better by himself. As he would not have to worry about other's safety, if only for the moment."

_**FH**_

Days had flown by and Lily had completely avoided James but she couldn't today.

"We can always run a cover 2." One of the players for Gryffindor said.

"Are you shitting me? Every Quidditch player in the world and their mom runs a Cover 2 defense." James argued. "That's why you don't start this year."

Lily found that sentence to be very offensive. He had just told an aspiring Gryffindor player why he didn't make the team's starting lineup. As captain, shouldn't he be motivating them imstead of just bringing them down?

Surprisingly, the boy laughed at James' remark. He seemed to look up to James and respect his opinion and judgement. He was a natural born leader.

In either case, she didn't know what she was doing at the moment. They had gone up to the library to go a little tutoring, essays and homework, talk about Head duty stuff and now apparently Quidditch strategy after a young 2nd year Gryffindor came to Lily and James' regular window side table in the library.

"As long as I'm captain, we are running a Cover Zero. Quidditch is a game of matchups and we got the size and skill this year to take any team on."

"You won't drop 2 people back for deep pass coverage?" The rookie continued.

"Did you talk to Sirius about this?" James said, starting to get a little annoyed.

"No I haven't. He's not on the team is he?"

"He is the defense coordinator, he'll give you the team's playbook."

Lily had no idea just how involved Black actually was in the team. Learning something new everyday...

"We'll practice play-action draws next week and Strong Overload variations from goaline formation and maybe some halfback flats if we got the time-" James droned on and Lily's attention disapparated.

Sport talk just bored her but she could sense just how much James loved it. She looked to her left where he was situated and his voice was slowly fading out of her hearing but she could still see his lips move. Though her imagination and memories still reminded her just how perfect his voice sounds. Deep baritone that sent shivers down her spine and left a lump in her throat so she would be left speechless. If he was tired, a hint of a husky tone inscribed itself onto his tongue and drove her into a caring mood. She even onced offered to do his patrolling shift so he could get some sleep. The way his throat moved and twitched was strangely exotic as if she had never seen it before, like an undiscovered new species. He even laughed a few times when the young boy made a witty comment or suggestion. Even his laugh was carefully cartographed by the Head girl who admired it. If someone made a joke, there was always that slight hesitation with almost a  
snickering laugh before he let it out. He had a laugh that was contagious, the one that made her want to emulate herself, especially if he was there with her so they could share the same laugh over the same joke. After a while, he took his Transfiguration notes from todays class and turned it over backwards and began sketching X's and O's with arrows indicting which way they were suppose to go. The redhead wasn't literate in sports but knew that each symbol was basically a player and the sketch was a designed play. But it didn't interest her. She only stared at the way he drew. The way he would sometimes twirl his quill in a circular motion between his index and middle finger subconsciously.

Unbeknownst to the two males who were practically ignoring Lily, she was actually daydreaming and not studying as she reminiscied on how she fell for the now almost unsocial guy next to her. There was that time last year where burst open through the compartment door in the train on the say back home to King's Cross hoping to get Lily to say 'Yes' before the summer so they could possibly meet up during the summer. Nope that wasn't it. Or that time where she slapped him for pulling a prank by dying her hair blonde? Nah. The week before leaving for school at Daligon Alley in the book store? That was the only time she saw him during the summer and he didn't even notice her looking his way. Fast forward some more. Or was it how mature he acted during their first head student and prefect meeting? Rewinding. Or was when she...

Lily Evans blushed quickly and took her hand and covered her cheek that was facing James side and turned her head away. Could it be so simple? She remembered how good he looked when she barged into the compartment door as he was changing, all her lady-like manners thrown out the moving trains windows.

How the fuck does flying around on a fucking magical fucking broom make him look that fucking good?

The classes for the present day was over and he took off his uniform shirt wearing a simple v-neck white shirt and he looked so casual. Unlike other guys who tried so hard to look good by wearing extra small shirts to attract attention. He didn't want attention but he somehow gave off an aura that commanded it. Perhaps that was what drove a lot of girls to him. Like a contagious flu virus. She could seem him topless again...

Her attention had then reshifted to the window which was basically an always moving picture frame. There were students outside studying and basically hanging out. She even saw the occasional couple sitting under trees. Walking the lake's shallow edge. Relaxing on the multiple benches that littered the grounds like benches at a city park.

It was then, at that very moment she realized just how lonely she was.

Sure she had friends, lots of them to be with. But she never had someone to just hold and spill her every inner desire and thoughtless dreams to. She couldn't tell her closest friends some things in life. She didn't just want someone to kiss and make out in a snogging session with. She wanted something more real and true.

It was then another moment where she had an epiphany.

She was more in love with the idea of being in love than actually finding that right person.

And a quick look at James reconfirmed that notion. He was one step ahead of the game. He learned that from his lessons with Lily after 6 horrible years of heart shattering misery. A slow learner but a learner that got the moral of the lesson nonetheless. Lily bit down on her lip in regretful remorse and agony.

Then the memories of the other night crashed her like a wave on the defenseless beach. He had a girlfriend now. Lily was now officially one of those 'boyfriend-stealers' that she despised ever so much. But she didn't care, like a lot of things this year, she just lost interest with no reason.

"Alright then, man. You keep this up and I'll recommend you a spot on the starting lineup next year."

James held up his right hand up, the boy took it eagerly and gave James a friendly, brotherly hybrid of a handshake and a high-five. Knowing the influence James had on the Quidditch, he must have known that James' words was the law in the Gryffindor locker room.

"Thanks, James!" He yelled and the stern, commotion-loathing libarian gave him a glare which caused him to return to his original seat and dipped his face in the book.

"He really looks up to you." Lily noted.

She had seen first hand how much the whole team did. Like he was an older brother to them.

"Yeah, isn't it just great?" He responded with heavy sarcasm. "Like I'm a God or some shit-"

His attention was caught by something in the background in the library.

Sarah was there, almost half of the whole large room away looking for the right book. She walked gracefully, her lips pulled to one side in deep concentration as she traced one finger along the spine of the books down the entire aisle. She did it for the top entire middle level shelf but couldn't find what she wanted so she busted a 180 degree turn and made her way back again, determined and sure that the book she wanted was in this very aisle and shelf. It was then that she realized someone was watching her for the past minute. As she retraced her steps down the aisle, she was making her way down towards the Head students and her sixth sense caused her to look at the place she felt instinctively that someone watched her from. Her eyes locked with James for a split second.

But a lot was communicated in that brief emotional connection they shared.

Sarah contorted her focused face into a shy smile and even raised her hand up to her waist altitude and almost gave a wave in greeting gesture but thought better of it and after a fraction of a second in which she gave a meager flick, she put it back down to her waist. Looking for a distraction she turned back to the bookcase and simply grabbed a random book and left, out of view to a table that was also hidden in the other side of the room. The book she took wasn't even on the same shelf she had previously traced her fingers along...

James chuckled softly.

"What a dork." He jokingly breathed in an adoring tone.

Lily silently agreed but she was calmer than Lily. The redhead would have probably walked off 'into' the direction of the bookcase and knock it over, causing a domino effect...

Damn, why was she always making the worst-case scenario for herself!

"She likes you, ya' know." She had no idea why she just said that. Maybe just to break the neutral feeling silence but surprised herself even more when she continued. "Wait, did you guys get together during the dance?"

"What? No. Where the hell do these lies come from..." James voice started fading during his final words as he realized the gossipping power the school body had. Not to mention he was standing outside in full view of any wandering eyes with her as they shared a brief-

"Why don't you go ask her out then?" What in the pocket of Merlin's pants was she doing? She was encouraging him to be taken? Away from her? To her rival?

"That would only give them leverage to use against me. I'm crazy, Lily. Not stupid. They have enough targets without me adding another to the list." He whispered, as if there were any death eaters in the library that would overhear him.

Is that why he was so afraid of being attached? Of committment? Out of protection? Fear?

Then in that case, no one had a chance at him...

_**FH**_

November always brought with it heavy cold and wind. But Lily didn't mind, in fact she thrived in it. Winter was her favorite season. The snow was the best part. She didn't mind the cold at all, she would rather freeze to death than burn to death anyway. Summer heat of extremely hot days drove her crazy. There were summers in which she wanted to break the underage magic law and use her powers to tamper with the air conditioning in her parent's house, maybe possibly enchant her room into an igloo or something crazy like that. When people said 'Oh what a nice day it is' and the simple act of going outside would cause you to sweat always bothered her. She never could understand how people could say things like that. Or maybe she was simply living in the wrong place.

Maybe an emigration to Anartica was in her future life plans but even that was a little extreme.

In either case, she felt content with where she was at the moment. Surrounded by fellow Gryffindors of all ages and winter's chilling embrace. She didn't understand the rules, let alone what James was suppose to be even doing as a player in the game but rooted, hollared and cheered enthusiastically along with the people who were in the same house as her. The energy took over her and she joined in the booing when a player on the other team scored or when the referee was making bad penalty calls. The Gryffindors were biased in Lily's eyes as they seemingly 'always' booed and cursed angrily when the referee called a penalty on their team. She had a feeling the otherside was doing the same as well.

A timeout had been called and Lily saw James in the air with his teammates in a huddle discussing the game.

"What the fuck was that, Jason? Get back in the set and don't give up the intermediate route." James said in a raised tone to overcome the crowd's noise but with no anger at all.

"That bitch is fast, she's splitting the screens I'm setting up too easy. She's getting interceptions like candy on Halloween." The one named Jason said as he nudged his head towards the other team's huddle.

"Damn she looks good when she isn't beating me on the fake post routes." He continued.

James turned his head and saw her blowing Jason a kiss.

"Get your head back in the game." James gave him a soft slap in the back of the head to wake him up, even though James was smaller than him. "If we lose it's because you can't cover her. Most of their points is her's. They are exploiting that."

"JAMES!" A voice had shouted from below.

The huddle looked down to see Sirius Black waving furiously with a clipboard with various notes and designed plays.

As one they all dove towards the ground and stopped in midair before they crash landed in the grassy turf. James was the only one who dismounted to better see what Sirius was talking about.

"You gotta play zone coverage. They got a squad this year, man. You can't match them up with one on one coverage anymore. Jason's getting murdered up there by that by hottie."

As Sirius said that Jason held out his fist and Sirius only laughed and bumped it with his own as Jason said "Yeah! I told them she looked good!"

Sirius always loved a good 'hot babe moment.'

"Just shadow her. Stay close to her and just focus on following her every move. Keep her out of the game. We'll do the rest." James ordered. "Marcus, stop swinging that bat like a damn troll, you dumbass. No more penalties. No extra, right on the line, it's a fine line. The refs are aware of that."

"That's fucking impossible, you try to keep up with her!" Jason complained as Marcus nodded to show his understanding.

"Just get at her. Ask her out to Hogsmeade or some dumb shit-" The goalie suggested.

"Wesley's a fucking genius. Alright let's do this."

Wesley sighed, "Just make sure you hug her up. So close that she wouldn't be able to breath without smelling your nasty self and we'll be fine."

"Sirius, call another timeout if it doesn't work." James said as he mounted his broom.

Sirius merely nodded.

"Let's go get one, fellas." James encouraged as he gave his teammates slaps on the back and bumped fists with others.

He had to get his teammates back into the zone. To put their game face on. They had taken the lead early on and dominated for most of the game but now in the final stretch, their opponents had made a scoring run, completely shutting down Gryffindor's offense while intensifying their own. Now they were down by 4 scores...

Clutch time.

He couldn't get the snitch yet, they would need to at least tie the game up first. Following the other team's seeker like a hawk stalks his prey, he made sure that if he couldn't capture the snitch, than no one else would either...

"Nice weather we're having isn't it?" James rode up side by side to the seeker.

"My name's James Potter, I love hiking and outdoor sports, come on, we got to get to know each other." James lied.

James knew he was trash talking but if he could get into his head...

"So you're the new seeker, eh? I'm talking to you big fella." James mocked the 3rd year who wasn't big at all.

His opponent continued to ignore but James knew what he was doing was working as he noticed the guy was simply drifting around in the air. Easily intimidated. He was an obvious rookie. Any other skilled and experienced seeker would at least throw others off guard by pretending they found it by focusing and speeding up. But the rookie only continued to make rookie mistakes by flying around aimlessly.

James turned his head around and looked at the scoreboard and found that his team was only 1 score from tying up the-

There! As if he had wished for it from a genie, the score for Gryffindor shot up to what he had wanted it to be! He would have to commend his team later.

But then something else caught his eye.

A flicker of gold caught his eye. He originally thought it was his mind playing tricks on him. An optical illusion the scoreboard caused as the lights changed as the numbers of the score changed. But he was sure of it.

Could it really be that simple...

With nothing to lose and only a win to gain, he burst towards the scoreboard. He sent his broom into overdrive. Popping the clutch and shifting into a hidden gear he didn't know it possessed.

He was going to end this game. He could see a hard fought win in his mind. That 'W' was already on his teams ranking to him. He could taste victory. He could smell a celebratory party. He could hear the sound of that very-

WHOOSH!

His instincts felt a bludger coming and he immediately did a barrel roll but felt the angry bludger clip the back of his broom. There was no time to look back. Not when the prize was right in front of him.

Just an arms length away now...

But something was wrong. He was slowing down. No. Not now. Why did his loyal and trusty broom give up now!?He won many a games on this broom. Making tons of spectacular catches and saves. Why now? Why couldn't it malfunction and fail after he gets the golden winged ball.

But it was alright. It was all good. He was still going fast enough. But it would just take a little longer.

His main fear was that he was coming too close to the scoreboard. He trusted his abilities. He would simply lean forward and grab the golden snitch then pull up right before colliding with the board.

Easy.

He's done drills and ran imitated situations such as these. Things like this were second nature. His reflexes would take care of the rest.

CLACK!

The unmistakeable sound of a beater batting a bludger.

It was a great and smart play. Quidditch fundamentals. If the seeker is close to acquiring the snitch, hit bludgers at him. Mess him up. Do whatever it takes to throw he or she off.

James glanced back quickly at the bludger and calculated it's trajectory. He wouldn't have much time. The book 'Quidditch Through The Ages,' which he has read hundreds of times states that the seeker should abandon the chase and avoid the bludger or risk injuree and try again.

But with his broom giving up on him he didn't have much choice. There was no way he could keep up with the opponents own seeker with his broom in this shape.

That gigantic scoreboard was becoming bigger and bigger as he sped closer. He never planned to come this close but distractions and malfunctions slowed him down. This was it. There was no going back. He wouldn't be able to avoid colliding with anything now...

Fuck. IT.

Albert Einstein was right.

Time was relative to the observer. When you are staring down at a huge, solid wall going redline speed directly at it, time slows down. Your thoughts become clear. Everything comes to a standstill. You can live a lifetime in that frozen moment.

Even your fear stops haunting you.

He lifted himself off the broom and stretched one hand outwards and his other gripped tightly onto his broom.

He got it! He felt it in his hand. It squirmed out of his titan grip for a milisecond before it stopped fluttering and collapsed itself in his palm.

But something was wrong.

It was the first time James had caught the snitch and there were no cheers.

Though he reached his goal, so did the bludger. He had risked it and now he would have to pay.

The bludger came at a diagonal angle from his right. Perfectly placed ball. It took out the remaining tail of his broom. Then he felt a sharp pain in his left leg after the utter destruction of his vehicle.

Something broke.

But he didn't have time to register this as his broom rocked out of control and he saw the same bludger that hit his leg go right through the scoreboard and take out a huge whole in it. Just big enough for someone to-

His broom had thrown him head first into the opening. James felt his shoulder clip a piece of the wall as he was unable to adjust himself so that he could get into the opening easier. It huffed and he was sure he seperated or at the very least dislocated the connecting tendon and bone out of it's socket.

Shit.

It hurted like hell but why was his leg registering more pain memory and sending messages of pain that had higher priority than his shoulder?

Lily watched in horror. Some students had even jumped up and stood on their seats to get a better view. Blocking her view.

It didn't last longer than 5 seconds. From the time he got the snitch to being hit to being thrown headfirst into a wall that was not meant to be breakable.

_**FH**_

"JAMES! ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE YOU SON OF A- Hey! Wake up!"

He knew that voice. He heard it just minutes before. It even yelled his name like that.

James only let out a groan.

He could hear ringing in his ears. Like bells. Just chiming away. Where was he? There weren't bells at Hogwarts Quidditch Arena...

Something ridicuously heavy was on him. If he didn't know better, he'd assume that his chest was being crushed and that his rib cages weren't doing its' duty in protecting his internal organs. It was collapsing on him. Like 2 slabs of concrete slowly pushed together like bread on a sandwich. And he was the meat.

He opened his eyes but shut them quickly after because dust had hit him in the face. Instinctively, he tried to take his hand and rub his eyes. But he had no control of either of his arms. Something heavy was pinning not just his torso but his limbs as well.

His location was dark and eerie gloomy. He had been to a place like this! He blinked a few times and could see half a dozen various silhouettes surrounding him. One was taking out something from their robes. A wand!

Seriously, where in the world was he!?

No...!

He had been captured?! How could he be so careless?!

Very well. But he wasn't going down without a fight. He never did.

He tried to feel for his hand that was closest to his robes, hopefully his wand wasn't smashed in the collision...

They were trying to lift the slab that held him down. So they can take him as prisioner and pump him for information to be used against innocent people?

Fools.

He would kill them all. He would take revenge. He hoped Voldemort was there amongst them. Finally. It is as it should have been...

He was freed. His hand quickly found his wand. Weeks and months of always being on the guard to defend himself against ambushes heightened his sense of awareness.

Who were his enemies? The ones that were after his life. All of them. He would take them all out...

One of them was kneeling above his head and his obscured vision and faulty hearing blinded him. All he could see was that person had a wand pointed at his throat...

"CORPUS IMMOB-" James roared with lightning speed he had already grabbed his wand as soon as he reclaimed movement in his limbs and mustered whatever remaining energy he had and pointed his wand at a group in front of him.

"WOAH! Relax!" That same recognizable voice had shouted again but this time the owner of the voice had grabbed his wrist and swiftly disarmed him.

"No wands for you right now." That same voice said again. But all he could hear was that same chiming of many bells going off at different alotted times mixed in with some human voices. The voices were faint and drowned out by the annoying bells.

Damnit!

He messed up. He fucked up. He saw his wand light up red at the tip in front of him but he was unable to finish casting as someone had beat him to the punch by disarming him.

Before he knew it, that same person took his arm, the one he held the wand in but also the one in which he felt he dislocated in the crash around his shoulders and hauled him up.

The bells were slowly disappearing.

"Did he get it!?" A masculine voice asked aloud.

Get what?

The person who was hauling him up pulled on his hurt arm which in turn only put more strain on his shoulder and James let out a suppressed groan.

He mustn't show weakness to his enemies. They would torture him if they-

"Fuck you, kid. Who cares if he got it or not."

That voice. It was a friend. Sirius Black?

His sentence was somehow amplified. As if through a speaker system...

The pain had caused James to release his other hand which held the snitch and it fell out and hit the floor with a dull thud.

"He got it! James Potter caught it. Gryffindor wins!" This time he heard a massive cheer that reverberated throughout the building he was in it.

"Watch out. Move it." Sirius shouted at the crowd that was forming to see what was going on.

James got the sense someone was following him.

"Is he okay, Black. He looks unconscious." James heard over the speaker system.

"Fuck off, damnit." Sirius repeated.

For some reason James heard Sirius then his voice would seemingly echo and sound even louder over the intercom.

James looked to his left and saw a young student who was probably the annoucer for the game holding his wand below Sirius' mouth to get his perspective on the situation.

A post-game interview if you will...

Next thing he saw was a woman with unruly hair and bizarre hairdo just snatch the wand from that kid-

McGonagall.

It all came back to him, he slowly remembered where he was.

He saw Sirius using a free arm to recklessly push people out of the way. He was sure he saw some little 1st years get tossed aside for simply 'being in the way' as Sirius bulldozed a path through everyone regardless of student or faculty staff.

He looked backwards and couldn't believe it. He forgot that the annoucing booth station was situated next to the scoreboard. Sirius was coaching the game from there and was able to reach him quickly.

They were right outside the Gryffindor locker room now, he could see it.

He would have to thank Sirius later. If he wasn't there, James might have lost it and-

"You idiot, you almost took out everyone in that room."

Nevermind. He already knew. There was no need.

_**FH**_

After most of the crowd had went back into the Great Hall for dinner, Lily went into the team locker room.

As soon as she opened the door she found a weird backdrop in the setting.

James, Remus, Peter, Sirius along with a few teammates were still there. Some teammates had already taken a shower from the look of their wet hair.

Everyone was focused on something yet no one really looked at it.

Sirius held his coaching clipboard up to his face and hid his eyes behind it. Peter had his hands in his pants pockets and closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling while Remus held his forehead with a palm and looked downward at the ground.

What was going on?

James laid on the floor in front of everyone. His back was on the cold, damp floor.

He had one knee up against the wall. Both hands gripping his knee.

Lily walked a little closer beside Remus and Peter.

"What's going on, Peter?" She asked the only one who was even remotely paying attention.

He remained silent along with everyone else and Lily looked back at what James was doing. He was the only one making noises but he didn't answer Lily.

It felt like everyone in the room was holding their breath.

He was shirtless, nude from head to waist and had some athletic shorts on. He was still wet from a shower.

He had a thick, small towel in his mouth, as if trying to gag himself. His left leg that was propped against the wall in a 90 degree angle and was moving vigourously. His two hands pushed against his knee.

Before she could register the sight into her thought process, there was a loud, bone cracking noise.

James rolled over sideways and his cheek fully touched the floor as the small rag of a towel rolled out of his mouth.

"He just goes ahead and puts a broken bone back into place." Remus exclaims in shock.

"I'm gonna' have nightmares over this one." She heard Sirius sigh aloud.

James laid motionless in pain for a good minute while a few people left the room including Sirius and Peter.

He breathed heavily but calmed down before proclaiming,

"I have to put my shoulder back in."

"I'm not staying for that shit."

"Forget that." She heard a teammate agree.

"Oh, Merlin." She heard Remus say and everyone left leaving just James and Lily.

James only chuckled as everyone filed out. He was half-joking, half-serious.

"Hi." Lily got on her knees and peered over him.

He finally opened his eyes and looked up at her. Her knees were above his head. They both looked upside down to each other.

"Hi." He repeated.

"Hey." Lily greeted twice.

"Hello."

He was mocking her.

The redhead knew it! She came here to check up on him and he chooses to make fun of her!? How dare he!? She was worried sick for him when she saw him get clipped with the bludger, thrown headfirst into the board and when Sirius helped him off the field.

She slapped him in the shoulder and he flinched instantly and pulled away from her.

"Sorry!" She sqeaked. She had totally forgot the extent of his injuries duento their close proximity.

She was getting lost in his eyes again. It's been a while since she had the chance to get lost in them.

"Just playing, it's my other-Ow! Okay that actually hurted."

"Good." She said honestly.

"Meanie."

"Jerk." She said with a glare to match James'.

"Arrogant bullying toerag." He said from memory. Using the name she loved calling him.

They both spent a few blissful seconds glaring at each other before bursting into laughter.

"You okay?" She said with worry.

"I'm good."

"You sure?"

"Yeah..." He declared dreamily.

Both of their voices were breathless and husky. Only a few inches seperated their faces. Lily could smell his fresh breath that rose from him when he spoke up at her.

"What are you doing later?" James questioned.

He reached up with one hand slowly, as if she was a frightened animal that would run away if he made any sudden motion. A lock of her hair had fall over her eyes when she was laughing and it broke their eye contact.

James sought to fix that.

He slowly brushed it aside and tucked it behind her ear. His hand wandered behind her neck and the two hands that she placed on the cold floor to prop herself up for support began shaking. The hair on the back of her neck stood up from his grazing. His warm hand contrasted the cold she was feeling all around her. She was cold and practically freezing but her neck was on fire. She could feel him pulling her down.

Or was that just her drifting down towards him?

She didn't give a damn.

Fuck. IT.

She hated how slow he was moving, yet cherished every moment of it as if it could be lost in any moment. She wanted this moment to be engrained into her memory.

She wanted to come up with something witty. Like 'something with you' or 'what do you got on your mind?' but he was messing her thinking process and what came out was instantly regretted.

"I don't know."

She wished right there on the spot for someone to shoot her.

Instead, she got Dumbledore.

"Oh excuse me! I seem to be interrupting something." The Headmaster said in false embarrassment.

Lily bolted upwards into a more upright sitting posture. She panicked inside. Why Dumbledore of all people!? The one who told her to stay away from James?Why, oh why!? Why someone who she couldn't yell at in frustrated anger later on?

"Glad to see you are still alive after that crash."

James still hadn't moved which contrasted Lily who had jumped. He had only simply retracted his hand but now tuck his hands underneath his head and daydreamed into the ceiling

"You're just saying that because I would have gotten a plaque in a hallway somewhere in this castle if I died."

Dumbledore chuckled.

"And that you won't have someone to find you old family heirlooms."

Dumbledore's laugh grew louder and he turned around and left the room without another word.

The two remained speechless for a while before James broke the spell.

"There's a party waiting for us." He proclaimed.

"Yeah. There is."

Lily stood up on her feet and watched as he slowly but cautiously picked himself up. He slowly placed some pressure on his knee before it gave up on him and he fell towards the wall to hold onto something.

She was already by his side.

"You can't go anywhere in your state." She said, trying lamely to hold him up.

He didn't acknowledge her but did something that sent shivers down her spine and made her skin tremble as if she was slowly being poked with small needles. Minor stabs that didn't hurt her, but certainly was annoying and uncomfortable. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She thought he must have presumed that she was going to help him walk...

He reached into his nearby locker a clean shirt and wore it before they set out the door.

Lily made sure that she would take the long way home.

wrote this in my microeconomics class. on my phone. people must have thought i was texting. a lot.


	29. Testing Negative For Happiness

Got 2 pints of Hennessy next to me, let's get cracking!

He was a risk adverse guy. Gambling and risks were worth it if the benefits outweighed the potential loss.

James was sitting in the back of the classroom. His usual spot. There were no assigned seats but everyone in that class just knew not to sit there. Like an unwritten law.

He could see a pretty redhead sitting in the very front of the room talking animatedly with her friends. It was obviously not schoolwork that their discussion was about.

He had almost kissed her the other day.

That wasn't worth the risks. The price just wasn't worth it.

It all came back to him like a song that was stuck in his head.

He was looking up into her eyes. She always attracted him. Always pulled him towards like a leash and commanded his attention. James could sense it, unless his emotions were betraying him again. He always wanted her. But he didn't go for it. She was letting him. He could have sworn that she wanted it too.

Stupid! Or was he?

Maybe it was for the best.

He planned on completely ignoring her this year. It wouldn't be hard to forget someone, to fall out of love, if you didn't see them again. Just one more fucking year and he'd never see her pretty face again. How hard could it be?

It was for the best.

But he never planned on her being Head Girl. Then again, deep in his inner thought, in the logic that was always correct but he never would admit even to himself, he knew deep down Dumbledore would pick her. It wasn't her fault, she deserved it. But why the hell did he pick James Potter of all 7th year guys for Head Boy?!

He was probably the first Head Boy selected that was never a Prefect.

Or at least the first who also carried the title of most detentions awarded...

That crazy old man, he was wise obviously but James didn't deserve it with years of detentions and trouble that his friends brought under his belt. The mayhem just wasn't worth it.

Now that was a gamble right there...

James even agreed with some teachers and students that Albus had finally lost his marbles.

If only they didn't have to share a dorm.

She had a life to live. She had never wanted him in the past anyway. So why now? Nothing had changed.

Meh...

He was always lying to himself. To get his hopes up.

Like years past where if she simply smiled at him or greeted him out of manners, he would instantly assume she was fond of him as he was of her.

He wasn't that ignorant anymore.

She didn't slap him, yell at him or even hate him anymore for that matter, but it was probably cause he avoided her and she tried desperately to make their awkward relationship work.

Lily Evans was just too damn nice.

She had patched him up after Remus had tore him up, helped him back into Head's room the other night after his knee injury and even tried getting along with his friends.

James silently wished that if she were to get married, then that guy would hopefully treated her just half as much as she cared for others.

But then why did he still see himself in that mysterious man's shoes...

There was still a lot he could learn in life.

She really went out of her way to take care him. And that was the main reason he couldn't be with her.

She was growing closer and closer to him as the year went flying by.

Or was this him dreaming the impossible dream again? Lying up imaginary scenarios to give him hope to live on.

Scoffing in utter disgust at himself, he looked away from the back of her head and stared at his desk and blank parchment that was supposed to be his notes.

He never took notes. James Potter didn't need it, acing the tests without studying and his memory of lectures for homework and essays hadn't once failed him in 6 years.

He looked back up front. Class was basically over. McGonagall was talking to a few students individually as she finished her lesson early today with 10 minutes left. It was the last class of the day before dinner but she wasn't the type of teacher to let kids out early.

He was bored.

He hated boredom. It was worse than torture. Boredom caused him to think. And being bored too often made him think too much.

Everyone was talking to their friends but he didn't want to interact with others right now. He was the only guy in the room who simply sat in the class alone waiting patiently for the bell.

Sarah was in the class too. Talking to the professor about her work or something..

Maybe that was why she appealed to him as well. She was a worker and didn't simply ace tests to get by school but worked hard. Picking up even extra credit when her grade was already hitting the ceiling. Yet, she still had time to have fun, as if she wasn't always working in the library all the time.

He couldn't put her in harm's way either. She was destined to become successful at whatever she wanted to do in the future. She just had it in her. He was sure of it. A rare ability. When you wake up in the morning, you either have that desire or you don't. She brought it every day.

He would never be able to be with someone unless he was willing to see them get hurt, or worse...

So basically, never.

But he still couldn't help not comparing the two.

Lily or Sarah?

Identical almost. They were both great people who he had slight crushes on.

Sarah was always there picking him up. His anchor that kept him going. During the times Lily would reject him and somehow she'd be there healing his wounds.

He looked back at Lily and honestly forgot why he liked her in the first place.

She was always mean to him, just terrible. But right now she was laughing and conversing happily. He didn't let her present state fool her, she was a downright bitch back in the day and he would never forget that but-

Without warning, she turned around and stared right at James. She must have felt someone watching her!

Fucking idiot! Why'd he have to stare blankly in her direction!? He was daydreaming but it just 'happened' to be where she was!

She gave him a brief smile and waved.

Fuck!

The action caused the other girls she was talking to at the moment to turn to James direction to see what Lily was looking at.

James quickly stared at his blank parchment again and took his hand and held his forehead, as if reading his notes carefully but hoped they wouldn't see his nervous, blushing face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as the bell had rung, he packed his things and tried to leave the class as fast as possible before giving Lily the chance to confront him.

Speak of the devil. She was already on her way towards the door and happened to be passing his aisle. The door was in the back of the room of course but he couldn't help notice that she took a longer route and was the only one who went that way. As if she wanted to pass him on the way out for a quick word.

He took a second out to curse himself for not cleaning up early like everyone else did, like Lily. It was costing him those precious few seconds that he would have otherwise used to flee the room.

"Hey, James."

He only gave her a quick smile before returning to packing up.

"What are you up to?" She asked mostly out of politeness.

"Not much." He casually acted.

"You want to work on that homework project later tonight."

"I don't know, I'll see. I might have something to do first." He said smoothly but inside, he hoped for a quick getaway.

"Well what are you doing right now?"

"I thought I would go to the hall for some-"

He regretted his choice of words instantly. From the tone of her last few sentences, she seemed determined to do something with him for some reason and if she was even remotely paying attention, she would use his bad choice of words back on him.

"Oh okay, dinner."

Wait for it...

He was actually planning on sneaking out to Hogsmeade for a drink after a long day to recollect himself.

"You want some company?"

Yup. She caught him....

Wow. She really is persistent...

But you have to be persistent if you want anything out of life..

"Fine." He said dully, his plans for the night ruined...

"Are you okay?" She seemed to be asking him that a lot lately.

No. Leave me alone...

He wanted to say that, but what instead came out of his body language was a simple shrug that she interpretted as a yes.

Together they walked through the school grounds not saying much to each other.

James was starting to find her boring. Or maybe that was just due to his refusal to respond back with more than just a one word answer.

On the way, they walked by a lot of students going their own way until one of them stopped James.

"Hey! Potter!" A voice he never heard before called out.

He was half running towards James.. He wasn't taller than James but definitiely a bigger, burly looking guy. Who the hell is this guy?

James had his left hand holding his schoolbag over his shoulder and his wand hand inside his pocket where his wand also resided.

He gripped his wand from inside his robes in anticipation...

"Hey man, I'm sorry about hitting that bludger at you."

He loosened his grip.

"Oh that was you?"

"Yeah, my bad about that. It was-"

"Nah, don't worry about it. That was the best bludger I had come my way." James praised him and this stranger beamed instantly and warmed up from his shaky, worried posture.

"Really!?" He said, a little too excited.

"Yeah."

"If it was good then it would have made you give up on that play. Why'd you go for it, man? You're crazy."

James Potter had nothing to lose. That's why...

Instead, he just said, "Must have not seen it coming."

James could tell the Beater didn't believe him but in either case, shook his hand and walked off in his own path.

"I don't like that guy. He could have killed you, James."

He half-heartedly wished he did...

"Too bad he didn't." James mumbled, actually saying what was on his mind this time.

"What!?" She had grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop.

He turned to look at her and she was and worried from his attitude. He hadn't planned on her hearing him.

Overreacting much?

"I'm kidding." He lied.

She didn't buy it.

But she wouldn't get a chance to add anything when they entered the Great Hall.

They sat down next to a few 1st years who were eyeing them strangely. A little too much staring...

"'Sup." James said casually at the group and they instantly returned to their dinner.

He scouted the food in front of him automatically and made for the grilled chicken. He had to wait for one of the first years before getting a hold of it himself. He had to stand up off his bench seat to reach the platter because the little 1st year had placed it back down closer to him but farther from Lily and James perspective. James made a frustrated face and grew a little annoyed at the youngster but ignored it because he was too hungry to care. He finally got it and made to put some on his plate. When he sat back down holding his plate, he stared at his plate...

Lily was piling carrots, lettuce and other vegetables he couldn't name onto his tray.

What. The. Fuck.

"Um, what are you doing, Evans?" He said, using her surname and he noticed she flinched a little at his choice of names.

"You don't eat enough vegetables." Lily stated simply.

He instantly lost interest in her.

Where was Sarah when he needed her?

"This is your plate now." James said as he piled the meat onto her plate and swapped dishes. He didn't eat enough veggies? Why was she watching what he was eating? Who cares...?

She didn't protest or say a word. But he knew how stubborn she could be.

Chewing on some meat, he felt her tapping on his shoulder.

"Potter."

Back to last name terms again, huh?

He turned to see what she wanted but was instead greeted with a carrot on his cheek.

She had held a fork inches from his face and he only fell for the trap as he turned right into it.

James glared at her mockingly. But this only caused her to treat him like a baby.

"Open up, Jamie."

"What are you, my mom? I'm not-"

Lily had taken the opportunity with his opened mouth to shove the orange colored vegetable into his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full.."

James was taken back for a moment but chewed and swallowed it before turning to his meal without another word.

It wasn't that he hated vegetables, they were okay but when presented with choices, he would rather not eat it. It was like going to buffets and only eating bread instead of prime rib.

Sirius, Remus and especially Peter would understand him.

She spent most of the meal feeding him and not really eating much herself. She had scooted closer to him after he initially refused. He could feel her thigh touching his. Sometimes her elbow would rest on his shoulder. Her proximity kept him silent. Nearby students were watching them oddly but neither of them cared.

It wasn't like they were dating.

More like a couple that argued often.

"Hey, Captain." One of his teammates greeted.

"Whud'up?" James said with a full mouth. He couldn't keep up with Lily's pace.

"I was wondering if we got pract- Why is she feed-?" The Quidditch player asked after watching Lily squeeze another carrot between his half willing lips.

"Don't ask." James said but Lily only laughed.

"It looks like it might rain, are we still going to have practice?" Another one of his players came up from behind him and asked with a biscuit in her hands.

James looked up at the enchanted ceiling. The magical roof and ceiling were enchanted like a 2 way mirror so that one could see the conditions outside.

It did look ominous.

"We'll see. It's not like all our games will be in good weather conditions." He could see the disappointed looks as their faces dropped at the thought of another training session in a possible storm.

"If it rains, it's optional and not mandatory." James added.

He could feel them brighten up instantly around him like rays of radiating sunlight. He could still feel it after they left to go tell other people on the team the 'good' news.

James didn't care anymore. He felt his team was just too good this year. They played with each other for a few years and had good chemistry. Talent and chemistry was all they really needed, not practice. The Gryffindors probably didn't even need to practice and still be able beat everyone. But he planned on going undefeated this season to finish up his last year. A feat never accomplished and he hoped to put a big plaque and trophy of this accomplishment in the halls so future generations could look back at it. The team really was too good, he knew some players had been actively recruited by professional teams and done private workouts for the scouts. James couldn't be happier for them. There were talks of his players being drafted in high picks in drafts when they graduate from Hogwarts. He now knew how teachers and parents felt when they trained and raised people up to see them become sucessful.

James Potter himself was interviewed by prospective teams and national teams. He still has that copy of "Quidditch Illustrated" where he was on the cover as the projected 1st overall pick and future Hall of Famer. But he wasn't interested. He didn't want a future in professional sports.

He had retribution to deal out first...

"That was nice of you." Lily complimented.

He hoped it would rain too actually. He liked the rain because no one would be outdoor and he'd be alone. But he'd probably still practice. Mainly because he had nothing to do tonight. No school work due tomorrow. No patrolling. Dumbledore hadn't asked for anything done lately.

Which was odd.

Hopefully Albus wasn't waiting for Voldemort to make a move first. Though James wouldn't rule it out of possibility.

It was his style but not James'.

It was more like James to just go straight for their throat. To end it quickly before things escalated farther. Before others got hurt.

"Well, I'll be in the library if it does rain. So if no one shows up, maybe we can get a headstart on that essay?"

"Sure, whatever." He answered without looking at her, still lost in his thoughts.

He felt her body get up and leave. It was hard not to notice it as she was so close and touching him during the whole time that it felt almost normal.

Like a finished jigsaw puzzle. Maybe that was why he felt so incomplete now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James had left the Great Hall and stopped at his dorm to change and drop off his school things before heading out to the field.

He felt weird. It was the first time in years where he didn't go to training without his trusty broom. That same old model that helped him win many a games. People had suggested he get a newer, faster, more manueverable mount but he was too used it. It always turned a little to the left if he sped up but over the years he automatically learned to counter it by leaning against it. New brooms would only mess him up.

It was a shame he had to destroy it to win a game. Presently, it didn't feel like a good trade. In all honesty, it felt like a scam and he was on the bad end of a pyramid scheme. He knew he would have to buy one later to get accustom to before the next game.

As soon as he neared the hallway he knew it was raining.

Hard.

Just pouring like a waterfall. The sound of raindrops flooded the corridor and bounced off the walls in echoes. As if warning those inside the safety of the confines to stay and not go outside.

James stopped at the edge of the exit. The ground a few inches in front of his feet was wet from the seeping liquid skies. The wet pavement marked the threshold where if you cross it, you will be consumed by the storm.

He looked up at the sky and knew he would be alone. No one on the team, let alone the whole school was foolish enough to go out there.

Except James Potter.

He kept walking and rounded the arena. He made his way up to the top of the stadium and sat down at one of the sections that had a overhead canvas to cover those underneath from things such as rain.

His boredom from the lack of training only drove him sentimental.

Why hadn't Dumbledore give him any missions lately? The aging professor wasn't going out on his own, right?

Though James wouldn't be too surprised by this.. Dumbledore had done it before out of consideration of James safety.

But right now, it wasn't just business. It was personal.

There had to be a better way to identify and retrieve the artifacts and mementos Voldemort would use for his Horcruxes...

If not, he'll just destroy everything...

~~~~~~~~~~

While James was contemplating murder, Lily was camped in the library, halfway done with an essay that wouldn't be due for 2 weeks, right before winter break.

"Who is that?" Kim said randomly as she stopped studying. "What a loser. Look at that loner, Lils."

Lily hadn't chosen her and James regular window but instead chose one that gave her the best vantage point of the Quidditch field.

Looking up from her notes and in desperate need of a break, she knew before looking that it might be James. The one fool that was out in the storm. Sure enough, there was a shadowy figure out in the distance.

She didn't want to believe it but it had to be him, probably waiting for the rest of his team.

"That's James." Lily commented.

"Is he trying to catch a cold?"

"Who cares?" Lily lied terribly.

"Go get him."

"What?"

"He is a really nice guy. I never thought I would say this but he's grown up."

Lily thought she was the only one who noticed.

"Don't just leave him out there."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She returned to her studies but couldn't help but sneak a glance at him out of the window out of peaked interest.

"I think I know you well enough to tell when something bugs you."

"Yeah, he bugs me. I hate him-"

"Not anymore.. Why don't you just talk to him?"

Kim was like a female version of Remus. A deep person who could convince you of anything and make you go against your common sense.

"He doesn't want to. He's just so hard to approach lately."

Kim had reached across the desk and shut her book loudly.

Lily felt as if Kim knew very well that the person was James before this conversation started. Only used it to lock her in a difficult position.

"Fine." Lily said, defeated.

Kim had even put away Lily's work to convince her a little more.

Lily left the library and made her way out. In all honesty she still didn't want to talk to him.

Maybe it was for the best if she left him alone and stayed out of his life.

Like Dumbledore had asked for...

She'll just bring him inside and shelter him from the cold.

She stopped at the same place James had as well, right before setting out into the cold. Lily hesitated and suddenly wished she had put on more clothes and even pondered if she should run back and change..

She tugged her robes more tightly around her and ran for it. Splashing and stomping on puddles on the way.

The noise and commotion only drew his gaze to her sight as she rapidly approached him.

Her again? Does she ever quit? Why couldn't she just let him be...?

James laughed for a moment. Now he understood how she must have felt in that very second as he watched her run with the same persistence he had in the 6 years James had bugged her.

What goes around really did come back around...

He didn't want to be here when she arrived.

Lily watched him get up and casually walk out of view into an exit.

"Damnit, James." She groaned to herself.

Lily made it into the inside of the arena and took a minute to cast a charm to dry herself but she was still a little damp.

She must have walked through the entire stadium twice, every floor and room...but he was nowhere to be found. She felt like days must have gone by.

He had eluded her again. Tired with failure, she began heading towards the main entrance.

But something caught her eye.

A large 4 legged animal was coming into a side entrance from the forest.

It was a rather majestic deer. A stag. Complete with a beautiful set of antlers. It gave off a brilliant aura of radiance but it wasn't a Patronus. It was wet and looked tired and cold.

Most likely from running away from the rain.

"Hey there." Lily felt foolish for trying to pull a Dr. Doolittle and try to communicate with an animal.

But she felt so comfortable with this graceful beast...

She dropped low to the creatures level before eventually sitting down. She spent a good minute watching it from her position and the stag didn't move as well, but watched her curiously like a stray cat in the dark.

"You must be cold. I know I'm freezing." Lily reached for her wand and after a few attempts, created an enchanted fire in the middle of the coliseum's hallway. Rubbing her hands in front of the flames, she was surprised to see the stag slowly come closer, as if drawn by the warming flames.

"We better be careful. I don't want to burn this place down.." Lily laughed.

She had no idea why she was talking to something that wouldn't respond, let alone understand her.

Lily Evans might as well talk to a wall.

As predicted the stag didn't even look at her to acknowledge her words but did eventually sit down close to the makeshift bonfire.

Animals have a natural ability to sense kindness in others.

Something most humans lack immensely.

It must have saw no threat in Lily.

"You look lost, you must be far from home. Trying to hide from the rain too, huh?"

The stag only ruffled it's fur to shake off some excess water like a dog would after a dip in the lake.

"What am I doing here?" Lily pointed to herself as if the stag had really asked her that. She then gave a deflated sigh in frustration.

For some reason, she felt comfortable talking to herself with this animal. Too comfortable...

The idea in that she could confess to something who didn't understand her, but allow her the chance to admit it and get it out enticed her.

Maybe this is why people owned pets. To divulge their confessions?

"I came out here to chase after a stupid guy. I'm so dumb. See, even you are laughing at me!"

The stag only made some clacking noise with it's hooves and ruffled it's head, never looking at Lily.

"Well if you are going to listen to me, at least have something to eat. You must be hungry too." Lily said.. "Hmm, what does your kind eat?"

Lily took out her wand and drew up a tray. After a second of deep thought and she wising she watched more "Animal Planet" or the Discovery Channel more, came up with a resolution.

"How about this?"

Flicking her wand, a pile of carrots overflowed the tray.

Lily could have sworn that the stag really did laugh at her this time. It even jumped up and touched the carrots with it's nose in closer examination before staring at Lily in ridicule.

Lily could have sworn it gave her a look that James had when she tried feeding him carrots not even an hour earlier. But it was probably just her mind messing with her as James was her current focus at the moment.

"I 'know' you aren't a rabbit! And besides, you'll like it. The guy I was looking for here had some today too! And he hates vegetables!"

The animal sniffed it hesitantly.

"Don't play with your food." She said sternly.

Lily scared herself for a moment.

She had sounded like her mother for a bit there...

The stag began eating them slowly.

Smiling contently, she asked, "By the way have you seen anyone else here? I'm looking for this guy. He's like this tall."

She lifted a hand to indicate just how high.

"Black messy hair. Bright hazel eyes. He's really cute. Walks on two legs. Was wearing a blue shirt. In a hurry, he was probably running. You couldn't have missed it."

The stag tilted it's head at her before digging into it's food.

"No? Okay..." Lily sighed.

She reached out a hand and stroked it's sides without thinking but it was slowly warming up to Lily. The stag only continued eating.

"What about you? What's your story? Do you have a girlfriend back in the forest? Running from her?" Lily laughed at her own ironic scenario.

She still massaged the stag but stopped at a rough, bumpy area in it's fur.

"You got a scar here. Did you get in a fight? You really have to be care-"

Suddenly, she remembered a wound like this...

James himself had a similar one like this one night. But for some reason it left no scar on him. It didn't make any sense.

"Nevermind. I guess I'm just being sentimental with James not around."

The stag looked up from the tray that was at her feet and gave her a questioning look. She rubbed it's head gently as she took a moment to look around, so that no one would see how foolish she was being.

Lily looked back down and she stared into the brilliant stag's eyes.

They were hazel. Green and gold specks swirled in both orbs like a vibrating snowglobe.

Why, they looked just like...

She was really losing it now. James Potter and a stag were two different things. And two different species of animals for beginners.

How fucking desperate could she be?

The scar was probably from some skirmish with dangerous wildlife inside the forest.

The eyes were just a coinicidence. People rarely paid attention to animal eyes. There were probably animals with Lilys eyes, too.

It being a stag was common, there were lots of deers in the forest.

But her patronus form changing into a...

Then again, even the fur on the stag's head was messy. Like James'...

Or was she imagining things? To make up for his absense? To see James in this silly forest dweller.

...Prongs?

In transfiguration classes last year, she had learned a spell that would reveal potential animagi. Wizards and witches who could turn into animals at will. She remembered the class had learned it by practicing on Professor McGonagall while she was in her cat, animagi form.

Hell, even James was exceptionally quiet during that week's lectures and practices. Didn't talk to her once that time. Nor even so far as to approach her. As if worried about something.

It was a crazy theory but then again gravity and theory of the Earth revolving around the sun were ludicrous ideaology in their eras.

Lily took out her wand from her robes...

The stag jumped up quickly and seemingly glared at her.

"I'm just going to summon you some water. Are you thirsty?" Lily lied.

Even animals could tell she was a liar.

If only she didn't whip out her wand so quickly...

The stag slowly began walking backwards towards the exit.

Lily slowly stood up and tried to remember the incantation.

But the stag was already running!

It had to be him...

As crazy as it sounded, it had to be.

Either that or Lily Evans, straight O student and Head Girl of Hogwarts had finally gone crazy.

She chased after it and the creatures four legs helped it gallop away from her. The distance between them was increasing and Lily was trying to make up for it by casting the spell on the run.

Though she hadn't fully mastered the spell, she launched a ray of blue directly into it's back.

It was a direct hit!

For a split second, a small circle surrounds the area where it hit the stag's running back side and she could have sworn it was a blue shirt James wore today....

If only her spell was stronger and had more power.

She shot her wand wildly. Lighting up the arena's dark hallway bright blue as it bounced off the wall.

With incredible luck, one ray had caught the animal by the leg and it had tripped over itself in a disastrous moment.

Slowly, before her eyes, the stag transformed into a human male. It wasn't from her weak spell though. He must have willingly surrendered.

Before her eyes, James Potter laid face down on the ground in mid stride. His hands and feet both were working vigorously in one swift running motion. But now he only laid down after his stumble.

"You still haven't mastered that spell. James said from the ground, not bothering to get up.

"No, but it was enough to get you though." Lily sat back down beside James, as if he was still a stag.

"You are flicking it wrong. It's more of a jab than a swish." James corrected.

Lily remembered now. James had tried to help her in that class. But he had said it was...

"But you said it was a swishing motion- You were trying to mess me up...?" Lily realized. Was he afraid that even back then that she might discover his secret ability.

He only groaned agreeingly into the floor.

He remained quiet for a while, he could have fallen asleep right there on the cold floor if she didn't know better.

"James. You're an animagus."

"Nope, just a stag." He joked, his voice bouncing upward from the ground and then the walls before crashing into Lily's ears.

"That's really dangerous and complex bit of magic."

"Yup. Though I wouldn't have bothered with learning it if I knew it wouldn't stop you from feeding me your fucking carrots." Said James dryly.

"Wait, so Black and Remus and Pettigrew are as well?" He wouldn't do it alone, his closest friends must have too, right?

James laughed heartily.

"Peter, an animagi? He cant even spell it. Sirius wouldn't even bother with the years it would take. And Remus would never approve." James laughed. James cooly lied to protect his friends. His secret was out, but that doesn't mean other people were in risk of being discovered as well. He continued laughing and Lily felt a little stupider.

"You're right." Lily agreed. Now she was just trying to make up lies and think up wild stories about him.

James rolled over to face Lily. He scooted closer to her.

Very close.

"Hey...Lily?"

Dangerously close.

Her breathing that was always second nature and automatic hitched up on her.

"Promise you won't tell?"

Her nervous system went into overdrive.

"I don't know, I got some blackmail on you now."

James smiled but somehow he knew she wouldn't make a peep.

"So what did you want me for?" He left it out there in the air casually.

She could feel his breath on her neck.

"To just talk."

He was still too close for comfort. She couldn't relax. She couldn't breathe.

"What do you want me to say?"

She could see adoration in his eyes when he looked at her. The feeling was still there. The feeling was mutual...

She was suffocating.

"Nothing."

She leaned in and covered the few inches that kept them apart and their lips touched. Her mind went haywire. Her cold lips caused him to sigh in surprise and she took advantage by running her tongue across his lower lip. Her hands became rogue and went to his hair. Something she had wanted to do for months during those classes. She subconsciously crawled onto him and backed him into the wall.

He felt cornered for once in his life but he didn't mind. He even welcomed it by pulling her onto him.

For the first minute he was caught off guard and didn't return her passion. Now he too was lust-riddenly hungry and kissed her greedily.

He was only messing with her. To gauge her reaction. To understand her reasoning. To see if she wanted him.

The old Lily would have killed him for being that close. But times change, seasons change and people eventually change.

Here he was to set her free...

She took full advantage. There would be no distractions. They had this area to themselves. This moment, for themselves...

Lily broke off for a moment and looked down upon him. She took the time out to catch her breath. He moaned in disappointment when she pulled away. His moan did nothing except turn her on more. He only capitolized on her position by allowing himself to her creamy flesh. Leaving trails down from the bottom of her ear to her neck and slowly made his trek to her shoulder but stopped abruptly, leaving her with a desperate lack of bliss.

He returned to her lips and tried to pull her closer than she already was.

Gravity didn't bring her down close enough...

They made sure to pick up where they left off in the locker room. To make up for the 6 years they could have been together. To make up for all the time and effort wasted. To make up for all past arguments in one kiss. To say sorry...

It's hard to say she was sorry for the way she made him feel. But right now she needed his arms around her to keep her real. It was soothing. It was healing.  
It was hard, almost impossible without him nearby.

His lips trembled and he panted into her mouth breathlessly but she didn't stop.

Can't stop. Won't stop...

She wrapped her arms around his neck and only relished in his taste.

Now she was completely hooked on this new drug.

Her ecstasy.

Lily wanted to engrave this memory into her mind. As if they touched enough, she would dream of this moment forever.

His hands roamed all over her. His cold hands snuck it's way under her damp shirt but set her skin ablazed.

He was perfect and she was glad he was hers and tried to convey it through her actions. She would never let him go and wanted the world to know.

"Lily?" He breathed into her lips.

"Yeah...?" She breathed, answering his question with a counter question.

"I- No, I can't do this. I'm sorry, I just-"

Lily paused for a split moment but returned to her gritty passion. She was driving him wild and they both were aware of that fact. Her breasts were grazing him and that forbidden feeling kept him there with her. Buying her those extra few minutes of his precious time. Her hips grinding his only sent his senses into overload. He couldn't breathe when she was on him and even forgot what he had said just a minute ago.

"Lily..." He moaned and she felt her heart implode and explode at the same. She never heard a man utter her name that huskily with so much passion and want in her life. And the fact that it was coming from the guy she most wanted to hear it from, made her lose all her lady-like decency.

He painfully broke off and looked at her sadly.

"You want to go back?" Lily wondered.

He didn't answer her but merely stood up. He leaned back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair.

She picked herself up as well and leaned into him.. Her head resting on his chest and she listened as his heartbeat slowly came down in rhythm and beats per minute. Her hands gripped his shirt desperately.

James face was buried in his hands and he seemed unsure.

Regretful even...

"This isn't right."

Lily had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Everything they done connected and bonded them so well. Lily looked down at how well they fit. Their bodies connected flawlessly. Like custom designed gloves made to order.

Without warning, he swam an arm over her and used it to pry her off him like a crowbar. She released him. She was prepared and knew he wasn't going to stay forever.

She could live with that. There would be a next time.

Right?

He was leaving.

It was like a silent agreement they had settled on. They could never be together. She wanted it. He wouldn't have it. She hated it. She didn't care about his doubts.

She ran towards him. She wrapped both of her arms around his torso trying to anchor him and he stopped instantly. Her face was almost buried into his back.

James sighed and looked up in the sky. It was an odd place for them to stand. He was barely out of the exit. The rain hit him hard like falling rocks. Half of him was drenched. The other half of him, his backside was still dry as the ceiling still covered him. So Lily was perfectly dry except her outreaching arms whereas he was mostly soaked.

Why couldn't she have had stopped him earlier?

"We can make it work."

"No, you don't understand." James denied.

"I don't care what happens to me." Lily said meaning ever word. She just wanted him...

Lily thought James and Dumbledore were probably overreacting from this whole dark wizard Voldemort situation. The Ministry didn't make an annoucement yet, the papers didn't report anything, and murders or mysterious disappearances had not happened.

Unless it was being covered up by the government to suppress public fears...

"You still want me, James. You still have feelings for me. You can't kiss me like that and not mean it."

He didn't move. He didn't say a word.

But when he made to start walking again, Lily rocked him. As soon as she felt a tug at her arms, she grabbed him by the arm and shoulders and threw him with tremendous force back into the wall.

"If you don't want me anymore, then just say it!" Lily roared with all her fiery redhead temper.

She had spent too much time chasing him. It was sickening to her now. He owed her an answer!

"I'm over you, Lily." He stated smoothly without stuttering as he looked over the top of her head after he got over just how hard she slammed him into the hallway.

Lily's heart plummetted to the bottom of her stomach.

She really didn't expect him to say that...

That was it then? All her efforts were in vain? She finally hit her bottom. Why was she still bothering to breathe? She might as well stop living all together now. There was no point in life.

"Look me in the eyes. And...say it..." She didn't sound very determined, even to herself. Her voice was flat and low, all the courage she had had abandoned her...

If this was all he had to do to get away, no problem...

Easy...

"I don't li-" James began in earnest.

Or so he thought.

She looked up at him with pleading eyes. Hoping for him to take it all back. To take her back. For them to start all over with a fresh slate.

The bold, strong, independent woman that was filling Lily Evans shoes 24/7 went AWOL.

Her emerald eyes were full of tears waiting to break loose at his words. She didn't know what to do with her life if he walked away this time. He couldn't do it. Why did he have to listen to her silly request. Her hands were balled up on her chest, clutching her missing heart as she prayed for both of them. The quickest way to a man's heart may be through his stomach. But a woman in tears was better. She looked so miserable.

Dreams crushed. Hope destroyed. Efforts worthless. Time wasted. Friendship betrayed. So many emotions were taking over her.

Lily's tears stopped him...

He wiped a tear from her eyes before pulling her into him closely, as he tried to figure out what his next move should be.

She'll never be the same...

sat there and fully watched Twilight with the girl I'm trying to get at

Lost my man license...

Didnt like it though, too predictable and cliché. Was rooting for the bad guys like always.


	30. Paradise Lost

Thursday.

Thursday evenings, right after dinner was their special time together.

For tutoring...

But he didn't show up.

Wednesday.

Wednesday evenings were for head duties and the occasional 'talk to the prefects' time.

He went AWOL here as well.

In any other relationship with two different people in the same position, things would have been settled.

"We kissed. You are my boyfriend and I'm your girlfriend."

But things don't always work out as planned.

Because, James Potter was a coward...

~~~~~~~~~

"How much?"

"I'm still sore from yesterday. Just put two on each side."

"200 pounds?"

"That's fine."

James and Remus were in the Head student dormitory, the Head Boy's  
bedroom more specifically, working out. Among his other bizarre  
personal effects, he had set up his own mini-gym in his bedroom  
instead of going to the gym.

James laid down on his back as he grabbed onto the bar of the bench  
set as Remus stood over him as the spotter just in case James lost  
control.

James found his grip but released without getting a single rep in.

"Moony." James said from his back, looking up at his favorite werewolf  
upside down.

"What's up?"

"What would you say if- Nevermind, forget it."

The prefect raised an eyebrow.

"You almost sounded serious there for a second. Now I have to know.  
What's going on?"

"Its nothing." James placed his hands back on the bar and locked his  
elbows in preparation.

It was cold a metallic touch. He could feel the cold room's freezing  
tempature as it absorbed itself into the solid steel cylinder. He  
could smell the alloy. He could even partially taste it. Like a post-  
dentist visit after the doctor had probed your mouth with a range of  
metal objects.

He heaved but Remus pushed down onto the beam, not allowing James to  
push it up off the crossbar.

"-The fuck man?" James said with surprise.

He had almost strained a ligament trying to get the bar up. 200 pounds  
wasn't much to him. But with his sore, worn out muscles and Remus  
pushing down with the addition of gravity, he had no chance of even  
budging it.

"Just ask." Remus states.

"Theres nothing to say."

"So you asked me to come spot you for no reason? You got me because  
you want my advice, right? Just spit it out. At least have the  
courtesy to ask."

James gave another 'not understanding' look.

"Cut the shit man."

"Fine..."

Remus had let go of the bar.

James pushed up, the weights were amazingly lighter. He could pump  
this all day long if he wanted...

Yet he only left it up at it's highest point with his elbows locked.

"Lily and I-" James started.

"I fucking knew it." Remus yelled. "She was such a nice girl. Why did  
you have to sleep with her-!?"

"Wait- What?!" James said, taken back again.

Did Remus really think that they...

James was caught off guard and almost dropped it but regained control.  
Remus almost caused him to crush his chest with all the free weights.

"You scared the shit out of me. Don't do that again, Moony. We just  
kissed. Actually, she came onto me." James finished with honest  
conviction.

"So you guys are going-"

"Of course not." James reclined the bar down to his chest.

He really shouldn't be talking. Not because he was divulging secrets  
but he couldn't control his breathing as he strained his body to lift  
this weight so it wouldn't crush his chest.

"You know this only hurts her, right?"

James kept his lips shut.

"You're a fucking dumbass."

His friends always had the most helpful, insightful words of wisdom...

"Then what would you rather have me do?" James forced it up.

"The same shit you are doing now."

"Avoiding her?"

It was hypocritical but respectable.

Remus agreed but also disapproved. There never are easy fixes to such  
complex problems.

"I know you don't want to make her a target. But... wow. She's got it  
bad."

"And what am I? Living the perfect life?"

"It's for her own good."

"Of course."

The metal clunked together loudly a few more times in midair.

"You could just ask her out."

"Thats impossible."

"How come?"

"She's hot, funny and caring." James said too quickly.

James did a few more reps before finishing his speech.

The metal circular weights were clinking and clanking with the bar in  
collision as it fell and shot up.

"And besides, if we got together I would be happy. So therefore it  
obviously can never happen."

One more rep.

"I'm destined to be the most miserable person alive."

He paced back and forth inside his room.

There was always hope. No matter how small. A glitter of hope was  
better than nothing.

There was good left in him.

He was sure of it.

He just needed a chance. A way. To bring it out of him.

Dumbledore turned to his ailing pet phoenix who looked ready to be  
reborn and gave it a simple order with an even simpler nod. The  
magical beast knew already without hearing a word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily allowed James to avoid her for the 2 days that were left until  
the winter holidays but knew it would take them back to the start.

Things were even more awkward. The sexual tension was there, yet  
partially faded as they had had a chance to connect. But she still  
wanted more. Everything was so bittersweet.

She had spent the night at the Gryffindor Tower mainly to stay away  
from James.

It would take some time for her to recollect her thoughts and compile  
the data that overloaded her system.

It was strange.

Of all the previous 6 years she had stayed in the girls Gryffindor  
dormitory, she had never thought so hard about anything so early as  
she walked down the spiraling staircase.

The common room was empty as expected.

Everyone had left.

Or so she thought.

A clump of spiked up, messy black hair lay over one of the armrests of  
the couch.

She'd recognized that head anywhere.

"James?" She greeted meekly.

No response.

She moved closer and pulled a chair over quietly.

This was the second time she got to inspect him this closely.

His back was turned and rolled over so he was facing the backrest of  
the sofa. Lily could still identify that that was James though.

"No. I-" His masculine voice mumbled.

Lily jumped but leaned in closer. He was dreaming about something.

"You, don't understand- This is not-" James continued grunting  
incoherently.

The curiousity overtook her. He was talking out loud in his speech.

Insomnia crippled him. He was neither awake or sleeping.

Now was her chance to take a dive into his mysterious thoughts.

"Lily...." He moaned.

Lily? There was only one person Lily knew named 'Lily.' Herself.

"This... So wrong..." He moaned again.

James was curling more and more into the fetal position and turning  
himself into a ball.

Lily blushed heavily. James was dreaming of having an 'intimate  
encounter' with her. And 'dream Lily' must be the one pressing the  
action against a reluctant, yet wanting James Potter.

Lily had never been 'so' aroused 'so' early in the morning.

"...Lily?"

This time his voice was not so husky and full of wanting with lust.

It was a 'waking up tone.'

"...Lily?" He said again in the same tone.

"Heygoodmorninghowareyou." She practically shouted in one word. She  
had leapt out of her chair and tried to play it off that she wasnt  
staring at him in his slumber.

"What are you doing here?" James yawned heavily and stretched and  
sprawled himself on the sofa like a lazy cat.

"I was just, here. To, uh-. Wake you up for breakfast."

"No. I meant what are you still doing at Hogwarts. Shouldn't you be on  
the train back home for the holidays?" James kept stretching to work  
out the kinks in his joints but went back to his sleeping position,  
never facing Lily.

"No. Not this year."

She sat on the edge, basically on top of him and ran a hand under his  
shirt and rubbed his back. It relaxed him immediately.

It was something she had done to him in their last meeting. It was all  
the same except he didn't have fur covering him right now.

"Why not?" He said huskily again. James eased into her massage. Her  
warm hand seemed to be rubbing his worries and pain away. Lily's soft  
hands straightened out his stress.

"Just don't want to." She said half-heartedly.

"You always were a terrible liar."

"Really. I'm serious." Lily said unbelievably.

"You can tell me."

"My sister's getting married."

"That's awesome."

The way he said that, she had no idea if he meant her massage or her  
sisters upcoming marriage.

"Not really."

"Weddings have good food."

Lily took both of her hands and shoved him roughly. Here she was  
spilling her troubles and haunts and he was still dreaming of food.

"You guys don't get along?"

"Not at all. She thinks I'm a freak. We used to get along great until  
I got into Hogwarts. Now she thinks I'm going to turn everyone at the  
reception into frogs or something."

"Sounds like a good idea. Fuck them, right? Who cares?" James mumbled  
into the chair.

Lily seriously doubted he was even fully awake yet.

But he grabbed her hands and rolled over.

His thumb traced over her hand in circles.

His handsome face still looked tired. His eyes baggy from long,  
grinded out nights. But he was still honest.

The redhead had been staring at their perfectly adjoined hands but  
took a moment to look up at him.

"She'll come around."

His tone. Those hazel eyes. He could have had promised her the world  
and she would believe it.

He leaned in and paused. Their foreheads touching and she only felt  
even more assured. The sky could be tumbling down and she wouldn't  
give a damn.

He kissed her on the forehead and got up and made to leave.

Lily was still in her half-shock, half-comatose mode.

James Potter was such a sweetie.

"You coming?" Her love interest said boringly.

His hand scratching his stomach before readjusting his sweatpants so  
they'd fit around his waist.

"Where?" Lily said dreamily.

"Breakfast, dummy."

Now the moment was gone.

He was back to that immature, carefree attitude...

~~~~

The day was too perfect. Too good to be true.

They acted immature and knew it well. Breakfast consisted mostly of  
bad jokes and miscued laughter. Things that people their age do, had  
to do.

James probably would have kept eating for the rest of the day if it  
didn't start snowing.

"Is it snowing?" Lily looked up at the mystical ceiling.

"Maybe." James said nonchalantly.

"Lets go outside."

"You're an idiot. It's freezing out there!" James refused.

"Will you just act your age for once and have some fun?"

Before he knew it, she was dragging him with her arms looped under his  
for guidance.

As soon as they were outside by the lake, James was staring transfixed  
at a tree top that seemed like it was going to give in at any second.  
The snow was amassing heavily on the branches. It was only a matter of  
time before it caved in.

Still looking to the heavens, he heard a quiet 'plop' next to him as  
Lily thrown herself onto the snow backfirst. Her arms and limbs moving  
simultaneously to create a snow angel.

"You're an idiot. It's fucking freezing out here."

"Stop being such a party pooper."

"We'll see who's having more fun when you catch a cold." James huffed.

"I'm going back inside."

Lily tilted her head to see his back. He really was just going to  
leave her again. She dropped her back to the ground and shut her eyes.

Chase him? Or let him be?

It was time to leave him alone perhaps.

But she didn't have anytime to contemplate as she heard someone  
running towards her. The snow was stepped on and the vibrations only  
signaled her even more.

"Bang! Got 'em, coach!" James yelled aloud.

He had stood over her laying body and hurled, or from her perspective,  
dropped a snowball right onto her face.

"Damn I'm good." James praised himself and gave a maniac laugh.

Unbeknownst to him, Lily was forming a ball in her hand that was  
outstretched.

James bent over to observe her better.

A little closer...

"You all right?" James said with no real caring intention.

He got down on one knee and stood almost a feet from her.

A bit more...

She had hurled a ball up and imprinted it onto his face forcefully.

"Fuck! You hit me in the fucking retina." James yelled in pain,  
covering his eye.

"Why the eye?!"

"Stop being such a baby!"

He dropped onto both knees and was straddling Lily but she pushed him  
over and reversed their positions.

"You are such a weakling." Lily jeered as she traced a finger over his  
cheek.

"I'm serious. I think this is how people get pink eye." James joked.

"Oh, shut up. Let me see." She pried his hands away.

It actually was rather red......

Then again, she basically punched him in the eye.

James covered his eye back up and rolled over sideways but she still  
sat on his ribs.

She leaned onto him, her lips on his icey ears. Lily kissed his temple  
but didn't sit up. He tasted like snowy water as it vaporized due to  
their elevated body heat.

"I'm sorry. Really...Sorry..." She said in mid pecks.

His hands slowly fell off his head as she pushed them away slowly.  
When his hands were cleared, she hooked a finger onto his lip. Tracing  
his lips, she pulled down to open his mouth, probing her victim.  
Testing him. How she longed to taste them again...

~~~~  
Her silky red hair felt soothing against his skin. Her figure,  
flawless. Her body temperature, warm to the touch.

They were sitting on the windowsill together just watching the rain as  
it had kicked them out of the great outdoors. The slow movement of  
liquid falling down the window captivated them. As it slowly picked up  
speed and mass if it connected with more water before falling down out  
of sight.

"James." She said lowly.

"Yeah?"

"I know you aren't everything you seem."

He didn't understand what the hell she was getting at but continued  
remaining silent.

"I won't ask you a lot of questions."

He still kept quiet. James was fidgetting with the fog as he ran a  
finger down the glass pane, smearing it.

"I don't want to hear you lie."

James continued carelessly dragging his finger aimlessly on the glass.

"I know you take a lot of risks."

How exactly does the cold air cause a material like glass to fog up  
like this?

Lily had a feeling he wasn't paying full attention but continued anyway.

"...just don't risk us, okay?"

She took his hand that he was using to draw on the window and gave a  
quick squeeze.

He gave a nod but now refrained from touching anything else.

As far as he was concerned, there should never be a 'us.' It can't  
happen.

It's not meant to be...

But he wasn't allowed more time to dwell on it as a phoenix fell onto  
Lily's lap from thin air.

"Hey, it's Dumbledore's phoenix." Lily stated.

"Looks like he wants to speak to me. I'll see you later."

"Later today?" Lily asked. She wanted to say 'tonight' but that was  
too promiscuous and he would never guarantee that.

"We'll see."

"Are you going to be staying here or going back home?" Lily demanded.

"I don't have a home to go back to."

He didn't bother to look back at what he was leaving behind.

"James." Dumbledore greeted before James even fully apparated into the  
area.

"Whats going on?" James replied back, getting to the just of it.

"I've decided to go talk to him."

"What?" James said, but he already know what the aging headmaster  
wanted exactly.

"You can't be serious-!"

"Oh, but I am very serious, James."

"Why!?"

Dumbledore turned around and gazed at the floor curiously.

"There has to be a way to redeem him. There is some good left in him."

"No chance..."

James knew this talk would come up eventually.

This is Dumbledores biggest weakness. He saw the good in people too  
well. Often blinding him from the truth.

"Have you not seen what he has done already? What he is capable?!"

"All we can do is try."

James didn't press the matter any further. There was no point.

"I will never be able to live with myself if I don't try..."

"Fine..." James forfeited.

Dumbledore was perhaps more stubborn then him. But his stubborness  
came with an addition of good decisions. Therefore, he had no chance  
of talking him out of it.

"What are we waiting for then?" James grunted painfully.

~~~

This had to be the worst idea ever.

How can you get in contact with Voldemort? Call him? Look him up in  
the phone book? Set up a date?

James was standing outside Malfoy Manor.

He leaned against the outside gates of the elegant estate. The bars  
were seeping into his back as he leaned into them like a bed of  
needles as he faced away from the manor. The air was freezing and  
petrified him to the core. He seriously contemplated burning down the  
mansion to keep himself warm but thought against it.

Any moment now....

"I can't believe it." A voice breathed with shock.

James turned around to face the mansion.

"The house elves were not lying. We do have a visitor..."

A trio of men were walking toward him from behind the gates. Malfoy  
must have alerted them of James prescence and summoned them.

"Just tell your boss to come to the orphanage. Dumbledore would like  
to talk with him."

They were getting closer.

"Orphanage?"

The gates were slowly peeling back to open.

"He'll know which one." James barked.

"Okay. We'll pass that along." One of them said smoothly.

"But why don't you come inside? It's cold out here..."

His buried hands that clutched his wand was fidgetting. They were  
trying to disarm him already.

But he already expected this. He would be a fool not to.

His wand had a magical affinity to resist an expelliarmus spell. It  
was obselete against him. After being used against him all the time,  
it must have learned to become immune to it, like a body's ability to  
recognize diseases and immunize itself from it in the future.

They were right in front of him now.

Any other person would have disapparated to fight another die.

But not James Potter.

He wanted to destroy something. To bring the pain. To bring  
repentance. His vigilante instincts were unfulfilled. He relieved his  
stress by hurting those that hurt others.

It kept him sane from all the insanity in the world.

The death eaters stood in a semi circle around him.

Intimidation is always a weapon. But James feared nothing.

"Yeah, come inside, boy."

"Maybe 'he' would like to talk to you, not Dumbledore..."

James merely glanced straightforward.

"We can do this the hard way or the easy way."

They closed in a little closer.

"This is the same route your parents took." The biggest, largest of  
the three gloated.

It struck a nerve. There would be no fast punishment. No mercy. No  
redemption.

This man would be the first of the three.

He would kill them all...

~~~~~~~

"How do you know if he will show up?"

"Tom would love a chance to confront me."

"This is foolish, sir."

James and Dumbledore had apparated onto the roof of the orphanage  
building and stared into the London skyline. The lights lit up the  
metropolis like a firestorm. Twilight crawled against the sky, laden  
with foreboding. The moonlight laid out the city like theatre curtains  
with practiced bravado. When darkness fell, London had become another  
city.

Bad things happen at night.

"He's here." Dumbledore said and James reached for his wand immediately.

"You really are a fool, Albus." A hissing voice said.

"But you are the bigger fool for starting all this."

The air suddenly dropped a few degrees in warmth. Voldemort gave off  
an aura of extracting the good in world...

"It wasn't that long ago when we first met here."

"You must regret recruiting me to Hogwarts..." He hissed.

"No. I do not."

"-What?!" Voldemort's grin and gleeful tone faded.

"I gave you a chance. An opportunity to escape this orphanage."

"And I should be grateful?"

"You were destined to be something better. I wanted to give you a  
chance to change the world. For the better, I had dearly hoped."

Dumbledore didn't turn to James but kept staring at his former pupil  
with regretful eyes.

"James, go." He said.

There was no way James would leave Dumbledore alone with that monster...

But he didn't stand a chance against him yet. There would be a day  
when James would finally attain his vengeance.

But that day was not today.

James spun on the spot and apparated to another building nearby. It  
was taller so he could oversee the situation and should all hell break  
loose, James would be able to rush in.

Yet, he was too far to hear anything.

The topics they were discussing was quickly becoming heated. The  
headmaster never even as much fidgetted but Voldemort was very  
animated. Hands flailing, shouting and the wand in his hand shot off  
sparks when they didn't concur with each other.

Without warning, Albus Dumbledore's head bowed. It was in defeat. He  
was surrendering...

All hope was lost.

Redemption's last spark had been smothered out.

Voldemort took the dropping of his guard as a chance to strike. A wand  
came out and pointed directly at his former professor.

"DUMBLEDORE!" James roared.

But his warning would not travel fast enough to reach Dumbledore's  
ears in time.

A massive green beam blasted out as if from a rocket launcher directly  
at the old man.

James had fired an anti magic shield in between them. He had no idea  
if it was enough to deflect magic that powerful but it was all he could.

Yet, something even more magical had occurred.

James' spell was deflected, a barrier was already seperating the two.

Dumbledore...

The old man was one step ahead of both of his students.

Both spells were deflected, James kept running towards them. He leapt  
from atop of the roof.

Time had slowed down. His brain held the remote control and decided to  
play out the next few seconds of his life in slow motion.

Statistics came flooding in.

Things were being calculated and factored as he fell fashionably.  
James could tell it was a 3 story plunge over an alleyway and to the  
other roof. It was a half moon out tonight. Most of the city was  
asleep. Voldemort had just cast a forbidden death curse to strike down  
Albus.

His wand out, sleeves rolled back and wrath clouding his mind, James  
no longer cared about any of those useless statistics.

The breeze struck him worst then a spell. His legs were flailing in  
midair. His body not even parallel to the ground. One leg connected  
with solid ground first before the other, his body uneven and still  
off balance, he automatically rolled into his fall to break the  
impact. An impromptu sumersault out of sheer neccessity. His last leg  
that landed rolled along with his body. The gritty rooftops that  
rarely get cleaned contained all kinds of earthly debris. His knee  
grinded and pressed against the asphalt that was paved into the top.  
Miniature rocks both sharp and dull cut and dug themselves into his  
pants and ripped at his skin.

A jolt of pain rocked him.

But the adrenaline overrode any emotion he had, before he knew it,  
things were being played in 10 times the normal speed. A substanial  
increase from his slow motion.

Voldemort now seemed to be the one giving up. A haughty yell of  
frustration flustered his face. His wand hand flew to his forearm of  
the opposite arm. Pressing down, he summoned his legions.

"DEATH EATERS! Kill them all!"

He turned around and apparated away only for the immediate area to be  
filled with apparating masked death eaters.

Dumbledore's plan seemed to be falling apart for once.

"James! We must go now!"

James couldn't help but feel a shiver down his spine at the tone of  
Dumbledore's worried voice.

James wanted to fight. He wanted to kill every man and woman that was  
out tonight heeding Voldemort's call. He wanted that beckon they were  
ordered to be the last one they received. It wouldn't be hard.

Especially with Dumbledore fighting by his side...

But the powerful, old wizard didn't seem that confident at the moment.

Dumbledore grasped James' forearm roughly once James ran to him.

Disapparating. Together. Side-along.

The world around him was vaccumming itself inwards. A change of  
scenery. The London midnight air didn't bother him anymore.

His breath was stolen from him along with his location.

There were no more skyscrapers and the downtown buildings. He could  
see trees. And one building.

A castle. Hogwarts. He was home. He was safe.

But bad things happen to good people.

An explosion landed at his feet. He could see Dumbledore was hurt by  
it as well. Fingers no longer gripped his arm. James was released to  
do as he wished. The headmaster was hurled onto the Hogwarts grassy  
knoll.

The trees. Lake. Castle. Hagrid's house. It was all going away.

He could see the city again clearly like a current dream. The lights  
were back.

If only he was dreaming...

The link was severed.

Dumbledore landed safely albeit roughly as he rolled around from the  
knockback. James continued drifting around in another plane of  
existence. There was no oxygen in this realm. It was ironic how he was  
gagging on non existent air. Not another soul. He was all alone.

Please bring your chairs to their upright position...

Where the hell was he!!?

Please buckle up, we are currently experiencing minor turbulence...

James couldn't breathe.

The plane has just lost cabin pressure...

In a split second he was thrown back out of the portal Dumbledore made  
for their escape.

This was a horrible plane ride...

James was hurled into his assigned destination. Back where he already  
was. Like Dumbledore, he was launched from the apparation. His back  
collided into brick. His spinal cord told his brain it wasn't Hogwarts  
brick walls.

James was sure he left cracks down the wall.

He landed horizontally with the ground. This time parallel. His feet  
landed first before his head whiplashed from the impact.

Bells ringed in his ears. Hearing no longer was one of the 5 senses he  
possessed. Yet he still found the strength to push himself up on his  
elbows.

His wand hand felt empty. Where was his wand!?

"THERE HE IS!" Someone yelled. "HE CAME OUT OVER HERE!"

Incoming...

He grasped around for his wand. He would need it. They were coming for  
him.

Statistics and logic added up quickly in his head.

In this light-no-wind condition, he could sustain a 20 mile per hour  
run for the next 20 blocks before having to slow down to regain his  
breath.

After the severed connection in disapparating, he must have gotten  
dropped off a little beyond the epicenter. Dumbledore is safely at  
Hgwarts. He just possibly cracked some of his spinal discs on a wall.  
He could feel those same rocks piercing his pants. His knees were  
being stabbed. He was still on the rooftops.

James found his wand. His head had landed on it after he dropped it.

With clenched fists, he dug into the sharp pebbles and propped one  
feet down.

Another curse...

"I SEE HIM!" A treacherous man yelled.

He could see the path in front of him light up glowing red...

Out of instinct, he made a deflecting motion. His wand arm flailed in  
front of him in an arc and swatted the lethal spell behind him. Right  
into that very wall...

Just in time...

Something exploded behind him.

That wall behind him was gone. He was sure of it.

The wall that stood up to support the rooftop outhouse containing a  
door leading inside to the stairs was decimated.

James answered back.

If someone were to interview him a second after he countered-attack on  
what spell he had just used, he wouldn't even know.

All he knew was that that death eater had his feet knocked off the  
ground and flew off the building's edge. As if an imaginary wrecking  
ball had launched him from the side and took him over the edge to the  
streets where the speeding cars would prey on him.

The bricks came falling down from the explosion just seconds ago. One  
crushed his leg. Another must have cracked his exterior cranium.

This is all bad...

He didn't want to die like this.

James Potter lived his life recklessly on the edge. He wanted to die  
going Mach 4 on his broom. He wanted to die in a fast pace car chase.  
To have his obituary seem glorified. "James Potter went out with a  
bang."

There was no chance in hell he was going down on top of some shitty  
orphanage roof in the middle of the night.

He had to get up and run. No matter how injured he was. No way could  
he stay.

And then, something crazy happened. He let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark  
and silent and complete. He found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

There was nothing to live for but pure revenge.

The strength came from nowhere.

Like when moms could lift 2000 pound 4 door cars with ease when their  
baby was under it.

Before he knew it, he was not only back on his feet but automatically  
running.

He ran often. He was used to the dry taste your mouth left you when  
you were tired and oxygen deprieved but now, it was vastly different.

Blood.

He could taste blood.

His own blood. James Potter was bleeding. Blood from the mouth was a  
sure sign of internal bleeding.

Another trivial fact and statistic.

He gulped down and kept going...

The regular human can swallow a pint of blood before becoming sick...

More dumb facts racing through his head.

If he kept running, his bleeding would never stop.

Disapparating in his panicked, frenized state was not recommended. He  
could splice his body apart.

Hide. He had to get away!

Another blast. The red light somehow reflected and lit up the brown  
brick walls.

His feet were swept off the floor. His torso was parallel to the  
ground again. Perfectly level. James was suspended in midair. Zero  
gravity kicked in. Then, as long as those few seconds were, he fell  
back down, ribs and elbows first.

Why couldn't they just kill him?

Send a green ray at him for a change? Instead of redecorating the  
metro skyline full of craters and torn down walls.

Unless they planned on taking him in alive...

From the floor, he pointed his wand at the floor and imitated his  
enemies. He gave off a small explosion. He blew off a small crater in  
the ground. The explosive shock was enough to launch James back on his  
feet.

Back in the race.

"COME HERE, BOY!"

The student rounded a corner.

"Get him! SURROUND HIM!"

James Potter wasn't stupid.

They were apparating to specific locations on his path in hopes of  
cutting him off. To set up a chokepoint somewhere ahead.

Another turn later and he decided to go inside a building.

He blew away a portion of a window. The hole wasn't big enough. He  
would feel glass...

Shoulder first, he decked the window pane and rolled back onto his  
feet and looked around for the staircase door.

A small crack signalling a teleport had just been done was audible  
behind a door.

James leaned his back into the wall, adjacent to the door. He melted  
into the wall.

The door flew open and a skinny man came running out. This stranger  
had picked the correct place to apparate to to find his target. But to  
Potter, his death eater mask told James it was the wrong place...

He turned and saw James.

The student athletiticly lunged at him. Off balance, James took him  
down knocking his feet clean off the floor and landing him on his  
back. Stronger and physical, James was in the more dominant position  
from atop, James hurled punches down on the masks he loathed so much.

No wand/magic required. Just add fists...

The puny Voldemort follower had at first tried desperately to fend  
James off. Trying to swat his fists away, grab wrists, cover his face.  
But one more swift punch to the temple made him drop his guard.

He went limp. Then drifted off to sleep.

Brutal onslaught of raining devastation. Relentless assault. No mercy.

James knew he knocked this man unconscious within a few blows but he  
kept hitting.

At that moment he didn't care for anything.

He hated everything.

He wanted to swing open the dump valves of oil tankers so he could  
empty petroleum onto pristine beaches he would never be able to visit.  
He wanted to melt the North Pole and its ice caps. He wanted to burn  
down national conservatory parks. He wanted to kill endangered  
species. He wanted to bulldoze one of the seven wonders of the world.  
He wanted to break every young girl's heart...

He wanted to destroy something beautiful.

Life.

He was going to take this man's life. Leave him to die. Vigilante  
justice.

This Death Eater would not live to harm anyone else ever again...

It was only fair.

"He's in here!"

But he had already bolted for the stairs. He skipped many levels as he  
leapt over the rails and landed perfectly on the short steps. He was  
at the ground floor.

James peeled back the solid door leading out to the lobby of the  
building he was trapped in. He thought he made it that much farther to  
safety.

But he was greeted by a wand pointed between his eyes.

James leaned his head and shoulders to the right as a stun spell just  
missed him. The wand seemed to follow him as he moved. His hands  
wrapped around the wrists of his assailant and James moved opposite of  
his direction and pulled to right quickly as he shifted his weight,  
position and stance. Even with just control of the attacker's wrist,  
he had dominant control. Dragging the death eater forward, James moved  
one hand to the back of the enemy's head and guided his face into the  
wall behind him.

Something cracked. It was a disgustingly bone crushing crack that made  
people's skin curdle. James didn't know what made the noise. The mask  
was split in half. The man's nose was broken down the bridge as blood  
flowed out. The wand was splintered. The wrist he held onto was also  
thrown into the wall as well and was bent in an irregular position.  
That could be it.

The man's head slowly fell down and looked like he was out...

But to make sure he wouldn't pursue later, James kicked his knees in.

Another bone crunching musical.

James foot slammed into the knee sideways. The man still didn't make a  
peep. He was really out...

James pulled the door open again.

Another man was aiming for him.

James dropped down and kicked off the adjacent wall and rolled  
sideways behind the wall like an Olympic swimmer pulling off a  
direction reversal.

The hex hit the limp man James had left in the doorway.

The footsteps were growing louder. He was getting closer.

"WE HAVE YOU CORNERED!" A furious roar said from outside the door.

Are all death eaters stupid like this?

James Potter aimed his wand at the wall and he was diagonal to the  
wall as he tried to pinpoint exactly where the death eater was on the  
otherside.

He placed one palm on the wall, so he wouldn't collapse the entire  
wall, he just wanted to...

A block of the wall shot out from James explosive spell, sending  
buckshots of the wall at the death eater.

He walked out of the new door he made and looked down at the crushed  
human underneath all the rubble.

He moved to the door, but it was locked. From the lobby and  
receptionist desk, he could tell it was an office building that had  
locked it's doors for the night. Blasting a hole, he rushed out to the  
eerie and perilious night, not knowing what he was getting himself into.

"OVER HERE!"

It was lucky that the raging storm kept most normal people indoors.  
Less innocent bystanders...

But the death eaters didn't care, they continued hexing and cursing  
anything around James.

Across the street, he could see the subway entrance. He could lose  
them there. No problem.

James leapted on the hood of a car and slid his way onto the median.

With all the cars aligned and perfectly paralel parked by their  
owners, James found them strangely troublesome as they blocked his  
route.

Two shady looking figures stood with their backs turned to James. Big  
mistake. Their heads were on a swivel and were looking for something.  
Definitely not civilians in this war...

James rolled up behind one of them and wrapped his arm around the neck  
of one of them. His wand aimed at the other and James kicked the back  
of the his hostage's knee to make the guy's posture collapse.

"Freeze!"

James always wanted to say...

The man fires away though. No care for his partner. No mercy even for  
their own members...

Such vile people didn't belong in this world.

James shoved the man at each other. Rushing forward, he grabbed the  
most conscious one, the one who gave off more resistance and hurled  
his face into the car window. As the other man slowly got onto his  
feet, James threw him into the unbroken window in the backseat. Yet,  
he didn't stumble like his counterpart. He was a little more resilient.

James tossed the weaker death eater to the floor and opened the door  
as he slammed the man headfirst inbetween the frame chasis. Then began  
slamming the door onto the man's neck...

Resilient no more...

With the coast clear, James took the steps down into the metro subway.  
Hopping the fare gates, he kept running down more stairs.

"Train A7 and K9 will now be departing." The feminine robotic voice  
said over the intercom.

The doors were closing. The sliding doors that guaranteed his freedom  
shutting out his survival. It was thousands of times worse than a  
commuter's fear of being late to work...

James turned sideways and barely squeezed in through the door. He  
leaned onto a pole he grabbed onto for balance and stared at his own  
reflection staring back at home.

The man in the mirror was terrible.

A cut ran down his temple. Blood was leaking out of his nose at one  
point. Coglatulated blood dried up under his chin. The clothes were  
ripped and the collar of his shirt was leaning on one shoulder. A  
split in his shirt at the torso allowed the wind to graze him.

Why was he standing?

James found an empty seat and took a seat. There was no one around  
him. He had the whole compartment to himself.

James looked down at his hands. Knuckles were red and skin torn off  
from the glass and metal. James wiped his forehead and his forearm  
gleamed from his cold sweat.

Why hadn't the tram left yet?

"HE'S IN HERE!"

These guys were persistent...

James looked up at the window. There must have been dozens of them.

He felt like a caged animal at a zoo. A majestic beast held in  
captivity. Only a thin pane of glass seperated the humans from him. He  
could kill them all. All he had to do was break the glass.

Or was he the human visiting the zoo?

Everything had different perspectives.

Was he the poor human who was foolish enough to leap into the tiger's  
cage? Or the lion who was about to be tranquilized and put to sleep  
for a veterinary check up...?

Either way, the odds were stacked against him regardless.

Like a featherweight about to enter a ring to fight a heavyweight  
contender.

His eyes fluttered close.

He had to calm down. He had to tune down his anxiety.

It was his only escape.

There would be no backup. No reinforcements.

James dropped his gaze. He didn't care about Voldemort's henchmen  
anymore. He just wanted to go home. He was tired of them.

James attention redirected to his shoes. They were interesting now.

James wanted a lot of things. Unlimited magical power. To be able to  
run forever. A wand that was unbreakable. A license to kill. But most  
of all, he wanted her.

He wanted to see her again...

"STUN HIM!" Another person roared.

"FORGET THAT! BLOW IT! Blow the fucking train!"

The death eaters raised their wands in preparation to send a  
compartment of the train into oblivion.

He was hurled out again. As if he volunteered to be shot out of a  
cannon for a circus, he hit another wall.

This time, head first.

No one was around. He was alone. He should be safe now. He looked up  
for a moment, and his vision blurred out. Blood was dripping down. It  
was covering his eye. He was losing consciousness.

At least he managed to disapparate in time...

James Potter was out cold...

She was lonely. Without him, there was nothing else to do.

She had spent the whole afternoon wandering around malls to kill time.  
The city was interesting. Sightseeing an unfamiliar town without a  
planned tour was a perfect time killer.

She had come to town to visit and stay with her family. But even  
family needs a hiatus away from other family members.

Stepping out of the store, she could see the sky was omnimous as ever.  
The clouds threaten to deliver icy rain.

It was time to go home.

Like an unwritten law, all of the stores in the city were closing at  
this time. It was getting dark and nightfall loomed aboard the horizon  
blocked by skyscrapers and high rise commercial buildings.

"Taxi!" She yelled uselessly. Engine sputters overwrote her low voice.

The rain was barraging her.

Finally. A cab...

But something across the street caught her eye as a taxi with a  
'Vacant' light turned on began to slowly pull over.

It was an odd sight. Everyone had umbrellas out to brace for the  
storm. But this person didn't even have as much as a jacket.

Her arms were still outstretched as she was hailing the cab.

Wait a minute...

She knew him. He was recognizable. That hair... Why, that was...

Yes! That was him! She was sure of it!

"Miss? Hello? Are you getting in?" The taxicab driver spoke through  
the lowered passenger side window.

"Err. No sorry."

The driver rolled up the windows and kept driving in hopes of looking  
for another fare without saying another word.

She could have been hit by traffic. But she found a clear path across  
the street and decided to play Frogger.

"JAMES!"

No answer.

She would be such a fool if it wasn't him...

How possibly embarrassing...

But she knew him too well. And that had to be him.

"James Potter?!"

She placed a hand on his shoulder.

How embarassing if it wasn't him...

"Hey! James! I thought it was you. I saw you from- Is that blood!? Are  
you okay!?"

"I'm sorry. Do you know me?" He said meekly.

"James! It's me!" She placed both her hands on his cheek, desperately  
trying to rub the grime and dirt off his handsome features.

"I- don't know. I-" James stuttered.

"HEY!" Another voice yelled.

A car had honked. It came with cheesy mottos engraved onto it. "To  
serve and to protect." Complete with sirens and all. A police car.....

"Is he all right?"

"You okay, pal? Looks like you went through hell and back." His  
partner said from behind him.

The police car stopped.

"He's fine! He's with me!"

"You sure?"

Of course she was sure. She knew what kind of crazy missions Albus  
Dumbledore sent James on. She couldn't let the Muggle police take him...

There would too much interrogations.

"Yeah, he just fell down the stairs. He's my boyfriend. I got him.  
He'll be fine." She lied pathetically.

Well...

They had kissed...

His jeans were torn. His shirt practically torn in half. And his hair  
more uncombed than usual. Blood leaked out from his knee. His knuckles  
were drenched red and dirt covered his white t-shirt. Bruises ran down  
his arms. His cuts on his head would require stitches.

It was one hell of a fall down some stairs...

Without further questioning, they drove off.

"Is this your blood?" Her voice was alarmed. She was wiping away dry  
blood off his face with rainwater. Her pure hands were stained with  
his blood and unfit for his murderous hands.

She was a real angel.

She was beautiful, smart, clever and best of all, lied to the cops for  
his sake.

"James!"

"Who?"

"That's you!" Was he being stupid?

She wasn't in the mood for his jokes, games and sarcastic humor.

"I- Is that my name?"

"What are you doing!? This isn't funny, Potter!"

"I can't remember. Who am I...?"

She reached behind him and found his wallet. Opening it up she found  
his identification card. A happier James was smiling. His signature,  
height, weight, eye color and even an address...

"Look! James Potter!" She shouted at him.

The streets were empty. They must be alone for half a mile in every  
direction...

James stared at himself on the card for what felt like an eternity.

Pieces fell into the jigsaw puzzle by themselves. She pieced them  
together just to make sure they would fit...

James had anmesia.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

It was only a matter of time. All those impossible assignments  
Dumbledore ordered. James was making many enemies. Now, James had paid  
the price.

At least he was still alive.

"Come on, I'll take you home. To- this address." She said, her voice  
cracking.

"What's wrong?" James said dully.

He hated to see such a nice girl shed tears.

"Why are you crying?" He said dumbly.

"I'm not crying, you idiot." She lied again through gritted teeth.

She only let go even more.

Here, in the rain. Both at a loss at what was going on. The situation  
laid unwrapped and scattered. No one knew the full story.

James didn't know her. But he knew he could trust her. He could just feel it. It felt like they met before. But his memory failed him.

The only thing that bothered him about her was that her hair was not  
red...

~~~~~

This chp feels so incomplete but I got a 10 page paper due tomorrow  
and NFL season just kicked off, also don't want to make people wait  
longer than they have alrdy for an update.

This chp has been sitting on my iphone for a while

It's the only time I get to write, in between classes or breaks at work.

No spell check so don't grill me too hard on simple mistakes


	31. Cruise Along At Half Speed

The surroundings were unfamiliar.

Everything was different.

He only understood one thing; that he is alive.

Yet, this was his life. And it was ending with every dying minute.

He kept waking up.

He once saw the blurry alarm clock glow to him as 11:17pm before drifting back to sleep.

It was like coma-induced insomnia. Due to it, he was never fully awake or asleep.

He didn't talk. He didn't think. He didn't walk. He was unable to do anything.

He realized that he was in someone's house. Once, he woke up on the floor. Another time he felt himself on a bed.

Now, he found himself on a couch.

If he kept waking up at a different time, at a different place, could he therefore wake up as a different person?

"James!?"

James had rolled off the sofa. Knocking over the bedside table that was carrying a tray full of warm water and various towels.

Where the fuck was he...?

He was lost. He felt reborn. He felt like he lost everything...

Then again, you can only be resurrected once you've lost it all.

"James! Don't move!" A feminine voice warned.

She sounded so kind. So nice. A doting, caring yet pained, worried young woman.

The tray of warm water spilled onto his shoulder but it felt refreshing. Like a day at the spa. Cascading water liquidified his flesh soothingly.

He felt bad. He had just knocked over some nice ladie's table and tray.

"I'm so- Sorry. I really...am." James muttered.

From the floor, he outstretched his arm to recover the items he accidentally and clumsily knocked over.

It was then he realized he couldn't really move.

His arm was the most functional, and even that was only 30% working.

"-So sorry, miss." James muttered again.

He saw her footsteps as she ran over to him in urgency. He could see her ankle. Her sock-less feet. Her petite feminine foot. Her tiny, graceful motions. He felt bad. He felt guilty. He wanted to apologize for his clumsilyness.

But he can't.

Before he knew it, he lost consciousness again...

-------

Somebody just hit him.

He could feel a knee knudge at his thigh.

James' eyes peeled opened. She was sleeping next to him. Curled up and shivering.

It was first time he got a real good look at her. Her hair was short but not too short. It was crazy and looked temporarily unkempt perhaps due to stress and being overworked. He could have counted the freckles on her nose. She had the most relaxed breathing and rarely even as much twitch in her sleep. James noticed how she would most likely roll off the bed if she turned onto her back.

"Hey..." James mumbled softly.

He spoke quietly, not really sure if he really wanted to wake her.

She did look tired. But then should he get up? And find elsewhere to rest? To be the gentleman and give her a break as he excused himself.

James propped himself up slowly.

His bones ached. His torso felt completely shattered. His ribs weren't doing their biological duties. His chest felt like it was caving in from the pressure he did not know where it was coming from. He felt more crushed than the aluminum soda cans that get crushed under peoples feet. The pain was intolerable.

He may as well go for a swim in the very bottom of the ocean in the Lauratian Abyss and see how long he would last.

"James." She sighed. "Go back to bed."

This time she somehow draped her hand around his neck and shoulder and pulled him down.

She was right.

It was definitely more comfortable down here next to her.

~~~~~~~~

Somebody was knocking on the door.

No.

They were bulldozing the door.

It woke James from his slumber.

James didn't know why but he instantly reached for a weapon.

He was in a bedroom. Not an armory. Yet he managed to locate a long metal bar that must have broken off a piece of furniture before.

His fight or flight instincts were undamaged.

James summoned up the strength to pull his legs off the bed and even surprised himself when the adrenaline helped him up.

He stumbled to that metal bar in the corner and slowly, painfully made his way to the bedroom door.

Something was wrong.

Where was she?

James got a terrible feeling about this.

"Who is it?" James could hear that ever familiar feminine voice again just outside the bedroom.

No. He didn't want her to reach the door. Something was out of place.

James pushed the door ajar and made his slow stride out.

She was beautiful.

Her hair flowed elegantly. Her clothing ecentuated her attributes well. Her posture was strong and independent.

A paper bag full of food and other items were held by her arms as she placed them on the counter.

She took a peek through the hole of the door.

He knew she was strong.

Yet, he was scared of what lay in store for her on the other side of that door.

Nonetheless, she pulled opened the door to the outside world James knew nothing of.

The lock was still engaged and only a few inches were opened.

Smart woman...

"Hello." She said through the doors gap. "May I help you?"

"Is he here?" A calm, gentle voice said.

"No. Just me. I'm the only one living here."

James was no policeman but could tell she was a terrible liar. 3 sentences to reinforce her point was overdoing it...

"This apartment is leased under his name." Another voice questioned.

"I don't know what you two are talking about." She said.

She was a terrible actress.

"James Potter. Is he here?"

"I believe you guys have the wrong apartment. Good day-"

"Is he okay?" The first person said, this time with less urgency and more conviction in their empathy.

At least someone else besides James knew of her lying.

"Why? Who's asking?"

James closed in. His weapon in hand and ready to strike.

But the unthinkable happened.

He let the weapon go. It collapsed to the ground. A loud metallic clink reverberated the room.

He no longer needed to harm anyone.

He had seen.

James caught a glimpse of the man's face over her shoulder.

"JAMES!?"

The man and James stared at each other for less than a few seconds but communicated a lot. James felt as if the other was studying and deciphering him. Tearing James apart and reverse-engineering him so he could better understand James.

"Perhaps it is best if he does not know."

"Hey! Who are you? Where are you going!?"

She was flustered and confused at him. But she gave up seeking answers and instead ran over to check on James.

"James! What's wrong!?"

He was frozen.

He fell to his knees.

She fell down to Earth with him.

"Hey! Talk to me!"

"I- I know him. I recognize that voice. I remember his face."

His skull was burning. He was overloaded with processes that dominated his intellect. Every brain cell was trying to dig into his memory and find out about that man.

He let out a painful groan.

"Why can't I remember!?"

Everyone knew who he was. Even his name and residence.

So why couldn't he?

~~~~~~~~

"Hey..." James uttered astray her way.

Her pretty face was buried in her hands. She looked so pitiful. It scared him. For she was the bravest person he knew, it felt like she was his guardian.

He owed her everything.

She was the sole reason he was alive.

The sleeves on her shirt were rolled back to her elbows. Blood soaked one of her arms but it didn't disturb her.

She was so strong.

He wanted to tell her that but couldn't think.

He could still remember a few words and what they meant. He etched them into his mind like fingers in wet cement.

Though everything seemed clear, he was still lost.

Like a motorist cruising along at half speed before shifting gears.

A desperate look of hopelessness clouded her usually attractive features.

She looked looked terrible.

She wore the look of the defeated. It was the look a person had when they had nothing to live for.

James had that look before...

"Are you okay, ma'am?" He said politely.

She remained quiet but got up. She walked next to him and got on her knees at his side.

James struggled to prop himself upwards from his laid out position and now transitioned into a bad sitting position that ached his spine.

"Don't you remember me, James?!"

Her eyes threatened to cry. Her dam walls unable to hold back the unrelenting storm.

They stared into each other. Trying so hard to get back in touch with each other.

As they scynchronize their watches for the time that they lost.

He had looked up at her. And knew that she saw him.

They both froze up for a moment as he looked at her in empathy.

Now all his friends were gone. And all he knew was her. He was abandoned and forgotten on this planet.

She pounded her fists onto his chest in frustration.

"Goddamnit, it's me you fucking idiot!"

This young woman wasn't particularly strong yet he still felt his chest collapsing.

His lungs begged for oxygen as he coughed up specks of red plasma...

He had no idea what she was talking about.

But she patched him up so she can beat on him?

Perhaps his angel wasn't so graceful and flawless afterall.

His unhealed wounds made him catch her hands just in case she attacked him out of anger or angst again. His arms went around her and pulled her in.

He was the one who was scared now.

She had been the beacon of light in his life for the past few days. All he knew was her. Yet, her strong prescence was crumbling. She no longer commanded that radiating aura of hope and answers.

She was crying. Crying in his arms, on his chest.

He hated to see her cry.

He pushed her slightly away and took in her face a little better.

James knew she didn't hate him. She just wanted to save him while there was still something left to save.

It killed him not to know this but he had just forgotten what the colors of her eyes were.

And the color of her hair.

Or her scars and how she got them.

But she had telling signs of the drain of life. All he saw was a single tear rolling down her face.

One thing came to mind. It felt important. As if this one word could answer any question. It could solve world peace, work in all multiple choice questions and help ace job interviews.

"Lily?"

She perked up.

Life filled the void in her blank expressionless face.

But her pretty face slumped down just as fast.

"Who's Lily?" She pondered aloud.

~~~~~

I just wrote a 12 page paper on the Privatization of Water by Corporations but can't write more for something that requires no research except my desired plot that is all freestyled.

Something is wrong with me


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